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the banks of the Nith, which somehow or other fell into the hands of ill Jock B

Ballað. Slander would insinuate that the

poor simple man was fraudulently bereaved of his posses. sions by the crafty lawyer, but I cannot afford the report any degree of credit. Jock cer

BY THOMAS MOORE, ESQ. tainly was a fellow of uncommon parts, shrewd, penetrating, and decisive, and well TIIOU hast sent me a flowery band, deserved the many favours which fortune That the leaves were untouch'd by the hand,

And told me 'twas fresh from the field; showered on his superior genius; but he had

And the purest of odours would yield. the misfortune to incur the displeasure of that class of mankind commonly called the vulgar, And indeed it is fragrant and fair; who scrupled not to vilify his character in But, if it were handled by thee, the broad face of day, and even hinted that it would bloom with a livelier air, he had dealings with the devil. Be that as And would surely be sweeter to me! it will, Robin saddled all his misfortunes on Jock's back. For many years previous to his Then take it, and let it entwine dissolution, our merchant was in the constant Thy tresses, so flowing and bright; habit of going on a pilgrimage to Tevery

And each little floweret will shine twelve months at least, for the express pur.

More rich than a gem to my sight. pose of giving vent to his wrath; and, what Let the odorous gale of thy breatha is very remarkable, on these solemn occasions

Embalm it with many a sigh; no sort of illiberal abuse was poured forth; Nay, let it be withered to death on the contrary his soliloquy was temperate, Beneath the warm poon of thine oye. though very laconic and pregnant with meaning, being comprised in a single word three And, instead of the dow that it bears, tines repeated. On approaching the gate, The dew dropping fresh from the tree; Robin caused his ass to face about, I suppose On its leaves let me number the tears for the purpose of bearing witness of what That Affection has stolen from thee! was about to be done ; and steadfastly setting his

eyes upon the mansion where the supposed Anthor of his wrongs resided, he cried with all his might “ Robbery! robbery! robbery!"

Bon Mots. The gall of bitterness being expended in these three vollies, Robin Wightman betook MATRIMONY.-In a village of Picardy, him to his wonted courses, till such time as recollection thoroughly fermented his passions, into a lethargy. Her husband was willing;

after a long sickness, a farmer's wife fell and then the same scene was acted.

To enumerate the many rural tales told of good man, to believe her out of pain; and Robin and his ass would be a long-winded she was wrapped in a sheet, and carried out

so, according to the custom of that country, task indeed, therefore will I close the dis- to be buried, But as ill luck would have course by cherishing a hope that their names will long live on the tongue of rustic tradi- that the thorns pierced the sheet, and waked

it, the bearers carried her so near a hedge, tion. Indeed, 1 an almost of opinion that the woman from her trance. Some years the memory of two such characters, whose harmless and inoffensive lives contributed so much to the amusement of no less than to four * This ballad was probably suggested by the counties, is more worthy of being treasured following Epigram

in MARTIAL : up in our hearts than that of an Alexander, Intactas quare mittis mihi, Polla, coronas, whose name ought to rot in the grave with

A te vexatas malo tenere rosas.
T.M.C.

Epig. xc. lib. II.-E.

his bones.*

GLOSSARY.

Reekie lun-Smoaky Chimney.
Lang luggit-long eared.
Clogs-shoes with wooden soles.
Kittle—when applied to a question in arithmetic,

signifies deep.
Caulk and keel-white and red chalk.
Clachan callaos-village youths.
Rain, rain'd cauld an Trost an' snaw on ilka hill

is part of a very ancient song, called “Take your old Cloak about ye"-The meaning of the Words is-rain raiu'd cold, and frost and show on every hill,

Chaunter—the whistle of a Highlander's bag-pipe.
Robin's speech to Lord E may be translated

thus-Indeed, I am not to blame; suppose
you were one ass and I another, would I not
be a strange brute indeed, if you cried over
the fence to me, and I made no answer. I am
sure the poor things are blood relations, they
seem so glad to see one another; and I dare
say they can converse in their own language as
well as we can in our's. It would be a crying
sin indeed to slay a poor dumb beast for going
to : ee his relations,

2

OR THE MAN OF REAL ELEGANCE.

after, she died in reality; and as the funeral passed along, the husband would every now and then call out, “ Not too near the hedge,

Characters. not too near the hedge, neighbours !

