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ON A LAME BEGGAR, de nue to maintain him; and consequenily, my i Palene bilhe ish but my son in-law.” i well,

I am unable, yonder beggar cries, van Moses," rejoined Lorul Manifield, “this is the

To stand or move-if he says true, helyes. tot bout deünition of a son-in-law I ever heard." chanL ANGELO.---The celebrated Michael

- den Arslo having received some insult from one
Goof tile Carolina's of Rome, in revenge painted Expressing a wish lo learn the Vio:iņ.

ra most striking likeness of his enemy, and
pard him among the damned, suffering the

Why should ny friend to harp or lute,
paments of Hell. The satire had its effect.

Or violin aspire?
It was the topic of general admiration and

Still play what doth thy powers suit
berriment. The Cardinal, stung with the bit-

(And well thou can'st)--the lur (lyre.) tercess of the caricature, complained to his


. Pope Leo X. was too much the
lorer and

of the fine arts to gratify the
Cardinal's desire; and lie therefore told him,
that he hal it not in his power to punish the
olinder: "ll," said he, "the insult had been

laid in heaven, on the earth, or even in pur-
gatory, I could perhaps have redressed you,
for i have something to say in all those places; Some of the inhabitants of the parish where
but I have no interest in hell.”

Putler, the celebrated luthor of Finelibres,
tres interred, udersiancling that so famous 2
man was buried in their church, and regretting
that neither stone nor inscription recorded the

event, raised a subscription for the purpose of Epigrams.

erecting something to his memory; accordingly, an elegant tablet las been put up in the portico

of the church, bearing a mediallion of that great CALCULATION.

man, which was taken from his monument in

Westminster Abbey.
Says Giles, my wife and I are two,

The following Lines were contributed by Mr.
Yet, faith, I know not why, Sir;

O'Brien, and are engrarel beneath the me

Proth Jack, you're Tex, if I speak true;
She's one, and you're a CYPHER.

A few plain men, to pomp, and pride unknown,
O'er a poor bard have rais'd this humble stone,

Whose wants alone bis genius could surpass,

Victim of zeal! the matchless Hudibras.
EM! Jack his own merit sees--this gives him pride;
Tast he sees more than all the world beside.

What though fair freedom suffer'd in his page,

Reader, forgive the author for his age.

How lew, alas! disdain to cringe and cant,

When 'tis--the inode to play the sycophant.
The following, said to be from the


of the Author of Pulestine, vas circulated in MS. But, oh! let all be laught, from Butler's fare, dhe stars since in the University of Oxford. Who hope to make their fortunes by the great, lt was occasioned by the elopement and mar That wit and pride are always dang'rous things, riage of a daughter of one of the Professors And little faith is due to courts or kings. with her father's footman; the Lady, whose name was Arabella, choosing this tban be constrained to receive the addresses of the erection of the above Monument was the an elderly Gentleman, who, from a peculiarity

occasion of this very good Epigrumi by Mr. in bis gait, was nicknamed Dr. Tue:

S. Wesley.

Whilst Butler (needy wretch) was yet alive,
Twixt foct-man John and Dr. Toe,
A rivalship befel;

No gen'rous pairon would a dinner give,

See him when starv'd to death and turn'd to dusi,
Which should prove the favour'a beau,

Presented with a monumental bust.
To bear away the Belle.

The Poet's fate is here in emblem'shown
The foot-man won the Lady's heart,

He ask'd for bread, and he receiv'a a stope.
And who can blame her? no man;

It is worth remarking, that the Poet was starring,
The whole prevail'd against a part,

whilst his Prince, Charles II, always carried a "Twas foot-man versus Toe-man.

Hludibras in his pocket.

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Her first birth to the flesh did make her deblor, plans

The latter in the Spirit by Christ) hath set her ar.

The insoription on his Monument is the Abbey

Place it in a Próper Recipłent,
is as follows:-

Or Christalline Ora,

Among the Elect of the Flowers of Benjami,

Never to be Staturale) till Who was born at Strensham, in Worcestershire,

The general Resuscitation, 101? xud died at London, 2650; a man of

Doliagration, Calcination, and uncurmon learning, wit, and probity; as admi

Sublimation, rable for the prodhice of his genius, as ubhappy in

of all things. the rewards of them. llis satire exposing the hypocrisy ard wickedness of the rebels, is sucla an iniritable piece, that as he was the first, he

HEY DON, YORKSHIRE, may be said to be the last writer in bis peculiar M&iber. That he, who, when living, wanted

Flere lieth the body of almost every thing, night not after deami, any

William Simatton, of Padrington, longer want so much as a tomb, John Barber,

Buried ibe 18th of May, 1731, Citizen of London, erected this Monument, 1721.

