But who can tell what charms divine, THE PROCESSION OF THE MONTHS. In ancient times ere wand'ring Minstrels sung Who scal'd the mountains and who stemm'd the floods A scant precarious sustenance to gain, came To traverse earth-a strange and motley race, His dusky robe was ermin'd round with snow. And tears adown his rough, wan visage flow'd; Unwelcome guest on earth he was I ween- Peep'd smiling forth like Hope, through cloudiest scenes of life. Borne on fleet Eurus' wings next came in view And o'er his wrathful features spreads the storm. Anon he seem'd perplex'd with doubt and fear. With beauteous primrose tufts was gaily border'd [To be continued.] Wit DREAMS REVERSED.-When General Rwas quartered at a small town in Ireland, he and his lady were regularly besieged, whenever they got into their carriage, by an old beggar woman, who kept her post at the door, assailing them daily with fresh importunities, and fresh tales of distress. At last the general's charity, and lady's patience were nearly exhausted, though their petitioner's wit was still in its pristine vigour. One morning, at the accustomed hour, and close by the side of the carriage, the old woman began-"Agh! my lady: success to your ladyship, and success to your honor's honor this morning, of all the days in the year, for sure didn't I dream last night that her ladyship gave me a pound of ta (tea) and that your honour gave me a pound of tobacco?"-"But, my good woman," said the general, "don't you know that dreams always go by the rule of contrary?""Do they so, plase your honour?" rejoined the old woman; "then it must be your honour that will give me the ta, and her ladyship that will give me the 'bacco." Printed and Published for the Proprietors, by J. WHITE, 41, Holywell-street, Strand, and may be had of all Booksellers. VOL. I. No. 6.] TICKLER. LONDON, SATURDAY, MAY 1, 1819. Anecdotes. INGENIOUS DEVICE. A young Gentleman froin one of the Universities, on paying a visit to a Lady, a relation of his, in the country, found her in great affliction, for the loss of a ring of considerable value. She was certain that some of the servants must have got it, but she knew not against whom the accusation should be directed. The young gentleman, on hearing the circumstances, undertook the recovery of it, provided the lady would humour the stratagem he proposed to make use of; she readily consented. At dinner, therefore, the conversation turning upon the loss, the scholar boasted so much of his skill in the black art, that she, as they had previously agreed, desired him to exert it for the detection of the person who had stolen her ring. He promised to make the best exertion of his powers, and after dinner proceeded to business. He ordered a white cock to be procured, (no other colour would do) and a kettie to be placed on a table in the hall; the cock, he told them, was to be put under the kettle, adding, that all the servants, one after another, were to touch it, and that as soon as the guilty person laid his hand upon it, the cock would crow three times. Every thing being thus prepared with the greatest solemnity, the young gentleman opened the scene. The hall was darkened, and the procession began. As soon as they had each of them declared that they had fulfilled the directions given, and touched the cock, the light was restored, and the gentleman examined the hands of them all; he found all smutted except those of one servant, who had taken care not to touch the kettle, and was beginning to hug himself for having outwitted the conjuror, who, fixing upon this circumstance, charged him closely with the robbery; as he could not deny it, he fell down upon his knees and asked pardon of his mistress, which she granted upon the restoration of her ring. HARDENED VILLANY.-The following very remarkable anecdote was referred to by Mr. Williams, in his speech upon seconding Mr. Favell's motion for a Petition to the Legisla ture to revise the Criminal Code:-"Two men were once convicted of highway robbery before Judge Caulfield. When the Jury brought in their verdict of guilty, the elder of the two felons turned round to the younger, and, with a countenance expressive of the most diabolical rage, malice, and revenge, addressed his companion in the following manner: D▬▬▬n PRICE 6d. seize you, you hen-hearted villain! if it had not been for you, I would have sent the rascal to hell who bore witness against us. I would have murdered the villain, and then he could have told no tales. But you, you