On Tuesday, Mr. Shorter, of Monument muse," penetrate into the regions of Yard, to Miss Short, of Little East-cheap. Bathos. Nothing is more common to The Rev. Dr. Church, to Miss Bishop, of

see inscribed on a rustic tombstone, Dean-street; the happy couple left town after the ceremony, to pass the honeymoon at A loving friend, a husband dear, the Priory.

A tender father sleepeth here; though, at the same time, this paragon

of perfection, who, according to the Epigrams.

epitaph, regularly and severally performed every Christian duty, was known

by those who have survived him, to DANDIES.

have been both a drunken, tyrannical,

good-for-nothing husband, and an imDandies, to make a greater show, Wear coats stuck out with pads and pufflng;

perious father, without any sense of And this is surely a-propos,

faith or honesty. One of these “ frail For what's a Goose without the stuffing ?

memorials” informs us, with great earnestness and penetration,

Here we lies and takes our rest,
MINISTERS AND THE BANK;

Till Christ our Lord doth call;
OR, CASH PAYMENTS.

Then we shall rise from death to life,

Well, and what follows ? “ When they do agree, their unanimity is And die no more at all ! wonderful.”—CRITIC.

In a church-yard in the isle of PortBoth parties“ anrious” wish to pay, land, there is the following whimsical No Debtors e'er so hot;

inscription---
Yet there's an awkward But, they say,
But what?--they'd rather not!

Ah, cruel death! alas ! thou hast me hurl'd
Out of this evil, to a better world:
Where neither sin, nor sorrow, never shall

Vex nsr perplex me. Oh! that's best of all ! ON HEARING MISS MARIA SA

As a specimen of the orthoëpy of Called « a very promising Young Lady."

these rural bards, take the following, I perfectly agree with what you say, which is inscribed in the church-yard of Alas! I've known her so before to-day. Well—and what then?-why, really 'tis ab

Coombe-Basset, a village near Salissurd,

bury--This girl of promise seldom keeps her word! Weep not for me, my children dear,

I am not dead, but sleepeth here.

But all these must yield the palm of TO A LADY

singularity to one, which is to be met Who received a Contusion on the Eye.

with somewhere in Scotland; but of

which I have unfortunately forgotten a Poets have doubted which are best, great part, that which I remember, runs Black Eyes, or Blue, but I protest,

thus--All must adjudge the prize to you,

Who lies here?
Blest with an eye, both black and blue.

Me Mungo Linsey. What need ye spear?
Aha, Mungo ! is this you ?

Aye. I was living ance, but I'm dead now.
Epitaphs.

The following epitaph, in Bideford church-yard, Devon, is of the Hudi

brastic kind--Hush ye fond flutt'rings, hush! while

The wedding-day appointed was, here alone

And wedding clothes provided,
I search the records of each mould'ring

But ere that day did come, alas!
stone.
Pleasures of Memory.

He sicken'd, and he die did.

But this is perhaps exceeded by a coupMR. Editor I have been often very let in the church-yard of Seven-Oaks, much amused, with reading the inscrip- Kent.. tions and epitaphs of a country church

Grim death took me without any warning, yard. It is really laughable to see how

I was well at night, and dead at nine in the far these effusions of the “ unlettered morning.

The beauty of the Alexandrine will And sighs like death 'Twas strange, for

through the day not escape the classical reader. In West Grinstead church-yard, Sus

They stood quite motionless, and look'd,

methought, sex, is one of a different description Like monumental things, which the sad Vast strong was 1, but yet did dye,

earth, And in my grave asleep'l lye ;

From its green bosom had cast ont in pity, My grave is steaned round about,

To mark a young girl's grave—the very Yet I hope the Lord will find me out.

leaves

Disowned their natural green, and took a Of the epigrammatic kind, I think the .

black following, which is to be found in North And mournful hue; and the rough briar had Leach church, Gloucestershire, on

stretched person of the name of STONE, is enti His straggling arms across the river, and

Lay like an armed sentinel there, catching, iled to the praise of neatness--

With his tenacious leaf, strays, withered Jerusalem's curse was ne'er fulfillid in me,

boughs, For here a stone upon a Stone you see.

