complished, and that all things may be rendered subservient to the display of his glory? Dost thou feel a cordial interest in the advancement of his cause and kingdom; such as the true patriot feels in the cause of his country? Dost thou love him for his own perfections? Dost thou love him for the favors he bestows upon thee; and receive these favors as his unmerited gifts, bestowed on one most unworthy?-Dost thou long to be like him,-to love what he loves,-to hate what he hates,—to be happy in what pleases him,-and to be grieved with what offends him?-I charge thee, my soul, by thine eternal interest, to put these questions to thyself; to weigh and answer them conscientiously, deliberately, impartially, seriously, prayerfully, and frequently.

"Sometimes I take great delight in contemplating the Divine character, law, and government. I long to be holy as God is holy, and to have others like him. The perfections exhibited in his works, and revealed in his word, are to me glorious and lovely. But still there are certain things, connected with God's government of the world, which have been exceedingly trying to me, and which at times give rise to feelings which I ought not to have. The world is full of sin and misery, which, had he seen fit, he could have prevented. When I have thought of this, I have murmured, queried, speculated. The fact is plain that God governs the world, and controls every event; and yet the world is full of sin. and woe. I cannot discover the reasons why it is so; though I can see, that by this means God will have an opportunity to make manifest his abhorrence of sin, his justice, and his mercy. Had it not been so, there had been no displays of punitive justice, no ransomed sinners, no bleeding Saviour, no songs of redeeming love in heaven. Still much darkness overspreads the subject. Restless curiosity starts many questions, to which no answer can be

found. Is my heart, nevertheless, filled with love to this Supreme Governor, 'whose judgments are unsearchable, and whose ways are past finding out?'

"Once I was opposed to the sovereignty of God. But for more than eight years I have not been conscious of any such opposition; though at times, I think, I have had very clear views of this divine attribute. My mind has occasionally been perplexed with difficulties during this period, but has never, as before, felt unreconciled to the doctrine. I have had feelings in view of the subject directly the reverse of what I once had; and have rejoiced in view of divine sovereignty as heartily, as I once opposed it. I love to think of God as a holy, just, merciful, infinite Sovereign. When I see the world filled with sin and suffering, and am ready to sink at the melancholy spectacle, I find relief in reflecting, that the Lord reigns, that his dominion is over all. I would not take the sceptre out of his hands. "The Lord reigneth; let the earth rejoice; let the multitude of isles be glad.' Rejoice O my soul. Call into exercise thy warmest affections, and be happy while lost in God, the fountain of excellence and bliss. Let thy love to him never grow cold, or weary, or inconstant.

"November.-I inquire, secondly, respecting the NATURE OF MY REPENTANCE. My desire is to distinguish between the 'sorrow of the world,' and 'godly sorrow.' The former I have often experienced; of the latter I cannot speak with so much confidence. Once I was blind to the evil of sin in general; and in particular to the number and aggravation of my own transgressions. 'I was alive without the law once,'-and except for some overt transgression, felt but little consciousness of guilt. But I have since realized, that sin is an evil and bitter thing; and that my own sins are exceedingly numerous and aggravated. I have felt at times, as if there was peculiar force and propriety in the expression,-plague of the heart. The leprosy lies

deep within.' I have felt that unbelief, obstinacy, vanity, and a host of sins both of heart and life, filled up my days, and made up my character. Many things, which once appeared lawful, and even laudable, appear now exceeding sinful and odious; and never more so, I think, than when all thought of punishment is out of mind. When I think of no one but myself, and of nothing but my past conduct and present state of heart, I abhor myself. When I think of my sins, as violations of God's reasonable and holy law, they appear inexcusable, and criminal beyond description. When I consider them as committed against God, they look like a compound of the most presumptuous rebellion, the most wanton ingratitude, the most wicked irreverence. When I dwell on their tendency, as it respects my fellowsinners, they seem to be unmixed malevolence.

