the banks of the Nith, which somehow or other fell into the hands of ill Jock BSlander would insinuate that the poor simple man was fraudulently bereaved of his posses sions by the crafty lawyer, but I cannot afford the report any degree of credit. Jock certainly was a fellow of uncommon parts, shrewd, penetrating, and decisive, and well deserved the many favours which fortune showered on his superior genius; but he had the misfortune to incur the displeasure of that class of mankind commonly called the vulgar, who scrupled not to vilify his character in the broad face of day, and even hinted that he had dealings with the devil. Be that as it will, Robin saddled all his misfortunes on Jock's back. For many years previous to his dissolution, our merchant was in the constant habit of going on a pilgrimage to T-every twelve months at least, for the express pur pose of giving vent to his wrath; and, what is very remarkable, on these solemn occasions no sort of illiberal abuse was poured forth; on the contrary his soliloquy was temperate, though very laconic and pregnant with meaning, being comprised in a single word three times repeated. On approaching the gate, Robin caused his ass to face about, I suppose for the purpose of bearing witness of what was about to be done; and steadfastly setting his eyes upon the mansion where the supposed author of his wrongs resided, he cried with all his might "Robbery! robbery! robbery!" The gall of bitterness being expended in these three vollies, Robin Wightman betook him to his wonted courses, till such time as recollection thoroughly fermented his passions, and then the same scene was acted. To enumerate the many rural tales told of Robin and his ass would be a long-winded task indeed, therefore will I close the discourse by cherishing a hope that their names will long live on the tongue of rustic tradition. Indeed, I am almost of opinion that the memory of two such characters, whose harmless and inoffensive lives contributed so much to the amusement of no less than to four counties, is more worthy of being treasured up in our hearts than that of an Alexander, whose name ought to rot in the grave with his bones.* Reekie lum-Smoaky Chimney. T. M. C. Ballad. BY THOMAS MOORE, ESQ. THOU hast sent me a flowery band, And told me 'twas fresh from the field; That the leaves were untouch'd by the hand, And the purest of odours would yield. And indeed it is fragrant and fair; But, if it were handled by thee, It would bloom with a livelier air, And would surely be sweeter to me! Then take it, and let it entwine Thy tresses, so flowing and bright; And, instead of the dew that it bears, The dew dropping fresh from the tree; On its leaves let me number the tears That Affection has stolen from thee! Bon Mots. MATRIMONY.—In a village of Picardy, into a lethargy. Her husband was willing, after a long sickness, a farmer's wife fell good man, to believe her out of pain; and she was wrapped in a sheet, and carried out so, according to the custom of that country, to be buried, But as ill luck would have it, the bearers carried her so near a hedge, that the thorns pierced the sheet, and waked the woman from her trance. Some years * This ballad was probably suggested by the following Epigram in MARTIAL: Intactas quare mittis mihi, Polla, coronas, GLOSSARY.* Kittle when applied to a question in arithmetic, signifies deep. Caulk and keel-white and red chalk. Rain, rain'd cauld an' frost an' snaw on ilka hill -is part of a very ancient song, called "Take your old Cloak about ye"-The meaning of the words is-rain raiu'd cold, and frost and snow on every hill. Epig. xc. lib. 11.—E. I am Chaunter-the whistle of a Highlander's bag-pipe. Robin's speech to Lord E- may be translated thus-Indeed, I am not to blame; suppose you were one ass and I another, would I not be a strange brute indeed, if you cried over the fence to me, and I made no answer. sure the poor things are blood relations, they seem so glad to see one another; and I dare say they can converse in their own language as well as we can in our's. It would be a crying sin indeed to slay a poor dumb beast for going to see his relations. after, she died in reality; and as the funeral passed along, the husband would every now and then call out, "Not too near the hedge, not too near the hedge, neighbours ! PRECEDENCE.-A lawyer and a physician having a dispute about precedency, referred the cause to Diogenes, who gave sentence in favour of the lawyer, saying, "Let the thief go before, and the executioner follow." THE JUDGE AND THE WITNESS.Among the many anecdotes which the great Lord Mansfield used to relate, was the following:-A St. Giles's bird appeared as an evidence before him in some trial concerning a quarrel, and so confounded his lordship with his slang, that he was obliged to dismiss him without getting any information from him. He was desired to give an account of all he knew about the business. "Why, my lord," said he, "as I was coming round the corner of the street, I stagged the man."