black as a boot. In our assault upon Daniel O'Connell her nervous sensibilities had been excited; and, having assisted her below, over a glass of white eau de vie, cold, without,' we swore an eternal friendship, which we ratified next day by a walk upon the sands. Now, may I be married-' need I say more?'-if I know her name, and she calls me Mister Thingumey!'

I wish to heaven the fair-sex presently abiding here were like that exemplary tall gentlewoman, who carries a flask of Spadaccini's 'best' in her work-basket. There's an estimable honesty of purpose about her that I venerate. Danger is lurking in another quarter. What think you of a stout spinster, five foot ten, if she's an inch, born about the commencement of the present century, with red ringlets, an assured look, who haunts me like my very shadow, with Lalla Rookh in her hand, and the thermometer in the shade at 92! If her designs are matrimonial, I 'm off, and that's flat,' as Jack Falstaff says. I overheard a girl with a lisp whisper her companion, that 'the Dame Rouge wanted a husband.' A husband! who the devil would venture on that mass of 'too, too solid flesh ?" A lady of that order which they call in Connemara, ‘a rattle ;'— one who asks you to marry at first sight, and horsewhips you if you refuse. Marry her! why, nobody would mate her but a Kentucky man, who is generally admitted to be created in equal moieties from a red Indian and an alligator.

I observed, passim, that the libraries and bazaars form the great re-unions of fashionable society, combining the seductive influences of sight and sound.' Here, beauty's smiles become actually celestialized when assisted by music's charms, and even for a gentleman cut out for treasons, stratagems,'-I can't finish the quotation, and for the best reason, because I cannot recollect it,even he meaning the gentleman who has got no music in his soul' may delight himself with the rattle of the gaming-table. The adventurous apprentice here 'stands the hazard of the die,' -and lovely woman, conquering her timidity, comes boldly forward and sports her bob or tanner.' It is true that the blind lady is at times capricious; but to votaries who have been constant in their attentions, she does at times, come down like a good un.' I knew one elderly gentleman, who for a whole season infested The Marine,' and actually carried home, late in October, a backgammon box, men included; and another, who, after a three years' ordeal, became the envied possessor of a most admired dressing case. This latter article was 'a gem' in its generation, and showed to what a pitch of perfection Birmingham manufactures have been brought. The most dangerous implements were constructed on such a safetyprinciple, that a disappointed housemaid could scarcely find even a bare bodkin' sharp enough, wherewith to effect suicide; and even an heir-apparent might amuse himself to eternity with the razors, and no mistake.'

เ

In musical parlance, the concerts are conducted on 'a grand scale; and, as George Robins says, in describing the outfit of a dairy, with a munificence regardless of expense.' Where both are perfect, it would be invidious to draw comparisons; and it is only just to say, that the orchestral and vocal departments are worthy of each other. The former comprises a harp, assisted by a piano,compass, three octaves and a half,-while the vocalists are select

rather than numerous. Persiani's arias are here warranted equal to the original; and I have been informed that the beautiful duet, When thy bosom heaves a sigh,' was recently executed with such thrilling effect as to throw a nurse and child into violent convulsions. Remember, I do not pledge myself for the truth; but this triumph of the god of melody is here generally believed to be authentic. It was my good fortune to be present at the first appearance of an interesting debutante. She wore a cottage-bonnet, trimmed with pink, and recollected the words of the ballad correctly. Indeed, an Irish gentleman shrewdly remarked, 'that in the musical world she would create a sensation-she had evidently a command of voice, and could stop whenever she pleased.'

In trade and commerce, Ramsgate exercises a considerable influence on the mercantile relations of Great Britain. The imports comprise cockneys, carpet-bags, soda-water, India ale, merlin chairs, and stouts of every variety, even from Guinness's extra' to Whitbread's treble X;' and it is said that an enterprising individual has lately speculated in a cargo of coals. The exports are principally confined to articles of virtu,-shell-houses, fancy pincushions, rare fossils collected off the beach, and exquisite specimens of British porcelain, fabricated in the simple form of an antique mug, with a beautiful emblazonry in dead gold of A present from Ramsgate,' and the letters so perfect, than an educated child of ten years old may read the device after spelling it for five minutes.

I walked this evening on the western cliff, and witnessed the Goodwin lights

Start into light, and (probably ?) make the lighter start.'

The promenade was crowded, and the music of a brass band harmonized with the scene and hour. I fear that I have taken liberties with the word harmonize,'-the trombone being unfortunately asthmatic, and the horns anything but in tune. Indeed, the inefficiency of the latter was a matter for regret, as there is no place, I am informed, where they might have been more easily replaced.