"Sometimes I turn off my eyes from the more decent exterior, and take a view of my heart, looking down deep into its recesses, to canvass its motives, and watch its operations; and I feel a conviction, that I have been like a whited sepulchre full of all uncleanness. I can say that sin, especially my own, is to me indeed hateful. But there are some sins, of which I have often been guilty, that are attended with present gratification. Have I repented of these? Do they, the idea of punishment being out of mind, excite my abhorrence? Am I effectually weaned from them all? Alas!-the sinful propensities of my heart are not yet all slain. But I hate

them;-yes, I am sure, I hate them. But why? They disturb my peace, and expose my soul to ruin. Is this the reason? I would look carefully and critically into this matter.

"After having looked at this question, as cautiously as I can, it does appear to me, that I can, by divine aid, slay my darling sins for the sake of my Saviour.

'Yes, my Redeemer, they shall die!
My heart has so decreed,'

I know not whether I have ever felt that overwhelming sense of sin, which some have experienced; but I still think, that for eight years past nothing has been so disagreeable, so odious to me, as sin. Lord, thou knowest my heart. Is not sin my greatest burden, the object of my strong aversion, and settled detestation.

"December.-I inquire, thirdly, respecting the GENUINENESS OF MY FAITH. Am I a believer? Do the exercises of my mind, as they have been for some years past, afford evidence that I am a child of God; that mine is a living faith? Let me inquire respecting my faith in God-in Christ-in the Holy Ghost -in the promises and threatenings of the Bible. Do I believe there is a God? My understanding assents to the evidence of his existence. But with my heart and soul do I believe, that there is one Supreme Being who created, who upholds, and who governs all things? I think I am not deceived, when I answer, yes. Much of the time during the past eight years, I have had a very different sense of Divine existence, from what I formerly had. I now think of God, as a Being, of whose existence I feel as well assured, as of my own. I think of him, as the Governor of the Universe, and I realize a calm and secret confidence in his government. I never confided so implicitly in my best friend, as I sometimes am enabled to confide in God; he is my Supporter in trouble; my Light in darkness; my Guide in doubt; my Refuge in danger; my Benefactor; my All. In time of fear, perplexity, and trial, I fly to him, and trust in him to scatter the clouds, or to enable me to endure the storm. His Name is indeed a strong tower. I would run into it and be safe. This evening I feel a sweet peace in my soul, while I commit whatever respects my education, character, health, life, usefulness, and salvation, to the hands of God. I can place unbounded confidence in his government, and leave all to his disposal.

"Jan. 5, 1817. This morning I would inquire respecting my faith in Christ. I have read what the Bible says of him, and what Christians have thought concerning him. I have examined the different views which individuals have had of Christ; and endeavored to ascertain what true faith in him is. And now by the light of revelation I would look into my heart, and see whether true faith can there be found. Have I felt my own need of a Saviour, and in Jesus of Nazareth have I recognized 'the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world?' Have I had a lively perception of his divine fulness, and the efficacy of his blood; and received him as my Prophet, Priest, and King? My heart is deceitful, and I am afraid to trust it.--Divine Redeemer, search me and try me, and show me what I am. Let me see the precise state of my affections towards thee. Show me what are my real views of thy dignity and official character. Lord, thou knowest all things;-dost thou not know, that I believe in thee, and rely entirely on thee for salvation? Have I any other Saviour-any other Hope?

"Evening-My views of Christ to-day, though not enrapturing, have been comforting. And now I am beset with the temptation to give a favorable coloring to my feelings, such as facts will not justify. But what would this avail? I cannot deceive Omniscience. What if I should describe such views and feelings, as Edwards, or Pearce had? Would it make me feel, as they did? No-This temptation, however, shows me something of my heart, of its hypocrisy and wickedness. May I always take occasion from such unhallowed workings of my heart, to inspect critically its operations, and detect the wrong which lies there concealed.— Yes, thou deceitful heart, when thou dost prompt me to listen to temptation, I will bring thee to light, and expose thy corruption;-I will watch and pray. With so much depravity how greatly do I