Moss that the banks had lost, coarse grasses

which I shall only trouble you with two

Swam with the current, and with these it more: one is on a stone in Leominster

hid church-yard-

The poor Murcelia's death-bed. ---Never By my first husband here I lie,

may yet

Of venturous fisher be cast in with hope, So may the second when he die.

For not a fish abides there the slim deer The other is an epitaph made by a Snorts as he ruffles with his shorten'd breath husband, on the decease of his second The brook, and, panting, fies the unholy wife, who happened to be interred im

place;

And the white heiser lows and passes on; mediately adjoining his former one, and

The foaming hound lags not, and winter is copied from a stone in a church-yard

birds in the county of Kent-

Go higher up the strean

And yet i Here lies the body of Sarah Sexton,

love Who was a good one, ard never vex'd one;

To loiter there; and when the rising moon I can't say that for her at the next stone.

Flames down the avenue of pines, and looks
Red and dilated through the evening mists,
And chequer'd as the leary branches sway

To and fro' with the wind, I listen, and ON A MAN KILL'D BY HIS WIFE, Can fancy to myself that eoices there

Plain, and low prayers come moaning In a Fit of Jealousy.

through the leaves

For some misdeed. The story goes that Here lies poor Tom, to jealousy a victim, His wife a bodkin took, and with it stick'd him !

Neglected girl, an Orphan, whom the

world Ye happy souls, who love your wedded lives, Preserve the same by stick ing to your wives !

Frowned upon) once stray'd thither, and

'twas thought Did cast her in the stream: you may have

heard

Of one Marcelia, poor Molini's daughter, Fragments.

who

Fell ill, and came to want in youth. No? Then she is drowned ?

Lov'd a rich man who mark'd her not - He Drown'd-drown'd.

wed, Too much of water hast thou, poor Ophelia, And then the girl grew sick, and pin'd away, And therefore I forbid my tears. Hamlet. And drown'd herself for love - Some day

or other It was a salutary place:

I'll tell you all the story.

[W.] The shallow brook that ran throughout the

forest,
(Aye, chattering as it went) there took a
And widen'd-all its music died away,

Gleanings.
And, in the place, a silent eddy told
That there the stream grew deeper. — There

- dark trees
Funereal (cypress, yew, and shadowy pine

GUNPOWDER PLOT. – Some days And spicy cedar) clustered, and at night

before the fatal stroke should be given, Shook from their melancholy branches

Master Keys (a conspirator) being at sounds

Tichmerslı, in Northamptonshire, at the

some

oh, she

turn

Church History.

looked only

Trasa bouse of Mr: Gilbert Pickering, his selves away in the prison, rather than to

brother-in-law, (but of a different reli grace them, and amuse others, with the

gion, as a true Protestant) suddenly solemnity of a public execution, which 0, 2 whipped out his sword, and in merri- in popular judgments usurped the honor ment made many offers therewith at the of

a persecution.

Fuller's Church heads, necks, and sides, of many gen- History. tlemen and gentlewomen then in the company,

This then was taken as a mere frolic, and for the present passed they accordingly; but afterwards, when the

Humour. treason was discovered, such as remembered his gestures, thought thereby he did act what he intended to do, (if the FASHIONABLE DISASTER, plot had took effect) hack and hew, kill and slay, all eminent persons of a dif

Sir, - As your Magazine is always ferent religion from themselves.--Fuller's ready to render assistance to the dis

tressed, I hope it will not be trespassing too much upon your columns, to insert

the following unfortunate circumstance, BURNING OF HERETICS. - Indeed

which may probably prove a useful hint

to that part of your fair perusers who are such burning of heretics much startled common people, pitying all in pain, Gallic mode of dressing.

extravagantly fond of the present Angloand prone to asperse justice itself with

· When leaning over the door of my pew cruelty, because of the novelty and hideousness of the punishment.

