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On Tuesday, Mr. Shorter, of Monument muse," penetrate into the regions of Yard, to Miss Short, of Little East-cheap. Bathos. Nothing is more common to The Rev. Dr. Church, to Miss Bishop, of
see inscribed on a rustic tombstone, Dean-street; the happy couple left town after the ceremony, to pass the honeymoon at A loving friend, a husband dear, the Priory.
A tender father sleepeth here; though, at the same time, this paragon
of perfection, who, according to the Epigrams.
epitaph, regularly and severally performed every Christian duty, was known
by those who have survived him, to DANDIES.
have been both a drunken, tyrannical,
good-for-nothing husband, and an imDandies, to make a greater show, Wear coats stuck out with pads and pufflng;
perious father, without any sense of And this is surely a-propos,
faith or honesty. One of these “ frail For what's a Goose without the stuffing ?
memorials” informs us, with great earnestness and penetration,
Here we lies and takes our rest,
Till Christ our Lord doth call;
Then we shall rise from death to life,
Well, and what follows ? “ When they do agree, their unanimity is And die no more at all ! wonderful.”—CRITIC.
In a church-yard in the isle of PortBoth parties“ anrious” wish to pay, land, there is the following whimsical No Debtors e'er so hot;
Ah, cruel death! alas ! thou hast me hurl'd
Vex nsr perplex me. Oh! that's best of all ! ON HEARING MISS MARIA SA
As a specimen of the orthoëpy of Called « a very promising Young Lady."
these rural bards, take the following, I perfectly agree with what you say, which is inscribed in the church-yard of Alas! I've known her so before to-day. Well—and what then?-why, really 'tis ab
Coombe-Basset, a village near Salissurd,
bury--This girl of promise seldom keeps her word! Weep not for me, my children dear,
I am not dead, but sleepeth here.
But all these must yield the palm of TO A LADY
singularity to one, which is to be met Who received a Contusion on the Eye.
with somewhere in Scotland; but of
which I have unfortunately forgotten a Poets have doubted which are best, great part, that which I remember, runs Black Eyes, or Blue, but I protest,
thus--All must adjudge the prize to you,
Who lies here?
Me Mungo Linsey. What need ye spear?
Aye. I was living ance, but I'm dead now.
The following epitaph, in Bideford church-yard, Devon, is of the Hudi
brastic kind--Hush ye fond flutt'rings, hush! while
The wedding-day appointed was, here alone
And wedding clothes provided,
But ere that day did come, alas!
He sicken'd, and he die did.
But this is perhaps exceeded by a coupMR. Editor I have been often very let in the church-yard of Seven-Oaks, much amused, with reading the inscrip- Kent.. tions and epitaphs of a country church
Grim death took me without any warning, yard. It is really laughable to see how
I was well at night, and dead at nine in the far these effusions of the “ unlettered morning.
The beauty of the Alexandrine will And sighs like death 'Twas strange, for
through the day not escape the classical reader. In West Grinstead church-yard, Sus
They stood quite motionless, and look'd,
methought, sex, is one of a different description Like monumental things, which the sad Vast strong was 1, but yet did dye,
earth, And in my grave asleep'l lye ;
From its green bosom had cast ont in pity, My grave is steaned round about,
To mark a young girl's grave—the very Yet I hope the Lord will find me out.
Disowned their natural green, and took a Of the epigrammatic kind, I think the .
black following, which is to be found in North And mournful hue; and the rough briar had Leach church, Gloucestershire, on
stretched person of the name of STONE, is enti His straggling arms across the river, and
Lay like an armed sentinel there, catching, iled to the praise of neatness--
With his tenacious leaf, strays, withered Jerusalem's curse was ne'er fulfillid in me,
boughs, For here a stone upon a Stone you see.
Moss that the banks had lost, coarse grasses
which I shall only trouble you with two
Swam with the current, and with these it more: one is on a stone in Leominster
The poor Murcelia's death-bed. ---Never By my first husband here I lie,
Of venturous fisher be cast in with hope, So may the second when he die.
For not a fish abides there the slim deer The other is an epitaph made by a Snorts as he ruffles with his shorten'd breath husband, on the decease of his second The brook, and, panting, fies the unholy wife, who happened to be interred im
And the white heiser lows and passes on; mediately adjoining his former one, and
The foaming hound lags not, and winter is copied from a stone in a church-yard
birds in the county of Kent-
Go higher up the strean
And yet i Here lies the body of Sarah Sexton,
love Who was a good one, ard never vex'd one;
To loiter there; and when the rising moon I can't say that for her at the next stone.
