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And this deceit loses the name of craft, Caius. Vere is mistress Page? By gar, I am of disobedience, or unduteous title; cozened; I ha' married un garçon, a boy; un paisan, Since therein she doth evitate and shun by gar, a boy; it is not Anne Page : by gar, I am A thousand irreligious cursed hours, cozened.
Which forced marriage would have brought upon Mrs. Page. Why, did you take her in green?
her. Caius. Aye, by gar, and 'tis a boy: by gar, I'll
Ford. Stand not amaz'd: here is no remedy: raise all Windsor.
(Exit Caius. In love, the heavens themselves do guide the state; Ford. This is strange: Who hath got the right Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate. Anne!
Fal. I am glad, though you have ta'en a special Page. My heart misgives me: Here comes mas- stand to strike at me, that your arrow hath glanced. ter Fenton.
Page. Well, what remedy? Fenton, heaven
give thee joy! Enter Fentox and Axxe PAGE.
What cannot be eschew'd must be embrac'd. How now, master Fenton?
Fal. When night-dogs run, all sorts of deer are Anne. Pardon, good father! good my mother,
Eva. I will dance and eat plums at your wedding. Page. Now, mistress ! how chance you went not Mrs. Page. Well, I will muse no further: with master Slender?
Good husband, let us every one go home,
Let it be so:—Sir John,
WHAT YOU WILL.
Orsino, Duke of Illyria.
rvants to Olivia.
Olivia, a rich Countess.
Maria, Olivia's woman.
Lords, Priests, Sailors, Officers, Musicians, and Malvolio, steward to Olivia.
other Attendants. SCENE, a city in Illyria; and the Sea-Coast near it.
SCENE I.–An Apartment in the Duke's palace. | But, like a cloistress, she will veiled walk,
And water once a day her chamber round Enter Duke, Curio, Lords; Musicians attending. With eye offending brine: all this, to season Duke. If music be the food of love, play on,
A brother's dead love, which she would keep fresh, Give me excess of it; that, surfeiting,
And lasting, in her sad remembrance. The appetite may sicken, and so die.
Duke. O, she, that hath a heart of that fine frame, That strain again ;-it had a dying fall :
To pay this debt of love but to a brother,
How will she love, when the rich golden shaft, 0, it came o'er my ear like the sweet south,
Hath kill'd the flock of all affections else That breathes upon a bank of violets,
That live in her! when liver, brain, and heart, Stealing, and giving odor.-Enough; no more; "T'is not so sweet now, as it was before.
These sovereign thrones, are all supplied, and fill'd O spirit of love, how quick and fresh art thou ! (Her sweet perfections) with one self king!That notwithstanding thy capacity
Away before me to sweet beds of flowers; Receiveth as the sea, nought enters there,
Love-thoughts lie rich, when canopied with bowers. Of what validity and pitch soever,
[Exeunt. But falls into abatement and low price, Even in a minute! so full of shapes is fancy
SCENE II.— The Sea Coast.
Enter Viola, Captain, and Sailors.
Vio. What country, friends, is this?
My brother he is in Elysium. Methought, she purg'd the air of pestilence; Perchance, he is not drown'd:—What think you, That instant was I turned into a hart;
sailors? And my desires, like fell and cruel hounds,
Cap. It is perchance, that you yourself were E'er since pursue me.—How now? what news
saved. from her?
Vio. O my poor brother! and so, perchance, Enter VALENTINE.
Cap. True, madam : and to comfort you with Val. So please my lord, I might not be admitted, chance, But from her handmaid do return this answer: Assure yourself, after our ship did split, The element itself, till seven years' heat,
When you, and that poor number saved with you, Shall not behold her face at ample view;
Hung on our driving boat, I saw your brother,
may he be.
Most provident in peril, bind himself
than I am : these clothes are good enough to drink (Courage and hope both teaching him the practice) | in, and so be these boots too; an they be not, let To a strong mast that lived upon the sea;
them hang themselves in their own straps. Where, like Arion on the dolphin's back,
Mar. That quaffing and drinking will undo you: I saw him hold acquaintance with the waves, I heard my lady talk of it yesterday; and of a So long as I could see.
foolish knight, that you brought in one night here, Vio.
For saying so, there's gold: to be her wooer. Mine own escape unfoldeth to my hope,
Sir To. Who? Sir Andrew Ague-cheek ? Whereto thy speech serves for authority,
Mar. Ay, he. The like of him. Know'st thou this country? Sir To. He's as tall a man as any's in Illyria.
Cap. Ay, madam, well; for I was bred and born, Mar. What's that to the purpose ? Not three hours' travel from this very place. Sir To. Why, he has three thousand ducats a year. Vio. Who governs here?
Mar. Ay, but he'll have but a year in all these Cap.
