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V10. There is a fair behaviour in thee, captain ; And though that nature with a beauteous wall Doth oft close in pollution, yet of thee I will believe thou hast a mind that suits With this thy fair and outward character. I proythee, and I'll pay thee bounteously,) Conceal me what I am; and be my aid For such disguise as, haply, shall become The form of my intent. I'll serve this duke ; Thou shalt present me as an eunuch to him, It may be worth thy pains ; for I can sing, And speak to him in many sorts of music, That will allow me very worth his service. What else may hap, to time I will commit; Only shape thou thy silence to my wit.
Cap. Be you his eunuch, and your mute I'll be: When my tongue blabs, then let mine eyes not see !
V10. I thank thee : lead me on. [Exeunt.
take the death of her brother thus? I am sure care's an enemy to life.
Mar. By my troth, sir Toby, you must come in earlier o’nights; your cousin, my lady, takes great exceptions to your ill hours.
Sir To. Why, let her except before excepted.
MAR. Ay, but you must confine yourself within the modest limits of order.
Sir To. Confine ! I'll confine myself no finer than I am : these clothes are good enough to drink in, and so be these boots too :-an they be not, let them hang themselves in their own straps.
Mar. That quaffing and drinking will undo you: I heard my lady talk of it yesterday; and of a foolish knight that you brought in one night here to be her wooer.
Sir To. Who? Sir Andrew Aguecheek?
Sir To. Why, he has three thousand ducats a year.
Mar. Ay, but he'll have but a year in all these ducats; he's a very fool and a prodigal.
SCENE III.-A Room in Olivia's House.
Enter Sir Toby Belch and MARIA. Sir To. What a plague means my niece, to
a He's as tall a man-] That is, as able a man. “ A tall man of his hands, meant a good fighter: a tall man of his tongue, a
licentious speaker; and a tull man of his trencher, a hearty feeder."-GIFFORD.
Sir To, Fie, that you'll say so! he plays o’ till his brains turn o’ the toe like a parish-top.(2 the viol-de-gamboys,(1) and speaks three or four What, wench! Castiliano vulgo;for here comes languages word for word without book, and hath sir Andrew Agueface. all the good gifts of nature. Man. He hath, indeed,-almost natural : for,
Enter Sir ANDREW AGUECHEEK. besides that he's a fool, he's a great quarreller ; and, but that he hath the gift of a coward to allay Sir And. Sir Toby Belch! how now, sir Toby the gust he hath in quarrelling, 'tis thought among
Belch ! the prudent, he would quickly have the gift of a SIR To. Sweet sir Andrew ! grave.
Sir And. Bless you, fair shrew, Sir To. By this hand, they are scoundrels and Mar. And you too, sir. substractors, that say so of him. Who are they? Sir To. Accost, sir Andrew, accost.
Mar. They that add moreover, he's drunk Sir And. What's that ? nightly in your company, .
Sir To. My niece's chamber-maid. Sir To. With drinking healths to my niece; Sir And. Good mistress Accost, I desire better I'll drink to her, as long as there is a passage in acquaintance. my throat and drink in Illyria. He's a co
coward, MAR. My name is Mary, sir. and a coystril," that will not drink to my niece, SIR And. Good mistress Mary Accost,
a Coystril, - ) A mean groom or peasant; derived, it is thought, from the Low Latin, Coterellus. b Castiliano vulgo;] Warburton proposed, “Castiliano-tolto,
put on your Castilian, that is, your grave looks ;' but Maria appears already to have been more serious than suited Sir Toby's humour.
Sir To. You mistake, knight: accost is front Sir To. O knight, thou lack'st a cup of her, board her, woo her, assail
canary: when did I see thee so put down? Sir And. By my troth, I would not undertake Sin And. Never in your life, I think, unless her in this company. Is that the meaning of you see canary put me down. Methinks sometimes accost ?
I have no more wit than a Christian or an ordinary MAR. Fare you well, gentlemen.
man has : but I am a great eater of beef, and I Sir To. An thou let part so, sir Andrew, believe that does harm to my wit. would thou might'st never draw sword again.
SIR To. No question. SIR AND. Ăn you part so, mistress, I would I SIR AND. An I thought that, I'd forswear it. might never draw sword again. Fair lady, do you
I'll ride home to morrow, sir Toby: think you have fools in hand ?
Sir To. Pourquoi, my dear knight? Mar. Sir, I have not you by the hand.
SIR AND. What is pourquoi ? do or not do ? SIR AND. Marry, but you shall have, and I would I had bestowed that time in the tongues, here's my hand.
that I have in fencing, dancing, and bear-baiting : MAR. Now, sir, thought is free : I pray you, O, had I but followed the arts ! bring your hand to the buttery-bar,(3) and let it Sir To. Then hadst thou had an excellent head drink.
of hair. SIR AND. Wherefore, sweetheart? what's Sin And. Why, would that have mended my your metaphor ?
hair? Mar. It's dry, sir.“
Sir To. Past question ; for thou seest, it will SIR AND. Why, I think so: I am not such not curl by nature. an ass, but I can keep my band dry. But what's Sir And. But it becomes me well enough,
does 't not? MAR. A dry jest, sir.
