tions which paffed between Clelia and the friar. This, however, he did not think himfelf fully warranted to difclofe, till an accident, of a fingular nature, gave hin an coportunity of receiving more ample teftemony. The confeffor had a favourite fpaniel, which he had lot for fome time, and was informed at length that he was killed, at a village in the neighbourhood, being evidently mad. The fria was at firit not much concerned; but in a little time recollected that the dog had frapped his fingers the very day before his elopement. A phyfician's advice was thought expedient on the occafion, and Leander was the next phyfician. He told him with great frarkness, that no prefcription he could write had the fanction of fo much experience as immerfion in fea-water. The friar, therefore, the next day, fet forward upon his journey; while Leander, not without a mifchievous kind of fatisfaction, conveyed the following lines to Clelia. MY CHARMING CLELIA, THOUGH I yet love you to diftrac. tion, I cannot but fufpect that you have granted favours to your confeffor, which you might, with greater innocence, have granted to Leander. All I have to aid, is this, that amorous intercourfes of Imagine Clelia guilty; and then imagine her confufior. To rail was indignificant, and to blame her phyfician was abfurd, when the found her felt under a neceffity of purfuing his advice. The whole fociety was made acquainted with the journey fhe was undertaking, and the caules of it. It were uncharitable to fuppofe the whole community under the fame constraint with the unhappy Clelia. However, the greater part thought it decent to attend her. Some went as her companions, fome for exercife, fome for anu'ement, and the abbefs herfelf as guardian of her train, and concerned in her fociety's misfor ESSAY XVI. ON VANITY. HISTORY preferves the memory writers for their manifeft want of truth, empires and of ftates, with which it neceffarily interweaves that of heroes, kings, and ftatefmen. Biography, affords a place to the remarkable characters of private men. There are like wife other fubordinate teftimonies, which ferve to perpetuate, at leaft prolong, the memories of men, whofe characters and flations give them no claim to a place in ftory. For instance, when a person fails of making that figure in the world which he makes in the eyes of his own relations or himself, he is rarely dignified any farther than with his picture whilft he is living, or with an infcription upon his monument after his decente. Infcriptions have been fo fallac us, that we begin to expect little from them befide elegance of itile. To inveigh against the were as abfurd as to cenfure Homer for the beauties of an imaginary character: but even paintings, in order to gratify the vanity of the perfon who befpeaks them, are taught, now-a-days, to flatter like epitaphs. Falfehoods upon a tomb or monument. may be intitled to fome excufe in the affection, the gratitude, and piety, of furviving friends. Even grief itself disposes us to magnify the virtues of a relation, as vifible objects alfo appear larger through tears. But the man who, through an idle vanity, fuffers his features to be bely'd or exchanged for others of a more agreeable make, may with great truth be faid to lofe his property in the portrait. In like manner, if he encourage the painter to bely his drefs, he seems to to transfer his claim to the man with whofe ftation his affumed trappings are connected. I remember a bag-piper, whofe phyfiognomy was fo remarkable and familiar to a club he attended, that it was agreed to have his picture placed over their chimney-piece. There was this remarkable in the fellow, that he chofe always to go barefoot, though he was daily offered a pair of fhoes. However, when the painter had been fo exact as to omit this little piece of drefs, the fellow offered all he had in the world, the whole produce of three nights harmony, to have thofe feet covered in the effigie, which he fo much scorned to cover in the original. Perhaps he thought it a difgrace to his inftrument to be eternized in the hands of fo much apparent poverty. However, when a perfon of low station adorns him IT felf with trophies to which he has no pretenfions to afpire, he fhould confider the picture as actually telling a lye to pofterity. The abfuidity of this is evident, if a perfon affume to himself a mitre, a blue garter, or a coronet, improperly; but Itation may be falfified by other decorations, as well as thefe. But I am driven into this grave difcourfe, on a fubject perhaps not very important, by a real fit of spleen. I this morning faw a fellow drawn in a nightgown of fo rich a stuff, that the expence, had he purchafed fuch a one, would more than half have