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SIX verses,

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as lead upon the shelf. In ancient times, THEOLOGICAL QUACKERY, delicion before the art of printing was invented,

“I would have every mao examine bis an authorgot his price. In the year 1471, heart thoroughly, and I believe he will often Louis XI. paid one hundred golden find that what he calls a zeal for his religion -don

, dollars and twelve marks in silver, for the is either pride, interest, or ill-nature." copy of a bad Arabian book



batted cine. Under Louis XIII. Cardinal “ DO you know that clergyman," said handle Richelieu paid six hundred livres for Hamilton, “ that is walking between two

Those were good times ! ladies on the opposite of the room!"Soldier. Under Charles the Bald, “ Very well: he is one of our most pothere was a battle near Fontenay, where pular preachers, a very different practi- burez one hundred thousand men were left tioner in his profession from Blunderbuss, dead upon the field, and non-commissio- and perfectly skilled in hitting the

prened officers were rapidly promoted, vailing taste. The professional exee! Those were good times

lences of our great theatrical performers Farmer. In the year 1336, there was are so extremely impressive, that bold so great a famine, that people used to adventurers in divinity,seeing the efficacy eat up one another, and a cask of flour of tone and gesture on the stage, have cost fifty francs. Those were good undertaken to dramatize the pulpit ; and times !

this is one of the most successful actors. Physician. In the year 1269, a terri. He has a fine voice, both as to tone and ble plague prevailed in Paris, which car cadence, and therefore pleases such ricd' off one hundred and fifty people fashionable hearers as judge of sermons every day. The physicians could not upon the principle of the opera. He find time to go their rounds.

has graceful attitudes, and therefore is Serton. Nor could the Sextons dig pleasing to church-going connoisseurs; graves fast enough. Ay, those were good in dancing, he has fine action; the seetimes !

saw of hands, with his right the touch Lawyer. Before the tribunals were of the heart, at once displaying his feelreformed, I had at least ten causes to ing and his diamond ring; he cries at piead every day, to present petitions, and the proper place, that is, wh re the gap twenty families stood every morning re

in the sentence requires such a supplegularly weeping before my door. Those ment. These movements are extremely were good times !

delightful to such theatrical connoisseurs Jew. Before the bankers, brokers, than the real exhibition of nature, truth


as regard, in the pulpit, stage trick more money-changers, pawnbrokers' shops,

and sense. Lombards, &c. came in vogue, we had

He is besides famed for good times, for we had the disposal of elocution, and delivers common-place every thing. Then people would take

remark with such a degree of impressive. clipt crowns, but now-a-days they weigh ness, as to pass, with the bulk of hearers,

for the profoundest wisdom and most Timber-Merchant. In the year 1709, the many votaries of spouting, and fres

energetic eloquence. He thereby delightenmelse all the rivers in France were frozen over, all the stores of wood were exhausted. delicacy is so very eficacious as, in a

quenters of debating societies. Such a Ah! the excellent times? Journalist. In 1793 and 1794, there of genius, learning, and eloquence ;

great decree, to supersede the necessity were conspiracies every day, popular insurrections three or four times a week, indeed, how can one compose without

even elegant composition is not requisite: seven or eight battles a month, massa

materials ? all that is requisite in the cres in every canton, one hundred and language, is the musical melody of the fifty revolutionary executions every morn

several periods, without any disposition, ing, from fifty to sixty national decrees,

or connection, or adjustment of parts to speeches, motions, &c. *

the whole. There are other ingredients

in his discourses, that are extremely sui* It is very probable, that this conver table to the prevailing taste; the whine satiou may only bave been invented as a of sentiment, and the vagaries of desjoke; but we must agree with the author, cription, which are peculiarly pleasing inat " it may pass for a true parody all to the novel-reading class of church

goers. You have the tender ties of affect

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over the world."


tion, delicious endearments, sweet reci prove mischievous, and treachery be of procations of love, all as animated as in

great avail. I have seen that, in love, the tales of Derwent Priory, Sir Harry folly is always more advantageous than Clarendon, or any effusion of the Gallimatia press. Besides his hair, so skil I have seen ladies attach guilt to men fully matted and baked, his white cam who were innocent, and load with their bric handkerchief, and his eye glass, favors those who had wronged them. In announcing a beau, naturally attract the short, I have seen so many things conregard of the belles. Your popular prea- trudictory to good sense, and am so much shers are moreover men of stature; the convinced that the most cruel sufferings same figures that are in request in the often proceed from the most noble depulpit, are chiefly sought to stand behind sires, that my angry heart no longer ina carriage, and would also have been spires any strains but those which are choice acquisitions to Serjeant Kite; bitter at the recollections with which it and he that is born to be six feet high, is is filled. born to be a great man.