at church on Sunday last, two elegant

And the purblind eyes of vulgar judgments fashion, came down the aisle, and in

females, dressed in the height of French at what was next to them, (the suffering itself) which they beheld

conseqnence of some obstruction, could with compassion, not minding the de

not immediately procure seats. To my merit of the guilt which deserved the

great mortification they placed themselves

so close to me, that one of the feathers Besides, such being unable to in the bonnet of the shortest lady comdistinguish betwixt constancy and obstipletely covered the surface of my prayer: nacy, were ready to entertain good book, (12mo. size) and totally concealed thoughts even of the opinions of those heretics, who sealed them so manfully been of any great consequence, had not

it from my sight. This would not have with their blood. Wherefore King the other lady, at the same moment, James (the First) politickly preferred, turned her head in such a direction, that heretics hereafter,* thus condemned, that in articulating the words O Lord ! should silently and privately waste them

she forced her feather directly into my Positively one is at a loss which to

mouth. The tickling and unpleasant admire most in this passage; the tender

sensation occasioned by this unexpected mercies of the King, or the regretful look attack, produced such a fit of spitting Which this old Divine seems to have cast and coughing, in endeavouring to disen

upon the extinguished fires of Smithfield. 'Through all the coyness of the con

gage the feathers from the roof and fession, and the little more than hints which

sides of my mouth, to which they adhe broaches on this delicate subject, it is

bered very closely, that I unconsciously easy to discover, that those smothered

bit the feather with my teeth; and, to brands had left as strong a relish and savor add to my dilemma, before I could of fire in his nostrils, as the odour of the old fleshipots did upon the palates of the

recover myself, a Gentleman opposite

invited the Ladies into his pew, and rebellious manna-sick Jews. 'He would fain be blowing up the dead coals again, though thereby left the feather suspended from

The confusion that now he offers at it reluctantly, and lights the my mouth. pyre (as the ancients did in their funeral overwhelmed me may be more easily rites) with averted eyes. Yet Fuller appears guessed than described, and which did to have been a humane kind-hearted man; not fail to distend the muscles of those (where beretics were not concerned) and could see the enormity of “

who were the most devoutly engaged.

hacking and bewing" " killing and slaying” persons of

To finish my misfortune, the Lady afteran “ opposite faith," when that faith was

wards insisted upon my giving my name, and of my making an apology for my

same.

back

his own.

sure

was

bad usage.

for you.

unmannerly behaviour. This I have thumb in felling a tree. But this plea-
done; but not being yet able to appease

soon allayed, when, upon
her anger, we have both agreed to refer examining his measure, I found that he
the matter to your superior judgment; had measured false, and cheated me of
and I earnestly request advice of what twenty per cent.
course I am to pursue, to overcome the Instead of saddle-horses, I bought
inveterate and insurmountable displea- mares, and had them covered with an
sure of the said Lady.

Arabian. When I went out, some
If the foregoing should ever prove of months after, to mount them, the groom
benefit to any of my fellow-creatures, told me I should kill the foals; and now
in enabling them to avoid similar disas- I walk on foot, with the stable full of
ters, it will fully compensate for all the horses, unless when, with much humi-
anxiety and uneasiness it has occasioned. lity, I ask to be admitted into the
Sir, your constant reader, chaise; which is generally refused me.

Mores.

Remembering with a pleasing complacency the Watcombe pigs, I paid

thirty shillings for a sow with pig. My RURAL FELICITY.

wife starved them. They ran over to a

madman, Lord -, who distrained Letter from the late Sir J. Dalrymple, them for damage; and the mother

,
Burt, to the late Admiral Dalrymple. with ten helpless infants, died with

Cranston, Jan. 1, 1792.
MY DEAR SIR,-Your shirts are safe. Loving butter much, and cream more,
I have made many attempts upon them, I bought two Dutch cows, and had
but Bess, who has in honesty what she plenty of both. I made my wife a
wants in temper, keeps them in safety present of two more: she learned the

way to market for their produce, and
You ask me what I have been doing? I have never got a bowl of cream
To the best of my memory, what has since.
passed since I came home is as fol-

I made a fine haystack, but quar-
lows:

relled with my wife as to the manner Finding the roof bad, I sent slaters, of drying the hay, and building the at the peril of their necks, to repair it. stack. The haystack took fire, by which They mended three holes, and made I had the double mortification of losing thirty themselves.

my hay, and finding my wife had more
I pulled down as many walls round

sense than myself.
the house as would have fortified a
town. This was in summer; but, now

I kept no plough, for which I thank
that winter is come, I would give all

my Maker, because then I must have

wrote this letter from a jail.
the money to put them up again that it
cost me to take them down.

I paid 201. for a dunghill

, because I I thought it would give a magnificent

was told it was a good thing; and now air to the hall to throw the passage into I would give any body 20s. to tell me it. After it was done, I went out of

what to do with it.
town to see how it looked.