ruined him; and another coxcomb, seated by his painter in a vel vet chair, who would have been surprized at the deference paid hin, had he been offered a cushion. ESSAY XVII. AN ADVENTURE. GAUDENT PRENOMINE MOLLES AURICULE T is a very convenient piece of knowledge for a perfon upon a journey to know the compellations with which it is proper to addrefs thofe he happens to meet by his way. Some accuracy here may be of ufe to him who would be well directed either in the length or the tendency of his road; or be freed from any itinerary difficulties incident to thofe who do not know the country. It may not be indeed imprudent to accoft a paffenger with a title fuperior to what, he may appear to claim. This will feldom fail to diffufe a wonderful alacrity in his countenance; and be, perhaps, a method of fecuring you from any miftake of greater importance. I was led into thefe obfervations by fome folicitudes I lately underwent, on account of my ignorance in thefe pecu. liarities. Being fomewhat more verfed in books than I can pretend to be in the orders of men, it was my fortune to undertake a journey, which I was to perform by means of enquiries. I had paffed a number of miles without any fort of difficulty, by help of the manifold inftructions that had been given me on my letting out. At length, being fomething dubious concerning my way, I met a person, whom, from his nightcap and feveral domeftic parts of drefs, I deemed to be of the neighbourhood. His itation of life appeared to me to be what we call a gentleman-farmer; a fort of fubaltern character, in refpect of which the world feems not invariably determined. It is, in fhort, what King Charles the Second efteemed the happielt of all stations; fuperior to the toilfome tafk and ridiculous dignity of conftable; and as much inferior to the intricate practice and invidious decifions of a juftice of peace. Honeft man,' lays I, be fo good as to inforin me whether I am in the way to Mirlington? He replied, with a fort of furlinefs, that he knew nothing of the inatter; and turned away with as much difguft as though I had called him rogue or rafcal. I did not readily penetrate the cause of his difpleasure, but proceeded on my way, with hopes to find other means of information. The next I met was a young fellow, dreffed in all the pride of rural fprucenefs; and befide him walked a girl in a drefs agreeable to that of her companion. As I prefumed him by no means averfe to appear confiderable in the eyes of his mistress, I fuppofed a compliment compliment might not be difagreeable; and enquiring the road to Mlington, addreffed him by the name of Honesty." The fellow, whether to fhew his wit be fore his mistress, or whether he was difpleafed with my familiarity, I cannot tell, directed me to follow a part of my face, (which I was well affured could be no guide to me) and that other parts would follow of confequence. The next I net, appeared, by his look and gait, to stand high in his own opinion. I therefore judged the best way of proceeding was to adapt my phrafe to his own ideas; and, faluting him by the name of Sir,' defired to obtain fome infight into my road. My gentleman, without hesitation, gave me ample inftructions for the reit of my journey. I paffed on, mufing with myself, why an appellation relative to fortune should be preferred to one founded on merit; when I happened to behold a gentleman examining a fun dial in his garden. Friend, fays I, will you tell me what a clock it is?' He made me no fort of anfwer, and feemed as much diffatisfied with my openness of temper as with the confidence I placed in his. The refufal of an answer in this cafe was not of much importance. I proceeded on my way, and happened to meet a very old woman, whom I determined to accost by the appellation of Dame; and withal wished her a good-night. But, alas! the femed fo little pleafed with the manner of my addrefs, that the returned me no manner of thanks for my kind withes as to her repofe. It is not clear whether my phrafe was faulty, in regard to her dignity, or in refpect of her age: but it is very probable fhe might conclude it an impropriety in refpect of who might easily have told me how to avoid it. In short, I found myself well or ill ufed, as I happened, or not, to fuit my falutations to people's ideas of their own rank. Towards the last part of iny stage, I was to país a brook, so much fwelled by land floods, that the proper way through it was undistinguithal le. A well-dreffed gentleman was paffing a bridge on my left-hand. It was here of much importance for me to fucceed in my enquiry. I was therefore meditat ing within myself which might be the moft endearing of all appellations; and at laft befought him to give