great Mortification; wherein I find I am so far from expecting a Supply from thence, that some have not heard of me, and the reft do not understand me: His Epiftle is as follows:

Dear Coufin,

T your yoown

rais'd your Fame here, and helped you to fupport it by Intelligence from hence; but alas! they had never • heard of the Tatler till I brought down a Set. I lent them ⚫ from House to Houfe; but they asked me what they ⚫ meant. I began to enlighten them, by telling who and who were fuppofed to be intended by the Characters drawn. I faid, for Inftance, Chloe and Clariffa are two ⚫ eminent Toafts. A Gentleman (who keeps his Grey. hound and Gun, and one would think might know better) told me he fuppofed they were Papifhes, for ⚫ their Names were not English. Then, faid he, Why do you call live People Toafts? I answered, That was a new Name found out by the Wits, to make a Lady ' have the fame Effect as Burridge in the Glass when a "Man is drinking. But, fays I, Sir, I perceive this is to you all bamboozling; why, you look as if you were 'Don Diego'd to the Tune of a thousand Pounds.

All

this good Language was loft upon him: He only stared, though he is as good a Scholar as any Layman in the • Town, except the Barber. Thus, Coufin, you must be ⚫ content with London for the Center of your Wealth and • Fame; we have no Relish for you. Wit must describe its proper Circumference, and not go beyond it, left (like little Boys, when they ftraggle out of their own Parish) it may wander to Places where it is not known, and be loft. Since it is fo, you must excufe me that I am forced at a Visit to fit filent, and only lay up what • excellent Things pass at such Conversations.

4

THIS Evening I was with a Couple of young Ladies; one of them has the Character of the prettieft Company, yet really I thought her but filly; the other, who talked a great deal less, I obferved to have Underftanding. The Lady, who is reckoned fuch a Com

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⚫nion among her Acquaintance, has only with a very ⚫ brisk Air, a Knack of faying the commoneft Things: The other, with a fly ferious one, fays home Things enough. The firft (Miftrefs Giddy) is very quick; but the fecond (Mrs. Slim) fell into Giddy's own Stile, and was as good Company as fhe. Giddy happens to drop 'her Glove; Slim reaches it to her. Madam, (fays Giddy) 'I hope you'll have a better Office. Upon which Slim immediately repartees, and fits in her Lap, and cries, Are you not forry for my Heavinefs? The fly Wench pleafed me to fee how the hit her Height of Underftanding fo well. We fat down to Supper. Says Giddy, mighty prettily, Two Hands in a Difh, and one in a Purfe: Says Slim, Ay, Madam, the inore the merrier; the fewer the better Chear. I quickly took the Hint, and was as witty and talkative as they Says I,

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He that will not when he may,

• When he will, he shall have Nay;

And fo helped myself. Giddy turns about; What, have S you found your Tongue? Yes, (fays I) 'tis Manners to fpeak when I am spoken to; but your greatest Talkers are the least Doers, and the ftill Sow eats up all the • Broth. Ha! Ha! fays Giddy, One would think he had nothing in him, and do you hear how he talks when he pleafes! I grew immediately roguish and pleasant to a Degree in the fame Strain, Slim, who knew how good Company we had been, cries, You'll certainly print 'this bright Conversation :'

IT is fo; and hereby you may see how small an Ap. pearance the prettiest Things said in Company make, when in Print,

St. James's Coffee-boufe, June 20.

A MAIL from Lisbon has brought Advices of June the 12th. from the King of Portugal's Army encamped VOL. I.. I

at

at Torre Allegada, which inform us, That the General of the Army called a Court Martial on the 4th at the Camp of Jerumena, where it was refolved to march with a Defign to attempt the Succour of Olivenza. Accordingly the Army moved on the 5th, and marched towards Badajos. Upon their Approach the Marquis de Bay detached fo great a Party from the Blockade of Olivenza, that the Marquis das Minas, at the Head of a large Detachment, covered a great Convoy of Provifions towards Olivenza, which threw in their Stores, and marched back to the main Army, without Moleftation from the Spaniards. They add, That each Army muft neceffarily march into Quarters within twenty Days.

