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wisdom tends, good brother, and little more I unless it procure her touching-Well, there's a boast—but what makes him ever calling for Cob dear and well-respected friend of mine, sister, so ? I wonder how he can employ him.
stands very strongly and worthily affected toWell. Indeed, sister, to ask how he enploys wards you, and hath rowed to inflame whole Cob, is a necessary question for yoli,
that are bis
bonfires of zeal at his heart, in honour of your wife, and a thing not very easy for you to be sa- perfections. I have already engaged my protisfied in-But this I'll assure you, Cob's wife is mise to bring you, where you shall hear hin conan excellent bawd, sister, and oftentimes your firm much more. Ned Kno'well is the man, husband haunts her house; marry, to what end sister.-- There's no exception against the party ; I cannot altogether accuse him. Imagine you, you are ripe for a husband, and a minute's loss on what you think convenient. But I have known such an occasion is a great trespass in a wise fair hides have foul hearts ere now, sister. beauty. What say you, sister? On my soul, he
Dame. Never said you truer than that, brother; loves you; will you give him the meeting? so much I can tell you for your learning. O, Bridg. Faith, I had very little confidence in ho! is this the fruit of his jealousy? I thought my own constancy, brother, if I durst not meet some game was in the wind, he acted so much a man: but this motion of yours savours of an tenderness but now; but I'll be quit with him.- old knight adventurer's servant a little too much Thomas !
Well. What's that, sister?
Bridg. Marry, of the go-between. Fetch your hat, and go with me: I'll get my Well. No matter if it did; I would be such a hood, and out the backward-way. I would to one for my friend. But see, who has returned fortune I could take him there! I'd return him his to hinder us. own, I warrant him! I'd fit him for his jealousy!
Enter KITELY. W'ell. Ha, ha! so e'en let them go; this may Kite. What villany is this ? Called out on a make sport anon-What, Brain-worm ?
false message! This was some plot; I was not sent for. Bridget, where's your
sister ? Enter BRAIN-WORM.
Bridg. I think she be gone forth, sir. Brain. I saw the merchant turn the corner, Kile. How! is my wife gone forth? Whither, and came back to tell you, all goes well; wind for leaven's sake? and tide, my master.
Bridg. She's gone abroad with Thomas. Well. But how got'st thou this apparel of the Kite. Abroad with Thomas ! Oh, that villain justice's man?
cheats me! Brain. Marry, sir, my proper fine penman
He has discovered all unto my wife; would needs bestow the grist o'me at the Wind- Beast that i was to trust him! Whither, I pray mill, to hear some martial discourse, where I só You, went she? marshalled him, that I made him drunk with ad- Bridg. I know not, sir. miration; and because too much heat was the H'ell. I'll tell you, brother, whither I suspect cause of his distemper, I stript him stark naked, as he lay along asleep, and borrowed his suit to Kite. Whither, good brother? deliver this counterfeit message in, leaving a Well. To Cob's house, I believe ; but keep my rusty armour, and an old brown bill, to watch counsel. him 'till my return ; which shall be, when I have Kite. I will, I will. To Cob's house ! Does pawned his apparel, and spent the better part of
she haunt there? the money, perhaps.
She's gone on purpose now to cuckold me, Well. Well, thou art a successful merry knave, With that lewd rascal, who, to win her favour, Brain-worm ; his absence will be subject for more Hath told her all-Why would you let her go? mirth. I pray thee return to thy young master,
Well. Because she's not my wife: if she were, and will him to meet me and my sister Bridget I'd keep her to her tether. at the Tower instantly; for here, tell him, the Kite. So, so; now 'tis plain. I shall go mad house is so stored with jealousy, there is no With my misfortunes; now they pour in torrents. room for love to stand upright in. We must get I'm bruted by my wife, betrayed by my servant, our fortunes committed to some large prison, Mocked at by my relations, pointed at by my say: and then the Tower, I know no better air,
neighbours, nor where the liberty of the house may do us Despised by myself. There is nothing left now, more present service. Away. [Erit Brain. But to revenge myself first, next hang myself ;
Bridy. What, is this the engine, that you told And then—all my cares will be over. [Exit. me of? What farther meaning have you in the Bridg. He storms most loudly; sure you have plot?
gone too far in this. Well. That you may know, fair sister-in-law, Well. 'Twill all end right, depend upon ithow happy a thing it is to be fair and beautiful. But let iis lose no time; the cost is clear; away,
Bridg. That touches not me, brother. away; the atlair is worth it, and cries haste.
