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it was thus noticed, “ Killed by a cow

- a distinguished Member of the French

Academy in the 17th century, travelling

in Spain, was presented to the king, AT the time of Buonaparte's intended Philip III. who asked him if he had invasion of England, a Vienna paper the affirmative.

seen the Escurial ?---Bantru answered in

“Well, what do you had the following news: Boulogne, April 5, 1801. The French are so think of the Library ?" “ I think, Sire

, watchful all along the coast, that they Minister of the Finances," answered

that you should make your Librarian sleep on their cannons !"

Bantru. “ Why?" said the King. “BeA bricklayer, at Great Marlow, Bucks, entrusted to his care!"

cause he has never touched any thing
who was notorious for his “loose ortho-
graphy," having been employed in the
severe winter of 1813-14, by the gen-
tlemen of that place, who had entered HOW TO GET AN APPETITE. ---
into a subscription for the purpose of Alexander the Great having reinstated
supplying the poor

soup, to erect,

the Queen of Caria in her dominions, or as it is technically called, to hang the Queen thought to shew her gratitude two coppers, this erudite architect sent by sending him all sorts of delicacies, in his bill thus :

with the best cooks she could find. But “ The Genteelmcn of Marlow, dr. he answered, that he wanted none of “TO

these things, and that his tutor had for“ To hanging 2 Coopers to make soop sor merly given bim more excellent cooks, the pore."

in teaching him, “ that to dine with ap-
petite, he must rise early and walk; and

that to make a good supper, he must
Bon Mots.

eat but a slender dinner."

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proach the vices of another is very ha- A barrister entered the hall with his wig
zardous and very difficult. The confes-
sor of Bernardo Viscount of Milan sur-


much awry, and of which not at prized this nobleman in company with a

all apprized, he was obliged to endure

from almost every observer some remark courtezan. Bernardo, in great confusion at the discovery, asked the priest ing himself to Mr. Curran, he asked him,

on its appearance, till at last, addresswhat he would have done, had he been under the same temptation. “I

“Do you see any thing ridiculous in know not, my lord," replied the dis

this wig?" The answer instantly was, creet Monk, " what I should have Memoirs of Curran.

“Nothing but the head." --- O'Regan's done, but I know what I ought to have done."

MR. Egan, the lawyer, was a person of

great thews and sinews; on going into TALES AND TALE-BEARERS.

It the bath, he exultingly struck his breast, was a maxim of David Ancillon, a cele- all over matted with hair, and exclaimed; brated Minister of the Reformed

“ Curran, did you ever see so fine a Church, “ that little credit was to be chest ?

Trunk, you mean," said Mr. given to tales and tale-bearers; saying, Curran. that reports are never so pure but they always savour of the passions of those who make them; and that it is with A Gentleman, who was too desirous of them as with waters, which always retain the quality of the veins of the earth him to the style and fashion of his



attracting the attention of those about or minerals through which they run.

and one time to the shape of a pair of
half-boots, which he had that day drawn

on, appealed to Mr. Curran, among LEARNED LIBRARIAN.--M. Banfru, others, for his opinion, who said, “ Ile

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observed but one fault--they shewed too Messrs. T. Tugwell and Luke Lughard, much of the calf.

Bankside, lightermen.
Messrs. Dyke and Ditch, of Sand-end,

bankers and ditchers. GRAND-DAUGHTER OF CROM

Messrs. Edward Elder and J. Younger, WELL.---In the suite of the late Prin

Old-street, gimcrack-manufacturers, cess Amelia, there was formerly a lady Messrs. Samuel Straight and Robert

and nicnack-merchants. of the name of Russell, who was grand

Bent, daughter of Cromwell, and who, it

Crooked-lane, mouse-trap

gilders. should seem, inherited, without any al

Messrs. Felix Felt and Benjamin Beaver, loy, much of his undaunted and ready

Dying-house-yard, hat-platers. spirit. One day, it happened to be on the thirtieth of January, she was in waiting, and occupied in adjusting some LONDON EXPECTATION OFFICE, part of the Princess's dress, just as the opposite to the Watch-Box,Air-Street.--then Prince of Wales, the father of This Society, instituted for the express his present Majesty came into the room. His Royal Highness accosted Miss Rus- rendering promises productive, will be

purpose of realizing anticipations, and sell rather sportingly, and said to her, found of infinite importance to depen“ For shame, Miss Russell, why have

dent individuals; and as almost every you not been at church, humbling your person has experienced difficulty iņ conself for the sins on this day committed

verting expected provision into present by your grandfather?” “Sir, (replied advantage, its general utility will be uniNiss Russell) for a granddaughter of versally felt. Oliver Cromwell, it is humiliation suf