cowardly Scoundrel! persuaded me to let him go. You dog, if I be hanged, you will be hanged with me, and that is the only comfort and satisfaction I have. But good people, if any of my profession be among you, take warning by my example. If you rob a man, kill him on the spot; you will then be safe, for dead men tell, no tales. I have robbed many persons, and I may escape from prison and rob many more; and, by Heaven, the man I rob, I will surely murder. "May God visit the blood of the man you murder upon my head," said Judge Caul field. "Go, Mr. Sheriff, procure a carpenter, have a gallows erected, and a coffin made, on the very spot where the monster stands; for from this Bench I will not remove, until I see him executed; as for the young man, whose heart, though corrupted by the influence of this infernal wretch. still retained the principles of humanity, he shall not perish with him; I must, indeed, pass upon him the sentence the law requires; but I will respite him, and use my influence with the crown to pardon him.This hoary villain shall not, therefore, have the satisfaction his malignant heart has anticipated." The Sheriff obeyed the order—a gallows was erected in the Court-house, and in the presence of the Judge, the Jury, and the people, the unparalleled monster ascended the scaffold, cursing and blaspheming even to the moment when he was launched into eternity!" SIR GODFREY KNELLER.-When Sir Godfrey came into very high reputation, a certain Alderman came to be painted by this artist, and as usual, paid him down half the price in guineas. Sir Godfrey, after several times touching the canvas with the chalk, and rubbing it out, very deliberately laid it aside; and pulling out the guineas he had just received, desired the Alderman to repocket them. The latter staring, "For what did you give me those guineas?" said Sir Godfrey.-"To draw my face, to be sure," answered the other.-"But by G-, (replied the painter) you have no face to draw; get you gone, get you gone." THE DUKE OF GRAFTON.-The late Duke of Grafton, in hunting, was one day thrown into a ditch; at the same instant a horseman, calling out, "Lie still my Lord!" leaped over his Grace and pursued his sport. When the Duke's attendants came up, he inquired of them who that person was: and being told it was a young curate in the neigbourhood, his Grace replied, He shall have the first good living that falls: had he stopped to take care of me, I would never have given him any thing as long as he had lived." Of so much consequence it is to hit the particular turn of a patron. HENRY THE FOURTH OF FRANCE.-Henry the Fourth, on declaring war against Spain, had some thoughts of abolishing the land tax. Sully asked him where he should then be able to find the money he wanted for carrying on the war. "In the hearts of my people," replied Henry; "they are a treasure which can, never fail me.' GEORGICAL ANECDOTE.—An opulent farmer, tenant of a noble Lord (Gage) who rented nearly a thousand a year on the estate of the latter in Sussex, previous to the falling in of a lease of a smaller farm adjoining, of the rent of 801. lately applied for the lease of it, offering 1301, The terms were accepted, and he had the farm. Soon after the original possessor applied for a renewal, and had the mortification to hear it was disposed of; in vain he pleaded that his family had been in possession of it for nearly a century, and that the rents had been always regularly paid; the new lease was signed, and could not be cancelled: how ever, his Lordship told the man to call in a few days, and he would think of accommodating him; this he did, and was then informed, that, as some kind of recompense for having lost his small farm, if he chose, he might have the lease of the large one, which was nearly expired. This offer appeared of a magnitude which at first staggered the applicant, till he was further told that whatever money he might be in want of, as necessary to so extensive an undertaking, he should be accommodated with. The bargain was on these terms acceded to, no doubt with gratitude on the part of the tenant, and not less heartfelt satisfaction on that of the Roble Landlord, who had thus an opportunity the next day of informing the avaricious speculator, in turn, that the lease of his farm was disposed of, and that to the very man he had been so active to deprive of the means of procuring an honest subsistence! - Ye Landholders throughout the country, go and do likewise! A SCOTCH CLERGYMAN, whose