« PreviousContinue »
heath. He, poor fellow, was likewise She is, as I told you, but six years forbid the house, because according to younger than myself: yet she dresses, mny directions, he made my cloaths to fit dances, and drives as if she was but easy. A more fashionable operator was
five and twenty. charged with preparing a new suit with This however, and much more, I gold button-holes. He made them to could bear-I deserve it:-I am content it so exactly, that I dare not bring my she shall consume six and thirty yards hands to meet before me for fear of lay more than my old maid Hester in the ing open my spinal bone.
spinnings of her gown-she may play a My hat is not to be fapp'd any more,
shilling a fish at quadrille ; she may do, even though the sun shines full in my aye, she may do what she pleases, let face.--I am no longer suffered to wash me have but my study to myself; let my my face, according to custom, every night-cap and my slippers be restored, morning at the pump in my back yard, and I will submit to wear the new coat though nothing was more refreshing; and the wig every Sunday. por any thing more handy, than the I am, Sir, your much distressed, contowel which revolved on a roller at the fused, humble Servant, back of the kitchen door.
Benedict Blister, On my return home the other day from visiting a patient, I found the maid had
P.S. I long to take poor Jonas again,
he used always to ride before me; and, set my study to rights, as she called it: but the confusion which the regularity
drunk or sober, he knew the shortest has occasioned, is almost inconceivable. it whether one's footman wears a wig or
way all over the country. What signifies My toe-pin, my shoeing-horn, and tobacco-stopper,are lost for ever: my papers either my boots or his own.
his own hair? 'Tis true he never blacked. are disposed in such order, that I know not where to recur to any thing I want.
Two pair of old Manchester velvet breeches, which I left on the back of a
, have disappeared; and instead of the
Easy slippers which I had made out of an old pair of shoes, by cutting the straps off, I found a new pair, of red
FROM THE FRENCH. leather, adorned with white stitches LET him who hates dancing, ne'er go to a round the edges, and made so neat, that I can't bear to walk in them.
Nor him to the ocean, whom dangers appal; My woollen night-cap is condemned, Nor him to a feast, who already has dina in
Nor him to the court, who will speak out company
TYRO. fenders; and my wife insists that I wear one of linen, flounced on all sides, and adorned with a black ribband, which
A SIMILE. rying together the aperture within an The lofty oak from a small acorn grows, inch and a half of the top, carelessly And to the heav'ns ascends with spreading flows down on the side. I took such a boughs; violent cold the first night, that it brought Asyears increase it shades the extended plain, a defluxion of humours into my right Then, big with death and vengeance, ploughs eye, which very nearly deprived me of Hence rises fame, and safety to our shore, sight.
Andfrom an acorn springs Britannia's power. The staircase and stones are all waxed; it saves the expense of mops indeed; but I have such falls, that I have almost dis
DELIVERANCE. located every joint about me.
My neck is stretched out in such a From list'ners, spies, th'informer, and the manner,that I am apprehensive of having knave, my throat cut with the pasteboard.
Th’ unmeaning coxcomb pert, and pedant When I remonstrate on any of these
From sycophants, the flatterer, and the sot, articles
, she stops my mouth by a kiss, The treach rous friend, fanatic,and what not? and says-my dear angel-we must have From modern rhimers, punsters, politicians, some little regard to appearances.
Reviewers,quacks,impostors, and musicians,
From horns, a sullen wife, and duns tre When pageantry, and pomp, and pride, mendous,
Are but a garment laid aside;"Angels, and ministers of grace, defend And but for virtue, every King, -.
Like this,-a mute, unhonour'd thing. Porcester, written in June, 1768.
ON A PROFESSOR OF MUSIC.
Sacred to the memory
ON A STILL BORN MALE CHILD.
No sceptre fill'd his tiny hand;
Unbiass'd by the dogmas of schools,
Yet thus rarely gifted,
(For he had one.)
recede from it,)
Still marked his character;
of his profession,
But sang them occasionally,
But he prized them equally.
without rudeness ;
And admiration of her works,
To sum up his character,
which contained his seed, not being
dead in his cage, May 15th.
0.9 who can tell, in wisdom school'd
Perhaps, on holier, happier ground,
Behold me, King of Hear'n;
We know not:--but there speeds an hour
“ Sic vita est Hominum."