—"Pray," said lord Mansfield, "what is stagging a man?"-" Stagging, my lord; why you see I was down upon him."—" Well, but I don't understand down upon him any more than stagging, Do speak to be understood."-"Why, an't please your lordship, I speak as well as I can. I was up, you see to all he knew."-" To all he knew? I am as much in the dark as ever."-" Well, then, my lord, I'll tell you how it was."-Do so.' "Why, my lord, seeing as how he was a rum kid, I was one upon his tibby." The fellow was at length sent out of court, and was heard to say to one of his companions, that he had gloriously queered old full-bottom. THE JUDGE AND THE CULPRIT.— The great lord chief justice Holt, when young, was very extravagant, and belonged to a club of wild fellows, most of whom took to an infamons course of life. When his lordship was engaged at the Old Bailey, a man was tried and convicted of a robbery on the high way, whom the judge remembered to have been one of his old companions. Moved by that curiosity which is natural on a retrospection of past life, Holt thinking the fellow did not know him, asked what was become of such and such of his old associates. The culprit, making a low bow, and fetching a deep sigh, said, "Ah, my lord! they are all hanged but your lordship and I." Characters. EUGENIO, OR THE MAN OF REAL ELEGANCE. EUGENIO is blest with a grace in con. versation, and a taste in society, superior to any man with whom I had ever the happiness to be acquainted. There arises from the vivacity of his fancy, the delicacy of unaffected, arrangement of his words,-dehis sentiments, and the beautiful, though livered with freedom of countenance and sweetness of voice,-such an inexpressible charm as pleasingly bewitches the attention of all who hear him. the most becoming air of gravity and reflec He can discant upon serious affairs with tion, without the least mixture of austerity, or philosophical affectation; and, in the raise innocent and instructive mirth from more easy hours of social pleasure, he can the slightest accident that happens, and consand pleasantries of wit and humour. vert the most common subjects into a thou One would imagine that Shakespeare had drew in so lively a manner the character of been acquainted with such a man, when he Biron in Love's Labour Lost. -A merrier man, "Within the limits of becoming mirth, "I never spent an hour's talk withal. "His eye begets occasion for his wit; "For every object that the one doth catch, "The other turns to a mirth-moving jest, "Which his fair tongue (conceit's expositor) "Delivers in such apt and gracious words, "That aged ears play truant at his tales, "And younger hearings are quite ravished; "So sweet and valuable is his discourse." But Eugenio's chief excellence consists in addressing the fair; then, as old Homer says, I have heard words flow from him "Soft as the fleeces of descending snow," or, as Dryden has beautifully copied and improved the same idea, when he applies it to the soft subject of which I am speaking, in his Spanish Fryar, making Leonora describe the addresses of Torrimond in the following manner: "But when he spoke, what tender words he said! "So soft, that like the flakes of feather'd snow, "They melted as they fell." This happy art, of softly breathing the fervour of one soul into another, is so peculiar to Eugenio, that insensibility herself, in the shape of a woman, might lose her nature in hearing, and learn to feel, should he attempt the miracle. I have often observed, that this enchanting talent in conversation prevails only in those of our sex, who have conversed much with the sensible part of the other. Otway therefore justly says, "We had been Brutes without them." Epigrams. TO A PIRATING POET. WE grant the strains that you rehearse * ON A LADY. YE graceless wits, who neither praise No railing rake, nor flatt'ring fop, She ne'er upon her sex's faults, Nay, I believe, that like the saint,* Her tongue might more reform the age THE passion of English travellers for inscribing their names on the ruins of Athens, has been [not very] happily ridiculed by an English officer, in the following Epigram,. which is still current in the city: Fair Albion smiling sees her son depart, He comes to Athens, and he writes-his name! This Epigram was answered by Lord Byron, as follows: This modest bard, like many a bard unknown, Rhymes on our names, but wisely hides his own; But yet, whoe'er he be, to say no worse, His name would sound much better than his verse. *St. Augustine. → She was deaf and dumb. make her a happy wife-the false swain had at last persuaded by a friend, that the cryer each time deceived the fond fair one, who was might bring the deceiver to a sense of honor: the bell-man, in consequence, was employed to state particulars, and offer a reward for tidings of the runaway. AMONG the costly rarities in the dessert at an entertainment lately given by Sir Charles Morgan, were sixty plates of strawberries, which cost one guinea a plate!