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Enter STOCKWELL, MARTIN, and SLIP. Stock. Come, son-in-law, we'll go to my banker's, and see how our cash stands, and settle matters as well as we can.

Mar. I'll attend you, sir, with pleasure-cash, or notes, all the same to me.

Stock. I wish you would take the houses, sonin-law; 'twould be more convenient for me, and a greater advantage to you!

Mar. Advantage, sir! I scorn to take any advantage of you-I hate mean views. I desire nothing better than my bargain. The money and your daughter's charms are sufficient for your poor Mart-humble servant.

Stock. Well, well, come along; we don't quite understand one another. [Exit. Mar. But we do. [TO SLIP.] The day's our own; get every thing ready to make our retreat good. Slip. Ay, ay, get you the money, and I'll be ready with the equipage. [Exit MARTIN, • Thus far our arms have with success been

crowned :'

I have only one doubt remaining, and that's about this same portion. I don't relish this dividing a booty. How shall I cheat Martin? I should deserve to be canonized could I but cheat that rogue of rogues. I must e'en throw the young lady in his way, and persuade him, for our better security, to pass the night with her: so leave him with the shell, while I slip off with the kernel. A tempting bait! But no-stand off, Satan! Tis against our fundamental laws.We adventurers have ten times the honour of fair traders. [Going, and stops.] Why, your what! Sure it can't be! Zounds, if it should! It is the very man! Our little, old, withered, fiery gentleman, by all that's terrible! from what a fine dream will this gouty spitfire awake us!He's certainly going to Mr. Stockwell's, and his gunpowder will blow up all at once! If Martin and Mr. Stockwell don't return too soon from the banker's, I may send him away; 'tis our last stake, and I must play it like a gamester.

Enter SIR HARRY HARLOWE.

Sir Har. I don't know you, friend; keep your distance. [Claps his hands on his pockets. Slip. Don't you know me, sir?

Sir Har. It cannot be Slip, sure! Is this the fool's coat my son ordered you for his wedding? Slip. Yes sir; and a genteel thing it is upon me. What you had a mind to surprise your friends? Who thought of you at London, sir? Sir Har. I set out soon after lame as you, I was. I bethought me, it looked better to settle matters of such consequence with Mr. Stockwell viva voce, than to trust it to a servant.

Slip. You were always a nice observer of decorums? You are going now to Mr. Stockwell's? Sir Har. Directly. [Going to knock.

Slip. Hold your desperate hand! and thank Fortune that brought me hither for your rescue. Sir Hur. Why, what's the matter? Rescue me, quoth-a! Have you seen them, Slip.

Slip. Seen them! ay, and felt them, too. I am just escaped. The old lady is in a damned passion with you, I can tell you.

Sir Har, With me!

Slip. Ay, that she is. How, says she, does the old fool think to fob us off with a flam and a sham of a dirty trollop? Must my daughter's reputation—and, then, she bridled and stalked up to me thus, sir.

Sir Har. How! but there's no answering a silly woman: how can this affect her daughter's character?

Slip. That's what I said. Madam, says I——— but you can't expect a woman in a fury to hear reason 'tis almost as much as they can do, when they are cool. No, no: as for her argument, it was sad stuff! Will the world, says she, believe such a- -no, no; they'll think the old hunks has found some flaw in our circumstances, and so won't stand to his bargain.

Sir Har. Poh! Nothing disguises a woman like passion. Though it may become a man sometimes-—~~~

Slip. Lud, sir! you would not know her again-her eyes stare in her head, and she can't see a creature. On a sudden, (for I pushed the argument pretty home) she caught hold of my throat, thus, sir; and knocked me down with the butt end of her fan.

Sir Har. Did she? But what did her husband say to this? Let us hear that.

Slip. Oh, sir, I found him pretty reasonable! He only shewed me the door, and kicked me down stairs.

too.

