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TALES AND TALE-BEARERS. --- It was a maxim of David Ancillon, a celebrated Minister of the Reformed Church," that little credit was to be given to tales and tale-bearers; saying, that reports are never so pure but they always savour of the passions of those who make them; and that it is with them as with waters, which always retain the quality of the veins of the earth or minerals through which they run.

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HOW TO GET AN APPETITE. Alexander the Great having reinstated the Queen of Caria in her dominions, the Queen thought to shew her gratitude by sending him all sorts of delicacies, with the best cooks she could find. But he answered, that he wanted none of these things, and that his tutor had formerly given him more excellent cooks, in teaching him, "that to dine with appetite, he must rise early and walk; and that to make a good supper, he must

eat but a slender dinner."

A barrister entered the hall with his wig very much awry, and of which not at all apprized, he was obliged to endure from almost every observer some remark on its appearance, till at last, addressing himself to Mr. Curran, he asked him, "Do you see any thing ridiculous in this wig?" The answer instantly was, "Nothing but the head." O'Regan's Memoirs of Curran.

MR. Egan, the lawyer, was a person of great thews and sinews; on going into the bath, he exultingly struck his breast, all over matted with hair, and exclaimed, "Curran, did you ever see so fine a chest?" "Trunk, you mean," said Mr. Curran.

A Gentleman, who was too desirous of attracting the attention of those about him to the style and fashion of his dress, and one time to the shape of a pair of half-boots, which he had that day drawn on, appealed to Mr. Curran, among LEARNED LIBRARIAN.--M. Banfru, others, for his opinion, who said, "He

observed but one fault--they shewed too much of the calf."

GRAND-DAUGHTER OF CROMWELL.---In the suite of the late Prin

cess Amelia, there was formerly a lady of the name of Russell, who was granddaughter of Cromwell, and who, it should seem, inherited, without any alloy, much of his undaunted and ready spirit. One day, it happened to be on the thirtieth of January, she was in waiting, and occupied in adjusting some part of the Princess's dress, just as the then Prince of Wales, the father of his present Majesty came into the room. His Royal Highness accosted Miss Russell rather sportingly, and said to her, "For shame, Miss Russell, why have you not been at church, humbling yourself for the sins on this day committed by your grandfather?” Sir, (replied Miss Russell) for a granddaughter of Oliver Cromwell, it is humiliation sufficient to be employed as I am, in pinning up your sister's train."

66

Burlesque.

FROM LAST NIGHT's GAZETTE.

BANKRUPTS.

George Gilliflower, Sorrel-street, artist in carrot and turnip decorations, for broths and spring soups. Peregrine Pounder, Hoxton-fields, brickdust pulverizer.

Obadiah Oakum, Tar-yard, Gunpowderalley, link-manufacturer. Gregory Gander, Stubble-down farm, Lincolnshire, live geese plucker. Harry Hazzle, Brewer-street, vent-peg and spoil cutter.

Samuel Scum, Calomel-street, Lock's fields, medicated-soap-boiler. Sebastino Colombarti, Blow-bladderstreet, toy-glass-manufacturer, and window-glass silverer.

DISSOLUTION OF PARTNERSHIPS.

Messrs. Samuel Sprat and Matthew Minnow, of Puddledock, periwinklefactors and shrimp-brokers. Messrs. Charles Camphor and Soloman Searcloth, Curiosity-buildings, Mummy-mongers and importers of Egyptian antiquities.

Messrs. T. Tugwell and Luke Lughard, Bankside, lightermen.

Messrs. Dyke and Ditch, of Sand-end, bankers and ditchers.

Messrs. Edward Elder and J. Younger, Old-street, gimcrack-manufacturers, and nicnack-merchants.

Messrs. Samuel Straight and Robert Bent, Crooked-lane, mouse-trap gilders.

Messrs. Felix Felt and Benjamin Beaver, Dying-house-yard, hat-platers.