Sir To. Excellent! it hangs like flax on a SIR AND. Are you full of them ?
distaff; and I hope to see a huswife take thee Mar. Ay, sir ; I have them at my fingers' between her legs and spin it off. ends : marry, now I let go your hand, I am Sir And. Faith, I'll home to-morrow, sir barren.
[Exit MARIA. Toby: your niece will not be seen ; or if she be,
your jest ?
It's dry, sir.] As a moist hand was commonly accounted to denote an amatory disposition, a dry one was considered symptomatic of debility.
b It will not curl by nature.] The old text reads, it will not cool my nature. Corrected by Theobald.
it's four to one she'll none of me; the count
Enter DUKE, CURIO, and Attendants. himself, here hard by, wooes her.
Sir To. She'll none o' the count; she'll not DUKE. Who saw Cesario, ho ? match above her degree, neither in estate, years,
Vio. On attendance, my
here. nor wit; I have heard her swear't. Tut, there's DUKE. Stand
awhile aloof.–Cesario, life in't, man.
Thou know'st no less but all; I have unclasp'd Sir And. I'll stay a month longer. I am a To thee the book even of my secret soul : fellow o’ the strangest mind i' the world; I de- Therefore, good youth, address thy gait unto her ; light in masques and revels sometimes altogether. Be not denied access, stand at her doors,
Sir To. Art thou good at these kick-shaws, And tell them, there thy fixed foot shall grow, knight?
Till thou have audience. SiR AND. As any man in Illyria, whatsoever V10.
Sure, my noble lord, he be, under the degree of my betters; and yet If she be so abandon'd to her sorrow I will not compare with an old man.
As it is spoke, she never will admit me. Sir To. What is thy excellence ? in a galliard, DUKE. Be clamorous, and leap all civil bounds, knight?
Rather than make unprofited return. [then? Sir And. Faith, I can cut a caper.
Vio. Say, I do speak with her, my lord, what Sir To. And I can cut the mutton to't.
DUKE. O, then unfold the passion of my love, Sir And. And I think I have the back-trick, Surprise her with discourse of my dear faith : simply as strong as any man in Illyria.
It shall become thee well to act my woes; Sir To. Wherefore are these
things hid ?
She will attend it better in thy youth, wherefore have these gifts a curtain before 'em ? Than in a nuncio * of more grave aspect. are they like to take dust, like mistress Mall's V10. I think not so, my lord. picture ? (4) why dust thou not go to church in a DUKE.
Dear lad, believe it; galliard, and come home in a coranto?
For they shall yet belie thy happy years, walk should be a jig ; I would not so much as That say thou art a man : Diana's lip make water, but in a sink-a-pace. What dost Is not more smooth and rubious ; thy small pipe thou mean? is it a world to hide virtues in ? I Is as the maiden's organ, shrill, and sound, did think, by the excellent constitution of thy leg, And all is semblative a woman's part. it was formed under the star of a galliard.
I know thy constellation is right apt Sir And. Ay, 'tis strong, and it does indifferent For this affair :-some four or five attend him ; well in a flame-coloured* stock. Shall we set All, if you will; for I myself am best, about some revels ?
When least in company: prosper well in this, Sir To. What shall we do else ? were we not And thou shalt live as freely as thy lord, born under Taurus ?
To call his fortunes thine. Sir And. Taurus ? that'st sides and heart. Vio.
I'll do my best, Sir To. No, sir ; it is legs and thighs. Let To woo your lady: yet, [Aside.] a barful strife! me see thee caper: ha! higher : ha, ha !ex- Whoe'er I woo, myself would be his wife. cellent ! [Exeunt.
SCENE IV.-A Room in the Duke's Palace,
SCENE V.-A Room in Olivia's House.
Enter VALENTINE, and Viola in man's attire.
Enter Maria and Clown.(5)
VAL. If the duke continues these favours towards you, Cesario, you are like to be much advanced; he hath known you but three days, and already you are no stranger.
V10. You either fear his humour or my negligence, that you call in question the continuance of his love: is he inconstant, sir, in his favours ?
VAL. No, believe me.
Mar. Nay, either tell me where thou hast been, or I will not open my lips so wide as a bristle may enter, in way of thy excuse : my lady will hang thee for thy absence.
Clo. Let her hang me: he, that is well hanged in this world, needs to fear no colours.*
Mar. Make that good.
you. Here comes the count.
(*) Old text, dam'd colour'd.
