I am not industrious in my Master's business, am not devoted to it with singleness of heart. Still it is the desire of my soul to obey God, and serve no other master. When I lay my plans, and form my resolutions for life, nothing seems so important as to please God. To live, and not serve him; to live in rebellion against him, would be to me worse than death. Nothing is so dreadful to me, as the thought of dishonoring my profession, and bringing reproach on the cause of Christ. "From different sources I find some grounds to hope, that Christ will own me as one of his followers. Every examination of the question, however, leads me to the following results: If I am a Christian, I have not that evidence which removes all doubt. It will take me all my life to prove my adoption, and make my 'calling and election sure.' All my graces are very weak, and need to be strengthened, that I may serve and honor my Saviour all my life. There are some great defects in my religious character; in my habits of thinking, feeling, and acting, which must receive serious attention. There is much that must be destroyed, much that must be entirely new-modelled. I am destitute, to an unhappy degree, of the supports and consolations which religion is calculated to afford. I am very unprofitable in the vineyard, and accomplish very little for the honor of Christ, or the welfare of souls.' It will occur to every one, acquainted experimentally with Christian character, that the preceding journal is an analysis of religious experience, conducted in a manner that indicates no ordinary degree of self-knowledge. It shows that careful and constant attention to personal piety, which, many doubtless are obliged to confess, has often been greatly neglected; especially when the mind has been occupied, as his at the same time was, with the engrossing studies and engagements of a public Seminary. It evinces a practical sense of the im portance of the many exhortations urged in the Bible, to attend to the important business of selfexamination. "Keep thy heart with all diligence." "Commune with your own heart." "Let us search and try our ways. " "Recollect yourselves, O nation not desired." "Examine yourselves." "Prove your own selves." "Let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself, and not in another." The neglect of this duty is one reason, why Christians enjoy so little of the consolations of a good hope, and suffer so much from a dread uncertainty of what will be their condition after death. It was owing much to self-knowledge that Mr. Fisk was enabled to face so calmly the perils of his Christian warfare, and finally to meet death without dismay. "Distrust and darkness of a future state, Is that which makes mankind to dread their fate; To be, we know not what we know not where." In addition to the systematic and laborious attention which Mr. Fisk devoted to the important business of self-examination, he was in the habit of observing frequently days of FASTING and PRAYER. He kept a journal of his exercises and reflections on such occasions, from which extracts will now be introduced. "March, 1817. This day is devoted to fasting and prayer. It is our business, therefore, to confess our sins privately and publicly, and to be humble for them; to pray for what we need, especially for what we need as a Seminary, and to devote ourselves anew to God. To assist my contemplations, and enable me to view, both collectively and separately, my transgressions, I would record against myself the sins and imperfections which I can recollect. "I have been negligent in secret prayer. I have not been fervent and incessant, as I ought to have been, in praying that the trustees of this Seminary may be guided by divine wisdom, and preserved from all worldly ambition and carnal policy; that they may be harmonious, humble, prayerful, spiritual, and holy. "I desire to be humble, that I have prayed so little for our respected Professors. I view it to be of incalculable importance, that they be eminently wise, humble, and holy men. But how little have I prayed that they may be so. Had all the members of the Seminary prayed as they ought for them, who can tell, how much clearer views they might have had of divine truth, how much more spiritual and edifying their prayers, and preaching, and conversation might have been, how much more they might have encouraged us in doing good, and assisted us in preparing to be ministers of Jesus Christ! The way to obtain blessings from them, is to pray down blessings upon them. But if the blessings which I obtain are only in proportion to the purity and fervor of my prayers, how few they will be. O may their souls be filled with the comforts of religion, and may they have so much sense of divine things, and such clear views of duty, as will enable them to say, and do, the best things in the best manner. The Lord bless them, and never let them be cold in devotion, insensible to the worth of souls, or engaged in building up a great temporal cause in the world, forgetful of the true spiritual cause of Jesus. "I have not prayed as I ought for ought for my brethren. I have feared that they would become cold, speculative, formal, uninteresting, and indisposed to those active exertions which make ministers useful. I have feared that they would be influenced too much by love of ease, honor, literary fame, or fashionable living. But how little, and how poorly have I prayed, that they might be led by the divine Spirit to renounce the world, to act according to the purity and simplicity of the religion of Jesus, and to lead lives of holy self-denial and active devotedness to the cause of the Redeemer. I might have prayed often for each of my brethren particularly; and whenever I have directed my eye, or turned my thoughts to one of them, I might have raised a petition to heaven for his spiritual good. Would God, that I loved this duty more, that my heart would rise spontaneously on all occasions, and every hour in the day, to call down blessings on myself and others. "I have prayed too little that my brethren may enjoy the comforts, understand the doctrines, and discharge the duties of religion; do good by their prayers, their letters, and visits while here, by their exertions in vacations, and by their example and preaching as long as they live. "I have prayed much less than I ought for others connected with this Institution-the instructers and members of the Academy-the families that worship with us the people around us-those who pray for our peace-and those who have imbibed ungrounded prejudices either for, or against us. "I have prayed too little for those who have, in former years, occupied these places. They are scattered over the earth, filling important stations; we ought to pray for them. In answer to our prayers a blessing might attend their labors, and souls be converted. "I have prayed too little for the future peace and purity of this Seminary. I would not make it the burden of my prayer that wealth may flow into it. Riches are dangerous, not to individuals only, but to communities, and to all public institutions. I would not pray, therefore, for any more wealth than may be consecrated 'Christo at Ecclesiæ.*' But I ought to have prayed frequently and fervently that God would take all the concerns of the Seminary *To Christ and the Church. into his care; that he would in kindness send prosperity or adversity;-increase, or diminish our number, our wealth, and our reputation, just as shall most conduce to the promotion of holiness, humility, and those habits and principles which make the most holy, godly, and successful ministers. Who can tell how much the character of the future trustees, professors, and students of this Seminary may depend on the prayers of its present members! And yet, if none offer more effectual prayers than I do, how little can be expected from this source. "I have not been faithful in praying for myself, that I might have a heart to pray for others, and to discharge my duty towards them; that I might be enabled to exhibit a pious example before all around me; that all my visits, conversation, and letters, may be useful; that I may have divine teaching in all my studies, and divine direction in all my duties; and that my whole heart and soul may be transformed into the image of my Saviour. O that I might have a heart to pray more. "March 26. Some of my brethren have proposed to make the spiritual welfare of this Institution and the Academy an object of special prayer to-day. I gladly join them in this service. May the good Spirit grant us his aid; for I am fully convinced that, without it, our prayers, our fasts, and our conversation about our stupidity and obligations, will avail nothing. On thinking of our state, I cannot but be affected with a sense of the dangerous tendency of the example I have set before those around me. "There has not been in my deportment suitable Christian sobriety. I have often said things thoughtlessly, which tended to provoke unprofitable laughter. I have done this, even when serious subjects. were the theme of our discourse. I have been par ticularly faulty in this respect at table, and when in company with a small number of my brethren. I have rarely done it when in a large company, or |
