The Complete Works of Charles F. Browne, Better Known as "Artemus Ward."

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J.C. Hotten, 1871 - American wit and humor - 518 pages

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Page 241 - This promise is yours, also, because ye are of Abraham, and the promise was made unto Abraham ; and by this law are the continuation of the works of my Father, wherein he glorifieth himself.
Page 242 - ... and as ye have asked concerning adultery, verily, verily I say unto you, if a man receiveth a wife in the new and everlasting covenant, and if she be with another man, and I have not appointed unto her by the holy anointing, she hath committed adultery, and shall be destroyed.
Page 37 - Also git up a tremenjus excitemunt in yr. paper 'bowt my onparaleld Show. We must fetch the public sumhow. We must wurk on their feelins. Cum the moral on 'em strong. If it's a temprance community tell 'em I sined the pledge fifteen minits arter Ise born, but on the contery ef your peple take their tods, say Mister Ward is as Jenial a feller as we ever met, full of conwiviality, & the life an sole of the Soshul Bored. Take, don't you?
Page 240 - Verily, verily I say unto you, except ye abide my law, ye cannot attain to this glory ; for strait is the gate and narrow the way that leadeth unto the exaltation and continuation of the lives, and few there be that find it, because ye receive me not in the world, neither do ye know me.
Page 239 - And again, verily I say unto j'ou, if a man marry a wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and everlasting covenant, and it is sealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of promise, by him who is anointed, unto whom I have appointed this power and the keys of this priesthood...
Page 110 - I'm A. Ward. Wax figgers is my perfeshun. I'm the father of Twins, and they look like me — both of them. I cum to pay a frendly visit to the President eleck of the United States. If so be you wants to see me say so — if not, say so, & I'm orf like a jug handle." " Mr. Ward, sit down. I am glad to see you, Sir.
Page 242 - David's wives and concubines were given unto him of me, by the hand of Nathan, my servant, and others of the prophets who had the keys of this power; and in none of these things did he sin against me save in the case of Uriah and his wife...
Page 39 - It's onpleasant when there's a mess underfoot?" "Yay." "If I may be so bold, kind sir, what's the price of that pecooler kind of weskit you wear, incloodin trimmins?" "Yay." I pawsd a minit, and then, thinkin I'd be faseshus with him and see how that would go, I slapt him on the shoulder, bust into a harty larf, and told him that as a yayer he had no livin ekal. He jumpt up as if Bilin water had bin squirted into his ears, groaned, rolled his eyes up tords the sealin and sed: "You're a man of sin!
Page 112 - How kin I ever repay you, Mr. Ward, for your kindness?' sed Old Abe, advancin and shakin me warmly by the hand. 'How kin I ever repay you, sir?' 'By givin the whole country a good, sound administration. By poerin' ile upon the troubled waturs, North and South. By pursooin...
Page 239 - And again, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a wife, and make a covenant with her for time and for all eternity, if that covenant is not by me or by my word, which is my law, and is not sealed by the holy spirit of promise, through him whom I have anointed and appointed unto this power, then it is not valid, neither of force when they are out of the world, because they are not joined by me, saith the Lord, neither by my word...

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