Flames down the avenue of pines, and looks
To and fro' with the wind, I listen, and ON A MAN KILL'D BY HIS WIFE, Can fancy to myself that eoices there
Plain, and low prayers come moaning In a Fit of Jealousy.
through the leaves
For some misdeed. The story goes that Here lies poor Tom, to jealousy a victim, His wife a bodkin took, and with it stick'd him !
Neglected girl, an Orphan, whom the
world Ye happy souls, who love your wedded lives, Preserve the same by stick ing to your wives !
Frowned upon) once stray'd thither, and
'twas thought Did cast her in the stream: you may have
Of one Marcelia, poor Molini's daughter, Fragments.
Fell ill, and came to want in youth. No? Then she is drowned ?
Lov'd a rich man who mark'd her not - He Drown'd-drown'd.
wed, Too much of water hast thou, poor Ophelia, And then the girl grew sick, and pin'd away, And therefore I forbid my tears. Hamlet. And drown'd herself for love - Some day
or other It was a salutary place:
I'll tell you all the story.
[W.] The shallow brook that ran throughout the
- dark trees
GUNPOWDER PLOT. – Some days And spicy cedar) clustered, and at night
before the fatal stroke should be given, Shook from their melancholy branches
Master Keys (a conspirator) being at sounds
Tichmerslı, in Northamptonshire, at the
Trasa bouse of Mr: Gilbert Pickering, his selves away in the prison, rather than to
brother-in-law, (but of a different reli grace them, and amuse others, with the
gion, as a true Protestant) suddenly solemnity of a public execution, which 0, 2 whipped out his sword, and in merri- in popular judgments usurped the honor ment made many offers therewith at the of
Fuller's Church heads, necks, and sides, of many gen- History. tlemen and gentlewomen then in the company,
This then was taken as a mere frolic, and for the present passed they accordingly; but afterwards, when the
Humour. treason was discovered, such as remembered his gestures, thought thereby he did act what he intended to do, (if the FASHIONABLE DISASTER, plot had took effect) hack and hew, kill and slay, all eminent persons of a dif
Sir, - As your Magazine is always ferent religion from themselves.--Fuller's ready to render assistance to the dis
tressed, I hope it will not be trespassing too much upon your columns, to insert
the following unfortunate circumstance, BURNING OF HERETICS. - Indeed
which may probably prove a useful hint
to that part of your fair perusers who are such burning of heretics much startled common people, pitying all in pain, Gallic mode of dressing.
extravagantly fond of the present Angloand prone to asperse justice itself with
· When leaning over the door of my pew cruelty, because of the novelty and hideousness of the punishment.
at church on Sunday last, two elegant
And the purblind eyes of vulgar judgments fashion, came down the aisle, and in
females, dressed in the height of French at what was next to them, (the suffering itself) which they beheld
conseqnence of some obstruction, could with compassion, not minding the de
not immediately procure seats. To my merit of the guilt which deserved the
great mortification they placed themselves
so close to me, that one of the feathers Besides, such being unable to in the bonnet of the shortest lady comdistinguish betwixt constancy and obstipletely covered the surface of my prayer: nacy, were ready to entertain good book, (12mo. size) and totally concealed thoughts even of the opinions of those heretics, who sealed them so manfully been of any great consequence, had not
it from my sight. This would not have with their blood. Wherefore King the other lady, at the same moment, James (the First) politickly preferred, turned her head in such a direction, that heretics hereafter,* thus condemned, that in articulating the words O Lord ! should silently and privately waste them
she forced her feather directly into my Positively one is at a loss which to
mouth. The tickling and unpleasant admire most in this passage; the tender
sensation occasioned by this unexpected mercies of the King, or the regretful look attack, produced such a fit of spitting Which this old Divine seems to have cast and coughing, in endeavouring to disen
upon the extinguished fires of Smithfield. 'Through all the coyness of the con
gage the feathers from the roof and fession, and the little more than hints which
sides of my mouth, to which they adhe broaches on this delicate subject, it is
bered very closely, that I unconsciously easy to discover, that those smothered
bit the feather with my teeth; and, to brands had left as strong a relish and savor add to my dilemma, before I could of fire in his nostrils, as the odour of the old fleshipots did upon the palates of the
recover myself, a Gentleman opposite
invited the Ladies into his pew, and rebellious manna-sick Jews. 'He would fain be blowing up the dead coals again, though thereby left the feather suspended from
The confusion that now he offers at it reluctantly, and lights the my mouth. pyre (as the ancients did in their funeral overwhelmed me may be more easily rites) with averted eyes. Yet Fuller appears guessed than described, and which did to have been a humane kind-hearted man; not fail to distend the muscles of those (where beretics were not concerned) and could see the enormity of “
who were the most devoutly engaged.