-Proh Puder! SCOTCH BULL. IN the 26th number of Blackwood's Maga zine, the following notice under the head of Literary and Scientific intelligence may be perceived by the learned and curious. "Steamboat.-A trial was made at Milan, on the 19th of February, with a boat on a new construction, which moves either with or against the stream, by means of machinery, without the aid of steam, moved by the power of six men, carrying a load of one half of its own weight, which is stated to have answered every expectation." Bravo! a steam-boat without steam! A duteous son, of parents kind, Whom no fond love could save, Was doom'd in flower of youth, to find, Miscellanies. W. H. A DEAR KISS. WILLIAM ANDREWS was, the other day, fined twenty shillings by two magistrates of Pershore, Scotland, for rudely kissing in the street a servant maid in the middle of the day. A MODEST HAIR DRESSER. SINGULAR MARRIAGES. A SHREWSBURY paper contains an adverWHEN the Rev. J. Clark, late master of the tisement from a "prize hair-dresser," who Charter-house, in Hull, was Curate of St. after returning thanks for favours received, Trinity, four couple were married by him thus eloquently proceeds: -"He is returned at the same time, and the following odd from London, where his luxurious fancy has circumstances attended each.-With regard to been ardently employed in sources of new the first couple, the bridegroom had forgot to discovery for the embellishment of his votabring a ring, in consequence of which he was ries; but as there are arrogant and empyrical obliged to borrow one; the bride of the se- pretenders in his immediate neighbourhood, cond had lost that finger upon which the ring it is an imperative duty to caution. It is disis commonly put; a man, violently shaking tressing to witness the havoc those voracious the iron gates leading into the church, said and superficial quacks make on a head of hair. aloud, that the third bride had already a hus-Pyke's abilities are amply sufficient to exband; and with regard to the fourth, one of cite the envy of a certain professional calumthe bridegrooms implored the parson to be quick as the bride was in labour." MATRIMONIAL DISAPPOINTMENT. A FAIR tapstress at one of the houses of public resort in Cheltenham, has been thrice led to church within the last month, by the promises of a favourite lover, to meet and niator." MALFORMATIONS. Dr. Orrey, in the Supplementary Journal of the Dictionary of Medical Sciences, gives an account of two children, who each present six fingers and six toes on their different extremities. They were completely idiotic, and their limbs had acquired an undue development, apparently at "And do you ask me" what is Life?" And do you ask me "what is pleasure?" My muse and I are not at strife, So listen lady, to my measure: Listen amid thy graceful leisure, To what is Life,-and what is pleasure: "Tis Life to see the first dawn stain With sallow light the window pane ;To dress-to wear a rough drab coat, With large pearl buttons all afloat Upon the waves of plush:-To tie A kerchief of the king-cup dye, (White spotted with a small bird's eye,) Around the neck,-and from the nape Let fall an easy fan-like cape:To quit the house at morning's prime, At six or so-about the time When watchmen, conscious of the day,. Puff out their lanthorn's rushlight ray;Just when the silent streets are strewn With level shadows, and the moon Takes the day's wink and walks aside To nurse a nap till eventide. "Tis life to reach the livery stable, Secure the ribbons and the day-bill, And mount a gig that had a spring Some summers back, and then take wing Behind, (in Mr. Hamlet's tongue,) A jade, whose withers are unwrung;" Who stands erect, and yet forlorn, And from a half-pay life of corn, Shewing as many points each way, As Martial's Epigrammata; Yet, who, when set a going, goes Like one undestined to repose. "Tis Life to revel down the road, And queer each o'er-fraught chaise's load; To rave and rattle at the gate, And shower upon the gatherer's pate; Damns by the dozens, and such speeches As well betoken one's slung riches:To take of Deady's bright stark naked, A glass or so,-'tis life to take it! To see the Hurst with tents encampt on; Lurk around Lawrence's at Hampton: Join the flash crowd, (the horse being led Into the yard, and clean'd, and fed ;) Talk to Dav' Hudson, and Cy' Davis, (The last a fighting rara avis.) And, half in secret, scheme a plan For taking the hardy Gas-light Man. "Tis Life to cross the laden ferry, With boon companions, wild and merry, And see the ring upon the Hurst With carts encircled-hear the burst |