Page images
PDF
EPUB

for I believe Vandal loves you,' pinching her chin. 'O Ricardo!' turning to me, and taking my hands, how can I look you in the face? Don't look at my face, Miss Wilfred, till the purple has quite gone off. I'm afraid I'm a desperate old vagabond.'

• Pish !' cried Burridge, with whom Myte was no favourite.

'Whenever I offer at pleasantry,' said Myte, that great man snubs

me.

(I daren't call him Gog to his face,' nudging me.) I sometimes fancy, Mr. Burridge, you are envious of me. I hope not. Burridge reddened, and returned a contemptuous smile.

Your pleasantry, as you term it, sir,-with what justice I leave it to others to judge, is ill-timed and out of place.'

Nay, sir,' cried Langley, 'do not be hard upon Mr. Myte. He thinks the happy turn in our friend's affairs is a good excuse for jollity.' So it is,' cried Myte; 'and I mean to get drunk as fast as I can.

"Stone walls do not a prison make,

Or iron bars a cage ;'

as sweet Lovelace sings.'

Burridge, much to Myte's relief, arose shortly afterwards to leave, pleading a particular engagement, and having concerted to call upon Langley early in the morning, to complete our bail, took his departure. Myte forthwith abandoned himself to gaiety, and drank so plentifully of the wine that he speedily brought himself into a fair way of becoming drunk.

I say, old Greg,' he cried, are you aware that you have been acting a part latterly that has made piety cast up the eye, and humanity hang down the head?'

My dear sir,' replied old Gregory, I know not what you mean. I trust my conduct has been, and will continue to be, guided by principles that eh, Tom? what does Mr. Myte mean?'

[ocr errors]

'I mean,' answered Myte, that your treatment of mad Tom-' 'Forbear!' cried the father solemnly; 'interfere not between a parent and his child. What, sir! would you arraign my conduct? you, who professed the greatest affection for Tom, and the sincerest friendship for Mr. Savage, and yet never came near them. Why, it was the observation of your behaviour that determined mine. I did but imitate you.'

'Imitate me!' said Myte, 'no, sir, you didn't imitate me. But what do you say now? Let us expiate our crimes; for, to confess the truth, I have been as guilty as yourself. John shall have Joan. Tom shall take Martha just as if nothing had happened. Your thumb to the bargain.'

With all my heart,' said old Gregory, extending his hand.

It is clenched,' exclaimed Myte, seizing the thumb of the other. Myte now began to whimper-a common custom with him when he was in his cups, and was, at length, with some difficulty, induced to depart, first insisting that Elizabeth should accompany them home, which she had previously agreed with Martha she would do,-and making Gregory and me promise that we would dine with him on the following day.

[blocks in formation]

THE PHILOSOPHY OF ORATORY.

'Most potent, grave, and reverend signors.'-SHAKSPEARE.

The noble chairman returned thanks in a neat and appropriate speech.'

Morning Post. 'I say, Jim, that fellow has the gobble of the gab, at any rate. Why, his tongue goes nineteen to the dozen. If he could not talk a dog's hind leg off, I don't know who could, that's all. The Arcadians.

PRELIMINARY HINTS.

IT is almost superfluous to observe that a slight knowledge of the subject to be spoken upon is absolutely necessary-confidence and opportunity are the next essentials. The first may be acquired with a little practice; the second may be readily found, or made, by any man possessed of the least tact in society.

However large the company may be, entertain no apprehension of being eclipsed; for it is ten to one that any man (how rich soever his stock of ideas may be) has the power of giving them utterance; so little is the art of extemporaneous speaking practised or understood. A little observation will verify the truth of this assertion. Such blundering, floundering, and tautology as are stammered forth over a mahogany table is really wonderful; and the worst specimens, too, are generally to be caught from the lips of the cleverest men.

A very little care and preparation are required to prevent such a display of awkwardness.

