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There is a humorous account current among the Profession, of a bill filed against an architect, for the building of a granary, so defectively, that a great quantity of rats got in and ate up the corn. It first charges that divers, to wit, 100,000 rats, 100,000 mice, 100,000 grey rats. 100,000 black rats, 100,000 white mice, and 100,000 grey mice, together with divers, to wit, 100,000 daw mice, through divers holes, chinks, crannies, apertures, and other places, did penetrate, insinuate them selves, gain admission, and get into the said barn, &c.; and then it requires, in the interrogatories to the said bill, that the said defendant should, in his answer, more particularly answer and set forth, whether any, and what number of rats, mire, and dawmice, (ringing the changes on cach as above) did get in, through the said chinks and crannies, or other wise, and eat up and consume, any, and what quantity of the corn and grain therein being; and if not, why not? &c.

DISSOLUTION OF MARRIAGE MADE EASY,Dean when residing on a living in the country, had occasion one day to unite a rustic couple in the holy bands of matrimony. The ceremony being over, the husband began to" pull in resolution," and falling (as some husbands might do) into a fit of repentance, he said, "Your Reverence has tied this knot tightly, I fancy; but, under favor, may I ask your Reverence, if so be you could untie it again?" Why no," replied the Dean, "we never do that at this end of the Church; but I'll tell you how you may manage it."-" How?" cried the man, eagerly. By just stepping to the other end of the Church," said the Dean, pointing to the belfry, "you'll find a rope, and may do it yourself.'

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THE ORIGINAL OLD BAGS.-A collector of anecdotes of illustrious personages mentions that the great Lord Chancellor Bacon was redaced to such extreme poverty, towards the batter end of his life, that he wrote to King James the First for assistance, in these supplicating terms:-" Help me, dear Sovereign Lord and Master; and pity me so far, that I, who have been born to carry a bag, be not now, in my old age, forced to carry a wallet." DEGRADATION OF A PRIME MINISTER.-His Chinese Majesty has lately displaced and degraded Sung Ta-jin, his Prime Minister, because he presumed to advise him not to visit certain tombs of his ancestors, and had intimated that a great drought, then prevailing, was occasioned by the Emperor's intention. This was deemed such glaring disobedience to the Conimands of his Holy Majesty, that it was impossible not to punish it. It was therefore or dered, that he should be deprived of his office, and be reduced to wear a button of the sixth rank, and be sent to the eight standards of wandering shepherds at Chaha-urh. His name is to be retained on the books; and, if for eight years he commit no error, he may again be eligible to his former situation.

The following is the origin of making por sons suspected of murder, touch the murdered body, for the discovery of their guilt or innocence. "This way of finding out murderers was practised in Denmark, by King Charles the Second, and permitted all over his kingdom; the occasion whereof was this: "Certain gentlemen being one evening together in a stove, fell out among themselves, and from words came to blows, (the candles being put out) insomura that one of them was stabbed with a poignard. Now the murderer was unknown, by reason of the number; although the gentlemen accused a pursuivant of the king's of it, who was one of them in the stove. The king, to find out the homicide, caused them all to come together in the stove; and standing all around the corpse, he commanded that they should, one after another, lay their right hand upon the slain gentleman's heart, swearing they had not killed him: they did so, and no sign appeared against them; the pursuivant only remained, who, condemned before in his conscience, went first of all and kissed the dead man's feet; bat as soon as he laid his hand on his heart, the blood gushed forth in abundance, both out of his wound and nostrils, so that urged by the evident accusation, he confessed the murder, and was, by the king's own sentence, immediately beheaded."

SPY OR INFORMER.-Mouchard is the French word for an informer or spy, derived from the word Mouche, a fly, in the same language, because this insect will buzz round you, sip out of your glass, feed on your plate, sting you, and suck your blood the first opportunity.

FEMALE CHARACTER. Courage. Fortitude. History records numerons instances of courage and fortitude that would appear incredible, did not succeeding ages confirm the tes timony of past endurance, by adducing instances of the present. It has been disputed whether greater heroism is displayed by an act of disinguished courage, by boldly braving knowa and positive danger, or by resolute fortitude in enduring continued and severe suffering. The former is said to be a masculine, the latter a feminine quality:-yet there are many examples of women,-tiimid, delicate women-evincing undaunted courage; and assuredly, circumstances may exist in which such courage does not at all trench upon the just boundaries of female delicacy. Without advocating an unnecessary or ostentatious display of courage in a woman, yet, if duty or honour exact the sacrifice,-if, at once, combating with her dread of danger, and still stronger dread of censure, she shrink not from the enterprize,-her courage wears a sacred form, hallowed by the sincerity of her devotion. Few characters offer a stronger contrast than that of a delicate, refined woman, reclining upon her pillowed couch, breathing rich perfumes, and surrounded with every perfection of luxury; and that of the Indian whose history she is perusing, when wandering in his western wilds, he sustains