Well. That's true; that's even the fault of it; Bridg. I trust me to your guidance, brother, for, indeed, beauty stands a woman in no stead, and so fortune for us.
that gentleman his Toledo, because we would SCENE I.-Stocks-Market.
have it dispatched.
Brain. I am content, sir ; I will get you the Enter MATTHEW and BOBADIL.
warrant presently. What is his name, say you? Mat. I wonder, captain, what they will say Downright? of my going away? ha!
Mat. Ay, ay, George Downright. Bob. Why, what should they say ? but as of a Brain. Well, gentlemen, I will procure you discreet gentleman ; quick, wary, respectful of the warrant presently; but who will you have to nature's fair lineaments, and that is all.
serve it! Mat. Why so ! but what can they say of your Mat. That is true, captain, that must be conbeating?
sidered. Bob. A rude part, a touch with soft wood, a Bob. Body of me, I know not ! 'Tis service of kind of gross battery used, lain on strongly, borne danger ! most patiently, and that is all. But wherefore Brain. Why, you were best get one of the var. do I wake their remembrance? I was fascinated, lets of the city, a serjeant; I'll appoint you one, by Jupiter ! fascinated; but I will be unwitched, if you please. and revenged by law.
Mat. Will you, sir ? Why we can wish no betMat. Do you hear? Is it not best to get a
ter. warrant, and have him arrested, and brought be- Bob. We'll leave it to you, sir. fore justice Clement?
[Exeunt BoB. and MAT. Bob. It were not amiss; would we had it! Brain. This is rare ! Now will I go pawn this
Alat. Why, here comes his man ; let us speak cloak of the justice's man's, at the broker's, for a to him.
varlet's suit, and be the varlet myself, and so get Bob. Agreed. Do you speak.
money on all sides.
[Erit. Enter BRAIN-WORM as FORMAL.
SCENE II.-The Street before Cob's House. Mat. Save you, sir. Brein. With all my heart, sir !
Enter Kno’WELL. Mat. Sir, there is one Downright hath abused this gentleman and myself, and we determine to Kno. O here it is ; I have found it now-Hoa, make ourselves amends by ław; now, if you would who is within here? (TiB appears at the window. do us the favour to procure a warrant to bring
Tib. I am within, sir, what is your pleasure ? him before your master, you shall be well consi- Kno. To know who is within besides yourself. dered of, I assure you, sir.
Tib. Why, sir, you are no constable, I hope ? Brain. Sir, you know my service is my living ; Kno. O, fear you the constable? Then I donbt such favours as these, gotten of my master, is his not you have some guests within deserve that only preferment, and therefore you must consi- fear-I'll fetch him straight. der me, as I may make benefit of my place. Tib. For Heaven's sake, sir Mat How is that, sir?
Kno. Go to, come tell me, is not young Kno', Brain. Faith, sir, the thing is extraordinary, well here? and the gentleman may be of great account. Yet, Tib. Young Kno’well! I know none such, sir, be what he will, it you will lay me down a brace on my honesty. of angels in my hand, you shall have it; other- Kno. Your honesty, dame! It flies too lightly wise not.
from you. There is no way but fetch the cone Mat. How shall we do, captain? He asks a stable. brace of angels; you have no money?
Tib. The constable ! the man is mad, I think, Bob. Not a cross, by fortune. Mat. Nor 1, as I am a gentleman, but two
Enter Cash and Dame Kitely. peace left of my two shillings in the morning for Cash. Hoa! who keeps house here? wine and raddish. Let us find hiin some pawn. Kno. O, this is the female copesmate of niy.
Bub. Pawn! we have none to the value of his son. Now shall I meet him straight. (Aside. demand.
