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Tol. I. No. 5.]
LONDON, THURSDAY, APRIL ), 1819.
Well, so much for this manifesto, and now to conclude. The juir caterpillars, as we can
not help calling them, who devour our leaves, l'Ery few writers, we believe, have ever at have nothing to dread from fire or candle ly tended to one of the most terrible consequences condescending to pause for a few minutes over by which literary composition can possibly be what they offer. The threuds of our work are Julienced. While immersed in the anticipation 80 many anil distinct, that the book may be deof that entertainment which his labours have gun at Greenwich, and finished in Jamaict, been intended to produce, what author has spe- without losing an atom of the entertainment it culated for a moment upon the evils his success has been composed to afford. Thus to all toho way ensure? And yet we all know that many value the steadiness of their nerves, and the Teaders, (fair ones in particular) have been so hours of reet, yet delight in literary employinfatuated by the contents of a favorite book, as ment, this vbiquitarian quality must ac!ve 63 l to take it to bed, and there, lilled by its sooth.. powerful recommendlution, and will crtitle us, ing influence, have inadvertently set the cur we hope, to their assiduous support. We stritains on fire ; thus rendering the whole frater. Qusly mean to descrve it, if merit cun le testified nity of Grub-street direct accomplices in that by exertion, or impelled by encouragerneat, and foiul adventure.
in that spirit make our profoundest bows till a Now, philanthropic writers, (and such we farther opportunity. profess ourselves to be) hare two modes of aroiding this extremity. In the first place, they muy crtead their productions to such an extrao;
necdotes. änary length, as to do away with the expedience of setting aside a “ sweet morsel of the Rob Roy.-In one of the Grampian highfor the sake of hurrying through a rovme lands, it is said, this freebooter, after having achich hus five or six stupendous fellows to sue permitted a steward of the Duke of Montrose, ceed it. Secondly, if lack of invention, or pity (whose property the greater part of these val. for pen, ink, and paper, should induce them to leys and mountains now is) to col’ect the rents, shorten their lucubrations, yet, even then, a re saved him the trouble of carrying them home, quisite portion of dulness will do the business and confined him for several weeks upon bread most effectually, by inducing the reader to put and water, till he dismissed him with a friendaway such a work after perusing its incipient ly admonition, never more to trouble the counpages, as not at all calculated to bring on the try with his master's commands, as in future it hysterics, or provoke a cunflagration. We was his intention to collect the rents hiciself, know there is an evil in all this to the hungry and apply them to the maintenance of widows scribe, but surely he may feed for a week or two and orphans; alledging, at the same tine, that upon the sweets of patriotic fervour.
he had, in truth, a natural right to this lanıl, It would clearly be unreasonable, when a
as his indubitable heritage; for although his painter exhibits his works in public, to expect claims were, in some measure, obsolete, yet he that he should provide spectacles for the use of considered acts of attainder in renoie periods the short-sighted. By a parity of argument,
as matters in no wise founded on equity, nor when a compiler has once published his miscel binding upon him in any sense; he, therefore, lany for public amusement, it is rather too much made no scruple to take the law into his own to insist upon receiving evidence of his endea- hands, and administer it according to his own tours to secure it. We will not scclude cura notions of justice. selves, however, behind the shield of privilege, SHAKSPEARE AND THE SCRIPTURES.While but step boldly forward, and tell the patrons of Mr. WOODWARD, the actor, resided in Dublin, the “ Tickler,” that its claims to support hare about the year 1760, a mob one morning beset been rested upon the grounds of vigour and the Parliament House, in order to prevent the variety,—the separate excellence of its articles, Members from passing an unpopular' Bill
. Such and the novelties in their combination. This as were looked upon as belonging to the courtmay not be universally admitted, but there are party, experienced the grossest insults; and hours when the liveliest taste loses its sensibility, some of the ring-leaders, thinking it necessary und many of the wittiest things upon record to make the representatives swear they would have been read without a smile, because the cri- not assent to the bill, surrounded Mr. Woontic's mind had been soured at his breakfast ta WARD's door, which was opposite the Parliable, by rancid butter, or a musty egg.