“ With so many qualifications, you may depend on it, Mr. Gillyflower, the clerical harlequin before us, would out

Sonnets. strip in favour a Horsley, a Watson, or a Blair |---- I can hardly think that,” said our hero.---- Cannot you," replied

TO MISS KELLY, Manchester: “ pray, whether is Belvin

On her performance of Edinond, in the dera, and Lady Randolph; or Mother

Blind Boy. Shipton and General "Jackoo, most highly prized ?"

Rare Artist! that with half thy tools, or


Caust execute with ease thy curious art, REMARKS OF A MODERNOBSERVER. And preșs thy powersui'st meanings on

the heart, I have seen many things which I pre

Unaided by the eye-expression's brone ! tended not to see. I have often smiled

While each bliad sense, intelligential and frolicked with those whom I disli

grown ked. I have experienced ingratitude in Beyond its sphere, performs the effect of serving men who were reckoned virtuous, sight, and I have scen the most stupid and Those orbs alone, wanting their proper empty babblers succeed greatly beyond mnight, their deserts.

All motionless and silent, seem to moan I have seen women sacrifice the honor The unseemly negligence of Nature's hand, of their husbands to the most unprinci

That left them so forlorn. What praise pled gallants. I have seen miserable

is thine, fribbles obtain from them favors, which

O inistress of the passions !--Artist fine!

That dost our souls against our sense comthey refused to men of genuine merit

mand; and delicacy. I have seen many men

Plucking the horror from a sightless squander their fortune, and ruin thein

face, selves for women, who laughed at then,

Lending w blank deformity a grace. and gave themselves to their rivals for nothing

I have seen women, who were solici- WRITTEN OVER THE DEATH-BED ied by men of wit, long resist their ad

OF AN IDLE APPRENTICE. dresses, and yield at once to the first proud and nonsensical fool who came in

See where he lies !-cold, wretched, dying their way. I have seen that, if some wo

man !

A mass of loathsome filth and misery ; men preferred men of superior informa

Mischief and want still nestle hideously tion, they were censured by others of

Beneatli bis sunken eye-balls ; his short their sex.

span I have always seen, that the learned and the best instructed failed in gaining Low on the ground, victiin of early crime,

Appears as finished, though but just began; favor with the ladies. I have seen, on Like adder crush'd, be lies! I knew the the contrary, that the most silly triumph

time, ed. I have seen delicacy of sentiment Ere vice and he their course together rall,

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Verguldes, when he lalwur'dim, oor, but “I'll just make free to borrow those

That lie upon the empty bed :" !!Pall bad tor hinn no terrors ; but alas! So up be jump'd, too cold and rax, Irrors and follies, thick as unrouw Grass,

To be punctilious in his work, Harried his soul froni virtue's pati away.

Grasp'd the whole covering at a claw, Os'arid he went, 'spite of his parents'

Offstripp'd it with a single jerk, siglos,

And was retreating with his prey,

(lies! When, to his horror and dismay, All you the hope of cureand there be His ears were almost split asunder

By x “ Hollo!” as loud as thunder!

As Beelzebub, on all occasions,

Was present in his lucubrations,
He took for granted that to night

The rogue had come to wreak his spite,

And stood transfix'd, afraid to breathe,

With trembling lips and chatt'ring teerd ; Cold vis the wind, and dark the night, But cry'd at last, with desperate shout,

Waon Samuel Jinkins, call'd by some Satan, avaunt!---I've found thee out." The Reverend, (tho' I doubt his right,

Weach'd) armouth's town, induced to come Meanwhile, the Smuggler, who had shoute: Sardour in the cause of Zion,

At finding all the blankets gone, In ad hous'd bim at the Golden Lion.

Though for a little while he doubled Ils chamber held another bed,

The cause of the phenomenon, 3ut, as it was unienavted,

Soon as he lieard Sam's exclamation, Our hero, without fear or donbt,

Concluded, without hesitation, Undress'd, and put the candle out,

"T'was an exciseman come to seize And, Morpheus making haste to drop bis His contraband commodities; Drowsiest soporific poppies,

Wherefore, within his fist collecting Sleep soon o'ertook the weary af,

His vigour and resentment t90, Who snor'd like---nothing but himself. And by the voice his aim directing, The night was pretty far advanced,

Since every thing was bid from view, When a stray sinuggler, as it chanced, He launch'd á inore than mortal blow, Was by the yawning Betty led,

Intended to conclude the matter, To the aforesaid euipty bed.

Which, whizzing on its work of woe, 'Tis plain that, since his own bassoon

Fell, with a desolating clatter, Did not awake him with its tune,

Just where our Missionary bore his Sam could not bear his neighbour,

Two front teeth, or incisores.