A noble duke, in nature, ducats; he's a very fool, and a prodigal. As in his name.
Sir To. Fye, that you'll say so! he plays o' the Vio. What is his name?
viol-de-gambo, and speaks three or four languages Cap.
Orsino. word for word without book, and hath all the good Vio. Orsino! I have heard my father name him! | gifts of nature. He was a bachelor then.
Mar. He hath, indeed, — almost natural : for, Сар. . And so is now,
besides that he's a fool, he's a great quarreller; Or was so very late: for but a month
and but that he hath the gift of a coward to allay Ago I went from hence; and then 'twas fresh the gust he hath in quarrelling, 'tis thought among In murmur, (as, you know, what great ones do, the prudent, he would quickly have the gift of a grave. The less will prattle of,) that he did seek
Sir To. By this hand, they are scoundrels, and The love of fair Olivia.
substractors, that say so of him. Who are they? vio. What's she?
Mar. They that and moreover, he's drunk nightly Cap. A virtuous maid, the daughter of a count in your company, That died some twelvemonth since; then leaving her Sir To. With drinking healths to my niece; I'll In the protection of his son, her brother,
drink to her, as long as there's a passage in my Who shortly also died: for whose dear love, throat, and drink in Illyria: He's a coward, and a They say, she hath abjur'd the company
coystril,' that will not drink to my niece, till his And sight of men.
brains turn o’ the toe like a parish-top. What, 0, that I served that lady: wench? Castiliano vulgo; for here comes sir AnAnd might not be delivered to the world,
drew Ague-face. Till I had made mine own occasion mellow, What my estate is.
Enter Sir ANDREW AGUE-CHEEK. Сар. .
That were hard to compass; Sir And. Sir Toby Belch! how now, sir Toby Because she will admit no kind of suit,
Sir To. Sweet sir Andrew!
Sir To. Accost, sir Andrew, accost.
Sir And. What's that? With this thy fair and outward character.
Sir To. My niece's chamber-maid. I pray thee, and I'll pay thee bounteously,
Sir And. Good mistress Accost, I desire better Conceal me what I am; and be my aid
acquaintance. For such disguise as, haply, shall become
Mar. My name is Mary, sir.
Sir To. You mistake, knight: accost is, front
Sir And. By my troth, I would not undertake That will allow me very worth his service. her in this company. Is that the meaning of acWhat else may hap, to time I will commit; cost? Only shape thou thy silence to my wit.
Mar. Fare you well, gentlemen. Cap. Be you his eunuch, and I your mute will be: Sir To. An thou let part so, sir Andrew, 'would When my tongue blabs, let mine eyes not see ! thou mightst never draw sword again. Vio. I thank thee, lead me on.
Sir And. And you part so, mistress, I would I (Exeunt. might never draw sword again. Fair lady, do you
think you have fools in hand ? SCENE III.-A Room in Olivia's House. Mar. Sir, I have not you by the hand.
Sir And. Marry, but you shall have; and here's Enter Sir Toby Belca, and MARIA.
Mar. Now, sir, thought is free: I pray you, Sir To. What a plague means my niece, to take bring your hand to the buttery-bar, and let it drink. the death of her brother thus? I am sure, care's an Sir And. Wherefore, sweet heart? what's your enemy to life.
metaphor ? Mar. By troth, Sir Toby, you must come in Mar. It's dry, sir. earlier o'nights; your cousin, my lady, takes great Sir And. Why, I think so; I am not such an exceptions to your ill hours.
ass, but I can keep my hand dry. But what's Sir To. Why, let her except before excepted.
your jest? Mar. Ay, but you must confine yourself within Mar. A dry jest, sir. the modest limits of order.
Sir And. Are you full of them ? Sir To. Confine! I'll confine myself no finer
1 Keystril, a bastard hawk.
Mar. Ay, sir; I have them at my fingers' ends: you, Cesario, you are like to be much advanced; marry, now I let go your hand, I am barren. he hath known you but three days, and already
[Exit Maria. you are no stranger. Sir To. O knight, thou lack'st a cup of canary:
Vio. You either fear his humor, or my negliWhen did I see thee so put down?
gence, that you call in question the continuance of Sir And. Never in your life, I think; unless you his love: Is he inconstant, sir, in his favors ? see canary put me down: Methinks, sometimes I Val. No, believe me. have no more wit than a Christian, or an ordinary
Enter Duke, Curio, and Attendants. man has: but I am a greater eater of beef, and, I believe, that does harm to my wit.
Vio. I thank you. Here comes the count. Sir. To. No question.
Duke. Who saw Cesario, ho?
Duke. Stand you awhile aloof.—Cesario,
Thou know'st no less but all; I have unclasp'd Sir And. What is pourquoy? do or not do? I To thee the book even of my secret soul : would I had bestowed that time in the tongues, Therefore, good youth, address thy gait unto her; that I have in fencing, dancing, and bear-baiting : Be not deny'd access, stand at her doors, 0, had I but followed the arts !
