class of patients who made the most noise, and not by those who were sickest.

It was after Gettysburg, when the corps hospital was crowded with wounded, that, while dressing a slight wound, the patient suddenly started up, as a delegate of the Christian Commission passed the tent, and asked, "Warn't that a Christian ?" "Yes." "Jove! but I forgot to groan! Well, that's the first one of them I've missed yet. I wonder what he had?"

THE tail of the Shanghai has at length come to be made the subject of official investigation in Congress. On the 2d of April last, in the regular order of business in the House of Representatives, occurs the following, which we quote from the official report in the Globe:

"The Speaker also laid before the House a communication from the Secretary of the Treasury, in relation to the value at which the tail of the shanghai' is, by instructions of the Department, now taken at the various custom-houses of the United States; which was referred to the Committee on Foreign Affairs, and ordered to be printed."

It is gratifying to know that the exact money value of the tail of the Shanghai rooster is at length to be adjudicated upon by Congress. Hitherto prices have fluctuated so widely as to embarrass those engaged in the regular trade. It is just possible, however, that the Secretary of the Treasury meant that action should be taken on the tael of Shanghai, a coin worth about $1 50. But we are not clear on the subject.

A BOSTON Correspondent assures us that the following, one of the many funny anecdotes that Portsmouth, New Hampshire, people tell of Mr. Webster, has not appeared in print:

an and the Secretary of the Navy; and, to use the words of the worthy cabinet-maker, "I was for four mortal hours just as good as any body; my opinion was asked on a good many subjects, and they all seemed to think I knew a good deal. I was invited to visit them, and to go to Washington, and every body asked me to drink wine with them; and, by George! I made up my mind never to ask for my bill again. I was a poor man, and needed my money, but I had been treated as I never expected to be treated in this world, and I was willing to pay for it."

DR. M'L, Reverend and M.D., preached and practiced some years ago in West Virginia. A native of Ireland, he still retains much of the brogue, although many years a resident of this country. There lived with him a lad who was one of the worst boys the great West was known to have produced. One night this bad William, being at a protracted meeting, was so thoroughly aroused to the danger of his condition that he concluded to go forward to the altar. The Doctor was within the chancel at the time, and seeing Bill coming forward, cried out, "Make room there! make room! here comes the very ould divil himself!"

ON another occasion he took for a text the parable of the Prodigal Son. He described very graphically the wretchedness and destitution of the young man when he was feeding swine, and, to cap the climax, exclaimed, "It was a God's mer-r-cy [rolling the r] that he didn't take a pestol and blow his brains out!"

IN Illinois, at least, the "man and brother" seems to have an idea of the upshot of recent Congressional legislation, although the manner of expressing it may be open to criticism. On election-day at Decatur, Illinois, Dick White, a well-known colored gentleman of that place, made the somewhat sarcastic observation: "De white folks am mighty polite to us cullud men since dey passed de Fifteenth Commandment !”

indeed!" responded "old Mustache." "Well, I suppose the next thing in order, and certainly the most natural desire on the part of the proprietor, will be to 'Phil' it immediately."

During Mr. W.'s residence in that city, in his younger days, there was a furniture-dealer named Judkins doing business in the town, who was a very well informed as well as ambitious man. He was patronized by Mr. Webster, who often dropped into the shop to order or superintend the making of some piece of furniture. These opportunities of conversing with a man so learned as Mr. W. were the delight of Mr. Judkins's life; and on the removal of the former to Boston, tho A GENTLEMAN of jocose views riding with some payment of a considerable debt due Mr. J. was ladies at Elizabeth, New Jersey, a few days since, willingly left for future settlement. Attempts was informed by one of them, as they were apwere made at various times to collect the debt-proaching the new hotel, that it was the "Sheralways in vain. Finally, Mr. Judkins determ-idan House," and had just been opened. "Ah, ined to go to Boston and see Mr. Webster himself. He reached the city after a long and fa tiguing stage-ride, and, making a Sunday toilet, proceeded to the large house on the corner of High and Summer streets. "Is Mr. Webster in?" asked he of the servant who answered the bell. "Yes, but he can not possibly be seen. ." "But I must see him." "No; he is entertaining some Washington gentlemen-they are dining." Mr. Judkins had heard of subterfuges, and believed not the serving-man. "Well, I will come in and wait till dinner is over." The puzzled servant, needed below stairs, decided to take the importunate stranger's name to his master. Fancy the surprise of Mr. Judkins at seeing Mr. Webster rushing up stairs and insisting upon the poor man's joining his friends at the dinner- THERE was a certain quaintness of humor in table! He would take no denial, and carried the manner adopted by the late Mr. Wm. W. him forcibly almost, introducing him as "my Cornell, the iron manufacturer of this city, in old and dear friend, Mr. Judkins, of Portsmouth," making donations for religious and charitable and seating him between a distinguished Bostoni-objects. It was a sort of habit of his to connect