Aged 97,

Who bad, byliis first wife, twenty-eight eliildren, Epitaphium Chernicum.

And by a second, seventeen, Here lieth to Digest, Alacerate and Amalgamate

Own father to forty-five,
with Clay

Grand-luther to eighty-six,
In Balneo Arere

Great-grandfather to ninety-seven,
Stratum Super Stratum,

And great great-grandfaidier lo twenty-tlares,
The Residum, Terra Damdata and Caput

In ail two hundred and fifty-one.

A man who, in his earthly Laboratory,
Pursued various Processes to obtain

Here lies the body of Joe Sewell,
Arcanum Vitæ, or

Who to his wife was very crurl;
The secret to live;

Ard ükewise to his brother Tom,
Also Aurum Vitæ, or

As any war in Christendom.
The art of Getting, not of Making old.

This is all I'll say of Joe,
Alchemist like, he sas

There he lies, and let him go.
All his Labour and Protection,
As Miercury in the Fire, evaporate in


Whea fie Dissolved to his First Principles,
He Departed as Poor

As the Last Drops of Alenibra,

The loring and beloreci ile af Paulus Am
Hough fond of Novelty, he carefully avoided

brosius Croke, of the louer Temple, Esq. the The Fermentation, Effervescence, and

died the 10th day of July, 1663, ugrad Decrepitation of this life;

22 years.
Full seventy years his Exalted Essence
Was llerroelically Sealed in its Terrene

Well born she was, but better born again:
Bullie Radical Moisture being Exhausted,
'The Elixir Vitæ spent,

Freed from fest's debts, death's first and later
And Exisecated to Acuicle,

gain, Fie could not Suspend Longer in his vehicle,

Wives pay no debts, whose husbands live and
But Precipitated Gradation,

Per l'ampanam,
To lis Original Dust.

May the light above, more Resplendant than
Eologniaus Phosphorus,

Underneath lies the body of
Prosorve him from
Alanor, Empyrcuma, and Reverboratory


Lute rector of this parish, and prchendary of
of the other World,

Litchfield, who was a minister of the Church of Depurate him from this Tæcis and Sconæ England 54 years. He composed 500 serinons, Of this,

aod preached above 5000 times. lle died the Highly R-crisy and Volatilize

30th day of June, 1715, in the seventy-eighth His Ethereal Spirit,

year of his age. Bring it safely over the Ilelm of Human Life, Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord,

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A veteran, if ever soldies was,
Whomerited well a pension,

Griere not for me, my dearest dear,
If long service be a nerit,

I am not dead but sleeping here; loving scrred upwards of the days of man;

With patience wait, prepare to die,
Ancient, but not superanuried;

And in a short time you'll coibe to I.
Engaged in a series of wars,
Civil as well as foreigas,

I am not grev'd, my dearest life;
Ya not maimed or worn out by either,

Sleep on, Pie got another wife;
Ilis complexion was fresh and florid,

Therefore I cannot come to thee,
His health hale and hearty,

For I wust go to bed to ste.
Illis memory exact and ready,
In stature

lle exceeded the military size,

In strength

Who died aged 16.
Me surpassed the prime of youtht?

See from the earth the faded lily rise;
Wat readered his age still more patriarchal,

It springs, it blows, it flourishes, and dies; When above an hundred years old!

So this fair flower, scarca blossom d for a day,
He took unto him a wife.

Short was the bloom and carly the decay.
Read, fellow-soldiers, and reflect;
That there is a spiritual warfare,

As well as a wassare temporal.
Bera te Ist of August, 1620, died the lot of lle every hunan talent inisemployed,
February, 1732, aged 112.

And jnen at once delighted and destroyed;

Savage in action, but a sage in rliyue,
Sorell known for the elegance and beauty of

Each virtae sung, airl practised every erime; pissing, died at Birmingham, in 1770, and the scorn of Vems, but of Mars tbe pride, Is marned according to his desire, in a conical He illel his country an: the world with strife,' Riding near his late widow's hoitse in the same Thousands for him in honour's bed hare diert, fors

, with the following epitaph, written by But from his own not one e'er sprcos to life.
insell, inscribed thereon:-

* Said to have been written by Voltaire.
Beneath this cove in unconsecrated ground,
A friend 10 the liberties of mankind directed

His body to be inurned,
May the example contribute to emancipate

Thy miad
From the idle fears of Superstition CURIOUS RENCONTRE BETWEEN A GENTLEMAN.
And the wicked arts of Priesthood.


(From Oriental Field Sports.")