Sir Har. If he's for that work, we can kick,

Slip. Dear sir, consider your gout.

Sir Har. No, sir! when my blood is up, I never feel the gout. But could they possibly take Sir Har. I don't know how my old friend it amiss, that I consented to my son's marStockwell may receive me after this disappoint-riage? I doubt you did not explain circum

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stances.

Slip. I told them plain enough; I thought that my young master, having begun the ceremony at the wrong end, the family were going ding-dong to law; and that you had behaved

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Sir. Har. And did not this convince them? Slip. I say convince! They are in a pretty temper to be convinced! If you will take a fool's counsel, you should return to your inn, and never think of convincing them.

Sir Har. They are for kicking, are they? I could have kicked pretty well myself once. We shall see what they would be at

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[Going, is stopt by SLIP. Slip. Indeed, sir, you shall not. What! have your face scratched by an old woman, or be run through the body with a rusty sword? Indeed you shall not.

Sir Har. [Endeavouring to draw his sword.] We have swords, that run through bodies, as well as they; ay, and pistols too! If he will quarrel, I'm his man. Steel or lead, 'tis all one A passionate old fool! I'll cool him;

to me.

kick me down stairs! Slip. Lord, sir! you are so hot! You forget; it was me he kicked down stairs, not you!

Sir Har. 'Tis the same thing, sir. Whoever kicks you, kicks me by proxy-nay, worse; you have only the kicks, but I have the affront

Slip. If the kicks are the best, I shall be content with the worst another time. Undone, undone! This way, this way, sir. Let us go this way- -there will certainly be bloodshed. Sir Har. What is the matter, you fool? What

art afraid of?

Slip. Don't you see Mr. Stockwell coming this way? Bless me, how he stares! He's mad with passion. Don't meet him, Sir Harry. You are out of wind, and have not pushed a great while, and he'll certainly be too much for youSir Har. I won't avoid him. My blood's up as well as his; if the fool will be for fightinglet him take what follows. Hold my cane, Slip. [Cocks his hat. Slip. Ay, 'tis all over.-If Martin has but got money, we may retire while the champions

the

are at it.

Enter OLD STOCKWELL and MARTIN-STOCK WELL with a bag and notes in his hand.

Stock. We will count our money and bills over again, sign the writings, and then, son, for singing and dancing, and

Mar. Don't give yourself that trouble, Mr. Stockwell; among friends, you know-pray, let me ease you of that weight.

[Offers to take the money Stock. No, no, son; you shan't have a farthing more or less than your bargain. We citizens are exact, and must have our way in form. Slip. Zounds! he has not got the money! We must have a scramble for it at last, then!

Sir Har. Now he eyes me! I'll be as fierce as be; now for it-hem, hein !

[Brustles up. [During this, MARTIN and SLIP make signs, and approach each other by degrees]

Stock. Eh! sure, if my eyes don't deceive me, there is somebody very like my old friend and your father, Sir Harry Harlowe !

Slip. Damnably like, indeed, sir!

Sir Har. He looks like the devil at me; but I'll be even with him.

Stock. What, my dear friend, is it you?

Sir Har. None of your hypocritical palavers with me! Keep your distance, you dissembling old fool you, or I'll teach you better manners, than to kick my servant down stairs.

Stock. What do you mean, Sir Harry?—He's mad sure!

[They stand and stare at each other, and SIR HARRY shakes his sword.

Mar. Nothing can save us now, Slip! Slip. Trip up his heels, and fly with the money to the post-chaise; while I tread upon my old master's toes, that he mayn't follow us. Mar. We have nothing else for it-Have at them!

Stock. Nay, but Sir Harry!

[As they approach the old gentleman, BEL FORD comes in behind with constables, and seizes them.]

Bel. Have I caught you, rascals ;-in the very pick too! Secure them, constables.

Stock. What, in the name of wonder, are you about!

