these productions are interspersed. Not to enter therefore into a comparative view of the characters of Hickathrift and Achilles; to omit noticing the affecting and solemn invocation of the Princess Cinderella to the bean, her counsellor, beginning" Bean, bean, little bean, I charge thee in the name of the fairy Trufio ”—(which, by the bye, justifies the opinion of Pythagoras with regard to the reverence due to this vegetable) to omit this, I say, and other innumerable passages, equally worthy of notice, I shall hasten to inform my fellow-citizens that, in compliance with my advice, my bookseller proposes very soon substituting, in the room of his present catalogue, a list of all the productions of this kind which can be procured either at Mr. Newbery's or the Bouncing B. 66 And I doubt not but I shall, in a very short time, have the satisfaction to see the generality of my fellow-citizens running through them with the most eager avidity, from beginning to end-from Once upon a time," to "lived very happy afterwards:" fully convinced that such works as could bear a competition with the strains of Homer, would be degraded by any comparison with the silly effusions of nonsense and sentiment-convinced, too, if the examples for the purposes of morality be considered, that a character which gleaned the several excellences of all the Edwards, the Sir Harrys, and the Pamelas of novel-writers-would be but a poor competitor with one that joined in itself the patience and chastity of Cinderella, the prudence of Thumb, and the heroism of Hickathrift. B. No. 31. MONDAY, JUNE 18, 1787. HORACE. NAN. In a long work an author once may doze. HAVING an idle hour the other evening, and being in one of those miscellaneous humours in which our sole object is to kill time, I happened to fix on a moral essay on human nature as the most effectual and expeditious means of despatching him. As I turned over the pages, I could not but remark how ingeniously its philanthropic author had endeavoured to put his readers out of humour with themselves, by proving to them, that, in spite of their own endeavours, they must inevitably be greater fools or knaves than their grandfathers. From the contemplation of those weeping philosophers, my reflection naturally led me to those ingenious projectors, who, with more benevolence, though, if possible, less effect, have devoted their literary labours to the reformation of a vicious age, and formed such sublime and comprehensive projects for reducing human nature to its primitive state of purity. The recollection of the deep laid projects for the abolition of Christianity, the consolidation of Turks, Jews, and Gentiles, the conversion of the grand Signior, the Pope, or the Emperor of China, was so interesting a subject that it might have kept me awake beyond my usual hour, had I not fortunately recollected that, in the course of thirty numbers, I had not had one vision. Alarmed at this idea, I was determined to go to sleep without losing a moment, and dream in full time for the press. I had no sooner put the first part of my resolution in practice, when lo! whether Morpheus is the professed patron of periodical writers, or is ambitious of removing the imputation of levity from his character, by giving a vision some kind of regularity-from whichever cause it proceeded, my dream was an exact continuation of the subject which had so long employed my thoughts. It was at the dead of night, when some eccentric being (whose project had, I conceive, been hatched long before I had fallen asleep, otherwise, gentle reader, every thing could not have been so exactly prepared,) had made ready the following conspiracy for execution. Tired of continually harassing his mind for the advantage of an ungrateful public, and vexed to the gizzard to find his predictions ridiculed by those butterflies who can so unfeelingly enjoy the happiness of the present hour amidst luxury, faction, and all the alarming symptoms of a decay in human nature, he had laid a general plot among the orthodox adherents of roast beef and fat ale, for the total extermination of what the world term men of genius. In consequence of this agreement, it was concerted that the massacre should take place at the sound of a steeple bell; this, in all conspiracies, real and vision-, ary, is an absolute requisite, for the truth of which I refer my readers to the great authority of the Parisian massacre; besides, all tragedians, whose poetical variations of incursions, flourishes, alarms, murders, &c. have universally originated from the unaffected simplicity of the bell. At this spirit-stirring sound then, what inundations of countenances, to all appearance inoffensive, rushed out in character of assassins; and in what a ludicrous mixture was the lean haggard eagerness of Grub-street, contrasted All, with the rosy independence of Cheapside. however, seemed unanimous in the resistless fury with which they persecuted the helpless objects of their vengeance. In their avidity to destroy, the innocent often fell with the guilty; and even newspaper odes on the seasons were sufficient to decide the fate of an unhappy poetaster. It had been before provided, that convivial ballads should be exempted from the common fate, as the destruction of them might materially injure the wine trade. Intermixed with those who were most active in this scene of destruction, I was struck with the figures of a number of slavish wretches, laden with fetters and instruments of torture, and every where following the conspirators. I was informed by a byestander, that these were chiefly commentators, whose office it was to bind and torment all those who were destined to be preserved as the laughing stock of their persecutors; that the fetters were critical rules, and the instruments of torture were diversæ lectiones occultæ allegoriæ, and interpretationes elegantissima, supposed to have been originally invented by the northern barbarians, those destroyers of all literature, as their etymology_can scarcely be traced to any civilised language. Frequently, sir," continued he, "these executioners seize on a victim whose amazing strength is sufficient to baffle their utmost efforts-a Homer, a Pindar, or a Shakspeare may burst the fetters or defy the ineffectual tortures of this race, but their violence has often maimed and utterly defaced geniuses of a more delicate texture." I was so well satisfied with this account, that my curiosity would have led me to have asked more questions, but that I found myself (as is the nature of dreams) on a sudden transported to 66 the centre of our little world. A select party had been detached here from the main body, and had been joined by several malcontent citizens; but, by some unaccountable mistake, they had directed their search to those elms so famed by faithless bards, whose affectionate veneration existed in professions alone. The spot was occupied by cricketers, whose uniform vacancy of countenance secured them from the attacks of this licentious mob. One solitary poet was reclining on the mossy bank; but upon a crossexamination it was discovered that he was composing on the pleasures of a country life, and, in the course of his examination, as he betrayed other evident marks of insanity, it was thought proper to dismiss him with a gentle reprimand. In their return, however, to the metropolis, this detachment intercepted an epistle from Corydon, of Little Turnstile, to Amaryllis, of Smallbury-green, it was immediately conveyed to their leader, who, supposing it might contain some material information, examined the contents, but, on finding a confused jargon of " purling rills, grassy hills-woolly sheep, gentle sleep," &c. &c. was in doubt how to proceed, when it was suggested by one of the commentators, that it must be a counterplot, couched in allegorical terms. Their march was accordingly directed to Smallbury-green, and orders issued to seize any suspicious person or persons who were discovered within a hundred yards of any rill, ditch, gutter, canal, or the like. Many were accordingly apprehended, and some in the very act of composing; but as it appeared they were inoffensive beings, totally incapable of design, and was moreover urged that they by no means fell under the description of men of genius, it was determined |