Page images
PDF
EPUB

comes in one mistress Page, gives intelligence of Ford a proach, and by her invention, and Ford's wife's dif tation, they convey'd me into a buck-basket.

Ford. A buck-basket?

Fal. Yea, a buck-basket; ramm'd me in with foul fhirts and fmocks, focks, foul ftockings, and greafy napkins; that, mafter Brook, there was the rankeft compound of villainous fmell, that ever offended noftril.

Ford. And how long lay you there?

Fal. Nay, you fhall hear, mafter Brook, what I have fuffer'd, to bring this woman to evil for your good. Being thus cramm'd in the bafket, a couple of Ford's knaves, his hinds, were call'd forth by their mistress, to carry me in the name of foul cloaths to Datchet-lane; they took me on their fhoulders, met the jealous knave their master in the door, who afk'd them once or twice what they had in their basket; I quak'd for fear, left the lunatic knave would have fearch'd it; but fate, ordaining he fhould be a cuckold, held his hand. Well, on went he for a fearch, and away went I for foul cloaths; but mark the fequel, mafter Brook; I fuffered the pangs of three egregious deaths: first, an intolerable fright, to be detected by a jealous rotten bell-weather; next to compafs'd like a good bilbo, in the circumference of a peck, hilt to point, heel to head; and then to be ftopt in, like a ftrong diftillation, with flinking cloaths that fretted in their own greafe: think of that, a man of my kidney; think of that, that am as fubject to heat as butter; a man of continual diffolution and thaw; it was a miracle to 'fcape fuffocation. And in the height of this bath, when I was more than half ftew'd in grease, like a Dutch difh, to be thrown into the Thames, and cool'd glowing hot, in that furge, like a horfe-fhoe; think of that; hiffing hot; think of that, master Brook.

Ford. In good fadnefs, Sir, I am forry that for my fake you fuffer'd all this. My fuit is then defperate; you'll undertake her no more ?

Fal. Maiter Brook, I will be thrown into Etna, as I

have been into Thames, ere I will leave her thus. Her husband is this morning gone a birding; I have receiv'd from her another embaffy of meeting; 'twixt eight and nine is the hour, master Brook.

Ford. "Tis paft eight already, Sir.

Fal. Is it? I will then addrefs me to my appoint ment. Come to me at your convenient leisure, and you fhall know how I fpeed; and the conclufion fhall be crown'd with your enjoying her; adieu, you fhall have her, master Brook; master Brook, you shall cuckold [Exit. Ford.

Ford. Hum! ha! is this a vifion? is this a dream? do I fleep? master Ford, awake; awake, mafter Ford; there's a hole made in your best coat, master Ford; this 'tis to be married! this 'tis to have linen and buck-baskets! well, I will proclaim myself what I am; I will now take the leacher; he is at my houfe; hẹ cannot 'fcape me; 'tis impoffible, he fhould; he cannot creep into a half-penny purfé, nor into a pepperbox. But, left the devil that guides him fhould aid him, I will fearch impoffible places; tho' what I am I cannot avoid, yet to be what I would not, shall not make me tame: if I have horns to make one mad, let the proverb go with me, I'll be horn-mad.

[Exit.

[blocks in formation]

SCENE, Page's House.

Enter Mistress Page, Miftrefs Quickly, and William.

Mrs. PAGE.

Is Quic. Sure, he is by this, or will be prefently; but truly he is very courageous mad, about his throwing. into the water; Mrs. Ford defires you to come fuddenly. Mrs. Page. I'll be with her by and by; I'll but bring my young man here to school. Look, where his mafter

S he at Mr. Ford's already, think'st thou?

comes;

comes; 'tis a playing-day, I fee. How now, Sir Hugh, no fchool to-day?

Enter Evans.

Eva. No; mafter Slender is let the boys leave to play.

Quic. Bleffing of his heart.

Mrs. Page. Sir Hugh, my hufband fays, my fon profits nothing in the world at his book; 1 pray you, ask him fome questions in his accidence.

Eva. Come hither, William; hold up your head,

come.

Mis. Page. Come on, Sirrah, hold up your head; answer your master, be not afraid.

Eva. William, how many numbers is in nouns?
Will. Two.

Quic. Truly, I thought there had been one number more, because they fay od's nouns.