Nor long ago a fire company in one of our rural villages paid a friendly visit to a neighboring town. Of course the village band was out, and a cordial reception accorded the visitors. A dinner was given by the village authorities, to which the band was very properly invited. After dinner came the toasts, when a gentleman present gave, "The M- Fire Company and the P

Band; the latter great blowers, the former perfect squirts!"

himself with churches of his denomination (Meth- | safely through the split, but before the plowman odist) that were in debt, and whenever he under- got entirely through it closed up and caught him took to have a debt paid off, his rule was to as- by the coat-tail!" "Did it tear his coat ?" asked sume half the amount himself, but he had a a person of inquiring turn. "Not a bit of it!" pleasant way of doing it. For instance, he took replied our veracious narrator; "he hung on to the floor to make personal solicitations. His the plow-handles and pulled out the stump!" own donations ostensibly were small; but he would subscribe in the name of other people, THE working of miracles seems to have been partly to hide his gifts, partly to shame the penu- successfully resumed in Piqua, Ohio. A few rious. Going to a pew where a reluctant but years since, during a religious revival in the well-to-do member sat, and who declined to sub-church of which the Rev. Granville Moody was scribe, he would pass on to a poor widow or pastor, certain "lewd fellows of the baser sort" sewing-girl, say a word to the parties, and then created a disturbance in one of the meetings. shout out: "Widow Jones, $500." "Sister Mr. Moody, approaching them, took them to task Kennedy, $150." A mechanic thought he could for their misconduct, when one of the parties said spare $10; the subscription was shouted out for to him: $100. The General Superintendent of the city was brought to his feet one night. He had agreed to subscribe $50 for some purpose, and he heard his name announced for $1500-half a year's salary. The subscriptions were not bogus. He made them all good. Such a man-genial, intelligent, catholic, untiring—is a great public loss.

DURING the winter of 1868-69 Bryant, as well as most other towns on the line of the Union Pacific Railroad, was so infested with desperadoes that a Vigilance Committee was formed, by whose summary procedure several of the worst offenders were hung; others were ordered to leave. Among the latter was one who was found leading his mule to the stable. He was informed, politely, of course, that if he did not leave town in fifteen minutes (an age!) he must abide the consequences. His reply was: "Gentlemen, if this mule don't 'buck,' I only want five." The mule did not "buck," and his owner is now an "honest miner" in Nevada.

This incident reminds us of a remark made by an eminent judge, who deprecated every thing approaching to mob "law." Said he: "I have never read of an instance of 'Lynch law' where substantial Justice was not meted out."

Ir's some time since the Drawer has had a Munchausenism. To the thoughtfulness of a Dayton, Ohio, correspondent we are indebted for the following:

An old English gentleman, a school-teacher, who some years ago resided in one of the small towns of Ohio, was an agreeable teller of stories, but deemed it beneath his reputation as a raconteur to tell one that did not surpass any that had preceded it. A farmer having come to the village remarked, in the presence of his friends, that he had been plowing all the week with four horses, breaking up new ground, and dwelt upon it as being a very "big thing." "Pshaw!" said the old Englishman, "that's nothing. I have seen in England fifty yoke of oxen hitched to one plow!" The remark seemed to occasion general surprise. "And," continued he, "the funniest part of the whole thing was, that while the plow was on the top of one hill, the leading yoke of oxen was on top of another hill, and the fortynine between the plow and the leaders were suspended between the two hills! And there was another matter connected with it rather strange. In the course of the day the plowman, becoming rather careless about driving his team, ran into and split a big oak stump! The plow passed

"We heard that you were working miracles here, and came to see if it were true.

