TO THE EDITOR OF BENTLEY'S MISCELLANY.

MY DEAR SIR,

I have just received the inclosed from Seaforth, in reply to an earnest supplication for news of your great City. You are aware that he has been bit by a mad Poet, and goes without his cravat. What is it all about?

Yours,

THOS. INGOLDSBY.

Tappington, May 15.

A ROW IN AN OMNIBUS.

Omnibus hoc vitium cantoribus.-HOR.

DOL-DRUM the Manager sits in his chair,
With a gloomy brow and dissatisfied air,
And he says, as he slaps his hand on his knee,
'I'll have nothing to do with Fiddle-de-dee!'

-But Fiddle-de-dee sings clear and loud,
And his trills and his quavers astonish the crowd;
Such a singer as he

You'll no where see,

They'll all be screaming for Fiddle-de-de!'

-Though Fiddle-de-dee sings loud and clear,
And his tones are sweet, yet his terms are dear!
The "glove won't fit!"

The deuce a bit.

I shall give an engagement to Fal-de-ral-tit!'

The Prompter bowed, and he went to his stall,
And the green-baize rose at the Prompter's call,
And Fal-de-ral-tit sang Fol-de-rol-lol!

But scarce had he done

When a 'row' begun,

Such a noise was never heard under the sun.
'Fiddle-de-dee!

Where is he?

He's the Artiste whom we all want to see!
Dol drum!-Dol.drum!

Bid the Manager come!

It's a scandalous thing to exact such a sum
For boxes and gallery, stalls and pit,
And then fob us off with a Fal-de-ral-tit!-
Deuce a bit!

We'll never submit!

Vive Fiddle-de-dee! à bas Fal-de-ral-tit!'

Dol-drum the Manager rose from his chair,
With a gloomy brow and dissatisfied air;
But he smoothed his brow,

As he well knew how,

And he walked on, and made a most elegant bow,
And he paused, and he smiled, and advanced to the lights,
In his opera-hat, and his opera-tights:

'Ladies and Gentlemen,' then said he,

'Pray what may you please to want with me?'

'Fiddle-de-dee!

Fiddle-de-dee!

Folks of all sorts and of every degree,
Snob, and Snip, and haughty Grandee,
Duchesses, Countesses, fresh from their tea,
And Shopmen, who'd only come there for a spree,
Halloo'd, and hooted, and roared with glee,
"Fiddle-de-dee !-
None but He!-

Subscribe to his terms, whatever they be!
Agree, agree, or you'll very soon see,
In a brace of shakes we'll get up an O. P.'

Dol-drum the Manager, full of care,
With a gloomy brow and dissatisfied air,
Looks distrest,

And he bows his best

And he puts his right hand on the side of his breast,
And he says says he,

'We can't agree;

His terms are a vast deal too costly for me.

There's the rent, and the rates, and the sesses, and taxesI can't afford Fiddle-de-dee what he axes.

If you'll only permit

Fal- de-ral-tit

The Generous Public cried, 'Deuce a bit!

Dol-drum!-Dol-drum !

We'll none of us come.

It's "No Go!"-it's "Gammon !"—it's "all a Hum!"—

You're a miserly Jew!

"Cock-a-doodle do!

He don't ask too much, as you know

so you

do

It's a shame-it's a sin-it's really too bad

You ought to be 'shamed of yourself-so you had!'

Dol-drum the Manager never before

In his life-time had heard such a wild uproar.
Dol-drum the Manager turn'd to flee;
But he says-says he,

'Mort de ma vie!

I shall nevare engage vid dat Fiddle-de-dee !

Then all the gentlefolks flew in a rage,

And they jumped from the Omnibus on to the Stage,
Lords, Squires, and Knights, they came down to the lights,
In their opera-hats, and their opera-tights,

Ma'amselle Cherrytoes

Shook to her very toes,

She couldn't hop on, so hopped off on her merry toes. And the evening concluded' with Three times three !' 'Hip-hip!-hurrah; for Fiddle-de-dee!'

Dol-drum the Manager, full of care,

With a troubled brow and dissatisfied air,
Saddest of men,

Sat down, and then

Took from his table a Perryan pen,
And he wrote to the 'News,'

How MacFuze, and Tregooze,

Lord Tomnoddy, Sir Carnaby Jenks of the Blues,
And the whole of their tail, and the separate crews
Of the Tags, and the Rags, and the No-one-knows-whos,
Had combined Monsieur Fal-de-ral-tit to abuse,

And make Dol-drum agree

With Fiddle-de-dee,

Who was not a bit better singer than he.
Dol-drum declared he never could see,
For the life of him, yet, why Fiddle-de-dee,
Who, in B flat, or C,

Or whatever the key,

Could never at any time get below G,
Should expect a fee the same in degree

As the great Burlibumbo who sings double D.'

Then slyly he added a little N. B.

'If they'd have him in Paris he'd not come to me!'

The manager rings,

And the Prompter springs

To his side in a jiffy, and with him he brings
A set of those odd-looking envelope things,

Where Britannia, (who seems to be crucified,) flings
To her right and her left funny people with wings
Amongst Elephants, Quakers, and Catabaw Kings;
And a taper and wax,

And small Queen's heads, in packs,

Which, when notes are too big, you're to stick on their backs.
Dol-drum the Manager sealed with care

The letter and copies he'd written so fair,
And sat himself down with a satisfied air;
Without delay

He sent them away,

In time to appear in our columns' next day!

Dol-drum, the Manager, full of care,

Walked on to the stage with an anxious air,

And peeped through the curtain to see who were there.

There was MacFuze,

And Lieutenant Tregooze,

And there was Sir Carnaby Jenks of the Blues,

And the Tags, and the Rags, and the No-one-knows-whos; And the green-baize rose at the Prompter's call,

And they all began to hoot, bellow, and bawl,

And cry

Cock-a-doodle,' and scream, and squall
Dol-drum!-Dol-drum !-

Bid the Manager come!'

You'd have thought, from the tones
Of their hisses and groans,

They were bent upon breaking his (Opera) bones.
And Dol.drum comes, and he says-says he,
'Pray what may you please to want with me?'-

'Fiddle-de-dee!

Fiddle-de-dee!

We'll have nobody give us sol fa but He!'
Manager Dol-drum says-says he-

(And he looked like an Owl in a hollow beech tree,')
'Well, since I see

The thing must be,

I'll sign an engagement with Fiddle-de-dee!'

Then MacFuze, and Tregooze,

And Jenks, of the Blues,

And the Tags, and the Rags, and the No-one-knows-whos, Extremely delighted to hear such good news,

Desist from their shrill Cock-a-doodle-dos.'

'Vive Fiddle-de-dee!
Dol-drum, and He!

They are jolly good fellows as ever need be!
And so's Burlibumbo, who sings double D !

And whenever they sing, why, we'll all come and see !'

So, after all

This terrible squall,

Fiddle-de-dee

's at the top of the tree,

And Dol.drum and Fal-de-ral-tit sing small.

Now Fiddle-de-dee sings loud and clear
At I can't tell you how many thousands a-year,
And Fal-de-ral-tit is considered 'Smali Beer;'
And Ma'amselle Cherrytoes
Sports her merry toes,

Dancing away to the fiddles and flutes,

In what the folks call a 'Lithuanian' in boots.

So here's an end to my one, two, and three;
And bless the Queen-and long live She!
And grant that there never again may be
Such a halliballoo as we've happened to see
About nothing on earth but 'Fiddle-de-dee.'

INDEX

TO THE FIFTH VOLUME.