A Gentleman who was proceeding past to
You think, perhaps, I am dead,

Midnapore, found his Palankeen suddenly p!26
But 'tis a mistake:

down, or rather dropped, without louch cere-
I am just beginning to live.

mony or regard to its contents; hy the bearers,

who as abruptly took to their heels in various ST. PETER'S, NORWICH.

directions. On putting his head out to ascer

tain the cause of so unpleasant a circumstance, . Mere lies the corpse of Lady Ann,

the Gentleman discovered a half-grown Bear Bfarne her who list, and praise who can;

smelling about the machine. Bruin no sooner Though skill'd in deep Astrology,

saw the traveller, than he boldly entered at She could not read her destiny ;

one side, and, as the Palankeen was of the old is her observe each creature's lot,

fashion, with an highly arched bainboo, be

could not be upposed. The Gentleman thought Arid mend thy manners, Master Scott;

it necessary to relinquish his situation in de Bore as thou didst her coffit make,

vour of his shaggy visitor, who with as little do death thy doon shall undertake.

ceremony as he had entered, passed through December 12, 1750 following the Gentleman with some very suso

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picious hints, such as barking and champing sceing he was a stranger, “how did you of the teeth. After some manquvres on both mistress's lumıny pie last night" · Excellent," sides, a close action commenced, in which replied he; it was the best lamb i ever tasted." either party at times might claim the victory. " Lord love ye!" replied Jolin, “it was dit

The bearers had collected themselves on a -that; lamun pie is not made of lanıb!"high spot, whence they could have an excellent bird's-eye vierr," of the battle; but whether the horrified traveller. Why our p or kidels,

“Why, what the devil was it then?" exclaime. from prudence, or impelled by curiosity to to be sure!" replied the other, “which did ascertain what would be the result of an en- yesterday of tre simb!—The above story true gagernert between an English (entleman and

minds us of the host and the muleteer in a a Bengal Bear, all kept aloof froin the com- Spanish inn, where the latter says, “ Methinks batants. As the chances varied, so did the mine livst, the kid you gave us at supper, ha! bearers express their approbation--applauding something of an unsavory smell in it; it did, each as he seemed by his superiority to merit as it were, stik most abominally." I know their plaudits. When the Gentleman chanced

not well how that could be, Signor,” (replies to have the upper land, they cheered him mine host) "for I have bestowed wondroos with“ savobash sahib," i. e. weil done master; pains upon it these three weeks past to keep it and when the Bear became lord of the ascen

sweet. dancy, they paid the just tribute to his exer R. E **** tions with “sawbash bauloo," i, e. well done Mr. Bear. Now and then an interjectory wan! wan! expressive of the highest admiration, was , uttered with no small emphasis,

Hum. indiscriminately as it might in justice be merited by either party.

TO THE ONNIPOTENT. Fortunately the Gentleman succeeded, and, after receiving many desperate wounds,throttled Lord of universal Nature, the bear. When the contest was over, the

God of every living creature, bearers returned, and after overwhelming their

Light of morning --shade of eve3master with compliments, bore him on his journey. On their arrival at the next stage,

King of Ocean, Earth, and llcare,the bearers were all taken into custody, and

Whilst I prostrale bow before thick, the niagistrates, according to the laudable. Toach my spirit tu adore thee! custom prevalent in India, where offences are punished without very nicely examining the

Soul of love--and source of pleasure, exact spot and hour of perpetration, bestowed Mine of every richer treasure, on each of the critics a hearty chastisement in King of tempest,--storm, and shower, the market-place, while the applauding crowd Ruler of each secret power, of spectators did not fail, at cach turn of the

Whilst for favour I implore thce, insti.ment, to repeat “suwbash saheb ;" and when pain induced the culprits to writhe, in

Teach my spirit to adore thee! hopes to evade the whip, others would ironi

Spring of river,-lake, and fountain, cally exclaim, “- savbash bauloo." R. E

Piler of the rock and mountain, CORNISH LAMMY Pie.-- The Cornish people,

Breath of animal creation, (says Mr. Warner, in his late tour) you know Life of varied vegetation, are remarkably fond of pies; indeed they have Whilst I prostrate bow before tree, a proverb expressive of this partiality : “ If a

Teach my spirit to adore thee ! Cornish man were to catch the devil, he would put him into a pie.” A cockney traveller, First and last. Eternal Being, who had a mind to see the world, strayed

All pervading, and all seeing, down as far as Saint Ives in his tour; he en

Centre of divine perfection,tered a public house in the erening, and called

Whence the planets learn subjection, “ Have you any beef for a steak?" “ No. - Any veal for a cutlet?”