LONDON EXPECTATION OFFICE, opposite to the Watch-Box,Air-Street.--This Society, instituted for the express rendering promises productive, will be purpose of realizing anticipations, and found of infinite importance to dependent individuals; and as almost every person has experienced difficulty in converting expected provision into present advantage, its general utility will be universally felt.

Books of the Rates for insuring Single, Double, and Treble Hazardous Promises, delivered gratis; wherein it will be seen that the premium increases with the decrease of probability of the redemption of the promise. For example, a promise made by a Gentleman on his canvas for votes to be returned to Parliament, but who loses his election, is considered as treble hazardous, and paid for accordingly. Minor hopes encouraged from familiar nods, significant winks, distant hints, natural smiles, and friendly squeezings by the hand, may be insured, to be confirmed to a positive Promise within a given time, to be specified in the policy, on reasonable

terms.

Several capital Promises (some from the first nobility) to be disposed of cheap, for ready money, many of which, if fulfilled, would insure complete independence.

LAW.---A most desirable opportunity now offers to any Gentleman properly qualified to succeed the Advertiser, about to retire from a professional business of the greatest value in a most litigious neighbourhood, possessing every possible requisite for extensive practice. The situation is in a county town, with a large portion f assize and electioneer

ing business, surrounded by extensive commons now enclosing, turnpike roads cutting, public nuisances increasing, pathways disputed, and watercourses constantly dammed; several trespassing packs of fox and hare hounds in the vicinity, belonging to sporting Peers, and quarrelsome rich Commoners; poachers of every description nightly on the alert. In addition to these advantages, the gentleman about to retire, with a view to future practice, has, for the last ten years, drawn every instrument, whether Leases, Bonds, Mortgages, Wills, Deeds of Settlements and of Trusts, Articles of Partnerships, &c. &c. with (to use the words of the great Lord Mansfield) such flexibility of terms, and so full of quibbles, as must insure a multiplicity of future business. Two thirds of the parishioners being Dissenters, the disputes relating to tythes never fail to produce an abundant harvest.

An adequate premium will be expected, to remunerate the Advertiser for the great care and attention it has cost him to bring the business into its present flourishing state.

Apply to F. Sharp, Solicitor, Swallowfield, Barkshire.

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dress is black stockings, a stuff gown, cap, and a neck-handkerchief pinned corner-wise behind. If you want a pin, she just feels about her, and has always one to give you. On Sundays and holidays, and perhaps of afternoons, she changes her black-stockings for white, puts on a gown of a better texture and fine pattern, sets her cap and her curls jauntily, and lays aside the neck-handkerchief for a high-body, which, by the way, is not half so pretty. There is something very warm and latent in the handkerchief,---something easy, vital, and genial. A woman in a high-bodied gown, made to fither like a case, is by no means more modest, and is much less tempting. She looks like a figure at the head of a ship. We could almost see her chucked out of doors into a cart with as little remorse as a couple of sugar-loaves. The tucker is much better, as well as the handkerchief; and is to the other, what the young lady is to the servant. one always reminds us of the Sparkler in Sir Richard Steele; the other of Fanny in Joseph Andrews.

The

But to return. The general furniture of her ordinary room the kitchen is not so much her own as her master's and mistress's, and need not be described: but in a drawer of the dresser or table, in company with a duster, and a pair of Snuffers, may be found some of her proPerty, such as a brass thimble, a pair of scissars, a thread-case, a piece of wax candle much wrinkled with the thread, an odd volume of Pamela, and perhaps well or Mrs. Belin's Oroonoko. a six-penny play, such as George BarnThere is a piece of looking glass also in the

window. The rest of her furniture is in the garret, where you may find a good looking-glass on the table; and in the window a Bible, a comb, and a piece of soap. Here stands also, under stout lock and key, the mighty mystery,--the box,---containing among other things her sisting of nineteen for the penny; sundry clothes, two or three song books, conTragedies at a half-penny the sheet; the Whole Nature of Dreams laid open, together with the Fortune Teller and the Account of the Ghost of Mrs. Veal; the