me fome inftru&tions, under the name of 'Honest 'Friend.' He was not feemingly fo much pleafed as I affured myself he would be, and trudged onward without reply. After this, I had not gone many fteps, (out of the path, for fo it proved) before I found myself and horfe plunged headlong in the brook; and my late honelt friend in a laughter at our downfall. I made a shift, however, to recover both myfelf and horfe; and, after a few more difficulties, arrived at the end of my journey. I have fince made frict enquiry into the due application of fuch inferior titles, and may, perhaps, communicate them to you on foine future occafion. In the mean time, you may, if you pleafe, confider the vatt importance of fuperior titles, when there is no one fo inconfiderable but there is also a mind that it can influence. When you reflect upon this fubje&t, you will, perhaps, be lefs fevere on your friend who, you tell me, is now trafficking for this fpecies of dignity. Learn to be wile, then, from others harm; and do not forget to obferve de corum, on every occalion that you may have to addrefs him for the future. Pretend no more at the clofe of your epiftle to be his faithful fervant, much lefs his affectionate one. Tender your services with great refpect, if you do not chufe to do it with profound veneration. He will certainly have no more to do with fincerity and truth. Remember Male fi palpere, recalcitrat. ESSAY XVIII. ON MODESTY AND IMPUDENCE. HEN a man of genius does not nothing more than by his abilities in difpute. However, let him fhew folidity in his opinions, together with eafe, elegance, and vivacity, in his expreffions; yet, if an impudent face be found to baffle him, he thall be judged inferior in other refpects. I mean, he will grow cheap in mixed company: for as to felect judges, they will form their opinions by another fcale; with thefe, a fingle epifl'e, penned with propriety, will more eff&tually prove his wit than an hundred defects in his converfation will demonstrate the reverse. 'It is true, there is nothing difplays a genius, I mean a quicknets of genius, more than a difpute; as two diamonds, encountering, contribute to each other's luftre. But perhaps the odds is much against the man of taste in this particular. but must have feen inftruments mecha of different birds. The quail-pipe is brought to fuch perfection as even to delude the very fpecies. The cuckow has been mimicked with no lefs accuracy. Would it not then be an eafy matter to reprefent the laugh of this empty tribe, which has in itself fomething artificial; and is not more affected than it is parti cular? For the convenience of the perfon that bears it, it's dimenfions fhould be fo contrived as that it might be played on in his pocket. Does it not feem feafible, that a laughter of this kind may be brought to anfwer every purpofe of that noife which it refembles? If there be accafion for an expletive, let the owner feek it in his fobb; as his antagonist would find his account in a loud oath or an empty pun. If there be need of a good founding cadence at the clofe of a common period, it may not be amifs to harmonize a fentence by what may be call Bashfulness is more frequently connected with good fenfe, than we finded a finishing stroke. This inftrument affurance and impudence, on the other hand, is often the mere effect of downright ftupidity. On this account, the man of genius has as much the advantage of his antagonist, as a race-horse, carrying a final weight, has over his rival that bears a larger: modefty, like the weight to which Į allude, not suffering it's owner to exert his real ftrength; which effrontery is allowed to do, without lett or impedintent. It may be urged, and justly enough, that it is common to be partial to the modeft man; and that diffidence makes good amen is for any rettraint it lays us under, by the prejudice it gives every hearer in our favour. But, indeed, this can only happen where it meets with the mpit ingenuous judges. Other wife, a laugh will carry the day, with which the ignorant hide is generally belt accom modated. In order to put thefe antagonists upon a fome what more equal footing, I have invented the following inftrument; for the fol atructure and tale of which, I am not without hopes of procuring a patent. What I mean, is an artificial laughter. There are few fo little converfant in toys, is fo contrived as to produce all the variety of an human laugh; and this variation is to be regulated, not by the nature of your fubject, nor the wit or humour of a repartee, but by the difpofition of the company, and the proper minute for fuch an interlude. But to become a ma fter of the faid machine, let the candidate for applaufe frequent the company of