6 No."

Whilst for favour I implore thee, “ Any mutton for a chop?” “No."—“What, Teach my spirit to adore thee! no meat?" · No, an please your honor, except a nice lammy pie, which was baked today.” The traveller, ravenous as the grave, licked his chops at the prospect of so nice a

Impromptus. thing as a cold lamb pie, and ordered it up: Hunger was his sauce; he ate beartily, and ON PASSING UNDER THE STERN, O3 relished bis meal exceedingly. He passed the

THE GORGON MAN OF WAR. night in horrors, but had no idea that they arose from the indigestible quality of his sup

Terrific name! who dares come near thee! per, till morning. "Well, sir," said tbe hostler, E'on friends, as well as foes will kar thee.

for supper:

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Gorgon, thy siemies will cry,

in the year 1789.-" This is to informa my And from thy winged bullets fly;

friends and customers. that on Saturday next Whilst friends thy name will backward read, this newspaper will be sold for a penny, and And from thy thirsty bark recede;

to be continned at that price; but adverFor thus exclaims each weggish dog,

tisements will still be taken in gratis, as for I'll board no ship, where there's no-yrog.

merly. The reason of my raising it to a

penny is, because the number 1 print is too Ox MR. OWEN'S PLAN FOR THE RELIEF prodigious great to be given away any OF TIIE POOR.

longer; and I hope none of my customer's

will think it dear in a penny, since they They say that the present distress and starvation, shall always trave the best intelligence, be

sides other diversions." Are brought on the poor, by the debt of the nation;

Godeau, Bishop of Venice, used to say, And yet, when in want of house, clothing, to correct bis Works, an Author's Purga

that to compose, was an Author's Heaveu; and beef,

tory; but to correct the Press, an Author's They tell us that Owen's our only relief.

hell. TO A YOUNG LADY, AT A SELF-STYLED maker's in the neighbourhood of St. Mar


tiu's, there is written over the door,

"Ladies' Men wanted-Constantin Winter." They say no splendor here is shed, So witching strains are sung;

ORIGIN OP KISSIVO.---The " Vir illustrisia To llary's eyes the lustre's fled,

mu8," Doctor Pierins Winsemius, Historiogrie

plier to their High Mightinesses the States of The music to her tongue.

Friesland, inforins us, in the second book of Vea Inn,

F. T. M.

bis Chronijik van Frieslandi, printed at Prat necker, by Jan Lameincke, 1662, that the

pleasant custom of kissing was utterly vne Miscellanies.

practised and unknown in England (just as

it is this day in New Zealand, wherte speetVISFORTUNE OF BEING UGLY. hearts only know how to touch noses when

they wish to be kind) until the fair Princess (From the Portuguese of M. D. Oliveira).

Ronix, the daughter of King Hengist, of

Friesland, “pressed the beaker with her lipA girl was on the point of being banged kens,' i. e, little lips, and saluteul the ainorous at l'ienna ; her youth and beauty made a Vortigern with a kuxjen, i. e, a little kiss, aca great impression upon the heart of one of coring; as Dr. Pierius quotes, “ to the practice the spectators, who was a Weapolitan, a

of our (Frisick) nation." From this period, middle aged man, but excessively ugly. As continues Dr. l'ierius Winsemius, the aforesaid he had but a few monents to make up his custom of kissing was adopted in Britain; so niind, he rau immediately to the place of that the learned Erasinus Rotterdamus inany eseculion, and declaring his intention to ages after, found occasion to praise the whole marry the criminal, demanded her pardon, lani on acconut thercot. according to the custom of the country:-- A Fox was canght a few weeks since, in a The pardon was granted, on condition that steei trap, in Abbott's lipton Wood, in Hunthe girl was not avérse to the match. He tington-hire, which had a handsome collar accordingly addressed hér in these terms : round its neck, on which was engraved

Madame, I am a Gentleniu of some pro- “John Jackson, Esq. Godmanchester, 1781." perty, and I now wish, for the first lime, The Limerick Chronicle says, "At our Ses that I were a King, only that I might offer sions, this week, a coincidence of names in a you a stronger proof of my attachment.” case of trial, rather curious, occurred, and is --" Alas! Sir," replied the girl

, “I am fully worth recording :-A man of the name of sensible of your affection and generosity ; Kidd was prosecuting a man of the name of but I am not mistress over my own heart, Wolfe, for an assault; and as it was necessary and I cannot belie my sentiments. Unfor- to have corroborative testiinony, a man named tonately, they control my fate, and I prefer Lamb was produced to give testimony against the death with which I am threatened, to Wolfe. On winding up the affair, the ferocity marrying so ugly a fellow as you are !" of the Wolfe, in his attack upon the kidd, The Neapolitano retired in confusion, and was so glaring, that the Jury (of which a the woman directed the executioner to do Crow was the Foreman) immediately prohis office.

nounced a convict: 0." • NEWSPAPERS.—The following advertise Trisa EVMENCE.-During a trial at the ment, is copied verbatim from an old Nor- Carlow Assizes, on the 2910 ult. on an indictwich paper, printed by Henry Crosgrove, ment for stealing 30lbs. of tobacco, the follow.

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