Story of the Beautiful Zoa who was cast away on a desert island, shewing how, cluding pieces of country-money, with &c.; some half-crowns in a purse, inhe good Countess of Coventry on one

of them riding naked on the horse; a silver penny wrapped up in cotton by itself; a crooked sixpence, given her before she came to town, and the giver of which has either forgotten her or been forgotten by her, she is not sure which; two little enamel boxes, with lookingglass in the lids, one of them a fairing, the other "a trifle from Margate;" and lastly, various letters, square and ragged and directed in all sorts of spellings, chiefly with little letters for capitals. One of them, written by a girl who went to a day-school with her, is directed "miss." In her manners, the Maid-servant sometimes imitates her young mistress; she puts her hair in papers, cultivates a shape, and occasionally contrives to be out of spirits. But her own character andcondition overcome all sophistications of this sort; her shape, fortified by the mop and scrubbing-brush, will make it's way; and exercise keeps her healthy and cheerful. From the same cause her temper is good; though she gets into little heats when a stranger is over saucy, or when she is told not to go so heavily down stairs, or when some unthinking person goes up her wet stairs with dirty shoes,--or when she is called away often from dinner; neither does she much like to be seen scrubbing the street-door steps of a morning; and sometimes she catches herself saying, "drat that butcher," but immediately adds, "God forgive me." The tradesmen indeed, with their compliments and arch looks, seldom give her cause to complain. The milkman bespeaks her good humour for the day with "Come pretty maids." Then follow the butcher, the baker, the oilman, &c. all with their several smirks and little loiterings; and when she goes to the shops herself, it is for her the grocer pulls down his string from it's roller with more than ordinary whirl, and tosses, as it were, his parcel into a tie,---for her, the cheesemonger weighs his butter with half a glance, cherishes it round about with his pattles, and dabs the little piece on it to make up, with a graceful jerk,

Thus pass the mornings between working, and singing, and giggling, and grumbling, and being flattered. If she takes any pleasure unconnected with her office before the afternoon, it is when she runs up the area-steps or to the door to hear and purchase a new song, or to see a troop of soldiers go by; or when

she happens to thrust her head out of a chamber window at the same time with a servant at the next house, when a dialogue infallibly ensues, stimulated by the imaginary obstacles between. If the Maid-servant is wise, the best part of her work is done by dinner time; and nothing else is necessary to give perfect zest to the meal. She tells us what she thinks of it, when she calls it "a bit o' dinner." There is the same sort of eloquence in her other phrase, "a cup of tea;" but the old ones, and the washerwomen, beat her at that. After tea in great houses, she goes with the other servants to hot cockles, or What-are-my thoughts like, and tells Mr. John to "have done then;" or if there is a ball given that night, they throw open all the doors, and make use of the music upstairs to dance by. In smaller houses, she receives the visit of her aforesaid cousin; and sits down alone, or with a fellow Maid-servant, to work; talks of her young Master or Mistress and Mr. Ivins (Evans); or else she calls to mind her own friends in the country, where she thinks the cows and "all that" beautiful, now she is away. Meanwhile, if she is lazy, she snuffs the candle with her scissars; or if she has eaten more heartily than usual, she sighs double the usual number of times, and thinks that tender hearts were born to be unhappy.