(1) Old text, Thal. A Needs to fear no colours. ) Nares conjectures that to fear no colours was originally a military expression for fear no enemy. Maria suggests the same thing, but the point of the allusion here,
(*) Old copy, nuntio's. and in other instances of this 'skipping dialogue," is lost to us,
MAR. A good lenten* answer: I can tell thee what remedy? As there is no true cuckold but where that saying was born, of, I fear no colours. calamity, so beauty's a flower.—The lady bade Clo. Where, good mistress Mary?
take away the fool; therefore, I say again, take MAR. In the wars; and that may you be bold to say in your foolery.
Oli, Sir, I bade them take away you. Cio. Well, God give them wisdom that have Clo. Misprision in the highest degree !-Lady, it; and those that are fools, let them use their Cucullus non facit monachum ; that's as much talents.
to say as, I wear not motley in my
brain. Good MAR. Yet you will be hanged for being so long madonna, give me leave to prove you a fool. absent; or, to be turned away,—is not that as OLI. Can you do it? good as a hanging to you?
Clo. Dexterously, good madonna. Clo. Many a good hanging prevents a bad OLI. Make your proof. marriage ; and, for turning away, let summer bear Clo. I must catechize you for it, madonna ; it out.
good my mouse of virtue, answer me. MAR. You are resolute, then ?
OLI. Well, sir, for want of other idleness, I'll Clo. Not so neither, but I am resolved on two bide your proof. points.
Clo. Good madonna, why mournest thou ? Mar. That, if one break, the other will hold; Oli. Good fool, for my
brother's death. or, if both break, your gaskins * fall.
Clo. I think his soul is in hell, madonna. Clo. Apt, in good faith ; very apt! Well, go OLI. I know his soul is in heaven, fool. thy way; if sir Toby would leave drinking, thou Clo. The more fool, madonna, to mourn for wert as witty a piece of Eve's flesh as any in your brother's soul being in heaven. Take away Illyria.
the fool, gentlemen. Mar. Peace, you rogue, no more o' that. OLI. What think you of this fool, Malvolio ? Here comes my lady: make your excuse wisely, doth he not mend ? you were best.
[Exit. MAL. Yes, and shall do till the pangs of death Clo. Wit, and 't be thy will, put me into good shake him : infirmity, that decays the wise, doth fooling! Those wits, that think they have thee, ever make the better fool.
fools ; and I, that am sure I Clo. God send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for lack thee, may pass for a wise man : for what the better increasing your folly ! Sir Toby will says Quinapalus? Better a witty fool than a be sworn that I am no fox; but he will not pass foolish wit.
his word for two pence that you are no fool.
Oli. How say you to that, Malvolio ?
Mal. I marvel your ladyship takes delight in Enter OLIVIA, MALVOLIO, and Attendants. such a barren rascal ; I saw him put down the
other day with an ordinary fool, that has no more God bless thee, lady!
brain than a stone. Look you now, he's out of Oli. Take the fool away.
his guard already ; unless you laugh and minister Clo. Do you not hear, fellows? take away the occasion to him, he is gagged. I protest, I take lady.
these wise men, that crow so at these set kind of OLI. Go to, you're a dry fool ; I'll no more of fools, no better than the fools' zanies. you: besides, you grow dishonest.
Oli. O, you are sick of self-love, Malvolio, Clo. Two faults, madonna, that drink and good and taste with a distempered appetite. To be counsel will amend: for give the dry fool drink, generous, guiltless, and of free disposition, is to then is the fool not dry; bid the dishonest man take those things for bird-bolts, that you deem mend himself; if he mend, he is no longer dis- cannon-bullets : there is no slander in an allowed honest ; if he cannot, let the botcher mend him : fool, though he do nothing but rail; nor no railing any thing that's mended is but patched : virtue in a known discreet man, though he do nothing that transgresses is but patched with sin ; and sin that amends is but patched with virtue. If that Clo. Now Mercury endue thee with leasing," this simple syllogism will serve, so ; if it will not, for thou speakest well of fools.
(*) Old copy, lenton. a Or, if both (points] break, your gaskins fall.] See note (e), p. 250, Vol. I.
b That's os much to say as,-) In modern editions this is usually printed in conformity with modern construction,
That s as much as to say;" but the form in the text was not uncommon in old language : -" And yet it is said, -labour in thy vocation; which is as inuch to say as," &c.--"Henry VI." (Part VOL. II.
Second), Act IV. Sc. 2.
c An ordinary fools-1 An ordinary fool may mean a common fool; but more probably, as Shakespeare had always an eye to the manners of his own countrymen, he referred to a jester hired to make sport for the diners at a public ordinary.
d Now Mercury endue thee with leasing, for thou speakest well of fools.] The humour of this is not very conspicuous even by the light of Joinson's comment, —" May Mercury teach thee to lie, since thou liest in favour of fools!"