hacking and bewing" " killing and slaying” persons of
To finish my misfortune, the Lady afteran “ opposite faith," when that faith was
wards insisted upon my giving my name, and of my making an apology for my
unmannerly behaviour. This I have thumb in felling a tree. But this plea-
soon allayed, when, upon
Arabian. When I went out, some
Remembering with a pleasing complacency the Watcombe pigs, I paid
thirty shillings for a sow with pig. My RURAL FELICITY.
wife starved them. They ran over to a
madman, Lord -, who distrained Letter from the late Sir J. Dalrymple, them for damage; and the mother
Cranston, Jan. 1, 1792.
way to market for their produce, and
I made a fine haystack, but quar-
relled with my wife as to the manner Finding the roof bad, I sent slaters, of drying the hay, and building the at the peril of their necks, to repair it. stack. The haystack took fire, by which They mended three holes, and made I had the double mortification of losing thirty themselves.
my hay, and finding my wife had more
sense than myself.
I kept no plough, for which I thank
my Maker, because then I must have
wrote this letter from a jail.
I paid 201. for a dunghill
, because I I thought it would give a magnificent
was told it was a good thing; and now air to the hall to throw the passage into I would give any body 20s. to tell me it. After it was done, I went out of
what to do with it.
I built and stocked a pigeon-house ;
behind the house; but I hit upon the
choused the lawyer, and exposed me to He's as different a sort of Sir Richard as a dozen law suits for breach of bargains
can be; which I could not perform.
And it shows what a very degenerate son I fattened black cattle and sheep,
He must be of that Wit, in more senses but could not agree with the butchers That, in mustering so snugly his few honest about the price. From mere economy
battlers, We ate them ourselves, and almost For that Tory system, which (thank killed all the family with surfeits.
Heaven!) moulders, I brewed much beer, but the small
He can't bear the thought of Spectators or
Tatlers, turned sour, and the servants drank all
And e'en, in his fury, falls foul of Free
holders. I found a ghost in the house, whose name was M'Alister, a pedlar, that had been killed in one of the rooms at
On a very sprightly young Gentleman, who
had, on a sudden, left his gay Companions, the top of the house two centuries ago. to muse in a Church Yard. No servant would go an errand after
The best of boys, the best of sons; the sun was set, for fear of M‘Alister,
A steadier who would crave ? which obliged me to send off one set Lo! sick, quite sick, of giddy ones, of my servants. Soon after, the house He hurries to the grave. keeper, your old friend Mrs. Brown,
BEPPO. died, aged ninety; and then the belief ran, that another ghost was in the house, upon which many of the new Inscriptions. set of servants begged leave to quit the house, and got it.
In one thing only I have succeeded : For the Apartment in Chepstow Castle, where I have quarrelled with all my neigh Henry Marten, the Rrgicide, was impribours; so that, with a dozen gentlemen's soned Thirty Years. By ROBERT SOUTHEY, seats in my view, I stalk along like a
Esq. Poet-Laureate. lion in a desert.
For thirty years secluded from mankind, I thought I should have been happy
Here Marten linger'd. Often have these with my tenants, because I could be
walls insolent to them without their being
Echoed his footsteps, as with even tread insolent to me; but they paid me no
He paced around his prison: not to him
Did Nature's fair varieties exist; rent, and in a few days I shall have He never saw the Sun's delightful beams, above one half of the very few friends I
Save when thro' yon high bars it pour'd a have in the country in a prison.
sad Such being the pleasures of a country
And broken splendour. Dost thou ask his
crime ? life, I intend to quit them all in about He had rebell’d against the King, and sat a month, to submit to the mortifica
In judgment on him; for his ardent inind tion of spending the spring in London, Shaped goodliest plans of happiness on where I am happy to hear that Mrs.
earth, Dalrymple is doing well.
May God And peace and liberty. Wild dreams! But
such preserve her long to you, for she is a As Plato lov'd; such as with holy zeal
Our Milton worshipp'd.
Blessed hopes! Just when I was going to you last
awhile spring, I received a letter from Bess,
From man withheld, even to the latter days,
When Christ shall come and all things be I put off my
ACREBI, in his travels through Finland,
relates a very curious law which prevails
at Abo, which, if adopted in this counON SIR RICHARD STEELE.
try, would totally put an end to that Tho' sprung from the clever Sir Richard abominable traffic carried on by resur
rection men, It is, that the bodies of
that she was dying.
this man may be,