Whosoever can difcover a Surgeon's Apprentice who fell upon Mr. Bickerstaff's Messenger, or (as the Printers call him) Devil, going to the Prefs, and tore out of his Hand Part of his Effay against Duels, in theFragments of which acere the Words, you lye, and Man of Honour, taken up at the Temple-Gate, and the Words, Perhaps May be not, By your Leave, Sir,- -and other Terms of Provocation, taken up at the Door of Young Man's Coffee-boufe, fhall receive Satisfaction from Mr. Morphew, befides a Set of Arguments to be spoken to any Man in a Paffion, which if the faid enraged Man liftens to, will prevent Quarrelling.

Mr. Bickerstaff does hereby give Notice, That he has taken the two famous Univerfities of this Land under his immediate Care, and does hereby promife all Tutors and Pupils, That he will hear what can be faid of each Side between them, and to correct them impartially, by placing them in Orders and Claffes in the Learned World, according to their Merit.

No 32. Thursday,

N° 32.

A

Thursday, June 23, 1709.

White's Chocolate-boufe, June 22.

N Answer to the following Letter being absolutely neceffary to be dispatched with all Expedition, I muft trefpafs upon all that come with Horary Questions into my Antichamber, to give thé Gentleman my Opinion. To Ifaac Bickerstaff, Efq;

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SIR, June 18, 1709. I KNOW not whether you ought to pity or laugh at KNO me; for I am fallen desperately in love with a profeffed Platonne, the most unaccountable Creature of her Sex. To hear her talk Seraphicks, and run over • Norris, and Moor, and Milton, and the whole Set of In'tellectual Triflers, torments me heartily; for to a Lover who understands Metaphors, all this pretty Prattle of "Ideas gives very fine Views of Pleasure, which only the dear Declaimer prevents by understanding them literally: Why should she wish to be a Cherubim, when 'tis Flesh and Blood that makes her adorable? If I speak to her, that's a high Breach of the Idea of Intui'tion. If I offer at her Hand or Lip, she shrinks from 'the Touch like a fenfitive Plant, and would contract herself into mere Spirit. She calls her Chariot, Vehicle; 'her furbelow'd Scarf, Pinions; her blue Mant and Petticoat is her Azure Drefs; and her Footman goes by the Name of Oberon. "Tis my Misfortune to be fix Foot and a half high, two full Spans between the Shoulders, thirteen Inches Diameter in the Calves; and before I was in Love I had a noble Stomach, and ufually went to Bed fober with two Bottles. I am not quite fix and twenty, and my Nose is marked truly Aquiline For thefe Reasons, I am in a very particular Manner her Averfion. What shall I do? Impudence itfelf cannot reclaim her. If I write miferably, the • reckons

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reckons me among the Children of Perdition, and difcards me her Region: If I affume the grofs and fubftantial, the plays the real Ghoft with me, and vanishes in a Moment. I had hopes in the Hypocrify of her Sex ; but Perfeverance makes it as bad as fixed Averfion. I defire your Opinion, whether I may not lawfully play the Inquifition upon her, make Use of a little Force, and put her to the Rack and Torture, only to convince her fhe has really fine Limbs, without spoiling ⚫ or distorting them. I expect your Directions, e'er I proceed to dwindle and fall away with Defpair; which at prefent I do not think adviseable, because if the 'fhould recant, she may then hate me perhaps in the o⚫ther Extreme for my Tenuity. I am (with Impatience)

Your moft Humble Servant,

Charles Sturdy.

MY Patient has put his Cafe with very much Warmth, and reprefented it in fo lively a Manner, that I fee both his Torment and Tormenter with great Perfpicuity. This Order of Platonick Ladies are to be dealt with in a peculiar Manner from all the rest of the Sex. Flattery is the general Way, and the Way in this Cafe; but it is not to be done grofly. Every Man that has Wit, and Humour, and Raillery, can make a good Flatterer for Women in general; but a Platonne is not to be touched with Panegyrick: She will tell you it is a Senfuality in the Soul to be delighted that way. You are not therefore to commend, but filently confent to all fhe does and fays. You are to confider in her, the Scorn of you is not Humour, but Opinion.

THERE were fome Years fince a Set of thefe Ladies who were of Quality, and gave out, That Virginity was to be their State of Life during this mortal Condition, and therefore resolved to join their Fortunes, and erect a Nunnery. The Place of Refidence was pitched upon; and a pretty Situation, full of natural Falls and Rifings of Waters, with fhady Coverts, and flowry Arbours, was approved by feven of the Founders. There

were