tortures with contemptuous indifference, whose very recital painfully excites horror and compassion.-Yet place before that very woman a strong stimulus-let love, honour, independence, rouse all the slumbering energies of her mind-habituate her to long continued endurance of small evils-anticipation of greater --and offer noble and powerful motives to triumph over her feelings; and that very woman will emulate the courage of the savage, and sustain in uncomplaining silence, evils, equal in magnitude to those which once called forth all her sympthy and compassion. Courage is admired-Fortitude approved.—One is the more brilliant, the other the more useful virtue. Man placed boldly in the front of the arena, displays his character to the world, and proudly calls all the powers and energies of his mind into action.---Woman, in the back ground, fears lest her audience should discover qualities. which they would condemn, and is only solicitous to display such as she is assured they will approve. In rendering our homage to female courage and fortitude, we require that they should be unalloyed by any vicious or ignoble qualities. The Virginia of Pierre is so interesting a delineation of courage, fortitude, and devoted affection, that she cannot be contemplated without emotion.-Madame Cottin's Elizabeth and Matilda present equally beautiful representations of the same virtues in totally opposite characters. All these heroines are however, placed in situations too different from common life to resemble the women we meet with, and thus, though we enter into their feelings and sympathize in their sufferings, we do not identify ourselves with them-we can imagine that such beings have existed, but we do not expect to recognize them in the world,

Towards their women, the natives of NewSouth Wales are savage and cruel in an uncommon degree. Scarcely a single female of the age of maturity was ever seen without her head full of scars, the marks of her hushand's kindness. The very first act of courtship is to knock down the intended bride with a club,

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Ode concludes with the following Stanzas : To Woman every charm was given, Design'd by all indulgent Heaven,

To soften grief or care;

For ye were form'd to bless mankind,
To harmonize and soothe the mind:
Indeed, indeed, ye were.

But when from those sweet lips we hear
Ill-nature's whisper, Envy's sneer,

Your power that moment dies: Each coxcomb makes your name his sport, And fools when angry will retort

What men of sense despise.

Leave then such vain disputes as these,
And take a nobler road to please,—

Let Candour guide your way;
So shall you daily conquests gain,
And captives, happy in your chain,
Be proud to own your sway.

*This composition has been attributed to the

and drag her away from her friends, bleeding Rt. Hon. G. Tierney, as whose work it was for

and senseless, to the woods,

Satie.

EXTRACTS FROM AN ODE TO SCANDAL

BY THE RT. HON. R. B. SHERIDAN.*

Now, now indeed, I burn with sacred fires, "Tis Scandal's self that every thought inspires! I feel, all potent Genius! now I feel

Thy working magic through each artery steal;

Each moment to my prying eyes
Some fresh disfigur'd beauties rise;
Each moment I perceive some flaw
That e'en ill-nature never saw.

merly printed in a Bath newspaper.

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The God, when his wonder and wrath were going to Margate to see the fine peo

abated,

Felt truly how little the treat he had rated,

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Tho' ORPHEUS was made his own chuser;

Your Sposa," he said, "sir, shall punish the

wrong

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THE MARGATE PACKET-THE BOATMAN-
A WALK UPON DECK-MR. AND MRS. VA-
Cant—Dr. VITRIOL-MRS. PUMPKIN, &c.

However easy it may be at times to set our selres off to advantage, it is much easier to depreciate ourselves whenever we choose. To be sure, the latter species of vanity is but rarely found, and is harmless enough in its consequences; yet, having no better principles than deception, it is not altogether without blaine. There is, however, a secret satisfaction in laughing at the Important Crowd; and no man can do this more effectually than he who, from divers circumstances, contingencies, and vicissitudes, has laid up a store of that kind of knowledge which may be justly called materia experientia ; in short, than he who has been upon almost every step of the ladder of life, up and down alternately, without getting

much of a fall.