Almost all the best speeches that are made are the result of study, or at least the speakers have so disciplined their ideas, that they are ready on every occasion so to arrange them that their words flow with facility, and their periods terminate musically. In table-oratory, the effect does not so much depend on the matter as the manner of deliv ery; for the best sentiments are frequently mutilated by the nervous hesitation of the speaker, and rendered pointless; while on the other hand, mere common-places are received with applause.

The proposal of a health, and the returning of thanks, are almost the only occasions on which a gentleman is called upon to speak; and yet, strange to say, scarcely one in a hundred does more than hobble over the beaten course.

We have given forms for both, which may be learned with facility, and made, by a trifling alteration, to fit any occasion, and the speaker may probably have the pleasure of seeing his name in the public prints as having returned thanks in 'a neat speech.'

For those who are disposed to sport their eloquence in a wider field we have concocted longer speeches, both humorous and sentimental.

[ocr errors]

Care, however, must be taken, when these rare specimens are committed to memory, that they are not spoken too volubly; for a rapid delivery will not only drown the sense, but very probably discover the art'-to the initiated. A clear and distinct enunciation is absolutely necessary, at the same time declamation must be cautiously avoided. In endeavouring to be impressive, the voi e must not be raised above its natural key, or it becomes discordant and offensive.

The tamest conversational tone will produce a better effect than anything bordering on theatrical rant.

A graceful easy action adds greatly to speaking; but it is as rare in Englishmen as it is redundant in the French.

But this is not essential in a table-orator. If in the warmth of speaking the hands or arms are moved, let it be unstudied; for the natural impulse of the moment will give more effect than could possibly be attained if practised before a looking-glass for a twelvemonth.

Never thump the table with a clenched fist,-for the chances are that a glass or bottle is broken, the attention of the company called off, the thread of the discourse snapped,—and then the sooner Mr. Orator winds up the better.

Never spread out the fingers of both hands upon the 'mahogany,' as if about to walk on all fours among the dishes. The position is not only inelegant, but prevents the proper action of the lungs.

Never place the left hand upon the heart; for, however sincere the feelings of gratitude may be, they will lose their intended force.

If the sentence really prompts such an action, let the right hand be placed there for about two beats,' (not with a slap or a thump, but gently,) and then slowly withdrawn again.

In political speaking it is very difficult to prescribe any particular rules, as upon this subject there are so many various opinions.

If popularity be the object, the most profitable line' in the present day is the ultra-liberal. Squander the arrows of ridicule indiscrimi nately at all old establishments, scoff at the wisdom of our ancestors, and apply the strongest epithets, like a battering-ram, at the foundations of every fabric reared by our forefathers; declaim loudly against all sinecures and places, and the probability is that, backed by a little interest, a commissionership will follow.

But if any particular feeling that requires caution in the utterance be struggling for expression, a little wit and management may enable you to insinuate your meaning without actually asserting it. As in the speech of Patrick Henry, of Virginia, when he exclaimed, Cæsar had his Brutus,-Charles the First his Cromwell, and George the Third- Henry was interrupted by a shout of ' Treason! treason!'. but coolly finished the sentence with 'George the Third may profit by their example!

In proposing the health of any one, remember that self-esteem is a bump which is very prominent on the craniums of most men,-therefore, when you can ascertain his particular talent, (or his desire to be esteemed as the possessor of it,) for the distinction is wholly unimportant, expatiate largely upon it, and if you have marked him for a pa

tron, it is very likely you may play upon the organ (of self-esteem) to

some tune.

On the birth-days of children, do not omit (especially if the mamma be present, and has any pretensions to personal charms) among your sincerest wishes to express a hope that the little rose-bud may in time expand, and equal the beauty of the full-blown rose.' Applause will certainly follow, in compliment to the lady, if not to your eloquence, and you will be most likely booked for the next dinner.

These hints might be extended to a volume; but as example is more brief and efficacious than precept, I shall follow them by a few choice specimens.

SPOUT THE FIRST.

