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In fine, my dames, your sapient* rules are
Fitted to prove your pupils fools are †.

* E da un matto voler insegnare non havendo impe

rato.

†This is not to be wondered at, when we consider the contents of the foregoing stanzas of the poet. But in order to make the reader better acquainted with causes. it is necessary to observe, that the more masters the pupil hath, the more money is derived by the preceptors. As to the idea of genius in the scholar, that is never taken into consideration; and I have literally seen school drawings that would have disgraced an Ouran Outang. And to speak truly of the persons employed to teach at seminaries, they are but the fag end, the tag rag and bobtail of proficients in those very arts they pretend to be so well schooled in; and I must confess that they very frequently reminded me of the old woman, who took infinite pains to teach her boy to milk a boar. But to the point it is truly surprising to see how easily a school bill is whipped up, what with entrances of masters, or rather labourers; charges for books which were never had; usage of the globes and piano forte, whose tones might well vie with the clank that resounds from a cracked tin kettle; and the more genteel sum which is tacked to the account, for miss being a parlour boarder, who is honoured with slip slop tea and a bit of the brown off the meat. These are the wheels within wheels that set so many seminaries in motion. Apropos: I had very nearly forgotten to descant on the topic of whipping, which is generally followed up pretty smartly by old

maids, who revenge their own disappointments and ill humours on the breeches of their pupils: and although, in this instance, they adhere to the text of Solomon, who saith, He that spareth his rod hateth his son ; but he that loveth him, chasteneth him betimes; and Butler also, who, speaking of flogging, says,

Whipping, that's virtue's governess;

Tutress of arts and sciences:

That mends the gross mistakes of nature,
And puts new life into dull matter:

yet I am rather of opinion with Terence, who thus emphatically expresseth himself:

Pudore et liberalitate liberos

Retinere, satius esse credo, quam metu.

And now, by way of leave-taking, let me use the lines of Butler to these heads of schools:

Can you, that understand all books,
By judging only with your looks?
Unriddle all that mankind knows,
With solid bending of your brows.
All arts and sciences advance,
With screwing of your countenance :
And, with a penetrating eye,
Into th' abstrusest learning pry;
And yet have no art, true or false,

To help your own bad naturals :

But still the more you

strive t'appear,

Are found to be the wretcheder.

For fools are known by looking wise,
As men find woodcocks by their eyes.

L'ENVOY OF THE POET.

Good sense and reason never yet were found,
By teaching youth externally to shine :
The gem's procur'd by delving under ground.
Be yours the task to make the brain the mine.

THE POET'S CHORUS TO FOOLS.

Come, trim the boat, row on each Rara Avis, Crowds flock to man my Stultifera Navis.

SECTION XXII.

OF PRODIGAL FOOLS.

Zonam perdidit.

GOLD, thou says't, is free to spend,
Free to borrow, free to lend,

And free to fool away*.

Thou ne'er heeds't its precious loss;
Gold, to thee, but worthless dross:
Yet gold makes ideots gay.

* In all ages hath this propensity been the characteristic of human nature for instance, in Egypt the fascinating Cleopatra swallowed her pearl; at Rome, gold dust served as powder for the heads of the great, and was scattered for sand upon the spacious arena, to be trampled on by gladiators, or prize fighters, and their kindred friends, bulls and wild beasts; and in our own country a courtezan, Kitty Fisher, to display her contempt for money, and turn the fool into ridicule who thought her favours were to be so cheaply purchased, swallowed, between two slices of bread and butter, the donation of a fifty pounds bank bill, which had been so

Gold procures rich viands, drink :
If 'twould make the fool but think,

And learn him all its worth:
Then would gold most precious be,
Teaching spendthrift fools like thee,
That want exists on earth.

Wines, and meats, and gay attire;
Wanton fair ones; fierce desire;

Gold may compass with a youth.
Gone thine ore; then viands, dress,
Women-nay, desire grows less:
For fools then learn this truth.

Having all their substance spent,
Strove to borrow where they've lent,
And freely giv'n away:

presented to her: nay, all ranks have their ideas on this head; and sailors, when returned from a prosperous cruize, having exhausted every natural art that could be pursued to gratify their doxies, have even been known to fry twenty watches in a pan, that they might place an extravagant dish upon the table. But this tallies with the old saying,

"Gotten like horses, and spent like asses."

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