ring the bell;-I won't have my boys brought in at all, while this gentleman chooses to stay;-nay,' I'll send them out of the house this moment, under a strong guard, that I will." I had risen during this last fulmination; and as for Sir Arthur, he was ou his feet before. And I was just about to vent my scorn, when a look from my uncle Richard silenced me. "Arthur," said he, turning to his brother, and speaking with calm severity, "were I to ring the bell at all, it would be to order my horses, that I might return home." The fiery knight felt that he had acted wrong, and (what was worse) had exposed himself: and his lurking respect for his brother began to operate; and, I dare say, a grateful remembrance of my father crossed his mind: and he therefore stopped short, in pitiable embarrassment,-looked round for something to say,-then began mumbling a phrase which I afterwards found to be a very usual refuge with him after dinner, viz. that "the bottle stood."-" It cannot help standing, while you do so," said my uncle Richard: "come, sit you both down, and let us talk this matter over." We obeyed, but I will not delay you with relating how the gentleness and firm ness of my uncle gradually healed this breach. I was ashamed of myself, and resolved, for the future, to take Sir Arthur's worst flights en badinant. Peace had been for some time restored, when the promised boys entered. And here, whatever other organs I may want, I confess I am not without those of risibility: and severely were these put to the test on the entrance of my little cousins, whom I now beheld for the first time. The cause was not in their persons, but in what I may call their costume. They were three in number, extending upwards from about five years old to nine. The eldest was crowned with a sort of machine open at the top, but covering that part of the head just above the neck, to the breadth of three or four inches. and protruding large metallic flaps over the temples, which had exactly the appearance of a huge pair of blinkers. The second, a boy of about seven, was ornamented with a head-piece of a precisely contrary kind, and resembling nothing that I had ever seen but the paper fool's-caps with which boys are sometimes decked at a villageschool. It pressed on the forehead and crown of the head, but left the back and the region about the temples perfectly bare. But this pair of curiosities fell far short of the third. The poor little fellow actually wore a close helmet, enveloping his whole head with so terrific a blackness that I every moment expected to see him close his visor and set a lance in rest. Sir Arthur, whose temper was always as ready to explode, and as quiet immediately after an explosion, as gunpowder, had by this time quite forgotten the late scene; and the sight of the boys entering, one after the other, in shrouded majesty, threw him into such spi rits as made me strongly suspect that they had on this occasion found in him not only a father but a hatter. Meantime, the Blinkers walked up and took the station of honour by her ladyship; the Helmet wandered into the vacancy next to me; and the Fool's-cap, really a very intelligent and pleasing looking boy, occupied the post between the Blinkers and my uncle Richard, whom he 'evidently regarded with great partiality. After what had past, I had resolved to receive my young relatives with peculiar kindness; and I was now too happy to compromise with my muscles by relaxing them into profuse smiles of courtesy. The degree of apparent sensation which, in spite of my efforts, remained in my countenance, answered very well. For Sir Arthur, greatly flattered by it, as his tor with a smile, "have been cheated out of my church-relationship to him, in order to make room for the mighty musical name you have heard. "The last, who is your namesake, has now been converted into no less a personage than Epaminondas. His head discovers, it nor yet of constructiveness.—Why, "How should I guess?" said my uncle Richard, smiling, you know I have no organs for these things." "Why then, I'll tell you," rejoined the knight, with a look of such importance as if he had been in the act of issuing out of the Trojan horse, "it's something a little in your way;—it's a manual of self-examination !" "Yes, yes, yes; composingseems, the same universality of inventing-making,-night and talents and virtues which adorned morning,-eh?" that celebrated character. In other words, all its good and great organs are developed equally; and, that this organic symmetry may be preserved, it is enveloped in the terrors of that sable helmet which is periodically to be changed for one of larger size. By means of an equal pressure over the whole sur face, it is thought that the organs will be prevented from attempting to overtop one another. They will, as it were, march forwards in line, or (to use a still more military phrase) always dress together; and thus be one day adequate to effect, if necessary, the deliverance of their country." My uncle Richard had hardly closed his statement, when Sir Arthur, turning to me in an ecstasy, cried out," Gall and Spurzheim for ever!-Capital, isn't it now, nephew, capital,-eh?" It is literally so," answered I, taking refuge (and I fear not very honestly) in a poor pun. "It is indeed," resumed he, and what d'ye think I call these, same clever head-machines, eh?-A dozen of Madeira now for a guess. I call them Spurzheims.-A hard name, to be sure, that German doctor's.-And, when I put the machine on any body's head, how d'ye think I say it, eh?-1 call it Spurzheiming them." Would it not be easier to call it Galling them?" said my uncle Richard. "O brother Richard," cried the knight, with a smile of superiority, you have no turn for these things, with all your learning. You have no organ of casuality, T. OBSERV. No. 167. "Indeed!" cried his brother, but with less emotion than I should have expected; "that may be a very useful work." "Useful!-O capital, capital!and I'm sure it will take, eh?" "Take! Why, you dont think of publishing it?" "Ha, ha, poor Richard!-he's always thinking of those musty books!--Why, man, you don't think it's a book I'm speaking of, eh ?-Why, it's a machine.” "A machine!