And tell them, there thy fixed foot shall grow, Sir To. Then hadst thou had an excellent head Till thou have audience. of hair.
Sure, my noble lord, Sir And. Why, would that have mended my hair? If she be so abandon'd to her sorrow
Sir To. Past question; for thou seest, it will not As it is spoke, she never will admit me. curl by nature.
Duke. Be clamorous, and leap all civil bounds, Sir And. But it becomes me well enough, does't Rather than make unprofited return. not?
Vio. Say, I do speak with her, my lord: What Sir To. Excellent; it hangs like flax on a distaff;
then ? and I hope to see a housewife take thee between Duke. O, then unfold the passion of my love, her legs, and spin it off.
Surprise her with discourse of my dear faith: Sir And. 'Faith, I'll home to-morrow, sir Toby: It shall become thee well to act my wocs ; your niece will not be seen; or, if she be, it's four She will attend it better in thy youth, to one she'll none of me: the count, himself, here Than in a nuncio of grave aspéct. hard by, woos her.
Vio. I think not so, my lord. Sir To. She'll none of the count; she'll not Duke.
Dear lad, believe it; match above her degree, neither in estate, years, For they shall yet belie thy happy years nor wit; I have heard her swear it. Tut, there's That say, thou art a man: Diana's lip life in't, man.
Is not more smooth and rubious; thy small pipe Sir And. I'll stay a month longer. I am a fellow Is as the maiden's organ, shrill, and sound, o' the strangest mind in the world; I delight in And all its semblative a woman's part. masques and revels sometimes altogether.
I know, thy constellation is right apt Sir To. Art thou good at these kick-shaws, knight? For this affair:—Some four, or five, attend him;
Sir And. As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he All, if you will; for I myself am best, be, under the degree of my betters; and yet I will When least in company Prosper well in this, not compare with an old man.
And thou shalt live as freely as thy lord, Sir To. What is thy excellence in a galliard, To call his fortunes thine. knight?
I'll do my best Sir And. 'Faith, I can cut a caper.
To woo your lady: yet, [Aside.) a barful' strife! Sir To. And I can cut the mutton to't.
Whoe'er I woo, myself would be his wife. [E.ceunt. Sir And. And, I think, I have the back-trick, simply as strong as any man in Illyria.
SCENE V.-A Room in Olivia's House. Sir To. Wherefore are these things hid? wherefore have these gifts a curtain before them? are
Enter Maria and Clown. they like to take dust, like mistress Mall's picture? Mar. Nay, either tell me where thou hast been, Why dost thou not go to church in a galliard, and or I will not open my lips so wide as a bristle may come home in a coranto? My very walk should enter, in way of thy excuse: my lady will hang be a jig; I would not so muchas make water, but thee for thy absence. in a sink-a-pace. What dost thou mean? is it a Clo. Let her hang me: he, that is well-hanged world to hide virtues in? I did think, by the ex
in this world, needs to fear no colors. cellent constitution of thy leg, it was formed under
Mar. Make that good. the star of a galliard.
Clo. He shall see none to fear. Sir And. Ay, 'tis stong, and it does indifferent
Mar. A good lenten' answer: I can tell thee well in a flame-colored stock.' Shall we set about where that saying was born, of, I fear no colors. some revels ?
Clo. Where, good mistress Mary? Sir To. What shall we do else? were we not
Mar. In the wars; and that may you be bold to born under Taurus?
say in your foolery. Sir And. Taurus! that's sides and heart.
Clo. Well, God give them wisdom, that have Sir To. No, sir; it is legs and thighs. Let me it; and those that are fools, let them use their see thee caper: ha! higher: ha, ha!-excellent!
Mar. Yet you will be hanged, for being so long SCENE IV-A Room in the Duke's Palace.
absent: or, to be turned away; is not that as good
as a hanging to you? Enter VALENTINE and Viola in man's attire.
Clo. Many a good hanging prevents a bad marVal. If the duke continue these favors towards riage; and, for turning away, let summer bear it out. * Cinque-pace, the name of a dance. * Stocking. • Full of impediments.
Short and spare.
Mar. You are resolute then?
men, that crow so at these set kind of fools, no Clo. Not so neither; but I am resolved on two better than the fools' zanies." points.
Oli. O, you are sick of self-love, Malvolio, and Mar. That, if one break, the other will hold; taste with a distempered appetite. To be generous, or, if both break, your gaskins fall.
guiltless, and of free disposition, is to take those Clo. Apt, in good faith; very apt! Well, go thy things for bird-bolts," that you deem cannon-bulway; if sir Toby would leave drinking, thou wert lets: There is no slander in an allowed fool, though as witty a piece of Eve's flesh as any in Illyria. he do nothing but rail; nor no railing in a known
Mar. Peace, you rogue, no more o' that; here discreet man, though he do nothing but reprove. comes my lady: make your excuse wisely, you were Clo. Now Mercury endue thee with leasing," for best.