wife was a descendant of the famous Xantippe, in going through a course of lectures on the Revelations of St. John, imbibed from this abstruse writer opinion that the sex had no souls, and were incapable of future punishment. It was no soouer known in the country, that he maintained this doctrine, than he was summoned before a presbytery of his brethren, to be dealt with according to his delinquency. When he appeared at the bar, they asked him, if he really held so heretical an opinion. He told them plainly he did. On desiring to be informed of his reason for so doing-"In the Revelation of St. John the Divine, (said he) you will find this passage, And there was silence in Heaven for about half an hour'. Now, I appeal to all of you, whether that could have happened, had there been any women there; and Charity forbids us to imagine that they were in a worse place; thereby it follows, that they have no immortal part, and are exempted from being accountable for all the noise and disturbance they have raised in this world." Blunders. A fashionable tradesman from London set up a dashing shop in the country, for the sale of men's shoes and boots ready made; and, either to shew his learning, or to puzzle the public, he had a few words of Latin, from a well-known classic, on his sign-board-“ Mens Conscia Recti," &c.—(The upright mind, &c.) Whether it was owing to his learning or his superior craft, we know not; but his opposite neighbour, who was also a cordwainer, found many of his customers go over to the enemy, and attributing the circumstance to the mys terious words, "Conscia Recti," which he imagined to be some new dandy name for shoes, he hit upon the ingenious expedient of having painted in double capitals over his own shop door-" Men and Women's Conscia Recti sold here.” . An honest Hibernian, whose bank poeket (to use his own phrase) had stopt payment, was forced to the sad necessity of perambulating the streets of Edinburgh two nights together, for want of a few pence to pay his lodgings; when, accidentally hearing a person talk of the Lying-in hospital, he exclaimed, "That's the place for me! where is it, honey? for I have been lying out these two nights past." IGNORANCE.-A person speaking of a book, said he found it so bad, that he did not give himself the trouble to read it. NUPTIAL REPARTED. CHARLES to the altar led the lovely JANE, her. Replied, "My dear, I'd rather have a daughter.” Dr. Franklin speaking of a friend of his, who had been a Manchester dealer, said, "that he never sold a piece of tape narrower than his own mind." LOSS OF CHARACTER.-"Sir," observed a publican of Doncaster, to a man notorious for Bever speaking the truth, " 'you have taken away my character." "How so," said the other; I never mentioned your name in my life." "No matter for that," replied Boniface; "before you came here I was reckoned the greatest liar in the place." CHEERFUL DIVINE.-A very worthy Clergyman, affectionately attached to his family, was asked by a friend, if his daughter, who was known to be near her confinement, was yet put to bed? "Yes," replied the Doctor, "I you, she is." "And what is the result?" Why, my dear Sir," returned the cheerful Divine, "she has had her labour for her thank pains." GEORGE SELWYN.-Formerly, when debates ran high against the influence of the Crown, and the patriots insisted much on the majesty of the people, George Selwyn, happening with sume friends to meet a party of chimneysweeper's boys, decorated with gilt paper and other ludicrous ornaments, exclaimed, "I have often heard of the majesty of the people, but never before had the pleasure of seeing any of their young Princes!" WHISTON. The celebrated Whiston dining with Lady Jekyll, sister to Lord Somers; she asked him why God Almighty made woman out of the rib? Whiston, after reflecting a moment, replied "Indeed, my Lady, I don't know; except it was because the rib is the crookedest part of the body.' The Spaniards do not often pay hyperbolical compliments; but one of their admired writers, speaking of a Lady's black eyes, says, "They were in mourning for the murders she had Committed." A French poet carries this image still higher in a little epigrammatic verse, on a Lady who had a blood-shot eye "Oh, let it be said, thine eye is all red, Burlesque. EPITAPH ON A DRUNKARD. Here rests his head upon an empty cask, A youth to water and small beer unknown; Blythe BACCHUS hail'd his birth with many a flask, And port and brandy mark'd him for their own. Large were his cellars, and his bins well stor'd, Or draw his bottles from their dread abode; Characters. LIEUT.