This made the Jinkins fiercer buru
Who very leisurely undress'd,
Put ont the light, retir'd to rest,

To give his foe a due return,
And, weary with his labour,

And punish him for what the brute did, Forni'd a duet with nose sonorous,

When his front teeth he had uprooted. Although it sounded like a chorus.

Rearing, with this intent, his list,

Although the smuggler's face it miss'u, The witching-time of night is near

It met his car with such a rap, Hark! 'tis the hollow midnight bell, He thought it was a thunder clap, Whose echoes, fraught with solemn fear,

Especially as from the crash Far o'er the land and ocean swell..

His eye-balls gave a sudden flash. The sentry, on his lonely post,

Jinkins, meanwhile, with clamour dire, Starts, and bethinks bim of a ghost;


“ Thieves !" and “Fire! Lists, cager for the distant sound

Host, hostess, men and maids, rush'd in,
Of comrades marching to the round, Astounded by his fearful din,
And bends at wart the gloom his cye, While many more prepared to follow
The glimmer of their arms to spy:--- With lights and buckets, boop and hollo!
While inany a startled aymph awaking,

His foe, who saw how matters las;
Counts the long chime so dull and dread,

Slipp'd on his clothes, then slipp'd away; Fincies she sees the curtains shaking,

And, being somewhat waggish, thus Draws underneath the clothes her hearl,

Began the adventure to discuss :Tils a cold shudder o'er her creep,

“ Sure, neither acted like a wise mar Attempts to pray, and shrinks to sleep.

To think the devil would fight th' excisemat, Altho' onr Missionary woke

When both pursue the self-same ends,

Like fellow-labourer's and friends. Just at this moment in a shiver, was not the clock's appalling stroke Both have authority to seize

That put his linıbs in such a quiver; Unlawful spirits, where they please ; The blankets on liis bed were two,

Both have a right to claim as booties,

All those who have evaded duties; So far from being thick and new,

That he could well have borne a dozen; They roam together, hour by hour, No wonder that, with such a store,

Both secking whom they inay devour; then luis first leavy sleep was o'er,

And since th' inseparable two The poor incumbent woke half frozen. A partnership in this world form, "misve tercy has ivryor the clothes," God grant that both muy have their dur,

And in the next be friends as warm That! sani, coniisud het stupid head!)

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101 Its Force and Effects.

longer. She heard him with a visible

emotion, and at last told him, with a The Story of Count Freval aud

most amiable blush and decent confusion, ADELAIDE.*

that if she were his equal in rank and

fortune, he would have no reason to be The countess of Freval was left a wis displeased with her answer; but that, dow with one daughter about sixteen

as she was so greatly his inferior, she years of age, and one son about a year hoped he would not so far injure her as younger. She was possessed of a very

to attempt the gratification of an unlarge fortune, but chose rather to retire

lawful passion; and added, with a sigh, and superintend the education of her

that she should not so far injure him as children at a remote country-seat, than

to accept any proposal of marriage. “I expose them to the danger of habitual should not,” said she, “ deserve the luxury and seducing examples in public affection you profess, if I did not urge

I will therefore life. It happened that in the neighbour- you to surmount it. hood there was a young lady of a good assist you in the attempt, by constantly family, but small fortune, whose name

avoiding an interview; and thus, while

my obscurity prevents me from accepwas Adelaide : She was about the same

ting your love, I shall, at least, reflect age with the countess's daughter, ex

with pleasure, that I deserve your tremely beautiful, of manners thé most

esteem." engaging, and of uncommon sprightliness

The count was now more enamoured and understanding. This young lady the

of her prudence and her virtue, than he countess received into her family, as a

had before been with her person; he companion for her daughter, without urged her to marry him with yet greater considering that she had also a son, importunity, but she still refused, and whom she thus exposed to temptations breaking away from him, persisted in which few have resisted. The young her resolution to avoid him for the future. gentleman soon became enamoured

He was not able to elude her vigilance of Adelaide, and made her acquaint- for many months, but his attempts to ed with a passion which he diligently concealed from every one else. She was far express his sentiments in the presence of

others, were now so often repeated, and from being insensible of his merit, but

her apparent insensibility, made him go had so much prudence, that she conceal

such length to attract her notice, that ed it even from him. She knew the

his mother at length discovered his pascountess to be a haughty woman, who sion, and rallied him upon it. The count, having enriched the person whom she

upon this occasion, put on a serious air, married, by an immense fortune, had

and began to expatiate on the virtues of formed great projects for her son, and

Adelaide ; but ihe countess prevented would resent with implacable bitterness, the declaration which she saw he was his marriage with a person so much his

about to introduce, by charging him, in inferior; she therefore diligently avoided

the most peremptory terms, to think of all opportunities of being alone with

her no more. But she did not stop here: the young count, and for many months for the campaign being then opened, she succeeded. Her eyes, however, had

sent him to the army, as a volunteer, the involuntarily encouraged him to persist next day. As the whole fortune of the in bis assiduities, and, at last, having family was at her disposal, he was comstole upon her as she was musing in a

pelled to obey, after having assured retired

part of the garden, he conjured Adelaide, that whatever should be his her to hear him, with such tenderness

fate, his love would be the same for ever, and importunity, that she could resist no