EUGENIO, PRECEDENCE.-A lawyer and a physi. cian having a dispute about precedency, referred the cause to Diogenes, who gave sentence in favour of the lawyer, saying, “Let EUGENIO is blest with a grace in con. the thief go before, and the executioner versation, and a taste in society, superior to follow."

any man with whom I hail ever the lapp

ness to be acquainted. There arises from THE JUDGE AND THE WITNESS.

the vivacity of his fancy, the delicacy of Among the many anecdotes which the great unaffect-d, arrangement of his words, -de

his sentiments, and the beautiful, though Lord Mansfield used to relate, was the fol- livered with freedom of countenance and lowing :-A St. Giles's bird appeared as an

sweetness of voice,-such an ivexpressible evidence before him in some trial concerning a quarrel, and so confounded his lord- of all who hear him.

charm as pleasingly bewitches the attention ship with his slang, that he was obliged to dismiss him without getting any information the most becoming air of gravity and reflec

He can discant upon serious affairs with from him. He was desired to give an account of all he knew about the business

. tion, without the least mixture of austerity, “Why, my lord," said he, “as I was coming

or philosophical affectation ; and, in the to round the corner of the street, I stagged the raise innocent and instructive mirth from

more easy hours of social pleasure, he can man.” –“ Pray,” said

lord Mansfield, “what the slightest accident that happens, and conis stagging a man?"-"Stagging, my lord; vert the most common subjects into a thouwhy you see I was down upon him.-.Well, sand pleasantries of wit and humour. but I don't understand down upon him any

One would imagine that Shakespeare had more than stagging, Do speak to be under- been acquainted with such a man, when he stood."--"Why, an't please your lordship, drew in so lively a manner the character of I speak as well as I can. I was up, you see Biron in Love's Labour Lost. to all he knew."-" To all he knew I am as much in the dark as ever."-"Well, then,

A merrier man, my lord, l'll tell you how it was."-Do so. “ Within the limits of becoming mirth,

Why, my lord, seeing as how he was a rum I never spent an hour's talk withal. kid, I was one upon his tibby." The fellow • Jlis eye begets occasion for his wit; was at length sent out of court, and was

“ For every object that the one doth catch, heard to say to one of his coinpanions, that

“ The other turns to a mirth-moving jest,

" Which his fair tongue (conceit's expositor) he had gloriously queered old full-bottom.

“ Delivers in such apt and gracious words,

“That aged ears play truant at his tales, THE JUDGE AND THE CULPRIT. " And younger hearings are quite ravisbed;

“ So sweet and valuable is his discourse." The great lord chief justice Holt, when young, was very extravagant, and belonged

But Eugenio's chief excellence consists to a club of wild fellows, most of whom

in addressing the fair; then, as old Homer took to an infamons course of life. When his lordship was engaged at the Old Bailey, says, I have heard words flow from him a man was tried and convicted of a robbery “ Soft as the fleeces of descending snow," on the bigb way, whom the judge remembered to have been one of his old compani. or, as Dryden has beautifully copied and Moved by that curiosity which is na

improved the same idea, when he applies it to tural on a retrospection of past life, Holt the soft subject of which I am speaking, in his thinking the fellow did not know him, Spanish Fryar, making Leonora describe the asked what was become of such and such

aildresses of Torrimond in the following

manner : of his old associates. The culprit, making a low bow, and fetching a deep, sigh, said, “ But when he spoke, what tender words he said! • Ab, my lord ! they are all hanged but “So soft, that like the flakes of feather'd snow, your lordship and I."

« They melted as they fell."

