of buzzing triflers, who rush into the seductive element, drown themselves in its rich embrace, and render it ever afterwards offensive to all the rest of mankind. Whatever the merits of any given system, or of its authors, may be, the cause of truth is surely served by exposing the folly of such shallow partizans.

Every one has heard more or Jess of the new system of Craniology, recently imported into this country. Of the system itself, I have little knowledge, and still less capacity of judging. It may be right, or it may be wrong, for what I know. Nor have I a prejudice or a prepossession respecting it, except that the rudeness with which it has been attacked in our popular reviews naturally tends to rally in its favour the feelings of the impartial and ignorant; and to that class of persons I belong, Nothing indeed can be more offensive than the manners of our modern critics. If the theory in question be as absurd as they allege, this could be shewn in calm language, And certainly, it is not shewn the better for violent imputations of ignorance, fatuity, and fraud; which, as it seems to me, can produce no effect but to irritate instead of confuting the parties, and to disgust instead of convincing the candid inquirer.

So much for the theory and theorists in question:-I neither applaud nor condemn either. But, as for some of their shallow, eager abettors, read (alas!) this melancholy letter! Indeed you will soon perceive that I have shewn some candour in speaking neutrally of a system which has occasioned me (however innocently) so many evils. Hear, then, sir, the narrative of my woes, and, if you think proper, record it for the benefit of mankind.

I am the eldest son of a laborious clergyman, situate in a very remote part of this United Kingdom.

My father educated me for the Church, and intended me for the University; but a growing family, and the times, had nearly disqualified him, in point of finances, for the execution of this purpose, when I received from a rich uncle an invitation to a splendid seat in one of the home-counties, accompanied by a proffer of patronage.

The proposing party was one of two brothers of my father's, both greatly his juniors, and to both of whom he had once supplied a father's place. One of them, my volunteering patron, entered into trade, and, by what the world is pleased to term some lucky hits, acquired a very considerable fortune, opulent illiteracy and vulgarity in the shape of a wife, a princely mansion in the country, and, to crown all, a title. Mean time, some part of his conduct towards my father was so offensive as to cause a deep breach between them: the great man chose to be irreconcileable, and my father was so much hurt that, for years, he could not bear the mention even of his brother's name. He, however, still bore towards him a fraternal heart; and when at length he received from him overtures of friendship accompanied by a tender of patronage, joyfully closed with the former, though much doubting the propriety of accepting the latter. I shall call this mighty man Sir Arthur,

The other brother, whom I shall name Richard, took orders, obtained by his merit a fellowship at the University, and afterwards a college-living. He ever maintained, so far as distance would allow, a close intercourse with our family; and was, in fact, the mediator of the present reconciliation between his brothers, and the instigator of the proposal in my fa

vour.

I pass over the long negotiation that ensued, which at length terminated in our acceptance of Sir

Arthur's offer. Neither will I recount the particulars of my journey from my father's, which to my inexperience seemed an Iliad of adventures; nor detain you on the circumstances of my arrival at the magnificent mansion of my patron; of my introduction to himself and his lady; of my surprise at the appearance and the hurried yet selfcomplacent mauner of the former, so unlike my father and other uncle; or of my deeper horror at the eternal war waged by his obsequious partner against all the cases, persons, moods, tenses, and concords, I had ever heard of. On my part, I was extremely confused and awkward; while my uncle had an air of the most provoking benignity."

The first thing that roused me to any distinct feeling of personal identity, was a remark made by Sir Arthur while we waited the annunciation of dinner. Speaking of my uncle Richard, he said, Poor Richard!-a good fellow, éh?-But I'm surprised what made him think of going into the church. Not fit for it, not fit for it at all. Why, man, there's no such thing as hope, veneration, conscientiousness, or benevolence, in his whole head.-No, not ever-a-one of them.-" I had not time to recover from the vague astonishment into which this speech had thrown me, when my attention was diverted from it by the unfolding of the door, and the entrance of the very person thus calumniated.

I know not whether my uncle Richard has benevolence in his head: I am sure he has it in his heart; as, indeed, was now proved, by his having rode from his parish (thirty miles distant), with great inconvenience to himself, for the purpose of meeting me at Sir Arthur's. However, it was not merely for the pleasure of an interview; but he was anxious to superintend my debût at my titled

uncle's. He thought much might depend on the first impression, and, well knowing both parties, conceived that his presence would probably be advantageous in smoothing the mutual approaches between oddity and shyness.

My uncle Richard met me with the most affectionate cordiality; and I, on my part,, was overjoyed at the sight of one whom I love and venerate as the exact duplicate (if I may so say) of my father. Sir Arthur welcomed his brother, not exactly with affection, but with much important kindness and much ill-dissembled respect. And as for the lady, she attempted to play a similar part, but succeeded still worse. The truth is, she had felt the inconveniences of a want of education, and could not help reverencing a scholard, though unadorned by a title, and unpossessed of a shilling's worth in the three per cents.

On our introduction into the dinner apartment, new forms of splendour struck my amazed eyes. I was oppressed by the magnificence of the table, and embarrassed at the number, figure, and solemnity of the waiting-servants; for

"Head to foot

Now were they total gules-" and they stood round us staring like a gallery of whole-length portraits. However, the dinner proved most welcome, not merely as it naturally would to a weary traveller, but in two other very important respects. First, it rid me of the trouble of disposing of my hands; which appendages of my person I bad for the last half-hour found so intolerably in the way that I really thought them multiplied to six at least. Secondly, it found equal employment for Sir Arthur's eyes, which, for about the same space of time, had been fixed on my unfortunate head, and with glances, now direct, now transverse, now stationary, now vibratory, were interjecting it in all directions. His

looks had inconceivably disturbed me, nor could I at all divine their object. However, I persuaded myself that he was studying my likeness to my father.