The tone of society here is decidedly social. Men inquire' how you have enjoyed your breakfast?' and ladies fearlessly confess them. selves matrimonially inclined. The number of children is alarming, and husbands are consequently in demand.'

I'm off!-off at a moment's warning. Pier, promenade, and library-I bid you a hurried, but a long adieu. The red gentlewoman is 'not to be denied'—and nothing but flight can save me. I thought that in the crowd I should find security, and, lauded be the gods! I am save from abduction, being seventeen stones four pounds, dead weight. But what will not woman when she loves?' which, being translated, meaneth when she's determined to commit matrimony. This morning whilst bathing the red lady rolled her machine alongside mine, and from a side port-hole, asked me if I felt the water pleasant?' To 'coming events' am I to be wilfully blind? If I do, I'll be d-d-or rather, far worse, be married. I have ordered a fly to the back-door of the hotel, and will levant incontinently. And now, Dame Rouge! you may try your hand at greener game-but, as Uncle Jonathan says, Don't calculate' on 'turning the flank of an old Peninsular!'

THE PHILOSOPHY OF PUNNING.

HIT THE FIRST.

AMONG grave men, the mathematical and matter-of-fact portion of society, punning is regarded as offensive and contemptible. At the 'feast of reason' wit is considered the chairman, and punning the vice. The learned lexicographer and literary dictator, Johnson, gave a heavy blow to the art, comparing punning to petty larceny in his huge quartos. Had the facetious Theodore Hook lived in his time, we doubt not he would have changed his opinion, and his note; yes, even the great Leviathan must have been taken with such a Hook! for, as a lively Hibernian exclaimed at a party where the late lamented wit shone as the evening star,'

'Och! Masther Thaodore, but you 're the Hook that nobody can

bate!'

It is, however, reported by Boswell that the Doctor did once, and only once, perpetrate a pun, and that he chuckled over it with all the fussiness of a hen with one chicken; we may, therefore, reasonably conclude that the severe sentence he pronounced against punning was more in sorrow than in anger,' arising solely from his own incapacity.

HIT THE SECOND.

Voltaire, speaking of the paragram, or pun, says 'Cet esprit là doit être relégué au cuisine,'-(this kind of wit ought to be banished to the kitchen); and yet, in writing to the author of Le Glorieux' (the Boaster,) he flatteringly says, Vous aviez fait "Le Glorieux" et vous avez bien raison de l'être,'-(You have created (literally made) the boaster, and you have good reason to be one yourself)

Even the great Corneille indulges, though rarely, in a pun. In his tragedy of The Golden Fleece,' Hypsyphile, in the fourth scene, says to Medea, her rival, alluding to her magic,

'Je n'ai que des attraits et vous avez des charmes.'
(I only have attractions—you have charms).

The greatest writers among the Greeks and Romans, according to Aristotle, indulged in this pleasant vice, and Cicero luxuriated in it. But the present generation have a sufficient authority for their offences in the examples of the moderns.

Among kings and princes, James the First notoriously indulged in punning, and the elegant and accomplished Prince of Wales (afterwards George the Fourth,) the companion of Sheridan and the first wits of his day, made, or at least was reported to have made, many puns. It is said that, being indisposed, he was bent upon going to a masquerade, when his physician remonstrated with him, declaring that he would not be answerable for his Royal Highness's life if he ventured; he promptly replied, Beati sunt qui in Domino moriuntur !'

Lord Norbury, the Irish judge, was famous for his excellence in 'cet esprit là,' and his bon-mots were continually reported in the

papers.

The great and wise Chancellor More, too, in the time of Henry the Eighth, was a punster, and rivalled the King's jester, Will Somers, exhibiting his facetiousness (more suo) even at his execution.

Among modern authors, Byron, Moore, Rogers, Colman the younger, Horace and James Smith, and Tom Dibdin, both in their

conversations and writings, stamped this base coinage of the brain' with a value that has promoted its currency.

Porson, the eminent Greek scholar, delighted in this 'small sword exercise,' and was wont frequently to exhibit his skill to the admiration of his learned and admiring friends. On one occasion, at college, where the party of which he formed one had sat rather late, and a rollicking young nobleman vociferously chanted

'We won't go home 'till morning,'

and followed it up by calling for more toddy and fresh candles, Porson solemnly entered his protest by saying in Greek, 'oude tode oude tallo,' (neither toddy nor tallow,-literally neither one nor the other).