-COL. O'DOGHERTY.-Died a short time since at Nelter, near Landrake, Lieut.-Col. O'Dogherty, of the Royal Marines, one of the most eccentric characters, perhaps, in England, who for more than twenty years, occasionally visited Plymouth-Market, on an old. white horse, lean as Rosinante, whose lank His appearance, combined with his own singular habiliments, formed together a spectacle of wretchedness fully equal to any thing described of the celebrated ELWES. "In his last visit to Plymouth, a short time since," says the Plymouth Telegraph, “he seated himself on the steps of a door to eat an apple. dress consisted of a dirty night-cap round his head, surmounted by the poll of an old hat, without a brim; a rough waistcoat, patched all over; greasy small-clothes, kept up by listing braces, outside the waistcoat, with wads of straw round the bottoms of his legs. In his hand he wielded a large hedge-stake. Amidst all this seeming. penury, he possessed sonia very excellent freehold estates in the above parish, well stocked; yet he chose to quit the family mansion, and lived in a small cottage in its vicinity, without a pane of glass in the windows; he nightly entered it by a ladder, which he drew after him, and slept in a corner of one of the rooms, upon a wretched pallet.The anecdotes in circulation, respecting this extraordinary man, are many and curious, and well merit to be recorded as a supplement to the history of human nature." HONOURABLE CONDUCT.-Previous, to the decease of Colonel O'Dogherty (whose eccentricities are noticed in the above sketch) he made his will, by which, after bequeathing £1000 in legacies to various persons, he left the residue, amounting at least to £40,000 to Charles Carpenter, Esq. of Moditonham. At this gentleman's request, two of the neighbouring magistrates, Mr. Arundel, of Landulph, and Mr. Tucker, of Trematon Castle, attended the funeral, after which they accompanied him to read the will to Colonel O'Dogherty's son, and three unmarried daughters, who were not even mentioned init. When his will was read, Mr. Carpenter, in the handsomest manner, renounced all his right and title to the property bequeathed, which he immediately assigned over to the Colonel's four children, to be divided between them in such proportions as Mr. Charles Rashleigh, formerly a trustee in the family, should direct. What adds more credit, if possible, to Mr. Carpenter's conduct on this occasion, is the fact, that when an express reached Redruth, where he then was, with Col. O'Dogherty's will, he, without loss of time, and least an accident might occur before he returned home, executed a codicil to his own will, wherein he gave all the property bestowed upon him to the Colonel's children.Traits of character like these require no eulogy -they speak for themselves. Chronology. 1208 London's first free Charter for electing its own Magistrates, was obtained. 1212 London bridge was built of stone. 1234 Straw was used for the King's bed. 1246 Most of the houses of London were covered with thatch. 1266 Cities and boroughs were first represent ed in parliament. 1299 Spectacles and windmills were invented. 1840 The convenience of chimnies was not known, but every family sat round a stove, in the middle of a smoky house. Wine was only then sold by apothecaries, as a cordial. The houses were all of wood, and it was reckoned a kind of luxury to ride in a twowheeled cart. 1302 The mariner's compass was invented, by The clock has just struck two; the expiring taper rises and sinks in the socket; the watchman forgets the hour in slumber; the laborious and the happy are at rest: nothing wakes, but meditation, guilt, revelry, and despair. The drunkard once more fills the destroying bowl; the robber walks his midnight round; and the suicide lifts his guilty arm against his own sacred person. Let me no longer waste the night over the page of antiquity, or the sallies of cotemporary genius, but pursue the solitary walk, where vanity, ever changing, but a few hours past, walked before me; where she kept up the pageant, and now, like a froward child, seems hushed with her own importunities. What a gloom hangs all around! The dying lamp feebly emits a yellow gleam; no sound is heard, but of the chiming clock, or the distant watch-dog; all the bustle of human pride is forgotten: an hour like this may well display the emptiness of human vanity. |