vociferous difputants; among whom he may foon learn how to perform a converfation, One or two of thefe inftruments I have already finished, though not indeed to the perfection at which I expect they may foon arrive. A gentleman visited me t'other day, who has the jufteft claim that can be to the use of them; having nothing in his character that can obfcure the greatest merit, but the greatest modefty. I communicated my invention, deliring him to make trial of it on the firft occafion. He did fo; and when I faw him next, gave me leave to publish the following account of it's efficacy in my next advertisement, The first time I employed it,' faid my friend, was in a fort of controverly with a beau; who had contrived means, by the ufe 6 of his fnuff-box, to fupply both want of language and of thought. In this manner he prolonged his argument; and really to the company, which confitted of ladies, difcovered more fagacity without thinking, than I could do by it's affiftance. I bethought my felf immediately of your inftrument, and had recourf to it. I obferved in what part of his difcourfe he most employed his fingers, and had fuddenly recourfe to mine, with equal emphafis and fignificancy. The art was not discovered, ere I had routed my antagonist; having feated myfelf in a dark corner, where my operations were not dif'cernible. I obferved, that as he found himself more clofely preffed, he grew more and more affiduous in his appli*cation to his fouff-box, much as an otter clofely purfued is forced to throw up bubbles that fhew his diftrefs. I ⚫ therefore difcovered gradually lefs and lefs occafion for speaking; and for thinking, none at all. I played only a flourish in anfwer to the argument at 'his finger's ends; and, after a while, found him as mortal in this part as in any other. When his caufe was juft expiring, after a very long purfuit, and many fruitlefs turnings and evafions in the courfe of it, I founded my inftrument, with as much alacrity as a huntfman does his horn on the death " of an hare. The next whom I engaged was a more formidable difputant; and I own, with a fenfe of gratitude, that your inftru'ment alone could render me a match for him. His ftrength of argument was his ftrength of lungs; and he was, unquestionably, an able antagonist. However, if your machine put me T upon a par with him, I think I may fay, without vanity, that, in point of reafon, I had the upper hand. I thall only add, that as it was habitual for him to answer arguments by vociferation, fo it became needlefs for me to give him any answer of a better kind." Thus far my friend. I do not queftion but there will appear artists, that fhall undertake to instruct the diffident, the fubmiffive, and the bafhful, how to perform the whole gamut of oratorical and risible mufic: and as there is a kind of humourous laughter, which draws all others into it's own vortex, I need not here affert that I would have this branch very much inculcated. Neither is this inftrument of importance in difpute alone, or controversy; but wherever one man's faculties are more prone to laughter than another's. Trifles will burft one man's fides, which will not disturb the features of another; and a laugh one cannot join, is almost as irk fome as a lamentation. 'Tis like a peal rung after a wedding; where a whole parifh fhall be ftunned with noife, becaufe they want that occafion to rejoice, which the perfons at leaft imagine to be their lot that occafioned it. The founds are pleafing to their ears; who find them conformable to their own ideas; but thofe who are not in temper, or unconcerned, find then a ftupefying repeti tion. When, therefore, my mind is not in tune with another's, what ftrikes his, will not vibrate on mine. All I then have to do, is to counterfeit a laugh; which is an operation as artificial, as the machine I have been defcribing. ESSAY XIX. THE HISTORY OF DON PEDRO HE actions of our lives, even thofe we call most important, feem as much fubject to trifles as our very lives themselves. We frame very notable projects in imagination, and promife to ourfelves an equal term of life. Tis, however, in the power of the minuteft accident, to fhorten the one, and difcontert the other. 'Tis with mankind as with certain fire-engines, whofe motion may be stopped in the midft of it's ra pidity, by the interpofition of straw in a particular part of them. **** The following tranflation from the original Spanifh will fufficiently illuffrate the foregoing affertion. Don Pedro was one of the principal grandees He had a geof his age and country. nius equal to his birth, and a difpofition remarkably contemplative. 'Twas his cuftom, on this account, to retire from the world at ftated periods, and to in D 1 dulge |