ment House, in College-green, and called re
Tue MOKLACHIANS.— Their propensity for rain yet, master," said the farmer, scratching PRVE thieving is extreme. A Morlachian will untie his head. "No," replied the parson, "I am not
peatedly upon his family to throw them a Bible one man to risk at a single throx, the rest of out of the windows. Mrs. Woodward was the conipany did, and for sorue time he regreatly alarmed at the request, not having, un. mained unset. He then said, “Well, gentlefu kily, at that time, such a book in her pos- men, will you make it up among you:"_One session. Her husband, hoivever, in the midst set him 5001. and apoiler the same sum. of her agitation, with great presence of mind, Come,” said he, “ while you are making up Snatched
a volume of Shakspeare's plays, this 70001. I'll tell you a story.”. Here he be which, tossing out of the dining-room window, gan to relate an anecdote applicable tv the he told the insurgents they were very welcome moment; but soon perceiving that he was comto. Upon this they gave him three cheers; pletely set, stopped short, laid his hand upon and it is an absolute fact that the ignorant rab the box, and said, " I believe, gentlemen, I ble administered their oath to several of the am set?"_“Yes, sir," was the reply; " seIcish senators upon the works of our old Eng: ven's the main.” He threw out, and having ish bard, which they afterward returned in relinquished his money, took up his souff-box, safety to the owner.
with astonishing coolness, and smilingly exGratitude. The four sons of the late Mar- claimed, “ Now, gentlemen, I'll finish my shal Ney have subscribed 100 franes towards story, if you please.” the erection of a monument, at Strasburgh, to CARDINAL de PoligxẠC.--A company at the commemorate the glory of General Kleber, Duchess of Maine's were one evening ainusing who was the firm and early friend of their un themselves with discovering ingenious differfortunate father. The smallness of this con ences between any two given subjects. What tribution resulted from the scantiness of their is the difference," said the Duchess of Maine property, a circumstance which will endear the to Cardinal de Polignac, “ between me and a deed to every lover of filial virtue.
watch?”—“ A very naterial one, Madam," he Spirit.-- An Italian prince, remarkable for replied ; 6 when we look on a waich, we le. pride and ill-hunour, quice walking to the win. member the fight of time; when we look on dow of his presence-chamber with a foreign your Grace we forget it." ambassador, said to him, “Do you know, sir, Miraculous Visitation.—Sir Gervas El that one of my ancestors forced a person of ways, Lieutenant of the Tower in the reign your description from this balcony into the of James I, was made a notable example of street ?”—“It might be so," was the reply, terror to all officers of trust, by being hanged “ but probably it was not the fashion then, as on Tower-hill as an accessary, though but a it is now, for ambassadors to wear swords."
passive one, to the murder of Sir THOMAS DUELUNG.-Augustus gave an admirable Overbury. At the gallows he warned those whidras example low a person who sends a challenge who came to witness luis fate, against a breach Serie de in should be treated. When Mark Anthony, after of attestations made to Heaven; for being in the battle of Actium, defied him to-single. the Netherlands, and much addicted to gamcombat, his answer to the messenger who ing, lie once pledged a solemn vow (which was brought it, was, “ Tell Mark Anthony, if he speedily broken) not to play abore a certain be weary of life, there are other ways to end sum, on pain of being hanged, as a punished me it; I shall not take the trouble of becoming ment for his blasphemy and irresolution. his executioner."
The ClergyMAN AND THE FARMER.—“No Kitsepit your horse, and steal it even in your presence: sorry to find our prayers are not heard."he will spring upon the animal, and when you “ Main unlucky, to be sure.
Let's see; how would wish to take it away again, he will insist, many times have you done it?"-" Three diz - Post without being in the least disconcerted, that it times," was the answer.