[Exit. thou speakest well of fools. Enter Olivia, and Malvolio.
Mar. Madam, there is at the gate a young genClo. Wit, and't be thy will, put me into good fooling! Those wits, that think they have thee, do tleman, much desires to speak with you.
Oli. From the count Orsino, is it? Fery oft prove fools; and I, that am sure I lack thee, may pass for a wise man:
For what says
Mar. I know not, madam; 'tis a fair young man
and well attended. Quinapalus? Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit.—God bless thee, lady!
Oli. Who of my people hold him in delay? Ob. Take the fool away.
Mar. Sir Toby, madam, your kinsman. Clo . Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the but madman: Fye on him? [Exit Maria.) Go
Oli. Fetch him off, I pray you; he speaks nothing lady. Oli
. Go to, you're a dry fool: I'll no more of you, Malvolio; if it be a suit from the count, I am Fou: besides, you grow dishonest.
sick, or not at home; what you will, to dismiss it. Cl. 'Two faults, madonna, that drink and good fooling grows old, and people dislike it.
[Erit Malvolio.] Now you see, sir, how your counsel will amend: for give the dry fool drink, then
Clo. Thou hast spoke for us, madonna, as if thy is the fool not dry; bid the dishonest man mend himself
; if he mend, he is no longer dishonest; if eldest son should be a fool: whose skull Jove cram he cannot, let the botcher mend him: any thing, with brains, for here comes one of thy kin, has a that's mended, is but patched: virtue, that trans
most weak pia mater.' gresses, is but patched with sin ; and sin, that
Enter Sir Toby Belca. amends, is put patched with virtue: if that this simple syllogism will serve, so; if it will not, what
Oli. By mine honor, half drunk.-What is ho remedy? As there is no true cuckold but calamity,
at the gate, cousin ? 80 beauty's a flower:--the lady bade take away the
Sir To. A gentleman. fool; therefore, I say again, take her away.
Oli. A gentleman! What gentleman? Oli. Sir, I bade them take away you.
Sir To. 'Tis a gentleman here--A plague o’these Clo. Misprision in the highest degree !-Lady,
pickle-herrings !--How now, sot? Cucullus non facit monachum; that's as much as
Clo. Good sir Toby,–
Oli. Cousin, cousin, how have you come so to say, I wear not motley in my brain. Good madonna, give me leave to prove you a fool.
early by this lethargy? Oli. Can you do it?
Sir To. Lechery! I defy lechery: there's one at
Oli. Ay, marry; what is he?
Sir To. Let him be the devil, an he will, I care my mouse of virtue, answer me.
Oli. What's a drunken man like, fool? Oli. Well, sir, for want of other idleness, I'll 'bide your proof.
Clo. Like a drown'd man, a fool, and a madman: Clo. Good madonna, why mourn’st thou?
one draught above heat makes him a fool; the seOli. Good fool, for my brother's death.
cond mads him; and a third drowns him. Clo. I think his soul is in hell, madonna.
Oli. Go thou and seek the coroner, and let him Oli. I know his soul is in heaven, fool.
sit o' my coz; for he's in the third degree of drink, Clo. The more fool you, madonna, to mourn
he's drown'd: go, look after him. for your brother's soul being in heaven.—Take
Clo. He is but mad yet, madonna; and the fool away the fool, gentlemen.
shall look to the madman. [Exit Clown. Oli. What think you of this fool, Malvolio? doth
Re-enter Malvolio. he not mend? Mal. Yes: and shall do, till the pangs of death
Mal. Madam, yond' young fellow swears he will shake him. Infirmity, that decays the wise, doth speak with you. I told him you were sick; he ever make the better fool.
takes on him to understand so much, and therefore Clo. God send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for comes to speak with you: I told him you were the better increasing your folly! Sir Toby will be asleep; he seems to have a fore-knowledge of that sworn, that I am no fox; but he will not pass his too, and therefore comes to speak with you. What word for two-pence that you are no fool.
is to be said to him, lady? he's fortified against any
denial. Oli. How say you to that, Malvolio? Mal. I marvel your ladyship takes delight in such
Oli. Tell him, he shall not speak with me. a barren rascal; I saw him put down the other day
Mal. He has been told so; and he says, he'll with an ordinary fool, that has no more brain than stand at your door like a sheriff's post, and be the a stone. Look you now, he's out of his guard supporter of a bench, but he'll speak with you.
Oli. What kind of man is he?
Mal. Why, of man kind.
· The cover of the brain.