Eva. Peace your tatlings. What is, Fair, William? Will. Pulcher.

Quic. Poulcats? there are fairer things than poulcats, fure.

Eva. You are a very fimplicity o'man; I pray you, Peace. What is, Lapis, William ?

Will. A ftone.

Eva. And what is a ftone, William?
Will. A pebble.

Eva. No, it is Lapis: I pray you, remember in your prain.

Will. Lapis.

Eva. That is a good William: what is he, William, that does lend articles?

Will. Articles are borrowed of the pronoun, and be thus declin'd, fingulariter nominativo, bic, hæc, hoc.

Eva. Nomativo, big, hag, hog; pray you mark: genitivo, bujus: well, and what is your accufative cafe? Will. Accufative, hinc.

Eva. I pray you have your remembrance, child; accufative, hung, bang, bog.

Quic. Hang hog is Latin for bacon, I warrant you.

Eva. Leave your prabbles, o'man.

focative cafe, William?

Will. O, vocativo, O.

What is the

Eva. Remember, William, focative is caret.

Quic. And that's a good root.

Eva. O'man, forbear.

Mrs. Page. Peace.

Eva. What is your genitive cafe plural, William?
Will. Genitive cafe?

Eva. Ay.

Will. Genitive, borum, harum, borum.

Quic. 'Vengeance of Ginyes cafe; fy on her; never name her, child, if fhe be a whore.

Eva. For fhame, o'man.

Quic. You do ill to teach the child fuch words: he teaches him to hick and to hack, which they'll do fast enough of themselves; and to call horum; fy upon you!

Eva. O'man, art thou lunacies? haft thou no underftandings for thy cafes, and the numbers of the genders? thou art as foolish christian creatures, as I would defire. Mrs. Page. Pr'ythee, hold thy peace.

Eva. Shew me now, William, fome declenfions of your pronouns.

Will. Forfooth, I have forgot.

Eva. It is, qui, quæ, quod; if you forget your quies, your ques, and your quods, you must be preeches: go your ways and play, go.

Mrs. Page. He is a better scholar than I thought he

was.

Eva. He is a good fprag memory. Farewel, Mrs. Page.

Mrs. Page.. Adieu, good Sir Hugh. Get you home, boy. Come, we stay too long.

Fal.

[Exeunt.

SCENE changes to Ford's House.

M

Enter Falstaff and Mistress Ford.

Iftrefs Ford, your forrow hath eaten up my fufferance; I fee you are obfequious in your love, and I profefs requital to a hair's breadth;

not

not only, miftrefs Ford, in the fimple office of love, but in all the accoutrement, complement, and ceremony of it. But are you fure of your husband now?

Mrs. Ford. He's a birding, fweet Sir John.

Mrs. Page. [within.] What hoa, goffip Ford! what hoa!

Mrs. Ford. Step into th' chamber, Sir John.
Exit Falstaff.

Enter Mrs. Page.

Mrs. Page. How now, fweet heart, who's at home

befides yourself?

Mrs. Ford. Why none but mine own people.

Mrs. Page. Indeed?

Mrs. Ford. No, certainly

[blocks in formation]

Mrs. Page. Truly, I am fo glad you have no body

here.

Mrs. Ford. Why?

Mrs. Page. Why, woman, your husband is in his old lunes again; he fo takes on yonder with my husband, fo rails against all married mankind, fo curfes all Eve's daughters, of what complexion foever, and fo buffets himself on the forehead, crying, peer-out, peer-out! that any madness I ever yet beheld feem'd but tamenefs, civility, and patience, to this diftemper he is in now; I am glad, the fat knight is not here.

Mrs. Ford. Why, does he talk of him?

Mrs. Page. Of none but him; and fwears, he was carry'd out, the laft time he fearch'd for him, in a basket; protests to my husband, he is now here; and hath drawn him and the rest of their company from their fport, to make another experiment of his fufpicion; but I am glad, the Knight is not here; now he fhall fee his own foolery.

Mrs. Ford. How near is he, mistress Page?

Mrs. Page. Hard by, at ftreet's end, he will be here

anon.

Mrs. Ford. I am undone, the Knight is here. Mrs. Page. Why, then thou art utterly fham'd, and he's but a dead man. What a woman are you? away

3

« PreviousContinue »