This happy art, of softly breathing the A GENTLEMAN on going out shooting one fervour of one soul into another, is so pe frosty morning, desired his friend to lend him culiar to Eugenio, that insensibility berself, sumie money." That,” said he, “is needless, in the shape of a woman, might lose her for if you have any thing to pay, you can nature in hearing, and learn to feel, sbould leave your gun tu dischurge the shot." he atteinpt the miracle.

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Erwan Her tongue might more reform the age trust which is still current in the city :

I hare often observed, that this enchant-
ing talent in conversation prevails only in

Epitaphs.
those of our sex, who have conversed much
with the sensible part of the other. Otway
therefore justly says,

ON DOCTOR FRANKLIN.
"We had been Brutes without them.”

Here lies the Body of
BEN FRANKLIN,

Printer.
Like the cover of an old book,

Its contents worn out
Epigrams.

And stript of its lettering and gilding,

Lies here, food for worms.
Yet the work shall not be lost;

But it shall, as he believed,
TO A PIRATING POET.

Once more appear,
WE grant the strains that you rehearse

In a new and beautiful edition,
Are all original and new ;

Corrected and revised by
The ancients peep'd into your verse,

THE AUTHOR.
And stole feloniously from you.

IN ST. NICHOLS' CHURCH.YARD,

NOTTS.
ON A LADY.

HERE lies a Marksman, who with art and skill,
YE graceless wits, who neither praise

When young and strong, fat Bucks and Does did The ladies nor the Lord,

kill. Behold a nyinph who well may stand

Now conquer'd by grim death-go reader, tell it, An angel on record.

He's now ta'en leave of powder. gun, and pellet:

A fatal dart, which in the dark did fly,
No railing rake, nor flatt'ring fop,

Has dropt him down among the dead to lie.
Attends her chaste levee,

If any want to know the poor slave's name, No scandal, twice or thrice refin'd,

'Twas old Tom Booth-ne'er ask from whence Adds sweetness to her tea.

he came.
She ne'er upon her sex's faults,
A fruitful theme did preach;

IN ST. MARTIN'S CHURCH-YARD,
Nor wound the lovely excellence

STAMFORD.
That she could never reach.

EARTH walks upon earth, glitt'ring like gold;
Nay, I believe, that like the saint, *

Earth goes to earth sooner than it would; (Such grace to her is given),

Earth builds upon earth, castles and towers; She would not tell a single fib,

Says the earth to the earth, all shall be ours,

We live and die, and hope to live eternally.
To gain a seat in Heav'n.
Than sermons once a week;

ON JOSEPH CRUMP, a Musician
And so it would-but ah! the day!
Poor Celia cannot speak.t

ONCE ruddy and plump,
But now a pale lump,
Beneath this safe hump,

Lies honest Joe CRUMP,
passion of English travellers for in Who wish'd to his neighbour no evil;
pribing their names on the ruins of Athens, What, tho' by Death's thump,
bas been (not very] happily ridiculed by an

He's laid on his rump,
English officer, in the following Epigram,

Yet up he shall jump,

When he bears the last trump,

And triumph o'er Death and the Devil.
Fair Albion smiling sees her son depart,
To trace the birth and nursery of art;
Noble his object, glorious is his aim,

IN ST. MARY'S CHURCH-YARD, SOUTH. lle comes to Athens, and he writes--his pame!

AMPTON.
was answered by Lord Byron, HERE lies interred beneath this stone

A man to cruelty and fear unknown

He died a martyr to a disorder,
This modest bard, like many a bard unknown,

Which very near on gout did horder,
Rhymes on our names, but wisely hides his own; It took him off just in the year
But yet, whoe'er he be, to say no worse,

When he had lost two children dear,
His name would sound much better than his verse.