During the absence of the young sol* The gentleman who favoured u8 vrith dier, a neighbouring gentleman became this story, informs us, that though it might enamoured of his mistress; and as he seem to wear a romantic appearance, it is

considered her under the countess's proextracted from papers of unquestionable tection, he made his first proposal to her; authority, which are still carefully preser who was so well pleased at this opporved by a noble family in France ! and adds, tunity of putting her son out of danger, that it is a proof there was once such a pas, sion as love refined, delicate, ardent and

that she notonly consented, but promised constant; uninfluenced either by hope or fear;

to augment her fortune upon the margentle as pity, and stronger than death. riage with a very considerable sum.

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The young count, who was just then ceeded so well in their machinations that entered into winter quarters, gained in- after the death of the lady abbess her telligence of this match, and, immedi- friend, they procured her to be expelled ately taking post horses, arrived while the house. However, she had in the they were pressing Adelaide, by every monastery some friends, though the mapossible motive, to consent. He threw jority were her enemies; one of the sisa himself at his mother's feet, in an agony ters gave her letters of recommendation of tenderness and grief, avowed his de- to her father, who was an officer at court: sire to espouse Adelaide, which he urged with this letter she went to Paris, and her to permit, as that which alone could while the gentleman, to whom she was prevent him from being superlatively recommended, was busied in seeking to wretched.

procure her another retreat, she sent The countess answered his importu- advice to the count of her arrival, and nity only with reproaches; but the ex requested, that she might be admitted 10 postulation became so warm, and was another interview, though but of one so long continued, that it could not be hour. This new misfortune of a wife so kept a secret from the new suitor, who, tenderly beloved, and this unexpected in point of honour, desisted from his request, threw the count into an agony. addresses, declaring that he would not He did not, however, dare to see her, marry an angel under such circumstances. and therefore, when he was sufficiently This disappointment made the countess recovered, he entreated that she would yet more angry, and Adelaide was im not think of an interview, which might inediately dismissed. The count, who be fatal at once to his peace and her own. before delayed his marriage out of defer- Adelaide,whose love was still too delicate ence to his mother, now thought it his and too ardent to take this refusal, how, duty to defer it no longer. To repair, ever reasonable, without pain, became therefore, the loss of fortune and pro- yet more impatient to see him : she theretection, of which he had been the cause, fore went to the convent, and upon elihe made Adelaide his wife, and still tering the church, the first object she hoped that time and assiduity would beheld was her husband, who was engaproduce a reconciliation. In these hopes, ged, with the rest of his community, in however, he was deceived; the countess the solemn exercises of devotion; she was inexorable; she withdrew her son's was struck at his posture, his appearance, allowance, and abandoned them to all and his employment. She waited till he the wretchedness of extreme want. Af rose from his knees, and then went up ter finding itimpossible longer to procure and looked upon him with an eager the necessaries of life together, they were tenderness, which might well have comcompelled to part. The count proposed, pelled a return : but the moment his eyes as the only expedient to prevent their caught her's, he cast them to the ground, perishing, that she should enter a nunnery, and notwithstanding her utmost endeaand himself a convent; the unhappy vours to attract his notice, he passed on lady consented, and it was immediately with a solemn and slow pace, concealing put into execution. Some few trinkets, his emotions under the appearance which, during all their distress, she had sensibility and neglect; she knew that preserved, as presents from the count, he disguised the sentiments of his heart, were now converted into money; a little and that it was not less for her sake than sum ! the whole of which he insisted she his own; yet the appearauce only of should keep, and after such a scene of neglect or unkindness, for whatever tender distress as no imagination can reason assumed, was more thai she could paint, they parted; she took the veil bear; and after a short struggle with the under a lady abbess, to whom her family passions that swelled in her bosom, she and misfortunes were known, and the sunk down in a swoon. She was immecount went into a monastery at Paris. diately carried off, and her first enquiry

But though these unhappy lovers had after she recovered, was for her dear now forsaken the world, they were still count. Some who were present, ran persecuted by fortune. Their story was immediately and told him bis wife was talked of in the convent, and some of the dying, and his superior commanded him sisters, either jealous of the praises she to make haste and console her; but bereceived, or moved by some secret ma fore he eame, the conflict had put an end lignity, caballed against her, and suc to her life. At this moment all the for- .

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