-Is it possible?" "Possible !-ay, possible, and, what's more, done and ready.But I'll tell you how it is, man.You know, people's characters may change every day,-and, when they do, their organs are sure to change too;-so this is a machine which you fit to your head with your hand,you understand me,-and it measures to a Thow much your organs have altered since last time.-And so this way you examine yourself. You may use it, if you will, once or twice a day. And so I call it a manual of self-examination.—Isn't it most capital, eh?" My uncle Richard paused a mo ment, and then said, " And do you really conceive, Arthur, that, by means of all this ingenious Cra B 1 niology, you can turn one of our most important duties into a matter of pure mechanism?" "Can?" cried Sir Arthur, not at all taking his brother's meaning, “ Can?-Ha, ha, poor Richard! Why, man, I have; why, it's all done, ready cut and dried. My wife knows all about it, don't you, my dear, eh?—And you think it charming, eh?" "Upon my word, Sir Arthur, as you say," replied she; "I think as that there mangle of examina tion's the handiest thing as ever I see." "Pythagoras," observed my un ele Richard," is said to have en forced the duty of self-examination on his scholars; and he was a great mathematical genius also; but I do Not remember to have heard of his aiding the performance of this duty by machinery." And thus, begin ning on the lower key of philo sophy, that he might not alarm his hearers at the outset, my uncle gradually proceeded to more sacred topics; and, while he avoided an immediate collision with the selfexamining apparatus of Sir Arthur, gently insinuated principles shew ing the extent and obligation of the duty which his brother had in so gross a manner endeavoured to mechanize. Alas, he had not advanced far, when he was interrupted by the increasing animosity of a contest which had arisen between the eldest boy (Job) and his mother. The boy, having already feasted on two large slices of pine-apple, was greatly disposed to augment bis stock by a third, and, with this view, made a dash at the only remaining one in the plate. The lady opposed, on the ground that be would make himself ill. The one party still persisted; the other still resisted; till the deepening tumult drew the attention of the whole table; and we soon per ceived that Job was conducting himself in a way very little befit ng his name and character, It is impossible to describe the appearance now made by Sir Ar thur, enraged as he was, on the one hand, at the boy for discredit ing his theory, and, on the other, alarmed lest harsh measures should only produce a still more marked exposure of it. But resentment and conciliation were alike in vain, In vain he spoke blandishments; in vain he looked daggers; in vain, a fist, intended for the private eye of the rebel, peeped from under the table. To every remonstrance, "Be patient, Job!" no other an swer was returned than a roar of, "Job sha'n't be patient! he sha'n't!" till resentment mastered fear, and the young gentleman was ordered away to close confinement, and a deep but rather awkward silence ensued. And here, sir, it is time that your correspondent should be si fent also: I have given you, I trust, a tolerably clear picture of my first day at my proposed pa fron's. A week was passed very much in the same manner. It was a week, however, by no means barren of incidents. During the course of it, poor little Handel's musical instructor, a very respect able man, had the honesty and conscience to inform Sir Arthur that he must discontinue his attendances; as his pupil, though model of industry and docility, had received from nature no means of discriminating one sound from another, or knowing the scraping of a fiddle from that of a shoe. A still more important revolution took place. The impatient Master Job was, to the universal satisfaction of the house, sent off to school; where I understand that, in ridicule of his name and his temper, the poor boy has ever since been known by the appellation of Job's Wife. And, as for that paragon of universal faculties, the learned Theban, I am grieved to say, that it now seems very doubtful whether he will ever have any faculties at all. H But I had almost forgotten my own fate. Sir Arthur, satisfied that I had no organs for the clerical profession, but was born a great musician, procured for me, without my concurrence, or even know. ledge, the place of chief musical teacher to a great seminary. As I not only had never learned a note of music, but was naturally gifted pretty much like my little friend Handel in this respect, I thought it my duty to decline the office; and I was turned out of Sir Arthur's doors on the following morning. Once more, sir, I disclaim any hostility to the science of Crani ology, or its authors: yet, after the complicated wrongs it has wrought me, I may surely without offence subscribe myself ANTI-GALL-ICUS. For the Christian Observer. LITANY. GAVIOUR, when in dust to thee Bending from thy throne on high, By thy deep expiring groan, REVIEW OF NEW PUBLICATIONS. The Church in Danger: a State t ment of the Cause, and the probable Means of averting that Danger attempted. In a Letter to the Earl of Liverpool. By Rev. RICHARD YATES, B. D. F. S. A. &c. &c. London: Rivingtons, 1815. Price 5s. The Claims of the Established Church considered as an Aposto lical Institution, and especially as an authorized Interpreter of Holy Scripture. London: Rivingtons. 1815. Price 8s. 6d. A Letter to the Right Reverend the Lord Bishop of Lincoln, on the Subject of the Attack made by his Lordship upon the British and Foreign Bible Society, in his recent Charge to his Clergy. By A CLERICAL MEMBER OF THE SOCIETY, London: Baldwin and Co. 1815. Price 1s, Ød. THE reason which induces us to crowd so much miscellaneous matter into a single article, although of the important nature of that contained in the above recent pub. lications, maybeeasily guessed. The smallness of the limits which are allotted for the reviewing department, a certain preference for the doctrinal above the statistical discussions connected with our venerable Establishment, together with the fre |