Which very much his frame did hurt
Until it laid him in the dirt.
He died, but yet will rise again.
God rest his soul, and so Amen

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ON ONE WHO SUBSISTED ON ALE.

make her a happy wife-the false swain had

each time deceived the fond fair one, who was HERE old John Randul lies, who telling of his tale,

at last persuaded by a friend, that the cryer Liv'd three-score years and ten,--such virtue might bring the deceiver to a sense of hovor: was in ale.

the bell-man, in consequence, was employed Ale was his meat, ale was his drink, Ale did his to state particulars, and offer a reward for heart revive,

tidings of the runaway. And if he could bare drank his ale, he still had been alive.

AMONG the costly rarities in the dessert at IN A CHURCH YARD IN NORFOLK.

an entertainment lately given by Sir Charles hace Morgan, were sixty plates of strawberries

, HERE lies Matthew Mud,

which cost one guinea a plate-Proh Pudor!
Death did him no hurt;
When alive he was MUD,
And now dead he's but dirt.

SCOTCH BULL.

IN the 26th number of Blackwood's Magao sa has Inscription.

zine, the following notice under the head of Literary and Scientific intelligence may be perceived by the learned and curious. “Steam

boat.--A trial was made at Milan, on the 19th IN MEMORY OF JOHN FISHER,

of February, with a boat on a new construcWho was drowned in the river Witham (near tion, which moves either with or against the

Langrick Ferry) by the overselting of a stream, by means of machinery, without the date pleasure Boat, on Good Friday, April 16ch aid of steam, moved by the power of six men, 1813, in the 21st yeur of his aye.

carrying a load of one half of its own weight Here mortal stop,--and pass not on,

which is stated to have answered every ex• But deign to heave a sigh ;

pectation, Bravo! a eteam-boat without Beneath this monumental stone

steam!
Lamented relics lie.
A dutcous son, of parents kind,
Whom no fond love could save,

A DEAR KISS.
Was doom'd in flower of youth, to find,
Hard fate-a watery grave.

WILLIAM ANDREWS was, the other day,
W. H. fincd twenty shillings by two magistrates of thing

Pershore, Scotland, for rudely kissing in the
street a servant maid in the middle of the

day.
Miscellanies.

A MODEST HAIR DRESSER.
SINGULAR MARRIAGES.

A SHREWSBURY

paper

contains an adrer. WHEN the Rev. J. Clark, late master of the tisement from a “prize hair-dresser," who Charter-house, in Hull, was Curate of St. after returning thanks for favours received, Trinity, four couple were married by him thus eloquently proceeds :-" He is returned at the same time, and the following odd from London, where his luxurious fancy has circumstances attended each.With regard to been ardently employed in sources of new the first couple, the bridegroom had forgot to discovery for the embellishment of his volabring a ring, in consequence of which he was ries; but as there are arrogant and empyrical obliged to borrow one; the bride of the se- pretenders in his immediate neighbourhood

, cond had lost that finger upon which the ring it is an imperative duty to caution. It is disis commonly put; a man, violently shaking tressing to witness the havoc those voracious the iron gates leading into the church, said and superficial quacks make on a head of bair. aloud, that the third bride had already a hus- - Pyke's abilities are amply sufficient to exband, and with regard to the fourth, one of cite the envy of a certain professional calumthe bridegrooms implored the parson to be niator.” quick as the bride was in labour. MALFORMATIONS. - Dr. Orrey, in the

1 MATRIMONIAL DISAPPOINTMENT. Supplementary Journal of the Dictionary of

Medical Sciences, gives an account of two A FAIR tapstress at one of the houses of children, who each present six fingers and six public resort in Cheltenham, has been thrice toes on their different extremities. They were led to church within the last month, by the completely idiotic, and their limbs had alpromises of a favourite lover, to meet and quired an undue development

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the expence of the head and trunk; their paidéer, rents were in every respect naturally formed.

M. Bidault de Villiers mentions another vaa un riety of sex digital malformation - hitherto unannoticed, which consisted in the existence of a en is supernumerary thumb; this like all the fingers

of a similar nature, was smaller than its asso-
eiate. It had a phalanx susceptible of flexion
on any external impulse, and was not articu-
lated with the metacarpal bone. It was re-
moved by an operation.