He was not less happy when, boldly asserting that he would make a pun upon anything,' he was challenged to try his skill upon the terminations of the Latin gerunds, di, do, dum! He immediately pronounced the following admirable couplet :

'When Dido heard Æneas could not come,
She wept in silence, and was-Dido dumb!'

HIT THE THIRD.

As in all other arts, there are artists of various degrees of excellence in this. There is, for instance, your pertinacious punster, who throws in his quibbles, and clinches at every turn of the conversation without discretion or discernment, producing at times such a solutio continui' as renders his room much more desirable than his company, and his company very desirous of his room; and although they find it impossible to put him out,' he is generally left out in the next invitation.

All

The unconscious punster is the source of great entertainment. the points are unpremeditated and accidental, creating merriment in his hearers, and wonder in himself. Par exemple:

'Jim, you are a judge of beauty; what do you think of B- -'s wife?'

'She's not a miss,' replies Jim, innocently, and a roar of laughter succeeds; but he is so obtuse that he cannot for the world imagine what his friends are grinning at.

'Tom and Dick are certainly a pair of smokers,' remarks his companion.

'Well, every man to his taste. We, you know, are a pair of snuffers! Another laugh is raised, and yet he is still in the dark, and he wonders what can possibly tickle his friends so. This is very droll and amusing.

But all the foregone and long-since departed wits must hide. their diminished heads,' for they are all and singular, under a Hood,'-yes, the delectable Tom Hood has arisen and eclipsed them all. He possesses all the excellences without the defects of the best of them. His sportive wit never leads him into indecency, the blot which more or less mars most of the sayings and writings of the earlier sons of Momus.

He has never written a line which he can blush to own; in fact, there is a poetical refinement and delicacy in his mind, which naturally rejects any approach to naughtiness, and the most fastidious may consequently read him with pleasure.

No author has ever written more in that peculiar vein of humour (not even excepting our immortal Shakspeare,) than he, and he

really appears not only inexhaustible, but, like good wine, improves

with age.

O! Hood! of wonderful capacity! from whose very shreds and clippings thousands have got an everlasting habit of punning, leaving the original still undiminished! Long life to him! and, in sooth, a man who writes so voluminously must necessarily di-late!

HIT THE FOURTH.

It must be always borne in mind that genius and discretion are both requisite even to play the fool with applause. Punning, although apparently but the feathered shuttlecock of conversation, demands great judgment and discrimination.

First, it is indispensably necessary to know how to do it; secondly, the where (and place and situation are important, for it may be, and is, very frequently out of place); and, thirdly, the when, for however good the article may be, it loses its flavour by being ill-timed and unseasonable.

By not strictly observing the how, the where, and the when, your best mined shaft may fall short of the mark, and you may, consequently, be deemed an intruder,-a troublesome interloper,-as unwelcome and impertinent in a fine-spun conversation, as a buzzing blue-bottle abruptly plunging his bullet head into the new-fangled web of an industrious spider!-or you may be sent to Coventry' when you desire above all things to make yourself' quite at home;' especially if a poor wit at a rich man's table, or some rude fellow, with no more brains than a whipping-post, may mistake your nose for a bell, and wring it,-or your body for a foot-ball, and unceremoniously kick your worship; for albeit

'Great wits may sometimes gloriously offend,' your small distillers of brain spirit are allowed no such license. They must sometimes keep a little still,' and 'speak by the card,' or they may be discarded.

Whatever ye do, oh! ye punsters! do not fritter away your powder in fiz-gigs or paltry quibbles, but charge! Watch your opportunity, (like a sharp-shooter), and when the game rises, fire-and then, even should you fail in bringing it down, you will at least have a good report.

When you have made a felicitous hit, modestly withdraw, fall in the rear, and quietly load and prime for the next favourable opening. Now there are some men naturally so gauche and clumsy, that they cannot cut a point to a lead pencil, not knowing when to stop, and so continually snap it off short; so, in punning, there are many who, not content with making a 'good point,' make a point of going on till their fun grows weaker and weaker, and suddenly breaking off, they fail to make an impression, and, finding themselves at fault, look about as foolish and distressed as a poor mouse under the receiver of an air-pump struggling in vacuo.

HIT THE FIFTH.

There is a time for all things,-punning among the number. Now a pun perpetrated in a morning appears very unseasonable, and it is only your eager novices in the art who ever commit such a solecism,like an ardent schoolboy, letting off his squibs after breakfast, forestalling time and anticipating the night.