Books of the Rates for insuring Single, ficient to be employed as I am, in pin- Double, and Treble Hazardous Proning up your sister's train."

mises, delivered gratis; wherein it will be seen that the premium increases with

the decrease of probability of the Burlesque.

redemption of the promise. For exam

ple, a promise made by a Gentleman on FROM LAST NIGHT's GAZETTE.

his canvas for votes to be relurned to Parliament, but who loses his election,

is considered as treble hazardous, and George Gilliflower, Sorrel-street, artist paid for accordingly. Minor hopes en

in carrot and turnip decorations, for couraged from familiar nods, significant broths and spring soups.

winks, distant hints, natural smiles, and Peregrine Pounder, Hoxton-fields, brick- friendly squeezings by the hand, may be dust pulverizer.

insured, to be confirmed to a positive Obadiah Oakum, Tar-yard, Gunpowder- Promise within a given time, to be alley, k-manufacturer.

specified in the policy, on reasonable Gregory Gander, Stubble-down farm, terms. Lincolnshire, live geese plucker.

Several capital Promises (some from Harry Hazzle, Brewer-street, vent-peg the first nobility) to be disposed of and spoil cutter.

cheap, for ready money, many of which, Samuel Scum, Calomel-street, Lock's if fulálled, would insure complete indefields, medicated-soap-boiler.

pendence. Sebastino Colombarti, Blow-bladder

street, toy-glass-manufacturer, and window-glass silverer.

LAW.---A most desirable opportunity

now offers to any Gentleman properly Messrs. Samuel Sprat and Matthew qualified to succeed the Advertiser,

Minnow, of Puddledock, periwinkle- about to retire from a professional busifactors and shrimp-brokers.

ness of the greatest value in a most litiMessrs. Charles Camphor and Solo- gious neighbourhood, possessing every

man Searcloth, Curiosity-buildings, possible requisite for extensive practice. Mummy-mongers and importers of The situation is in a county town, with a Egyptian antiquities.

large portion f assize and electioneer




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ing business, surrounded by extensive dress is black stockings, a stuff gown, #
commons now enclosing, turnpike roads cap, and a neck-handkerchief pinned
cutting, public nuisances increasing, corner-wise behind. If you want a pin,
pathways disputed, and watercourses she just feels about her, and has always
constantly dammed; several trespassing one to give you. On Sundays and holi-
packs of fox and hare hounds in the vi- days, and perhaps of afternoons, she
cinity, belonging to sporting Peers, and changes her black-stockings for white

quarrelsome rich Commoners; poachers puts on a gown of a better texture and
of every description nightly on the alert. fine pattern, sets her cap and her curls in Turin
In addition to these advantages, the gen- jauntily, and lays aside the neck-hand-
tleman about to retire, with a view to kerchief for a high-body, which, by the
future practice, has, for the last ten years, way, is not half so pretty. There is
drawn every instrument, whether Leases, something very warın and latent in the
Bonds, Mortgages, Wills, Deeds of Set- handkerchief,---something easy, vital,and
tlements and of Trusts, Articles of Part- genial. A woman in a high-bodied gown,
nerships, &c. &c. with (to use the words made to fither like a case, is by no means
of the great Lord Mansfield) such Alexi more modest, and is much less tempting and
bility of terms, and so full of quibbles, She looks like a figure at the head of a
as must insure a multiplicity of future ship. We could almost see her chucked
business. Two thirds of the parishioners out of doors into a cart with as little re-
being Dissenters, the disputes relating morse as a couple of sugar-loaves. The
to tythes never fail to produce an abun tucker is much better, as well as the
dant harvest.

handkerchief; and is to the other, what
An adequate premium will be ex the young lady is to the servant. The
pected, to remunerate the Advertiser for

one always reminds us of the Sparkler
the great care and attention it has cost in Sir Richard Steele; the other of Fanny
him to bring the business into its present in Joseph Andrews.
flourishing state.