My uncle Richard soon made me feel at home in more senses than one: he asked particular questions about my father, mother, each of my brothers and sisters, and after wards about various persons in the parish, dilating on each, and intermixing remarks of a general nature. Sir Arthur was very capable of attending to more than one subject at a time; but the table afforded him such a variety of them, as completely to divide and subdivide his whole mind. His converse, therefore, never wandered from the matters in hand (I mean those literally so) till towards the close of the first course; when, hearing my uncle Richard talk of the studies I had been pursuing with my father, he abruptly asked what they had been.

I answered the question pretty minutely, and, on my completing with Algebra (the last of my ac quisitions), and then pausing I must own with the hope of a little compliment-Sir Arthur said, "Well?"

66

Well, sir," said I; " that is all.".

“All? Then haven't you learned the most valuable science in the world-the head-science—eh?"

"Why, sir," said I, "if you mean (as I suppose) theology, I certainly have not as yet studied it systematically; but my father has always taught me to attend to religion as the chief business of my life."

A laugh with which Sir Arthur heard the beginning of this reply, was overcast, towards the conclusion, with a certain look of awkwardness, which made it assume the semblance of a cry. " Why, yes," said he; "right, very right; that's what we should all do, certainly; but, Richard, that was a capital pun of mine, eh?- Sci

ence of heads,-head-science,-eh? All accident;-but as good as if I had meant it, eh?”

"Perhaps better," said my uncle Richard, smiling; and then, turning to ine, he said, "By the most valuable science in the world, Sir Arthur does not mean what you conjectured, but the science of heads, or Craniology; the science. taught by Drs. Gall and Spurzheim. He himself has been devoted to it these six months; and his lady," added my uncle, rather (as I thought) piquantly, “is his very humble convert and pupil."

Ay, and a charming science too," said the knight; "do you know it nephew, eh?"

"Ye-e-es,-No,-not much of it, sir," said I; and here false shame prevented my being completely honest, for which I very justly suf fered afterwards. I ought to have confessed that I had heard little more of this science than the name. However, the motive of Sir Arthur for reconnoitring my head now flashed upon me; and O what fearful thrills past through that head in every direction! I now began to guess also what was meant by brother Richard's having neither hope, veneration, conscientiousness, nor benevolence, in his whole head.

"Well, well," said Sir Arthur, "we shall soon find out how much you know of it. But doesn't the old parson study it, eh?"

"My father, sir," answered. I, and the paternal blood ran a lit the hot in my check at the irreverent appellation used by Sir Arthur, "has too many other calls on his time and attention. He has a large parish and a large family."

And now Sir Arthur paused a moment; and, leaning over to me with a look of eager cunning, and half-suppressing his voice, said, "And how many organs are there, my man, eh?"

Organs, sir?" said I, rather embarrassed.

"Yes, organs, organs;-why

Ha, ha," roared out Sir Arthur-" caught! fairly caught!Why, man, I meant the organs of the head; -never was any thing better;-el, my dear?"

"Upon my word, Sir Arthur, as you say," answered her ladyship, setting the tune of his bass laugh to a pretty high treble. And both laughed immoderately.

"Why, man," resumed his knightship, there are no fewer than thirty-three organs;-organs, I tell you, of the head; such as benevolence, firmness, caution, and plenty more besides; and, according as any of these appears prominent on a man's head, just so is his character.--What, not know Craniology!-Not know the thirtythree organs!-Wby, man, this is being downright gothic;-why, all the world are gone out of their senses about all this; and where can you have been, eh?"

"In his senses, I suppose," said my uncle Richard.

"And your father too," continued the eager Sir Arthur, "a parson and a scholar! and not study the thirty-three organs!"

"

"I suppose," said my uncle Richard, he is content to study the thirty-three Homilies."

The second, course, now entering in all its unsubstantial and transitory glory, silenced all Sir Arthur's organs (including his vocal ones) in moment; and, for a time, my uncle Richard and I again talked a duet. At length, on the approach of the desert, our host, looking to his lady with an air of studied indifference but real triumph, said, "My dear, though my nephew here is not fond of children, I suppose the boys had better come in, eh?”

Upon my word, Sir Arthur, as

you say," replied the lady: "I'd lay a crown as the poor dears is a-longing to come." And a servant received some most ungrammatical directions to summon the young gentlemen from above-stairs.

"I not foud of children, sir!”, exclaimed I.

"Eh now, you half think me a magician now, don't you, eh?” said the knight, affecting coolness, while he was twirling his watchchain with agitated pleasure.

"Why a magician?" said my uncle Richard, quietly: "for transforming him into a brute?"

"Come, I'll tell you how I discovered it;" continued the pleased knight, still to me and not noticing his brother; "your head shews you have no philo progeny."

"Discovered what?" said I, in

“Dislike them? — I doat on them!"-and I spoke vehemently, for I thought on my little brothers and sisters, whom I had just left for the first time.

"Doat on a fiddlestick!" said the impatient Sir Arthur, his va nity and pride mortified at once: "can't you feel the back of your head, eh?-The back of your head says quite plainly that you dislike children; can't you feel it's quite flat, eh?"

"It must be flat indeed," said I warmly, "not to find out that I delight in them.”

"You don't delight in them, sir!" cried the knight, raising his voice.

'Indeed, sir, I do!" replied I. and (I fear) in my turn a little loudly.

"You know you don't, you know you don't," exclaimed he, enraged, "I doat on them,” said I, once more.

"You don't," cried he, now grown furious: "you hate them, you detest them, you abhor them -you know you do-you would kill them if you could. Richard,