1712. had any, in such Circumstances, and what Treatment No. 533. you would think then due to such Dragoons. One of Tuesday, them was called a Captain, and entertained us with Nov. 11, nothing but silly stupid Questions, or lewd Songs, all the Way, Ready to burst with Shame and Indignation, I repined that Nature_had not allowed us as easily to shut our Ears as our Eyes. But was not this a kind of Rape? Why should there be Accessaries in Ravishment any more than Murther? Why should not every Con tributor to the Abuse of Chastity suffer Death?' I am sure these shameless Hell-Hounds deserved it highly. Can you exert your self better than on such an Occasion? If you do not do it effectually, I'll read no more of your Papers, Has every impertinent Fellow a Privilege to torment me, who pay my Coach-hire as well as he? Sir, pray consider us in this Respect as the weakest Sex, and have nothing to defend our selves; and I think it is as Gentleman-like to challenge a Woman to fight, as to talk obscenely in her Company, especially when she has not Power to stir. Pray let me tell you a Story which you can make fit for publick View. I knew a Gentleman, who having a very good Opinion of the Gentlemen of the Army, invited ten or twelve of them to sup with him; and at the same Time invited two or three Friends, who were very severe against the Manners and Morals of Gentlemen of that Profession. It happened one of them brought two Captains of his Regiment newly come into the Army, who at first Onset engaged the Company with very lewd Healths and suitable Discourse. You may easily imagine the Confu sion of the Entertainer, who finding some of his Friends very uneasie, desired to tell them a Story of a great Man, one, Mr Lock, (whom I find you frequently mention) That being invited to dine with the then Lords Hallifax, Anglisey, and Shaftsbury, immediately after Dinner, in stead of Conversation, the Cards were immediately called for, where the bad or good Success produced the usual Passions of Gaming. Mr. Lock, retiring to a Window, and writing, my Lord Anglisey desired to know what he was writing: Why, my Lords, answered he, I could not sleep last Night for the Pleasure and Improvement I expected from 1712, No. 533. from the Conversation of the greatest Men of the Age. Tuesday, This so sensibly stung them, that they gladly compounded Nov. 11, to throw their Cards in the Fire if he would his Paper, and so a Conversation ensued fit for such Persons. This Story prest so hard upon the young Captains, together with the Concurrence of their superior Officers, that the young Fellows left the Company in Confusion, Sir, I know you hate long things; but if you like it, you may contract it, or how you will; but I think it has a Moral in it. But, Sir, I am told you are a famous Mechanick as well as a Looker-on, and therefore humbly propose you would invent some Padlock, with full Power under your Hand and Seal, for all modest Persons, either Men or Women, to clap upon the Mouths of all such imper tinent impudent Fellows: And I wish you would publish a Proclamation, that no modest Person who has a Value for her Countenance, and consequently would not be put out of it, presume to travel after such a Day without one of them in their Pockets, I fancy a smart Spectator upon this Subject would serve for such a Padlock; and that publick Notice may be given in your Paper where they may be had, with Directions, Price 2d. and that Part of the Directions may be, when any Person presumes to be guilty of the above-mentioned Crime, the Party aggrieved may produce it to his Face, with a Request to read it to the Company He must be very much hardened that could out-face that Rebuke; and his further Punishment I leave you to prescribe. Your humble Servant, T No. 534. [STEELE,] Penance Cruel.' Wednesday, November 12, I Rarus enim ferme sensus communis in illa 'Mr. SPECTATOR, AM a young Woman of Nineteen, the only Daughter of very wealthy Parents; and have my whole Life been used with a Tenderness which did me no great Service Nov. 12, 1712. in my Education, I have, perhaps, an uncommon Desire No. 534. for Knowledge of what is suitable to my Sex and Quality; Wednes but, as far as I can remember, the whole Dispute about day, me has been, whether such a thing was proper for the Child to do, or not? or whether such or such Food was the more wholsome for the young Lady to eat? This was ill for my Shape, that for my Complection, and t'other for my Eyes. I am not extravagant, when I tell you I do not know that I have trod upon the very Earth since I was ten Years old: A Coach or Chair I am obliged to for all my Motions from one Place to another ever since I can remember. All who had to do to instruct me, have ever been bringing Stories of the notable Things I have said, and the Womanly Manner of my behaving my self upon such and such an Occasion. This has been my State till I came towards Years of Womanhood; and ever since I grew towards the Age of Fifteen, I