Gentlemen,-It will no doubt be readily guessed by every guest at this hospitable board that I rise to propose the health of our worthy host, who, whether host or guest, has on every occasion proved a host in himself. His merits are too well known to us all to need discussion here; therefore, with the sincerest hope that he may never want a dinner, and always get his desert, I propose his health with three times three.'

SPOUT THE SECOND.

'Gentlemen,-I am compelled to rise, as the balloon said to the earth. There, however, the simile may drop; for I am neither elevated by the generous wine of our no less generous host, nor inflated by the fumes of vanity.

'No, gentlemen,-I rise, not filled with gas, but with gratitude, which, until death open the valve, cannot evaporate.

'Gentlemen, the honour of proposing the health of our excellent host devolves upon me. But however grateful Bacchus may be, he is not the god of Eloquence.

It is, however, universally acknowledged that there is truth in wine. In expressing the juice of the grape there is little difficulty. I would that the expression of truth were as easy; but, still, whe ther the draught be wine or water in which we quaff the health of our honoured host, I am confident the draught will be duly honoured.

'Gentlemen, we must pledge our host in bumpers, for I wish upon this occasion that our glasses, like our hearts, should be brimful.'

SPOUT THE THIRD.

'Gentlemen,-I am not only highly flattered by the compliment you have paid me, but the handsome and unanimous expression of your sentiments overwhelms me,-indeed, I feel quite overpowered, as the horse-shoe said to the blacksmith's-hammer.

'However inadequate my words may be, I assure you I have feelings, as the lobster said when they popped him into the boiler,-and

I must speak out. If 1 fail in the expression of my gratitude, I trust you will rather attribute it to the want of eloquence than the due appreciation of your kindness, for I am diffident, and naturally of a retired habit, as the snail said to the grasshopper.

'I am a man of few words, and wholly unaccustomed to speaking, but I must beg your patient indulgence a little longer. I entreat you to bear with me, for I shall soon be done,-as the suet-dumpling said to the boiling water.

That health which you have wished me, may you and yours enjoy a hundred-fold. With the sincerest hope that Care may never give you a heart-ache, or wine a head-ache, I pledge you all,-as the tailor said when he took his traps to his uncle!"

SPOUT THE FOURTH.

'Gentlemen,-My grandmother was a very particular old lady, and always endeavoured to impress upon my mind that gratitude was the first of virtues.

'A gridiron, gentlemen, is a culinary implement, that may be easily seen through, would that my breast were as open, that you might at one glance see the sincerity of my grateful feelings.

A gimlet will pierce a deal board, a darning-needle the heel of a worsted-stocking; but neither are more penetrating than that kindness. which you have shown me on this occasion.

A farthing rushlight-a single farthing rushlight, gentlemen, would appear almost ridiculous in the centre of a spacious room,— but it gives all the light it can, and deserves not to be laughed at.

My gratitude, gentlemen, is like that spacious room,-my eloquence, that farthing rushlight. Bread and cheese, gentlemen, is humble fare; but when it is given with a hearty welcome, it is better than venison and claret from the table of a proud man; and the guest will rather receive it in the spirit it is given, than for its real worth. In like manner, I would crave your indulgent acceptance of my humble thanks-not less sincere for their homeliness, and my ardent wishes that you may all enjoy long life, health, and prosperity.'

SPOUT THE FIFTH.

Should an ardent desire to represent the people animate your ambitious breast, the following effusion may be appropriately delivered from the balcony of the public-house honoured by your temporary occupation; and, supposing your committee and agents have been sufficiently liberal, and done the handsome thing' in the distribution of 'refreshment-tickets,' and other insinuating persuasives, it will be received by loud and enthusiastic cheers:

[ocr errors]

• Independent electors of Swill-cum-Fuddle!-Words are inadequate to express the gratification I feel in addressing so numerous and respectable a body of my fellow-townsmen.

'Born among you, and knowing your feelings as I do, your incorruptibility and noble independence of spirit, I feel highly flattered by the requisition calling upon me to come forward as a candidate for the distinguished honour of representing you in Parliament,-at the same

« PreviousContinue »