Such being the Maid-servant's life in doors, she scorns, when abroad, to be any thing but a creature of sheer enjoyment. The Maid-servant, the sailor, and the school boy, are the three beings that enjoy a holiday beyond all the rest of the world;---and all for the same reason,---because their inexperience, peculiarity of life, and habit of being with persons or circumstances or thoughts above them, give them all in their way, a cast of the romantic. The most active of money-getters is a vegetable compared with them. The Maid-servant when she first goes to Vauxhall, thinks she is in heaven. A theatre is all pleasure to her, whatever is going forward, whether the play, or the music, or the waiting which makes others impatient, or the munching of apples and gingerbread nuts which she and her party commence almost as soon as they have seated themselves. She prefers tragedy to comedy, because it is grander, and less like what she meets with in general, and because she thinks

it more in earnest also, especially in the love-scenes. Her favourite play is "Alexander the Great or the Rival Queens." Another great delight is in going a shopping. She loves to look at the patterns in the windows, and the fine things labelled with those corpulent numerals of "only 7s."--"only 6s.6d." She has also, unless born and bred in London, been to see my Lord Mayor, the fine people coming out of Court, and the "beasties" in the Tower; and at all events she has been to Astley's and the Circus, from which she comes away equally smitten with the rider and sore with laughing at the clown. But it is difficult to say what pleasure she enjoys most. One of the completest of all is the fair, where she walks through an endless round of noise, and toys, and gallant apprentices, and wonders. Here she is invited in by courteous well-dressed people as if she were the mistress. Here also is the conjurer's booth, where the operator himself, a most stately and genteel person all in white, calls her Ma'am; and says to John by her side, in spite of his laced hat, "Be good enough, Sir, to hand the card to the lady."

Ah! may her "cousin" turn out as true as he says he is; or may she get home soon enough and smiling enough to be as happy again next time.

Correspondence.

DISTRESS OF A COUNTRY PHYSICIAN. SIR, I am a physician, and as my case is extraordinary, I mean to publish it for the benefit of the public. When a man lives, as I did, unmarried till he is sixty-one, he had better never marry at all. There are more ways by which a woman may torment her husband besides being jealous of him. To give you some idea of my situation, take the general outlines of my history: The earlier part of my life I spent at college, in the study of physic, and, I don't know why, acquired the character of an odd learned fellow. When I arrived at the age of forty, a vacancy happened in the neighbourhood of my birth. I was invited by my uncle to take upon me the infirmities of all the folks within the eircle of twenty miles. Before I set out

I

I ordered the barber to make me a good physical wig; under the shadow of which by the assistance of a good cane, properly applied to the immoveable muscles of my face, and a few significant shrugs and solemn nods, I soon acquired the reputation of an eminent physician. Fees came in apace; so that in the course of twenty years, I had saved up more money than I really knew what to do with. Whether it was my learning, my person, or my money, I can't say, but a lady in the neighbourhood took a vast liking to something belonging to me. was not so blind but I saw the conquest: for she would often come and spend week together with me: in short, I married her. I was past the years of discretion, and so I married her. O what a condescension! A lady of her family, rank, and fashion in life! as for age indeed, she was but six years younger than myself; and for fortune, if she ever had any, she had spent it; and yet I was such a fool, as to be convinced, she was conferring the greatest obligation in the world upon me.

No sooner did she take upon her the management of my family, than adieu, for ever, to all order, peace and comfort. She began with discharging my servant poor Jonas, because he made so queer a figure in a long queue and white stockings, which she insisted upon his wearing, though the poor fellow could not but laugh at himself The same day with Jonas, my old wig was discarded. It must be confessed it grew rather the worse for wear. From long acquaintance, it had contracted such a connection and familiarity, that it no longer kept that respectful distance from each side of my face, which had at first so distinguished it. I had, however, still continued it in service, purely from this reflection, the older it grew the less occasion it had for combing. A new wig had immediately been put on the stocks with a feathered top and a forked tail: since the arrival of which, I am never suffered to stir out, let the occasion be ever so pressing, before it is combed and powdered. Our prig of a new footman is so long twisting and turning and tickling it up, that a score of patients have expired, and the fees have been lost, ere I was able to set out to receive them. My snuff-coloured suit had been reinstated every other year from a pattern that was left in the hands of an honest taylor on the neighbouring

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