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Mrs. II. (though I have broken my shins, and four times overturned Mrs. Hornem's maid, in practising the preliminary steps in a morning). Indeed so much do I like it, that having a turn for rhyme, tastily displayed in some election ballads, and songs in honour of all the victories (but till lately I have had little practice in that way), I sat down, and, with the aid of William Fitzgerald, Esq., and a few hints from Dr. Busby (whose recitations I attend, and am monstrous fond of Master Busby's manner of delivering his father's late successful "Drury Lane Address"), I composed the following hymn, wherewithal to make my sentiments known to the ublic; whom nevertheless, I heartily despise, as well as the critics
I am, Sir, yours, &c. &c.
MUSE of the many-twinkling feet! whose charms*
Thy breast-if bare enough-requires no shield;
Hail, nimble nymph! to whom the young hussar,
"Glance their many-twinkling feet."-GRAY.
To rival Lord Wellesley's, or his nephew's, as the reader pleases :-the one gained? pretty woman, whom he deserved, by fighting for; and the other, has been fighting is the Peninsula many a long day, "by Shrewsbury clock," without gaining anything in that country but the title of " the Great Lord" and " the Lord;" which savours of profanation, having been hitherto applied only to that Being to whom "Te Deums" for carnage are the rankest blasphemy. It is to be presumed that the general will one day return to his Sabine farm; there
"To tame the genius of the stubborn plain,
The Lord Peterborough conquered continents in a summer; we do more-we contrive both to conquer and lose them in a shorter season. If the "great Lord's" Cincinnatian progress in agriculture be no speedier than the proportional average of time in Pope's couplet, it will, according to the farmer's proverb, be" ploughing with dogs."
By the bye-one of this illustrious person's new titles is forgotten-it is, however,
Hail, moving Muse! to whom the fair one's breast
The latter's loyalty, the former's wits,
Imperial Waltz! imported from the Rhine
Oh, Germany, how much to thee we owe,
We bless thee still-for George the Third is left!
Who owe us millions-don't we owe the Queen?
But peace to her-her emperor and diet,
Borne on the breath of hyperborean gales,
worth remembering-" Salvador del mundo!" credite posteri! If this be the appellation annexed by the inhabitants of the Peninsula to the name of a man who has not yet saved them--query, are they worth saving, even in this world? for, according to the mildest modifications of any Christian creed, those three words make the odds much against them in the next. "Saviour of the world," quotha !-it were to be wished that he, or any one else, could save a corner of it-his country. Yet this stupid misnomer, although it shows the near connection between superstition and impiety, so far has its use, that it proves there can be little to dread froin those Catholics (inquisitorial Catho lics too) who can confer such an appellation on a Protestant. I suppose next year he will be entitled the " Virgin Mary;" if so, Lord George Gordon himself would have nothing to object to such liberal bastards of our Lady of Babylon.
While unburnt Moscow yet had news to send,*
She came-Waltz came-and with her certain sets
Fraught with this cargo-and her fairest freight,
To you, ye husbands of ten years! whose brows
The budding sprouts of those that you shall wear,
To mar a son's, or make a daughter's match;
The patriotic arson of our amiable allies cannot be sufficiently commended-nor subscribed for. Amongst other details omitted in the various despatches of our eloquent ambassador, he did not state (being too much occupied with the exploits of Colonel Cin swimming rivers frozen, and galloping over roads impassable) that one entire province perished by famine in the most melancholy manner, as follows:-In General Rostopchin's consummate conflagration, the consumption of tallow and train oil was so great, that the market was inadequate to the demand; and thas one hundred and thirty-three thousand persons were starved to death, by being reduced to wholesome diet. The lamplighters or London have since subscribed a pint (of oil) apiece, and the tallow-chandlers have unanimously voted a quantity of the best moulds (four to the pound), to the relief of the surviving Scythians;-the scarcity will soon, by such exertions, and a proper attention to the quality rather than the quantity of provision, be total alleviated. It is said, in return, that the untouched Ukraine has subscribed sixty thousand beeves for a day's meal to our suffering manufacturers,
To one and all the lovely stranger came,
Endearing Waltz !-to thy more melting tune
And true, though strange-Waltz whispers this remark,
Observant travellers of
Shades of those belles whose reign began of yore,
Both banish'd by the sovereign cordial "Waltz."
Dancing-girls-who do for hire what Waltz doth gratis.
It cannot be complained now, as in the Lady Baussière's time, of the "Sieur de la Croix," that there be "no whiskers;" but how far these are indications of valour in the field, or elsewhere, may still be questionable. Much may be, and hath been, avouched on both sides. In the olden time, philosophers had whiskers, and soldiers none-Scipio himself was shaven-Hannibal thought his one eye handsome enough without a beard; but Adrian, the emperor, wore a beard (having warts on his chin, which neither the empress Sabina nor even the courtiers could abide)-Turenne had whiskers, Marlborough none-Buonaparte is unwhiskered, the Regent whiskered; " argal" greatness of mind and whiskers may or may not go together; but certainly the different occurrences, since the growth of the last mentioned, go further in behalf of whiskers than the anathema of Anselm did against long hair in the reign of Henry I. Formerly, red was a favourite colour. See Lodowick Barry's comedy of Ram Alley, 1661, Act i. scene 1.
Taffeta.-Now for a wager-What coloured beard comes next by the window? "Adriana.-A black man's, I think.
"Taffeta.-I think not so: I think a red, for that is most in fashion."
There is" nothing new under the sun;" but red, then a favourite, has now subsided into a favourite's colour.
Seductive Waltz !-though on thy native shore
Blest was the time Waltz chose for her début;
New white-sticks, gold-sticks, broom-sticks, all new sticks!
With vests or ribbons deck'd alike in hue,
First duly done by daughter or by spouse,
An anachronism-Waltz and the battle of Austerlitz are before said to have opened the ball together; the bard means (if he means anything), Waltz was not so much in Vogue till the Regent attained the acmé of his popularity. Waltz, the comet, whiskers, and the new government, illuminated heaven and earth, in all their glory, much about the same time; of these the comet only has disappeared; the other three continue to astonish us still.-Printer's Devil.
↑ Amongst others a new ninepence-a creditable coin now forthcoming, worth a pound, in paper, at the fairest calculation.
"Oh that right should thus overcome might !" Who does not remember the "delicate investigation" in the "Merry Wives of Windsor ?"—
"Ford.-Pray you, come near: if I suspect without cause, why then make sport at me: then let me be your jest; I deserve it. How now? whither bear you this? "Mrs. Ford.-What have you to do whither they bear it ?-you were best meddle with buck-washing."
The gentle, or ferocious, reader may fill up the blank as he pleases-there are several dissyllabic names at his service (being already in the Regent's); it would not be fair to back any peculiar initial against the alphabet, as every month will add to the list now entered for the sweepstakes:-a distinguished consonant is said to be the favourite, much against the wishes of the knowing ones.