"Yes," says Strange (rather sore) “ I'm sure there's one Moore,

" A most terrible knave and a bite, " Who cheated his mother, “ His sister and brother, " O, yes,

reply'd Moore, that is Wright."

Satire.

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WHAT IS LIFE!
SAILORS.

LINES TO
A CURIOUS HANDBILL OP A SLOPSELLER IN HULL.

“And do you ask me“ what is Life?"
B-Y, mercer and sea draper, High-street,

And do you ask me " what is pleasure ?"-IL Hall . Sailors rigged complete frou stem to

My muse and I are not at strife, Carstwie stern, viz. chapean, mapeau, flying-gib, and

So listen lady, to my measure: flesh-jack; inner pea, outer pea, and cord de

Listen amid thy graceful leisure, fender; rudder-case and service to the same,

To what is Life,-and what is pleasure: ca 4 up-traders, down-traders, fore-shoes, lacings,

"Tis Life to see the first dawn stain

With sallow light the window pane;
Vad gaskets, &c. &c.
With canvas bags,

To dress-ato wear a rough drab coat,
To hold your cags,

With large pearl buttons all afloat
And chests to sit upon ;

Upon the waves of plush:- To tie
Clasp knives, your meat

A kerchief of the king-cup dye,
To cut and eat

(White spotted with a small bird's eye,)
When ship does lay along.

Around the neck,--and from ibe napu
Let fall an easy fan-like cape:

To quit the house at morning's prime,
CHINESE COLONY IN BRAZIL.-A co-

At six or so-about the time
lony of twelve Chinese, established in Brazil

When watchmen, couscious of the day, since the residence there of the King of Por

Puff out their lanthorn's rushlight ray;-mgal, have devoted themselves with so much

Just when the silent streets are strewni success in the cultivation of tea, that there are

With level shadows, and the moon in the now three thousand trees in full bearing.

Takes the day's wink and walks aside
To nurse a pap tilleventide.

"Tis life to reach the livery stable,
SIGHT PRESERVERS. A gentleman has

Secure the ribbons and the day-bill, invented a machine to take the glare of white

And mount a gig that had a spring

Some summers back, and then take wing paper or needlework, and which cools and

Behind, (in Mr. Hamlet's tongue.) sostens the rays of light issuing from a lamp

A jade, whose“ withers are unwrung;" or candle. It sheds a delicate tinge of green

Who stands erect, and yet forlorn, upon any substance placed within its influence,

And from a half-pay life of corn, and renders print, however small, quite dis

Shewing as many points each way,
tinct by candle light.

As Martial's Epigrammata;
Yet, who, when set a going, goes

Like one undestined to repose.
The following item was delivered in a far.

"Tis Life to revel down the road,
mer's bill, to a gentleman in this neighbour-

And qucer each o'er-fraught chaise's load; hood a few days since :-“ To curing your

To rave and rattle at the gate,
honour's mare till she died_12s.6d." Bris-

And shower upon the yatherer's pate;
Danıns by the dozens, and such speeches
As well betoken one's slung riches :-
To take of Deady's bright stark naked,

A glass or so,-'tis life to take it!
Puns.

To see the Hurst with tents encampt on;
Lurk around Lawrence's at Hainpłon:
Join the flash crowd, (the horse being led

Into the yard, and clean'd, and fed ;)
THE PUNSTERS.

Talk to Dav' Hudson, and Cy' Davis,
At a tavern one night,

(The last a fighting rara avis.)
Messieurs Moore, Strange, and Wright, And, half in secret, scheme a plan
Met to drink and good thoughts to exchange: For taking the hardy Gus-light Man,

'lis Life to cross the laden ferry,
Says Moore, of us three,

With boon companions, wild and merry, . The whole town will agree,

And see the ring upon the Hurst
“ There is only one knave, and that's
Strange.

With carts encircled-hear the burst

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