Perhaps few persons could be better qualified in this respect than myself. I had received a tolerable education, had been several years in the sea-service, had studied the law, was a bit of an author, something of a painter, and knew a little of what is called the world. With this stock in trade for carrying on the business of philosophy, I arose one fine suinmer's morning in the month of July, full of gaiety and good-humour, directed my steps to Billingsgate, went in a wherry on board the Margate packet, and took my place among passengers.

the

face

The first object that attracted my notice in the vessel, was, naturally enough, the man at the helm, whose hard inflexible features set the whole science of physiognomy at defiance. Next to the helmsman, in the pre-eminence, was seated a little genteel woman, reading the tale of Paul and Virginia; and on her right hand a corpulent dame, in whose round red you might discover ignorance and happiness blended together to great advantage. On the opposite seat was a lady of a very different description, who assumed an air of infinite superiority over the rest; she was dressed in white muslin, seldom deigned to look at the people round her; and found no beauty in the rising sun, or the delightful landscape of the Kentish hills before her. She was

ple, and to say that she had been there. A thin pale-faced gentleman, with a well-pow dered head, and most unmeaning face, was her husband. The rest of the company conplaced next her, who I afterwards found was sisted of a young man of important air, dressed in a green coat and hussar boots; a little bustling gentleman in black, who had his share of consequence also, and a lieutenant in the Navy; who altogether, with a plaindressed man, that took no notice of any body, made up the group.

As soon as I stepped upon deck, I made my debut, by entreating the ladies to take care of the lines and pullies; which caution obtained me, exactly what I expected, a contemptuous sneer from the boatman, and a broad satirical grin from the Lieutenant. I was, however, determined to establish in their minds the opinion that I justly conceived they had formed, by saying I should go down stairs, for fear I should catch cold from the morning air.

At my return on deck, I seated myself next who, by-the-by, was the only one that gave the fat Lady with the good-humoured face, me the least encouragement. I told her I commended her to taste a drop of brandy, was afraid that I should be sea-sick, and rewhich I produced in a small bottle from my pocket. I next offered the inspiring fluid to the Lady opposite, who rejected it with a look of ineffable scorn. the fat Lady's tongue went, as seamen call it, By this time, however, at the rate of eleven knots an hour. She told abroad, and who she was afraid she should me about her son Jacky, who was going bad with the rheumatise; that it was a terrible never see no more; that she had been very thing, for that all the sinners were drawn up and that she was going to Margate to bathe. My good-tempered companion then inquired the names of the sails, yards, rigging, on all norance. which points I answered with appropriate igdesiring the master to stop the ship for a boat I now completed my character, by that I saw making towards us, and by calling a West Indiaman, laying at Long Reach, a answered my design: the Lieutenant whisseventy-four gun man of war. This effectually pered the Boatman, that I was some lubber of how long it was since I had last weathered the a man-milliner; and asked me significantly, point of Bond-street.

take of the refreshment they had respectively The company had now descended, to parprovided; and here I was admitted, by produ cing some cold ham and a chicken. I now addressed myself particularly to the Lady in the white muslin, by observing, that I shouldn't like to be a sailor; and I thought it a much pleasanter thing to be serving custosea. The counter proposition answered commers behind a counter, than in a storm at pletely; the Lady shrunk like the sensitive plant, turned up her nose, muttered some in

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I now began to find that I had got to low water mark, and resolved in my own mind to turn the tide of opinion. Luckily, as soon as we had re-ascended the deck, an opportunity offered the fat Lady happened to ask the name of the main-sheet, which works the main-boom, to the great annoyance of the genteel passengers of a hoy. I answered, with an appearance of great sagacity, that it was the jigger-tackle. I had intended to raise myself up by degrees into estimation, but the jigger-tackle did the business at once; the Boatman gave me a leer and a wink; the Lieutenant, after consulting my face with some attention, took me by the hand, "I say, shipmate, none of your tricks upon old travellers. I say what ship?" To this I answer'd, "The Merrydon of Dover, the largest man of war in the service. Don't you remember that a frigate sailed into one of her port-holes at Torbay, and was kicked overboard by Tom Tightfoot, the Boatswain, who happened at the time to be dancing a horn-pipe?" This joke was a good trap for applause; the Lieutenant handed me some bottled porter, and the boatman honoured me with a grin of approbation.

We had got some way beyond Gravesend, when I discovered a new character in the hoy. This was a tall thin man, in a black coat and tie wig, stooping over the side of the vessel, drawing up buckets of sea water one after another, and industriously examining the contents with a microscope. I thought this a good opportunity, and putting on a learned face, inquired if he was not seeking for animalculi; to which he politely replied, "Yes;" and that it was a question among the learned, whether the luminous appearance of sea water at night was occasioned by numerous animalculi, or the viscous spawn of fish. In this conversation the Gentleman in the plain coat joined, whom I found to be a very intelligent man. One subject introduced another, and we discoursed successively upon natural philosophy, ethics, jurisprudence, and theology; in the course of which investigation, I took care to introduce some pasages from the ancient authors. The sentimental Lady stared with astonishment; the consequential Lady ventured a look, but (I imagine, upon summing up my dress, the counter, and other circumstances) relapsed into her former reserve: her husband, however, ventured to speak, and, upon my mentioning Tully, asked whether I did not mean Mr. Tully, the cheesemonger, in Carnaby Market?