Bel. I have a double pleasure in this; for I have not only discovered two villains, but at the very time, sir, their villainy was taking effect to make you miserable.

Sir Har. Two villains! Mr. Stockwell, do you hear this? Explain yourself, sir; or blood and brimstone

Stock. Explain, Mr. Belford!-Sir Harry Harlowe! What is all this!- -I am all stupefac

tion!

Bel. Is this Sir Harry? I am your humble servant, sir. I have not the honour to be known to you, but am a particular acquaintance of your son's; who has been misrepresented here by that pretty gentleman, once à rascal of mine.

Sir Har. I'm in a wood, and don't know how to get out of it!

Stock. Is not this your son, Sir Harry?

this is my servant, and my son's pimp, whom I Sir Har. No, you passionate old fool! but understand you have been kicking down stairs!

Stock. Here's a fine heap of roguery!

Bel. It was my good fortune, by the intelligence and instigation of Mrs. Jenny, to discove

the whole before these wretches had accom

plished their designs.

Stock. What a hair-breadth 'scape I have had as the poet says, the very brink of destruction! for I should have given him the cash in five minutes. I am in a cold sweat at the thoughts of it! Dear Mr. Belford! [Shakes him by the hand.

Enter MRS. STOCKWELL, MISS, and JENNY.

Mrs. Stock. O, Mr. Stockwell! here are fine doings going forward, Did not I tell you, that I was for Mr. Belford from the beginuing ?

M

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Stock, Don't trouble us now, wife; you have been for and against him twenty times in fourand-twenty hours.

Jen. [To MARTIN aad SLIP.] Your humble servant, gentlemen! What, dumb and ashamed too!the next scheme you go about, take care that there is not such a girl as I within twenty miles of you.

Mar. I wish we were twenty miles from you, with all my soul!

Slip. As you don't like our company, madam, we'll retire. [Going away.]

Bel. Hold them fast, constables: They must give some account of themselves at the Old Bailey, and then perhaps they may retire to our plantations.

Sir Har. But what have they done? or what will you do? or what am I to do? I'm all in the dark-pitch dark

Stock. Is your son married, Sir Harry?

Sir Har. Yes, a fortnight ago; and this fellow you kicked down stairs, was sent with my

excuses.

Stock. I kicked him down stairs! You villain you

Bel. Don't disturb yourself with what is past,

but rejoice at your deliverance. If you and Sir Harry will permit me to attend you within, I will acquaint you with the whole business.

Sir Har. I see the whole business now, sir. We have been their fools.

Stock. And they are our knaves, and shall suffer as such. Thanks to Mr. Belford here-my good angel, that has saved my 10,000l. !

Sir Har. He has saved your family, Mr. Stockwell.

Bel. Could you but think, sir, my good ser vices to your family might entitle me to be one of it!

Miss Nan. You'd make your daughter happy, by giving her to your best friend.

Mrs. Stock. My dear; for once hear me and reason, and make them both happy.

Stock. You shall be happy, Belford. Take my daughter's hand. You have her heart. You have deserved her fortune, and shall have that, too. Come, let us go in and examine these culprits.

Sir Har. Right, Mr. Stockwell. 'Tis a good thing to punish villainy; but 'tis a better to make virtue happy, and so let us about it. [Exeunt omnes.

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Mer. Justice! Make that out, and my conscience will be easy.

Mer. O she'll run away with you most certainly

Wil. I must not lose time then. [Looking at his watch.] I must go and take my stand, that the deer may not escape me.

Wil. Did not her father's uncle, who was a good lawyer, and cheated my father of threefourths of his fortune, leave her near thirty thousand pounds? Now, this is my reasoning--Sir Mer. And I'll go and take mine, to help you Toby's uncle ran away with some thousands to carry off the venison-This is very like poachfrom my father, I shall run away with Siring, Will-But how will you get admittance Toby's daughter; this will bring the said thou- into Drury-Lane Theatre ? sands back to me again, with which I'll pay off old scores, and strike a balance in my favour, and get a good wife into the bargain. There's justice for you!