"No, Sir," said the divine, "we do not work miracles, but"-taking him by the collar-“we do cast out devils!"

And he "drave him out."

SOME years ago a Methodist minister named

occupied the pulpit of that denomination in Hagerstown, Maryland, and throughout the Conference year took frequent occasion to berate his flock. In consequence of these repeated attacks a goodly number of the brethren severed their connection with the church, determined not to return until the parson should be transferred to some other field of labor. It finally became known that the irascible was to preach his farewell sermon, and scores who had been scored by his caustic strictures, thinking that he would say something in his valedictory to atone for the severity of his language toward them, turned out to hear. For half an hour he confined himself to an elucidation of his text, and then alluded to his separation from them. Said he: "There are some decent people in Hagerstown, and some mean ones; yes, some who are mean enough to steal the cross of Christ for fire-wood, and sell His clothes for rags. There are men before me who have grown gray in the cause of the devil; whose hearts are hard enough to build a turnpike between Hagerstown and hell; and I believe that there's just that spirit at work here that will see the enterprise put through!" An Irishman in the rear end of the meeting-house, no doubt indignant at the parson's remarks, bawled out: "And wouldn't ye, old man, be willin' to be a toll-gate keeper on that road?"

WE all remember how, some years ago, it was deemed funny by the boys to say, "Not the sloughtest dight of it," "Not a dif of bitterence,' etc. Talking the other day with a gentleman of the editorial persuasion, he mentioned a ludicrous instance of the same style of talk by an eminent butcher in a Western city, who, at some public entertainment, wishing to apostrophize the Federal banner, said:

"Forever fleet that standard shoat!"

ELDER WATSON, of North Carolina, was called upon to baptize by immersion Brother Smith and his wife. Both were old, and had recently' made a profession. The husband was famous for his frequent d-s, but it was hoped that this habit was now buried at the foot of the hill where Pilgrim's burden rolled out of sight. But habit

To die with their Mother than live with their COME!"
Father."

On a man and his wife, in the church of
Quorndon :

"He first departed-she a little tried

To live without him-liked it not and died."

IN India and Indiana the laws in reference to divorce are quite unlike. In the latter State the popular legend is that all trains of cars passing through Indianapolis tarry full fifteen minutes for divorce; whereas, under the penal code in

In the same church, on a person named Cave: India, there is a criminal side to the divorce

as only a true wife can.

willing feet replenish coal hod and winter pail. No more will those No more will she arise, 'mid the tempestuous storms of winter, and gayly hie herself away to build the fire, without disturbing the slumbers of the man who doted on her so artlessly. Her memory is embalmed in my heart of hearts. I wanted to embalm her body, but I found that I could embalm her money much cheaper.

66

319

skeleton suspended from the opposite wall. Nevof the youth, upon opening the door, to behold a er having seen one of "them ar," and being afraid lest the chemist might make bones of him, he retired as fast as his blessed little legs could carry him. In his retreat he ran full tilt against the druggist, just coming in. That worthy man, imagining the boy had been stealing something, "I procured from Eli Mudget, a neighbor of the height of the skeleton, the boy came to the I went for him. mine, a very pretty grave-stone. His wife was conclusion that they were identical, and ventiBeing very thin, and about a consumptive, and he had kept it on hand sev-lated that idea thus, as he dodged his pursuer: eral years, in expectation of her death. But she rallied that spring, and his hopes were blasted. if you have got your clothes on!" Never shall I forget this poor man's grief when I "No you don't, old Bones!-you can't catch me, asked him to part with it. said he, take it, and may you never know what it "Take it, Skinner,' is to have your soul racked with disappointment as mine has been.' And he burst into a flood of tears. His spirit was indeed utterly crushed. "I have the following epistle engraved upon the grave-stone:

"To the memory of Tabitha, wife of Moses Skinner,
Esq., gentlemanly editor of the Trombone. A kind
mother and exemplary wife. Terms, two dollars a
year, invariably in advance. Office over Coleman's
grocery, up two flights.
miss thee, mother; we shall miss thee, mother; we
Knock hard. "We shall
shall miss thee, mother." Job printing solicited.'