We had now arrived at the Pier of Margate, when an old acquaintance came on

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Mr. Vacant, a Grocer near the Haymarket. Mrs. Vacant, the Lady in the white muslin. Miss Williams, the sentimental Lady, a Teacher at a School.

Lieut. Windlass, a Navy Officer. Mrs. Pumpkin, the fat Lady, a Market Gardener's Wife

Mr. Frizzle, the important Gentleman in Green, a Hair Dresser.

Dr. Vitriol, the searcher for Animalculi, a great Naturalist, Chemist, Philosopher, and Author.

The important Gentleman in Black, an AtorThe Gentleman in Brown, Non Descript.

ney.

My

Being about to take my leave, Dr. Vitriol gave me a card to attend his Lectures on Chemistry; the Lieutenant shook me by the hand; the Boatman styled me, "Your Honour;" the Gardener's Wife gave me a low courtsey; and the Lady in the White Muslin favoured me with a most graceful bow; upon which I addressed them nearly as follows: " good friends, don't be displeased if I have amused myself a little at your expense. I would have you know, that wherever we travel we should endeavour to be pleased with one another. All have not the same endowments of mind or fortune; but what is wanting of one quality is perhaps supplied by another; and reciprocal advantages and comforts are created from the variety of characters and conditions which Providence has thrown together in life. In a hoy, therefore, as well as any where else, we should bring forward our best talents and dispositions, be they what they may, like our provisions, into the common stock; there would then be something to please all palates; by which means we should make our passage pleasant, and our meeting together a feast of good humour and instruc tion."

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As I walke dalong the pier, I meditated on the occurences of RIV little voyage; nor did I feel thoroughly satisfied with myself. Goodnature and urbanity checked my exultation, and whispered, Away with you! you are rightly served; henceforth appear in your true character, and try to make it as valuable to your fellow passengers as you can. Increase the stock of plain honesty, and throw away the dregs of pride and folly; you may appear in what character yon choose to the world, but will never be able to impose on the judge within your own breast."

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potions of the justly-celebrated vital wine, and capital gruel, coddled in a silver saucepan; enjoyed every comfort my disease permitted No man more patient, or flexible! Susan never grumbled-iny friends congratulated me on the prospect of long life, and increasing wealth; being inseparable concomitants with the disease: and thus passed the days of torment. Poor Trudge, too, seemed to pity me; he would lick the flannel-gaze on the enveloped excrescence of agony-fix his noble, dark, penetrating eye on my cheerless countenance-and watchi nie, with unremitting assiduity; never leaving my chair, during my confinement.

At length, the summer drew her rosy mantle over the face of nature; and prompted me to express a wish of visiting a faithful friend of early attachment, who resided on the Kentish coast: but, had you seen the countenance of Susan, when I made the proposition, you had never forgotten it!

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Susan," said I, "what's your opinion of air, and exercise, for the gout?"

"The best things in the world,sir." “Then off I set to-morrow morning, please God! I'll take a trip to Margate; it will invigorate and revive my spirits.'

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Susan stood aghast. To-morrow!" replied she. "La! Sir, you be out of your mind-you be crazed in the wits-you ha'n't been a week out of your flannel wraps, and now for to go to get scampering off to the world's end, in the broiling heat of the weather; it's enough for face looks as yellow, and as rizzled, as a johnto throw yourself into a surfitation. Your apple; and your eyes be as dull as a whiting: colour in them than my old checked apron." and as for your lips, they have got no more Here she paused.

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If your tongue was as much checked as your apron, good Susan, it would not be amiss; so, lay by the flannels-lock up the gruel saucepan-cork up the valuable vital wine--and prepare me an extra shirt and cravat against the morning."

Susan burst into tears. "To think," cried she, "after all my care and pain in nursing try to lay yourself up again. You'll be as lame you, you will be so extropolis as to go for to as a duck-your legs will be as thick as millpostes before you've got a hundredth-thousandth part of the way; and what are you to do then?'

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"Bear it with Christian fortitude," said I: get somebody to lift me into a comfortable post-chaise, and come again, under your good care and management."

Susan bridled; her reproaches ceased, because her vanity was roused.

"You know you are the best nurse on earth," continued I; "the most careful—the most ten

der-the most-"

"Which coat shall I brush, Sir?" hastily interrupted Susan (whose cheek my eulogiums had crimsoned with conscious pleasure)" fon, to be sure, if you will go, you must; I cannot

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