have been abused after another Manner. Now, forsooth, I am so killing no one can safely speak to me. Our House is frequented by Men of Sense, and I love to ask Questions when I fall into such Conversation, but I am cut short with something or other about my bright Eyes. There is, Sir, a Language particular for talking to Women in; and none but those of the very first good Breeding (who are very few, and who seldom come into my way) can speak to us without regard to our Sex. Among the Generality of those they call Gentlemen, it is impossible for me to speak upon any Subject whatsoever, without provoking Somebody to say, Oh! to be sure fine Mrs. such a one must be very particularly acquainted with all that, all the World will contribute to her Entertain ment and Information. Thus, Sir, I am so handsome, that I murther all who approach me; so wise, that I want no new Notices; and so well bred, that I am treated by all that know me like a Fool, for no one will answer as if I were their Friend or Companion. Pray, Sir, be pleased to take the Part of us Beauties and Fortunes into your Con sideration, and do not let us be thus flattered out of our Senses, I have got an Hussey of a Maid, who is most craftily given to this ill Quality. I was at first diverted with a certain Absurdity the Creature was guilty of in every thing she said. She is a Country Girl, and in the Dialect of the Shire she was born in, would tell me that every Body reckoned her Lady had the purest Red and White in the World. Then she would tell me I was the most like one Sísly Dobson in their Town, who made the Miller make away with himself, and walk afterwards in the Corn-field where they used to meet. With all this, this cunning Hussey can lay Letters in my Way, and put a Billet in my Gloves, and then stand in it she knows nothing of it. I do not know, from my Birth to this Day, that I have been ever treated by any one as I ought; and if it were not for a few Books which I delight in, I should be at this Hour a Novice to all common Sense, Would it not be worth your while to lay down Rules for Behaviour in this Case, and tell People that we fair ones expect honest plain Answers as well as other People? Why must I, good Sir, because I have a good Air, a fine Complection, and am in the Bloom of my Years, be misled in all my Actions? and have the Notions of Good and Ill confounded in my Mind, for no other Offence but because I have the Advantages of Beauty and Fortune? Indeed, Sir, what with the silly Homage which is paid to us by the sort of People I have above spoken of, and the utter Negligence which others have for us, the Conversation of us young Women of Condition is no other than what must expose us to Ignorance and Vanity, if not Vice. All this is humbly submitted to your Spectatorial Wisdom by, Sir, Your humble Servant, 'Mr. SPECTATOR, Sharlot Wealthy.' Will's Coffee house. Pray, Sir, it will serve to fill up a Paper, if you put in this; which is only to ask whether that Copy of Verses, which is a Paraphrase of Isaíah, in one of your Specula tions, is not written by Mr. Pope? Then you get on another Line, by putting in, with proper Distances, as at the End of a Letter, I am, Sir, Your humble Servant, Abraham Dapperwit.' 'Mr. 'Mr. Dapperwit, No. 534. I am glad to get another Line forward, by saying that Wednes excellent Piece is Mr. Pope's; and so, with proper No. 12. day, Distances, 1712. I am, Sir, Your humble Servant, Sr.' 'Mr. SPECTATOR, I was a wealthy Grocer in the City, and as fortunate as diligent; but I was a single Man, and you know there are Women. One in particular came to my Shop, who I wished might, but was afraid never would, make a Grocer's Wife. I thought, however, to take an effectual Way of Courting, and sold to her at less Price than I bought, that I might buy at less Price than I sold. She, you may be sure, often came, and helped me to many Customers at the same Rate, fancying I was obliged to her. You must needs think this was a good living Trade, and my Riches must be vastly improved. In fine, I was nigh being declared Bankrupt, when I declared myself her Lover, and she her self married. I was just in a Condi tion to support my self, and am now in Hopes of growing Rich by losing my Customers, 'Mr. SPECTATOR, Yours, Jeremy Comfitt. I am in the Condition of the Idol you was once pleased to mention, and Bar-keeper of a Coffee-house. I believe it is needless to tell you the Opportunities I must give, and the Importunities I suffer. But there is one Gentleman who besieges me as close as the French did Bouchain. His Gravity makes him work cautious, and his regular Approaches denote a good Engineer. You need not doubt of his Oratory, as he is a Lawyer; and especially since he has had so little Use of it at Westminster, he may spare the more for me, What then can weak Woman do? I am willing to surrender, but he would have it at Discretion, and I with Discretion. In the mean Time, whilst we parly, our IV. P several |