66

"Thus did my lacerated spirit cry out in agony, even as Rachel weeping for her children. But one ray of light penetrated the despair of my soul. The undertaker took his pay in job printing, and the sexton owed me a little account I should not have gotten in any other way. Why should we pine at the mysterious ways of Providence and vicinity? (Not a conundrum.) "I here pause to drop a silent tear to the memory of Tabitha Ripley, that was. an eminently pious woman, and could fry the She was best piece of tripe I ever slung under my vest. Her picked-up dinners were a perfect success, and she always doted on foreign missions."

BEFORE the Constitution of New York of 1824 the Common Pleas and Court of Sessions was held by a first judge and at least two associate justices. At a term of such court, held in one of the northern counties of this State, the first

judge, on his way to court, was kicked by an old man in half-drunken sport. occurrence made complaint to the grand jury, A witness of the who found an indictment. ing arraigned the first judge quitted the bench, On the old man beleaving the matter to be disposed of by the assistant-justices. The old fellow pleaded guilty, expressed sorrow for his act, and was fined five dollars. The first judge resumed his seat on the bench, glared at the assistant-justices on the right and on the left, in great apparent indignation and contempt, remarking, seemingly to himself, but loud enough to be heard throughout the room, "If it costs only five dollars to kick a first judge, I should like to see the American coin small enough to designate the penalty for kicking off their seats a full bench of assistant-justices!"

A LITTLE news-boy of Pittsburg lately entered a drug store to serve the proprietor, who was one of his regular patrons. Not finding him in the store, he concluded to look for him in the room in rear. Imagine the astonishment and horror

is the following, which we do not remember to
have seen in print in this country:
IN Dr. King's "Anecdotes of his Own Time"

said, among other things, "that he prophesied Atterbury, Bishop of Rochester, when a certain bill was brought into the House of Lords, the present session, and he was sorry to find that he had proved a true prophet." Lord Coningslast winter that this bill would be attempted in by, who spoke after the Bishop, and always spoke one of the right reverend bench had set himself in a passion, desired the House to remark that know what prophet to liken him to, unless to that furious prophet Balaam, who was reproved by forth as a prophet; but, for his part, he did not his own ass.

66

wit and calmness, exposed this rude attack, concluding thus: "Since the noble lord hath disThe Bishop, in a reply of great covered in our manners such a similitude, I am well content to be compared to the prophet Baout the other part of the parallel; I am sure that I laam; but, my lords, I am at a loss how to make have been reproved by nobody but his lordship!"

a neat way of "putting things," especially things
MACARONIC VERSE seems happily adapted for
political, where there is a desire

of 1844, one of the notable anthems that formed
"To blend in one the funny and the fine."
the main staple of the campaign was
In the famous Tippecanoe and Tyler contest
Old Coon."

66

upon in mixed French and English :

And thus we find it commented
That Same

CE MEME VIEUX COON.
Ce meme vieux coon n'est pas quite mort,
Il n'est pas seulement napping:
Je pense, myself, unless j'ai tort,
Cette chose est yet to happen.
En dix-huit forty-four, je sais,

Vous'll hear des curious noises;
He'll whet ces dents against some Clay,
Et scare des Loco-Bois-es!
You know que quand il est awake,

Et quand il scratch ces clawses,
Les Locos dans leurs souliers shake,
Et, sheepish, hang leurs jaws-es.
Ce meme vieux coon, je ne sais pas why,
Le mischief's come across him,
Il fait believe he's going to die,

Quand seulement playing possum.
Mais wait till nous le want encore,
Nous'll stir him with une pole;
He'll bite as mauvais as before-
Nous pulled him de son hole!

was not only a wag, in his way, but a great pe-
destrian. In one of his long tramps he was over-
JUDGE B- of one of the river counties,
taken by a gentleman driving a carriage, who

asked the Judge to ride. Looking a moment at his friend, the Judge replied, "No, thank you; when I get so low as to want to ride, I will speak to the sexton!"

MADAME B a French lady of the "upper ten," having said, in her intense style, "I should like to be married in English-in a language in which vows are so faithfully kept," a listener asked a wag, "What language, I wonder, was she married in?" To which his friend replied, Broken English, I suppose."

