the luxuries of fashionable life. Without friends to lend me pecuniary aid, I have from necessity acquired habits of industry and economy. But whether these are so firmly fixed, as not to yield to trials, I dare not affirm.

"While I have been led by my situation in life to form many active habits, in respect to those of a passive nature I fear I am deficient, I have had but little affliction to bear, but few disappointments to encounter. I have not yet learnt patience. How I should endure the fatigues and the disappointments of a missionary life, after the successful course of my early years, I cannot determine. On this point I have many fears, and can hope for support only from a divine arm. May divine strength be perfect in my weakness.

"There is such a thing as a habit of self-government and self-possession. Here again I am deficient, having never exercised over myself that rigid discipline which is requisite in a missionary; nor have I acquired such perfect command of myself, that trifles or unexpected events never disturb me.

"Fixed habits of prayer and self denial are of indispensable importance. But I tremble to come to this part of the inquiry. I hope, however, my right affections and attention to religious duties have become more habitual, than they were some years ago. My state of mind has probably been more equable than is common. I mean, that I have probably had less than is common of peculiar raptures and oppressions, sensible conflicts and victories. From year to year my religious feelings have been nearly the same, though circumstances have varied. One thing encourages me. When my situation and circumstances have changed, I have generally found my feelings, attachments, desires, and sources of enjoyment have experienced a corresponding change. May I not hence hope that in

Asia, or Owhyhee, or the western wilderness, I shall find myself contented and happy in doing good to those around me?

"Have I the feelings of the missionary? I have felt much on the subject of missions, but my great anxiety has been to know, whether my feelings are such as characterize the true missionary. My solicitude to be a missionary, my desire for the conversion and salvation of the heathen, and my love to missionaries, have been almost uniformly ardent for several years, I have often asked myself the question, -Could any thing make me contented to give up the object? The inducements of various kinds, that have been presented, have not even produced hesitation. Should circumstances obviously point out another course as duty, I hope I should have a heart to pursue it. But I think the hindrances must be absolutely insurmountable, or the call most plainly an intimation of the divine will, otherwise if I act according to the bent of my feelings, I shall go to the heathen. Labors among them have seemed most desirable; my whole heart has sometimes been engaged for them. At other times my desires have been more languid, and my affections more cold. At times I have, for a moment, felt such a relish for Christian society, or such a desire to be a minister in this country, as has made me half ready to wish that something might render it obviously my duty to remain at home. This, however, has always been momentary; and the thought of relinquishing the bject has not only been unpleasant, but has more than any thing else, roused up my feelings again. Generally, when I have had the most lively views of spiritual things, and the most comforting religious exercises, my love for the heathen, and my desire to go among them, have been the most ardent. This leads me to hope that the Holy Spirit excites this desire, and at the same time it admonishes me to be watchful. For if I am here subject to declensions

which shake my resolution, what must I expect, when far removed from Christian society, and the means of grace.

"I know there are many hardships and trials to be endured, many dangers to be encountered, many temptations to be resisted. I know I must leave my dear friends, my beloved country, the enjoyments of civilized society, and risk my life, my happiness, and my reputation; but still I desire to trust in my Saviour, and go. In his strength I hope I shall be enabled to stand firm, to keep under my body and bring it into subjection and to continue to the end, faithful in my master's service. In the strength of my Almighty Saviour I feel that I can meet all the dangers to which I may be exposed, and perform the self-denying task of the missionary.

"My connexions in life are such as will not forbid, if they do not encourage, my proposed mission. My mother is not living. I have no friends who are dependent on me for support. My father has consented to my doing what I think to be my duty. All my friends feel tenderly on the subject, but will not oppose me in following where duty calls. I love my friends; but the claims of the heathen have too strong a hold on my heart to be counteracted by natural attachments. My dear friends, my father, my brothers, my sisters, it is not because I do not love your society, that I leave you. You know I love you; but souls are perishing. I must go and tell them the way to glory. You cannot, you will not object; for you too have hearts to feel for your fellow beings who are living in spiritual darkness. Then farewell-the Lord bless you and keep you, be gracious to you, and cause his face to shine upon you.

"March 10. With a heart distressed at being so long undecided, with a mind almost distracted by anxiety for the heathen in the East and in the West, and for the destitute in our own land; and with earnest desires that God would teach me my duty, I set apart another day to pursue the inquiry.

"The next point of inquiry respects my reputation Here I feel a difficulty. It is hard to learn what others really think of us. An unfaithful world will flatter us to our faces, but frown and slander behind our backs. Were I to give implicit confidence to what I sometimes hear of the opinions of others concerning me, I should be led to think I was generally and highly esteemed. But all this food for my vanity is swept away in a moment, by a single look from some man of intelligence, that tells me how I stand in his estimation; or by the cool reception which some of my performances meet with from my brethren; or by the derangement of some darling plan for doing good; or by a discovery of some weakness, some prominent defect of character, of which I had before little or no knowledge; or by some remark I happen to hear, that has been made about me in my absence. I have, however, some judicious friends who are faithful. I hope I have made an estimate, nearly correct, of the rank I hold in the opinion of people, where I have been acquainted. I am not aware that any thing, which the world would call immorality, belongs to my character, or that I have been at any time guilty of such indiscretions, as have destroyed the confidence of people, either in my integrity, or prudence. A variety of incidents have occurred, in my childhood, when engaged in school-keeping, when at college, while preaching, and while I have been in this Seminary, which might have served to lessen the esteem, others have had of me. Still I am not aware, that any unfavorable impression is so deeply made, as to forbid my going forward with the object proposed. I trust I have a character, where I am best known, which will allow me to hope that the public will look on with approbation, if my name should be found among the candidates for missionary service.

"I would not presume too much. I wish to be prepared to find myself wholly without public favor. But if I have influence, if I do share in the good opinion of others, and if expectations are raised that I shall be useful, I desire to exert all the influence I have, to prove myself not unworthy the opinions formed of me, and to answer, by an active and holy life, the expectations that may exist.

"I am to consider next the leadings of divine providence. A kind Providence led me, as I hope, early to choose religion as my portion. Early in my Christian course I was led to peruse Horne's Letters, Buchanan's works, and Dr. Griffin and Livingston's sermons, and at the same time to become intimately acquainted with two persons who contemplated a mission. My health has been preserved, my efforts to obtain an education have been succeeded, my way has been cleared of many difficulties, and I have not been entangled in any connexions, which now stand in the way of my being a missionary. I sometimes ask myself, whether I viewed, as I ought, the hand of Providence in the invitations I received to preach at P., and some other places, especially at W. There seemed to be a door opened in the latter place for doing good. I cannot think of the anxiety, manifested by that dear people, without the most tender emotions. Did the circumstances which attended my going thither, my preaching there, and the success with which it was attended, the peculiar state of the people, and their unanimity in wishing me to stay with them, indicate, that it was not my duty to leave them? Had there been no heathen in the world, I might have thought so. As it is, may I not conclude, from the fact that I loved so well to labor there, and that some success followed, that I shall also love to labor abroad, and that I may hope still for the divine presence. The dispensations of Providence by which I have been made intimately acquainted with missionaries,