But to return. The general furniture
Apply to F. Sharp, Solicitor, Swallow of her ordinary room the kitchen is not
field, Barkshire.

so much her own as her master's and
mistress's, and need not be described :

but in a drawer of the dresser or table,
JUST arrived, over-land, from beyond snuffers, may be found some of her pror

in company with a duster, and a pair of
the Deserts of Arabja, several Live Birds
of Paradise. The Cock-Birds are in full

perty, such as a brass thimble, a pair of
feather, and fine voice; and some of the

scissars, a thread-case, a piece of war

candle much wrinkled with the thread, Hens are now setting. They will be

an odd volume of Pamela, and perhaps this h sold as low as fifty guineas a brace, with sealed directions for feed and manage- well or Mrs. Belin's Oroonoko. There

a six-penny play, such as George Barin
ment.---Inquire at the sign of the Rara, is a piece of looking glass also in the
Avis, Bird-in-hand Walk, Goose Alley.

window. The rest of her furniture is in
the garret, where you may find a good

looking-glass on the table; and in the

window a Bible, a comb, and a piece of

soap. Here stands also, under stout THE MAID-SERVANT

lock and key, the mighty mystery-the Must be considered as young, or else

box,---containing among other things her
she has married the butcher, the butler, sisting of nineteen for the penny ; sundir

clothes, two or three song books, con-
or her cousin, or has otherwise settled
into a character quite distinct from her Tragedies at a half-penny the sheet; the

Whole Nature of Dreams laid open, 10-
original one, so as to become what is gether with the Fortune Teller and the
properly called the domestic.

Account of the Ghost of Mrs. Veal; the Maid Servant, in her apparel, is either Story of the Beautiful Zoa who was cast slovenly and fine by turns, and dirty away on a desert island, shewing how, always; or she is at all times snug and

&c.; some half-crowns in a purse, inneat, and dressed according to her

cluding pieces of country-money, with station. In the latter case, her ordinary me good Countess of Coventry on one

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of them riding naked on the horse; a she happens to thrust her head out of a seks silver penny wrapped up in cotton by chamber window at the same time with En itself; a crooked sixpence, given her be à servant at the next house, when a dia

fore she came to town, and the giver of logue infallibly ensues, stimulated by which has either forgotten her or been the imaginary obstacles between. If the forgotten by her, she is not sure which; Maid-servant is wise, the best part of two little enamel boxes, with looking- her work is done by dinner time; and glass in the lids, one of them a fairing, nothing else is necessary to give perfect the other “a trifle from Margate;" and zest to the meal. She tells us what she lastly, various letters, square and ragged thinks of it, when she calls it “ a bit o’ and directed in all sorts of spellings, dinner.” There is the same sort of elochiefly with little letters for capitals. One quence in her other phrase,

a cup of of them, written by a girl who went to tea;" but the old ones, and the washera day-school with her, is directed miss.women, beat her at that. After tea in

In her manners, the Maid-servant great houses, she goes with the other sometimes imitates her young mistress;

servants to hot cockles, or What-are-my she puts her hair in papers, cultivates a thoughts like, and tells Mr. John to shape, and occasionally contrives to be “ have done then;" or if there is a ball out of spirits. But her own character given that night, they throw open all the and condition overcome all sophistications doors, and make use of the music upof this sort; her shape, fortified by the stairs to dance by. In smaller houses, mop and scrubbing-brush, will make it's she receives the visit of her aforesaid way; and exercise keeps her healthy and

cousin; and sits down alone, or with a cheerful. From the same cause her tem fellow Maid-servant, to work; talks of per is good ; though she gets into little her young Master or Mistress and Mr. heats when a stranger is over saucy, or

Ivins (Evans); or else she calls to mind When she is told not to go so heavily her own friends in the country, where down stairs, or when some unthinking she thinks the cows and“ all that” beauperson goes up her wet stairs with dirty tiful, now she is away. Meanwhile, if shoes -- or when she is called away often she is lazy, she snuffs the candle with her from dinner; neither does she much like scissars; or if she has eaten more hearto be seen scrubbing the street-door steps tily than usual, she sighs double the usual of a morning; and sometimes she catches number of times, and thinks that tender “ drat that butcher," but

hearts were born to be unhappy. immediately adds, “ God forgive me.” Such being the Maid-servant's life in The tradesmen indeed, with their com doors, she scorns, when abroad, to le pliments and arch looks, seldom give any thing

but a creature of sheer enjoyher cause to complain. The milkman The Maid-servant, the sailor, bespeaks her good humour for the day and the school boy, are the three beings with " Come pretty maids.” Then fol- that enjoy a holiday heyond all the rest low the butcher, the baker, the oilman, of the world ;---and all for the same rea&c. all with their several smirks and little son,---because their inexperience, peculoiterings; and when she goes to the liarity of life, and habit of being with shops herself

