the temptation came, that at first I had no fuch thought about it.

In the midst of these toffings to and fro, I one day came to Mr. B's, at G- —, and there was a perfon at their house, one of our church, helping them; and I, as ufual, could not keep my mouth fhut, though I often have wished I could, and began to relate how things were with me. A day or two after I was informed, that while I was telling my experience to them, this perfon, who was in distress concerning her foul, was quite fet at liberty, had all her doubts and fears cleared up; the way was quite open between God and her, the love of God was fhed abroad in her heart, and fhe expreffed herself very clearly indeed, and is one that feems as if the would declare it alfo amongst God's children. She has no ifs about it, but is pofitive; fo I must give it up, believing it to be genuine. But I remain ftill in prifon, not one gleam for me. I tried to fuck confolation from it, but I could not; therefore the fang fongs to a heavy heart.

I alfo came to another place one day, where was another of our church, not thinking any thing in the least of usefulness, and began to speak my experience as ufual; this was fet at liberty in the fame manner (this alfo had been very much diftreffed for fome time), and thanked and praifed God that I ever came near them; for the Lord had done great things for them, and had made me the inftrument, in his hand, whereby he chofe to deliver them. And I

dare not disbelieve these things; for if I did, I know confcience would teftify against me. against me. This cramps me; there was no comfort for me; Í remained juft the fame, still shut up; but they got what I wanted; and I had what they had loft, and was like a fool before them in mine own eyes. I could fee them fhine; but it rather created jealoufy and murmuring, instead of "rejoicing with them that do re"joice."

Another time I came to G

, and had occafion to stay all night. The next morning I began to be rather diffatisfied in my mind, because I had ́not feen any traces of the hand of the Lord with me, and began to conclude that I had acted wrong in staying, and to murmur at myself, &c. I came down ftairs; Mrs. B being in the room, after we had exchanged a few words, fhe began to weep bitterly. I asked her the caufe; fhe faid it was her wicked finful heart that was the occafion of it. On talking a little, I found that her views were, that fhe could not be a Chriftian, and, at the fame time, feel herself fuch a miferable finner. I felt a fecret pricking to be useful to her; I took hold of the Bible, for the fecond time in this way, and endeavoured to explain, in my rough way, part of the 7th chapter of the Romans; and while I was doing this, the Lord bleffed it to her foul, and made her as light as a feather, and fhe told me afterwards that she had a comfortable day of it: but was myself, all this time, in a very uncomfortable state. These things

8

things I cannot account for, though you touched a little on them in one of your letters to me; but I hope you will be more full upon it; for I am afraid of being taken by Satan as an angel of light; almoft every thing makes me start.

Another thing I have wondered at, which is this: that at the fame time some have been comforted by me in this dark state, others have been cramped, and staggered, and in fome measure brought into bondage. Mr. Bhimself, who enjoys much conftant confolation, can hardly ftand against me. This alfo has troubled me much, infomuch that I have wished I had never been near them. And I find a fear in me, left I fhould bring thofe that are in liberty into bondage.

I shall now give you my thoughts about my being a minifter. Your kind letters, I must confefs, have much weight with me, and I cannot altogether shake it off. I am fet upon my watch-tower, to fee what the Lord will fay unto me. I hope the Lord will never suffer me to go before him, nor ftay behind him; but that he will go before me, and alfo be my rereward, through this wilderness. Your charge is great, and the office is great; but, to be fure, our God is greater than all; and, I am fure, if it ever comes to pafs, it must be in God's power, not in my wisdom; for, fince these things have been about me, I have looked before now into the Bible to fee if I could find any thing which I think minifters muft do;

bur

but no, I could fee nothing: fo as to be able to deliver it publicly I have found no memory, scarce any light into the word, and have been confounded. A minifter, thought I; no fuch thing: for I can fee others far enough before me in knowledge, in underftanding, in gifts, &c. ; yet, after all this, I cannot, dare not, altogether hold my peace; thofe things before related cramp me, fo when I am amongst them I tell them, without a book, my experience and my feelings. I want no memory for that; for it is in me as plain fometimes as it is to read a book, and this I know from painful experience. If ever it comes to pafs, my dearly beloved, it lays in the paffage I lately had, "Great and mighty things." May the Lord's will, and only his, be done. Amen.

My dear friend, it is only formality to apologize about my writing to you, for write to you I must; and I hope you will not be offended at it. Be pleafed to favour me with an answer to this, as fullas you can; tell me all your thoughts. I fhall, from time to time, acquaint you how I go on. my friend, I am thankful that I have a spiritual friend that I can make fo free with; and I believe the Lord himself brought our acquaintance about for wife and good ends; for my good, and for his glory in the end. Give my love to your spouse, and all that love Jefus Chrift in fincerity: and may the Lord bless you, and keep you up against all

your

your enemies. That, as you have done, and may yet do, witness a good confeffion amongst many brethren, is the prayer of one that loves you, I hope, in the truth, and for the truth's fake.

A. R.

P. S. I have fent a letter by this post to our dearly beloved friend Mr. Oxenham. My wife defires her hearty love to you and yours, as alfo our other friends. I have given Mr. Oxenham a small account how we go on. Pray, pray for us, my friend, that the Lord would fend us a fingle eye, that our little body may be full of light. I hope you will excufe all blunders.

VOL. II.

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LETTER