Titles may charm the vain, inglorious mind,
But gilded flies upon a worthless thorn, king goes to the queen,) the Count BenaOr rays that gleam above a wintry morn. vente with his majesty's sword, to be When all beneath presents a gloomy scene
loaded with a pot de chambre and night Sterile of good, to cheer the drooping mein: The corse below in animation's hour,
lamp, which last I generally spill upon Had more to claimthan vain inglorious pow'r; my clothes, that is then indeed too vexThe greatest ornaments of human life, atious. If in the morning I did not The tender Parent ! and the faithful Wife!
draw open the king's curtains, I really Patience was her's in every stage of ill, believe he would never get up, for no And resignation to her Maker's will; For others wrongs she always had a tear,
person besides myself must dare to enter Her friendship ardent! lasting!
and sincere, the bed chamber, whilst the king is in bed Till Heav’n uprais'd her from this world of with the queen. Lately the night lamp woe,
went out, for I had spilled half the oil; To find that bliss the good alone can know, I could not find the window, and almost The Husband writes these lines upon the crushed my nose to pieces against the
stone, To teach that worth which dignifies a throne! wall: the king got up, we tapped about
for half a quarter of an hour, and someT.N.
times gave each other pokes in the ribs # Death is the fate of all that live. at the window. His majesty I am st
much in favour with, that he sometimes makes me come to his bed, even two
hours before day, to talk with him. The Humour.
queen, it is true, takes a share in this pastime, but I have never been able to
instil into her so much confidence, as she COURT SERVICE.
grants to her Piedmontese chamber-maid.
That surprises me, for I serve her better The favorites of princes would seldom than she does, and I am certain, that be envied, if it were always known how “ I wash her feet, and draw on her stockdearly they sometimes purchased their ings, &c. &c. the best and the quickest.” good fortune. The princess Ursini, that It must be confessed, that the price with celebrated woman who once played so which the princess purchased the royal brilliant a part in Spain, describes very favour, would be for many too high. amusingly in a letter to the Marshal Noailles, all the burthens that were united with her situation. It must be
Hymns. remembered that she was a woman of elevated birth, and still more elevated spirit, how great then will be the asto I saw the virtuous man contend nishment at the humility to which an un
With life's unnumber'd woes, bridled ambition submitted, when she
And he was poor-without a friend, looked upon it, as the means of attaining
Press’d by a thousand foes. her purpose;
I saw, too, Passion's pliant slave, “Good God! what have they made
In gallant time and gay:
His course was pleasure's placid wave, of me? I enjoy not the least rest, and
His life a summer's day. have scarcely a moment to speak to my
And I was caught in Folly's snare, secretary. I must not even think of en
And join'd her giddy train : joying the secsta, or of eating when I am But found her soon the nurse of care, hungry. I must be glad, when in flight, And punishment, and pain. Ican swallow down a couple of bits; and There surely is some guiding Power, even this is not enough, for I am often Which rightly suffers wrong, called, when I have only just sat down Gives Vice to bloom its little hour, to table. Really Madame de Maintenon But Virtue late and long. would laugh, if she was made acquainted with all the little details of my services. For I am she, who has the honor to re
Inscriptions. ceive the king's night gown when he gets into bed, and to give him the same
ANECDOTE OF AN ARABIAN. again, together with his slippers, when he gets up. This might do well enough.' Almansur, a noble and rich Arab, ate, But that, on every evening, (when the drank, gamed, and wallowed in all kinds
of luxury. One day, as he was tortured ecclesiastics. A young gentleman who with ennui, and aitacked with disgust lodged in an attic, and was their close and loathing, he conceived the strange neighbour, frequently entertained himwhim of visiting all the graves of his self with thinning this covey of black forefathers. He descended into the game, by means of a cross-bow. On tombs, aud wandered among the moul- the opposite side lived a curious old cividering bones, not with the serious lian, who, observing from his study that thoughts that one day even his ashes the rooks often dropt senseless from their would be mixed with their's, but with the perch, no sign being made to his vision ideas of a voluptuary:
“ That here it was to account for the phenomenon, set his delightfully cool, and excellently adapted wits to work to consider the cause. It to promote the business of digestion.” was probably during a profitless time
Suddenly his attention was attracted of peace, and the doctor, having by a half obliterated inscription: “In plenty of leisure, weighed the matthis grave," so it imported, « lies a much ter over and over till he was at length greater treasure than was ever possessed by satisfied that he had made a great Cræsus.” Almansur, whose riches were ornithological discovery. He actually pretty well exhausted, with joyful eager- wrote a treutise, stating circumstantially ness ordered the grave to be immediately what he himself had seen, and in conopened, and he found a handful of dust clusion giving it as the settled convicunder a marble tablet, on which were tion of his mind, that rooks were subject engraven the following words:
THE SALAMANDER, - I went last a treasure that even Cræsus himself never evening with many others, by polite inpossessed."
vitation from Monsieur Chabert, 10 see him perform his fiery experiments. From the number of Artists who were seated
around me, I have little doubt but that Miscellanies.