, it is for her the grocer pulls persons or circumstances or thoughts down his string from it's roller with more above them, give them all in their way, than ordinary whirl, and tosses, as it

a cast of the romantic. The most active were, bis parcel into a tie,---for her, the of money-getters is a vegetable compared cheesemonger weighs his butter with half with them. The Maid-servant when she a glance, cherishes it round about with first goes to Vauxhall, thinks she is in his pattles, and dabs the little piece on

heaven. A theatre is all pleasure to her, it to make up, with a graceful jerk. whatever is going forward, whether the

Thus pass the mornings between wor play, or the music, or the waiting which "king, and singing, and giggling, and makes others impatient, or the munching grubling, and being flattered. If she of apples and gingerbread nuts which takes any pleasure unconnected with her she and her party commence almost as office before the afternoon, it is when as they have seated themselves. she runs up the area-steps or to the door She prefers tragedy to comedy, because to hear and purchase a new song, or to

it is grander, and less like what she meets see a troop of soldiers go by; or when with in general, and because she thinks

herself saying,



it more in earnest also, especially in the I ordered the barber to make me a good love-scenes. Her favourite play is Alex- physical wig; under the shadow of which ander the Great or the Rival Queens.” by the assistance of a good cane, proAnother great delight is in going a shop- perly applied to the immoveable muscles ping. She loves to look at the patterns of my face, and a few significant shrugs in the windows, and the fine things la- and solemn nods, I soon acquired the belled with those corpulent numerals of reputation of an eminent physician. “ only 7s."---"only 6s.6d.” She has also, Fees came in apace; so that in the course unless born and bred in London, heen of twenty years, I had saved up more to see my Lord Mayor, the fine people money than I really knew what to do coming out of Court, and the “beasties” with, Whether it was my learning, my in the Tower; and at all events she has person, or my money, I can't say, but been to Astley's and the Circus, from a lady in the neighbourhood took a vast which she comes away equally smitten liking to something belonging to me. 1 with the rider and sore with liughing at

was not so blind but I saw the conquest; the clown. But it is difficult to say what for she would often come and spend á pleasure she enjoys most. One of the week together with me: in short, I marcompletest of all is the fair, where she ried her. I was past the years of discrewalks through an endless round of noise, tion, and so I married her. O what a and toys, and gallant apprentices, and condescension! A lady of her family, wonders. Here she is invited in by rank, and fashion in life! as for age incourteous well-dressed people as if she deed, she was but six years younger than were the mistress. Here also is the con- myself; and for fortune, if she ever had jurer's booth, where the operator him- any, she had spent it; and yet I was self, a most stately and genteel person such a fool, as to be convinced, she was all in white, calls her Ma'am; and says conferring the greatest obligation in the to John by her side, in spite of his laced world upon me. hat, “ Be good enough, Sir, to hand No sooner did she take upon her the the card to the lady.”

management of my family, than adieu, Ah! may her " cousin” turn out as for ever, to all order, peace and comfort. true as he says he is; or may she get

She began with discharging my servant home soon enough and smiling enough poor Jonas, because he made so queer to be as happy again next time.

a figure in a long queue and white stockings, which she insisted upon his wear

ing, though the poor fellow could not Correspondence.

but laugh at himself The same day with Jonas, my old wig was discarded.

It must be confessed it grew rather the DISTRESS OF A COUNTRY PHYSICIAN.

worse for wear. From long acquaintance,

it had contracted such a connection and Sir,

familiarity, that it no longer kept that I am a physician, and as my respectful distance from each side of my case is extraordinary, I mean to publish face, which had at first so distinguished it for the benefit of the public. When it. I had, however, still continued it a man lives, as I did, unmarried till he

in service, purely from this reflection, is sixty-one, he had better never marry the older it grew the less occasion it had at all. There are more ways by which for combing. A new wig had immediately a woman may torment her husband be- been put on the stocks with a feathered sides being jealous of him. To give top and a forked tail: since the arrival you some idea of my situation, take the of which, I am never suffered to stir out, general outlines of my history: The let the occasion be ever so pressing, beearlier part of my life I spent at college, fore it is combed and powdered. Our in the study of physic, and, I don't know prig of a new footman is so long twisting why, acquired the character of an odd and turning and tickling it up, that a learned fellow. When I arrived at the

score of patients have expired, and the age of forty, a vacancy happened in the fees have been lost, ere I was able to set neighbourhood of my birth. I was in- out to receive them. My snuff-coloured vited by my uncle to take upon me the suit had been reinstated every other year infirmities of all the folks within the from a pattern that was left in the hands eircle of twenty miles. Before I set out of an honest taylor on the neighbouring

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