AN English literary journal, the Spectator, has recently published a few anecdotes illustrating "The Grotesque in Religion"-stories which combine the strangest freaks of grotesque fancy with genuinely religious ideas. We quote an Irish legend-a very old one:

IN one of the judicial districts of this State was a certain judge of the Supreme Court much given" to doubting. He was constantly in the habit of responding to propositions of counsel by saying, "I don't know about that." On one occasion, when acting as presiding judge, a sharp, shrewd counsel, who had been much annoyed by this kind of response, at last, quite out of patience, stated, with a small grain of mischief, an elementary principle of law; to which the judge, as was his wont, replied, "I don't know about that, I don't know about that." The counsel paused, looked the judge squarely in the eye, and said, "I knew your Honor didn't know, and that's why I told you!"

On the other hand, there are occasions when judges can not resist the impulse to be a little facetious on the bench, as was the case with an English judge, who addressed a criminal who had been sentenced to death for uttering a forged £1 note in this wise: "I trust that through the merits and mediation of our blessed Redeemer, you may there experience that mercy which a due regard to the credit of the paper currency of the country forbids you to hope for here."

WE are indebted to a correspondent at Lincoln, Nebraska, for an anecdote of Governor David Butter, which the Governor used to tell with great glee:

Not many years ago-but before Lincoln, the capital, had an existence-the Governor was "stumping" the State (where a stump is a great rarity), and as darkness came on ere his destination was reached, he halted for the night at the hut of a hardy pioneer; and, as room was scarce, the Governor was assigned to a bed with Pat. As they were preparing for the couch the Governor said, "Well, Pat, you'd live a long time in the old country before you could sleep with a Governor." "Yis," said Pat; "an' it wud be a longer time afore the likes of ye wud be Governor!"

AN artist in Connecticut relates and illustrates this poetic incident: "The following specimen of grave-stone literature may be seen in a country grave-yard in Trumbull, in this State. I am a marble-worker, and engraved it on the stone myself according to the directions given me.

"Our father lies beneath the sod,
His spirit's gone unto his God:
We never more shall hear his tread,
Nor see the wen upon his head.""

Our Lord, walking with St. Peter, asks for admittance into a peasant's hut for the night, when they are most hospitably received. When leaving the next morning St. Peter, with that forwardness of initiative of which the gospels give so many instances, urges his Master to reward the peasant's hospitality. "I think not. It is better as it is," was the reply. "It's a shame for you," says St. Payter-the story is supposed to be told by an Irish peasant-"you must do something for him," an admirable dramatic touch, showing how well the character of St. Peter is understood, and how thoroughly it has been realized by the common people. Whereupon our Lord gives way, and tells his entertainer to look in a certain place, where he will find a piece of money. The next year our Lord and St. Peter return by the same spot, and find a grand castle in the place of the hut. They ask for a night's lodging, telling that they are the same travelers who received it a year ago; but the powdered footman comes back with a sharp refusal, saying the place is no hotel, and slams the door in their face. Whereupon, after a brief silence, says our Lord to St. Payter, "I tould you so."

Both the unconscious and the conscious elements of humor in this story are very conspicuous. The dictatorial urgency of St. Peter's impulsiveness, and the child-like triumph of the retort with which the Divine Master impresses his superior wisdom on the blundering apostle, are curious enough instances of the colloquial familiarity with which religious ideas are treated in popular legends of this class.

WHILE the Third Vermont regiment was encamped near Kearnstown, Virginia, some of the officers made the acquaintance of two Southern ladies living near camp. The ladies being short of reading matter, requested the loan of any books the officers might have. One of the officers promised to send one, and on reaching camp dispatched an orderly with Hugo's Les Miserables. The orderly soon returned, bringing back the book, stating that Miss had directed him to say she had no need for such a work. Wishing to know why the book was returned before it was read, he called in the evening and inquired why she had returned the book. Had she read it? The lady replied, "No, Sir, I have never read the book, and never wish to; you ought to be ashamed to send me-a Southern lady-such a book! I know our soldiers are poorly clad, and suffer for want of proper food, but they are not Lee's Miserables, as you Yankees represent them to be!"

Not being in mood disputatious, the gory Third Vermonter retired in good order.