I built and stocked a pigeon-house ;
night when I went into it; the wind but the cats watch below, and the hawks
blew out the candle, from the over-size hover above, and pigeon-soup, roasted-
of the room; upon which I ordered the pigeon, or cold pigeon pie, I have
partition to be built up again, that I never seen since.
might not die of cold in the midst of I fell to draining a piece of low ground
summer.

behind the house; but I hit upon the
I ordered the old timber to be tail of the rock, and drained the well
thinned; to which, perhaps, the love of the house, by which I can get no
of lucre a little contributed. The water for my victuals.
workmen, for every tree they cut down, I entered into a great project for
destroyed three, by letting them fall selling lime, upon a promise from one
on each other. I received a momen of my own farmers to give me land of
tary satisfaction, from hearing that the his farm; but when I went to take off
carpenter I employed had cut off his , my ground, he laughed, said he had

It was

1

than one,

the strong.

choused the lawyer, and exposed me to He's as different a sort of Sir Richard as a dozen law suits for breach of bargains

can be; which I could not perform.

And it shows what a very degenerate son I fattened black cattle and sheep,

He must be of that Wit, in more senses but could not agree with the butchers That, in mustering so snugly his few honest about the price. From mere economy

battlers, We ate them ourselves, and almost For that Tory system, which (thank killed all the family with surfeits.

Heaven!) moulders, I brewed much beer, but the small

He can't bear the thought of Spectators or

Tatlers, turned sour, and the servants drank all

And e'en, in his fury, falls foul of Free

holders. I found a ghost in the house, whose name was M'Alister, a pedlar, that had been killed in one of the rooms at

On a very sprightly young Gentleman, who

had, on a sudden, left his gay Companions, the top of the house two centuries ago. to muse in a Church Yard. No servant would go an errand after

The best of boys, the best of sons; the sun was set, for fear of M‘Alister,

A steadier who would crave ? which obliged me to send off one set Lo! sick, quite sick, of giddy ones, of my servants. Soon after, the house He hurries to the grave. keeper, your old friend Mrs. Brown,

BEPPO. died, aged ninety; and then the belief ran, that another ghost was in the house, upon which many of the new Inscriptions. set of servants begged leave to quit the house, and got it.

In one thing only I have succeeded : For the Apartment in Chepstow Castle, where I have quarrelled with all my neigh Henry Marten, the Rrgicide, was impribours; so that, with a dozen gentlemen's soned Thirty Years. By ROBERT SOUTHEY, seats in my view, I stalk along like a

Esq. Poet-Laureate. lion in a desert.

For thirty years secluded from mankind, I thought I should have been happy

Here Marten linger'd. Often have these with my tenants, because I could be

walls insolent to them without their being

Echoed his footsteps, as with even tread insolent to me; but they paid me no

He paced around his prison: not to him

Did Nature's fair varieties exist; rent, and in a few days I shall have He never saw the Sun's delightful beams, above one half of the very few friends I

Save when thro' yon high bars it pour'd a have in the country in a prison.

sad Such being the pleasures of a country

And broken splendour. Dost thou ask his

crime ? life, I intend to quit them all in about He had rebell’d against the King, and sat a month, to submit to the mortifica

In judgment on him; for his ardent inind tion of spending the spring in London, Shaped goodliest plans of happiness on where I am happy to hear that Mrs.

earth, Dalrymple is doing well.

May God And peace and liberty. Wild dreams! But

such preserve her long to you, for she is a As Plato lov'd; such as with holy zeal

Our Milton worshipp'd.

Blessed hopes! Just when I was going to you last

awhile spring, I received a letter from Bess,

From man withheld, even to the latter days,

When Christ shall come and all things be I put off my

fulfill'd.
journey to Watcombe, and almost
killed myself with posting to Scotland,
where I found Madam in perfect good

Miscellanies.
Your's always, my dear Jack,
John DALRYMPLE.

ACREBI, in his travels through Finland,
Impromptus.

relates a very curious law which prevails

at Abo, which, if adopted in this counON SIR RICHARD STEELE.

try, would totally put an end to that Tho' sprung from the clever Sir Richard abominable traffic carried on by resur

rection men, It is, that the bodies of

fine creature.

that she was dying.

health.

this man may be,

H