• Three times! well, is his property,
well, never mind,” said the farmer,“ we'll Coolness.-A few weeks before the late have at 'em again next Sunday.” General Ogle was to sail for India, he con Prince of Wales.---This illustrious personstantly attended Paine's, in Charles-street, St. age once observed in company, that men some James's-square, where he alternately won and times got credit for good actions without ever lost large sums. One evening there were be- having dreamed of deserving it; and on the relatie fore him two wooden bowls full of gold, which contrary were abused in the same unmerited held tifteen hundred guineas euch; four thou- way. He then very pleasantly said, “ that he sand more, also, lay in rouleaus before him. got credit for being a good joung man, froin When the box came to him, he shook the dice, the following ludicrous circumstance :-Having and said with great pleasantry, TM Come, l’ú occasion to go to Bagslot in the winter, he either win or lose seven thousand upon this asked Lord Clermont to accompany him. His hand; will any gentleman set me the
whole? Lordship, provident against the cold, generally Seren is the main.” Then rattling the dice travelled in a kind of flannel hood, to protect once more, he cast the box down, and quitted it, his ears and throat, and a white great coat:the dice remaining covered. Though the Ge- thus equipped, the prince and his companion neral did not consider this too large a sum for pupued their journey, the passengers remark:
ing-“ What a good young man he was, to go triumph at his faikure. The latter wit soon out thus an airing with his old aunt, the Prin- after produced his “ Zara,”and on meeting Piron cess Amelia.”
exclaimed, “ Well, you see l escaped without a single hiss.”—“True,” replied Piron, "an all
dience cannot liss and yawn together." Blunders.
CLERICAL REPARTEE.--Charles the second
playing at Tennis with a dignified prebend COMPosition. The following is an Address who had struck the ball well, he exclaimed, delivered by the Manager of a small Theatre it the stroke of a bishop," said Mr. Dean,
“That's a good stroke for a dean!”—“l'il give in Ireland, where Mr. Rae was engaged to perform. There were only three persons in the
“ if your Majesty pleases.” house :—“Ladies and Gentlemen-As there is
Swift.-, would-be poet showed Swift some nobody here, Il dismiss you all: the perform- wretched verses, which were preceded by a ances of this night will not be performed; but
motto from Virgil, and asked his opinion of the performances of this night will be repeated through the motto) " ought not to be in bar
them.-—“ Virgil," said Swift, (drawing his pen to-morrow evening.”
In the lecture-room of the Jardin des Plantes, company.' at Paris, is a statue of Buffon, under which is
How TO SHAPE A PAYMENT.-A brother written “majestati nature par ingenium.” The comedian, who was in his debt to the amount person who shows this apartment, on being of 2s. being met by Peterson, a strolling asked the sculptor's name, said he believed it
actor, in the market-place at Colchester, he
times was under the figure; and looking again, made his demand, as he had done "Oui monsieur,” said he, “ le nom y est c'est before. The debtor, turning peevishly from par Ingenium.”
him, said, “ Hang it, I'll pay you to-day in An Irish evidence, who wanted to prove an
some shape or other.” Mr. Peterson good-hualibi, said to his judge, “ My lord, I couldn't nouredly replied, “ Do so, Tom, but let it be be like a bird, in two places at once.”
as like tico shillings as you can.". A French gentleman dining in London
Bisitop Wilkins.-Among other chimeras, with Dr. Johnson, and wishing to show him a
he professed to have discovered the art of flymark of peculiar respect, as author of the ing, and attempted to show the possibility of “ Rambler," drank to him in what he thought reaching the moon. Discoursing on this theme, synonymous terms, Your health, Mr. Va th. Duchess of Newcastle one day said to him, gabond."
“ Doctor, where am I to find a place for baiting A Poor Irishman was unmercifully laughed
at in the way up to that planet?”_" Madam, at, at Buxton, for informing the company, that he replied, " you, who have built so many casthe best way of boiling potatoes was in cold tles in the air, may surely sleep every night in
a mansion of your own. water. An Irish TeleSCOPE. -Sir Frederick Flood
Levity CORRECTED.-The English Ambaswas one day observing to a friend that he had
sador having occasion to inform Frederick the a most excellent telescope. “Do you see yon
Great of a victory achieved by our soldiers, church,” said he, “about half a mile oft?
began his communication with these words :
· What!" it's scarcely discernible—but when I look at it
“It has pleased Divine Providence”through my telescope, it brings it so close, I said the King, “ is God Almighty one of your hear the organ playing."