Mer. Aye, justice with a vengeance! But why must Sir Toby be punished for the sins of his

uncle?

Wil. I'll ease your conscience there, too. My mother, at my father's death, took me, a boy, to Sir Toby and my lady, to solicit their kindness for me-He gave me half-a-crown to buy gingerbread; and her ladyship, who was combing a fat lap-dog, muttered, 'There was no end of maintaining poor relations.'

Mer. I have not a qualm left-But did you really pass for a strolling player last summer, to have a pretence of being near her father's house?

Wil. Yes, I did; and, as Polonius says, was accounted a good actor.

Mer. What could put that unaccountable frolic in your head?

Wil. To gain the favour of Sir Toby's family, as a strolling player, which I could not as a poor relation. They are fond of acting to madness, and my plan succeeded; I was so altered they did not know me; they liked me much, came to a benefit which I pretended to have, invited me to their house, and Miss met me privately, after I had played Ranger and Lothario.

Mer. Aye, aye, when a young lady's head is crammed with combustible scraps of plays, she is always ready primed, and will go off (if you will allow me a pun) the very first oppor tunity.

Wil. I discovered myself to the young lady, and her generosity was so great, that she resolved to marry me to make me amends; there are refined feelings for you!

Mer. Aye, double refined !—she is more romantic than you, Will-But did not you run a great risque of losing her, when she knew you was only a gentleman, and not a player?

Wil. Read that letter, and tell me if my castles are built in the air? [Gives a letter.

Mer. [Reads.] I shall be with my papa and mamma to see a rehearsal at Drury-Lane Playhouse on Tuesday morning; if my present inclinations hold, and my heart does not fail me, I may convince honest Ranger, what confidence I have in his honour.-Postcript.-If I don't see you then, I don't know when I shall see you, for we return into the country next week!

Wil. Well, what think you?

Wil. I was very near being disappointed there; for unluckily the acting manager, who scarce reached to my third button, cocked up his head in my face, and said I was much too tall for a hero-however, I got the liberty of the scenes, by desiring to rehearse Hamlet next week-But I hope to cross the Tweed with the fair Ophelia before that time, and finish my stage adventures by appearing the first time in the character of a good husband.

Mer. Success attend you!

Wil. This is the day,

Makes me, or mars, for ever and for aye!'If I succeed, I shall be restored to my father's estate, drink claret, and live like a gentleman with the wife of my heart; and, egad, for aught I know, stand for the county.

Mer. If not, you must be confined to your little one hundred and twenty pounds a year farm, make your own cheese, marry the curate's daughter, have a dozen children, and brew the best October in the parish.

Wil. Which ever way fortune will dispose of me, I shall be always happy to see my friends, and never shall forget my obligations to thee, my dear Jack. [Shakes him by the hand. Mer. Well, well; let us away-we have too much business to mind compliments. [Exeunt severally. SCENE II.-The Play-house. Two Women sweeping the Stage.

1st Wom, Come, Betty; dust away, dust away, girl; the managers will be here presently; there's no lying in bed for them now, we are up early and late; all hurry and bustle from morning to night; I wonder what the deuce they have got into their heads?

2d Wom. Why, to get money, Mrs. Besom, to be sure; the folks say about us, that the other house will make them stir their stumps, and they'll make us stir ours: If they are in motion, we must not stand still, Mrs. Besom.

1st Wom. Ay, ay, girl, they have met with their match, and we shall all suffer for it; for my part, I can't go through the work, if they are always in this plaguy hurry; I have not drank a comfortable dish of tea, since the house opened.

2d Wom. One had better die than be scolded and hurried about as we are by the housekeeper; he takes us all for a parcel of negers, I believe: pray, give us a pinch of your snuff, Mrs. Besom.

[They lean upon their brooms, and take snuff.

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