this foreign Salamander invited the Royal Academy of Arts, supposing it
to be the Royal Society, or some other PORTRAIT.. Could you not give a
Academy of Science. What a mistake! little expression to that countenance ? It may be sufficiently incredible, if I said a gentleman to an eminent painter, add, that he actually went through the who shewed him a portrait that he had following warm work with the utmost just finished; I have made that attempt coolness. He put his naked fist into already, replied the painter, but, what melted lead; he swallowed two table the picture gained in expression, it lost spoonsful of boiling oil, and bathed in likeness; and by the time there was a
his hands and face in the same; he little common sense in the countenance,
melted sealing wax, letting it drop fanobody knew for whom it was intended. ming on his tongue, whence two gentleI was obliged, therefore, to make an men took impressions of their seals; entire new picture, with the face per
and after various other experiments
, he fectly like, and perfectly unmeaning as
finished by eating five fair-mouthfuls of lighted torch, wax, tow, and all, as if it were sallad.--Your constant Reader,
VERITAS. A LEARNED DISCOURSE.---Among Friday Morning, Feb. 27, 1818. the discoveries of the learned which have amused mankind, the following instance merits a conspicuous rank.--Some years ago there were several large COUNSELLOR Grady, on a late trial elm-trees in the College-Garden, behind in Ireland, said, he recollected to have the Ecclesiastical Court, Doctor's Com- heard of a relentless Judge; he was mons, in which a number of rooks had known by the name of the hanging taken up their abode, forming in ap- Judge, and was never seen to shed a pearance a sort of convocation of aerial tear but once, and that was during the
you see it.
representation of the Beggar's Opera, In Spain and Portugal
10,000 when Macheath got a reprieve.
In the United States
3000 In the Mahommedan States
of Asia, Europe, and Africa 4,000,000 MUSICAL TASTE. --- A Lady, after In Persia and the rest of Asia, performing with the most brilliant exe including China and India 500,000 cution, a Sonata on the piano-forte, in the presence of Dr. Johnson, turning to
Total 6,598,000 the philosopher, took the liberty of asking him if he was fond of music? “No, Madam,” replied the doctor “ but of
THERE is a case now in Chancery in all noises, I think music is the least dis
which the executors of a person lately agreeable.”
deceased resist the payment of a doc
tor's bill, partly on the ground of its PERVERSION OF TERMS. When enormous amount. The following items a lady is muftled up to the throat, and read in Court certainly shew an uncomher arms thrust into sacks like bishop's mon fondness for physic in the deceased : sleeves, she calls herself undressed; and --- Fifteen visits in the day-time, and when she is said to be full-dressed, she nine visits at night, at a guinea each bas scarcely any covering at all.
time; five thousand seven hundred and
twenty-eight draughts; one hundred and DIED, in the parish of Aiglish, in the
sirty-eight mixtures; one hundred and vicinity of Killarney, at the very ad
nineteen bolusses ; sixty-eight lotions ; sevanced age of 115 years, Theodore venty-eight liniaments; tuo hundred and O'Sullivan, the celebrated Irish Bard. fifty-eight boxes of pills and other doses This extraordinary man
of various descriptions to the amount of a gre it composer in his native lan seven hundred! guage, expired suddenly Wednesday last, whilst sowing oats
in the field of one of his great grand
Sonnets. children, and retaining his faculties to the last moment! He is said to have şung to the plough one of his favorite lyrics, and actually breathed his last at the On the Deuth of SPRIGGINS, a favourite Cai, final stanza of his national melody.
years. The deceased also followed the occupa- Spriggins, thy sorrowing mistress drops a tion of a cooper, and is said to have tvar,
And much laments she ne'er again shall see made a churn, from which butter was
Thee frisk about with grave agility, taken for the christening of liis 26th And on thy hind supporters proudly rear great grand-child.
Thy supplé form-Alas ! thou dost appear
Á poor and loathsome corpse, unfit to be
Before the eyes of fair humanity, JEWS.---In a Tract lately published at Which cannot need an object so severe, Paris by M. Bail, the following is given Unless percbancethesightofdeathshouldbring as a fair calculation of the number of Even in the shape of a four-footed thing Jews at the different quarters of the
Reflection to the mind ? ---farewell kind
My soul is dispossessed of all its mirth, In all parts of Poland, before
And every feeling shaken to the root, the partition of 1772 1,000,000 To see my fellow-animal thus turn'd to In Russia, including Molda
M.R.S. via and Wallachia
200,000 Io all the States in which the
ON THE GRASSHOPPER and CRICKET.
[FROM POEMS BY JOHN KEATS.] In France
50,000 The poetry of earth is never dead :
When all the birds are faint withthe hot sun In England (of which London
And hide in cooling trees, a voice will run contains 12,000)
50,000 From hedge to hedge about the new-mown In the States in which Italian
mead; is spoken
200,000 That is the Grasshopper's ;=he takes the lead