allies?”—“ Yes, sire," replied the Englishman, A GENTLEMAN was complimenting Madame
“ and the only one that demands no subsidies.' Denis on the manner in wbich she had just acted Zara. “To sustain it successfully," said she, “a person should be young and hand
Characters. .”_Ah, madam!" replied the complimenter, you are a complete proof to the THE MAN OF SPIRIT.-He is one who concontrary.”
siders himself as bound by no moral obligation, AN UNINFORMED Irishman, hearing the and as subject to no earthly ties. The indulSphinx alluded to in company, whispered to gence of his passions forms the most important a friend, “ Sphinx ! who's he now ?"-"A part of his conduct, and he allows of no control monster, man. Oh, a Munster-man: I in the exercise of his power. He prides himself thought he was from Connaught,” replied our on keeping the best company, which means Irishman, determined not to seem totally unac that of men who are wealthier than himself. quainted with the family.
He enters with avidity into every fresh proposal
for pleasure, and subscribes to any opinion that Bon Mots.
is fashionable and spirited. He is eternally in pursuit of happiness, yet never overtakes it;
wanders through the paths of gaiety, and strays FRENCH AUTHORS.- Piron's. tragedy of into the wilderness of disappointment. Ile * Gustavus" was vehemently hissed and driven wages continual war with decorum, though from the stage, which induced Voltaire to
conquest, when obtained, is but a prelude to
tatiety. If a sufferer in health, he considers ON LORD ERSKINE'S DISGUISE AT The debility of his constitution as the charac GRETNA-GREEN, IN FEMALE ATTIRE, teristic of a gentleman, because opposed to vulgar robustness, and plebeian vigour.
That ERSKINE could assume the Belle Dr. Brook. He was a very extraordinary Should not amaze the town, personage, and in no one instance bore the
For though the cap might not fit well, smallest resemblance to his partner (the author
He long had grac'd the gonn. of “ Rosina,” &c.) He was one of the finest
J. W. figures for an artist that can be imagined, having a most impressive countenance, and hair as white as snow. He was one of the
ON THE CHIEF JUSTICE ORDERING
LIGHTS INTO COURT. greatest bons vivants of his time, had considerable conversation talents, and a very numerous circle of friends. But the deity of the table was What need of lights, my good Lord Chies, almost the only one he worshipped with Where Justice sits reclin'd ? consistent devotion, and in pursuance of this
Both law and poets hold belief ohject, he was a member of a club which was
She is, and should be, blind. called number six. It consisted of six members, They met at six in the evening, and never
Ox THE BANK. parted till six in the morning. Notwithstanding his habitual indulgence in the festivities of the table, the old gentleman lived to a very built upon Woolpacks, * a report, coupled with
There is a tradition that London Bridge *as
recent transactions, which has given rise to what
No more, O Thames, o'er thy broad stream,
Shall London Bridge, with boastful there,
About its Woolpacks vapour; ON THE LAMB AND HORSE,
For, lo! in our eventful time, Being two Insignia of the Societies of the Another building tow'rs sublime, Temple.
Whose basis rests on-Paper.
* The equivocation of some of our Ancient As by the Templars' hold you go,
Chroniclers, who have “ palter'd with us in & The Horse and Lamb display'd,
double sense," has strengthened this vulgar In emblematic figures, show
error. London Bridge was erected by a legacy,
in aid of which a tax was imposed upon all paekThe merits of their trade;
ages of wool rended within a certain districi.
THE DROPSICAL MAN.
A jolly old toper, who ne'er could resign,
Thro' life, the delights of ale, liquor, and wine, Let Foreign Nations say,
Tho'urg'd by his Doctor, still boldly drank on, Where you get justice without guile,
Till swell'd by the dropsy, as big as a tun.
The r« re he took physic, the worse he still grew,
But by it, he told him, nor thought he was wrong,
His life might be render'd both happy and long.
“Don't fiatter me so," was the toper's reply, Nor trust such cunning elves;
With a jest in his mouth, and a tear in his eye, These artful emblems tend to show
“ For well, by experience, my vessels, thou Their clients, not themselves;
“ No sooner are tapp'd, but they give up the It's all a trick, these are all shams
ghost." By which they mean to cheat you ;
E, N, B.
ON A SQUINTING MAN.
Poets of old did Argus prize, To these their courts misguide you,
Because he had an hundred eyes, For you their horses are, and they
But sure more praise to him is due, The jockies that would ride you.
Who looks an bundred ways with two.
I adınire the man who exclaimed, “ I have lost a day !" because he had neglected to do any
good in the course of it; but another has obON A MISER.
served, that " the most lost of all days is that, They callid thee rich, I deem'd thee poor,
in which we have not laughed;" and I must Since, if thou dar dst not use thy store,
confess that I feel myself greatly of his opinion, But saved it only for thy heirs,
Farewell, then; I go, and fear not, whilst I
saunter through the busy haunts of men, that I The treasure was not thine-but theirs.
shall have to complain of having lost a day, be
cause I have not exercised my risible faculties, ON A STROLLING PLAYER.
It is my firm belief, that there is no worldly
concern worth being serious about, even if that I wander'd long with fortune mix'd,
concern is one's own, but when I see more than But now my residence is fix'd;
half the world, politicians especially, seriously Tho' oft I fail'd on earth to please you, busied about other people's affairs, and things Great benefits I hope from Jesu.
they do not in the least coinprehend, how can I
help laughing? I cannot; and the more serious My name—my country—what are they to thee?
they are, the more I will laugh. The moment I
leave my home, I shall call upon a next-door What—whether base or proud-my pedigree? neighbour of mine, a very opulent man, who Perhaps I far surpass'd all other men
never sits down to table without three courses. Perhaps I fell below them all-what then ? Well, I shall tind him as melancholy as a mouse Suffice it, stranger! that thou see'st a tomb- in a trap, coinplaining seriously of the high Thou knowost its use--it hides,no matter wbom. price of provisions. I keep my countenarice
as well as I can in his company, but the instant ON JOHN SPONG,
I leave him, I shall give way to my mirth, and, A Jobbing Carpenter, at Oakham, who died merry as a maggot in a cheese, jog on till i
come to a bookseller's shop. There I shall in 1736.
drop in--see some with newspapers in their
hands debating the news of the day, as if it was Who many a sturdy oak had laid along,
a matter of life and death; others looking over Fell'd by Death's surer hatchet, here lies Spong. the new publications, probably written by their Posts oft he made, but ne'er a place could get, intimate friends, and abusing them with all And liv'd by railing, tho' he was no wit:
the wild fury of intolerant criticisin, I cannot Old saws he had, altho' no antiquarian,
stay here long, as you'll at once suppose; and And stiles corrected, yet was no grammarian.
if it were not for a little pity and indignation, which mingle themselves with my propensities
to merriment, I should hardly wait to witness ON TWO POETS,
the folly I have described.-Away 1 go. Buried in the sume Grare.
*DEMOCRITUS, who was always laughing, lived
one hundred and nine years; Heraclitus, who Beneath one tomb, hore sleep two faithful friends, . never ceased crying, only sixty. Laughing then Constant thro' life, united in their ends;
is best; and to laugh at one another is perfectly Their studies, their amuseinents, were the same, justifiable, sinee we are told that the gods them
selves, though they made us as they pleased, Alike their genius, and alike their fame.
cannot help laughing at us.
TURKISH GALLANTRY.--The Ottoman bassador at Paris being one day engaged in conversation with a woman distinguished by
her wit and beauty, the female citizen was very Essay. .
severe upon the law of Mahomet, which per
mits his disciples to have four wives at once. LAUGHING.*
“ This law," replied the Ambassador, “ only enables us, Madam, to
in several wives what you
unite in one. I am going to lounge in the streets of London;
MONTESQUIEU.Dining, when in this counand, to tell the truth, I prefer them to the fields of the country. I am for nature's best works, try, at the Duke of Richmond's, the French and like to study mind rather than matter
. Envoy, a stupid fellow, insisted that England Men, women, and children are therefore always was not so large as the province of Guienne, more acceptable to me than all the hills, dales, till Montesquieu corrected his ignorance, and and limpid streams in the universe.
stopped his loquacity. In the evening, the