Dame. Knock, Thomas, hard. Vlat. O, yes, I can pawn my ring here.
Cash. Hoa! good wife. Bob. And, harkee, he shall have my trusty To- Tib. Why, what is the matter with you? lelo too. I believe I shall have no service for it Dume. Why, woman, grieves it you to ope the tu-tay.
door ! Belike you get something to keep it shut. dat. Do you hear, sir? We have no store of Tib. What mean these questions, pray you? mnoney at this time, but you shall have good Dame. So strange you make it ! is not my lius. pawns; look you, sir, I will pledge this ring, and
Kno. Her husband !
[Aside. | Done with you, and root you from my heart for Dame. My tried and faithful husband, Master Kitely.
For you, sir, thus I demand my honour's due ; Tib. I hope he needs not be tried here. Resolved to cool your lust, or end my shame. Dame. Come hither, Cash-I see my turtle
(Draws. coming to his haunts; let us retire. (They retire. Kno. What lunacy is this! Put up your sword, Kno. This must be some device to mock me and undeceive yourself-No arm, that e'er poised withal.
weapon, can affright me. But I pity folly, nor Soft-who is this !-Oh! 'tis my son disguised.
cope with madness. I'll watch him and surprise him.
Kite. I will have proofs--I will--so you, good
wife-bawd, Cob's wife; and you, that make your Enter KITELY, muffled in a cloak. husband such a monster; and you, young pander, Kite. 'Tis truth, I see; there she skulks. and old cuckold-maker, I'll have you every one But I will fetch her from her hold-I will- before the justice-Nay, you shall answer it; } I tremble so, I scarce have power to do the jus- charge you go. Come forth, thou bawd. tice
(Goes into the house, und brings out Tib. Her infamy demands.
Kno. Marry, with all my heart, sir; I go wil[AŠ KITELY goes forward, Dame KITELY
lingly. and Kno’well lay hold of him.
Though I do taste this as a trick upon me, Kno. Have I trapped you, youth? You cannot To punish my impertinent search; and justly; 'scape me now.
And half forgive my son for the device. Dame. O, sir ! have I forestalled your honest
Kite. Come, will you go? market!
Dame. Go! to thy shame, believe it. Found your close walks! You stand amazed Kite. Though shame and sorrow both my heart Now, do you? Ah, hide, hide your face, for shame!
betide, l'faith, I am glad I have found you out at last. Come on-I must, and will be satisfied. [Ereunt. What is your jewel, trow ? In, come let's see her; fetch
Brain. Well, of all my disguises yet, now am And you are well. Your wife, an honest woman, I most like myself; being in this serjeant's gown. Is meat twice sod to you, sir. O, you treacher ! A man of my present profession never counterKno. What mean you, woman? Let go your feits, till he lays hold upon a debtor, and says, he hold.
arrests him; for then he brings him to all manI see the counterfeit-I am his father, and claim ner of unrest. A kind of little kings we are, him as my own.
bearing the diminutive of a mace, made like a Kite. [Discovering himself.) I am your cuck- young artichoke, that always carries pepper and old, and claim my vengeance.
salt in itself. Well, I know not what danger I Dume. What, do you wrong me, and insult me undergo by this exploit ; pray Heaven I come too?
well off! Thou faithless man ! Kite. Out on thy more than strumpet's impu
Enter BOBADIL and Master MATTHEW. dence !
Mat. See, I think, yonder is the varlet, by his Steal’st thou thus to thy haunts ? And have I gown. Save you, friend; are not you here by taken
appointment of justice Clement's man? Thy bawd and thee, and thy companion,
Brain. Yes, an't please you, sir, he told me This hoary-headed letcher, this old goat, two gentlemen had willed him to procure a warClose at your villany, and would'st thou 'scuse it rant from his master, which I have about me, to With this stale harlot's jest, accusing me? be served on one Downright. O, old incontinent, dost thou not shame
Mat. It is honestly done of you both; and see To have a mind so hot; and to entice,
where the party comes you must arrest. Serve And feed the enticement of a lustful woman? it
upon him quickly, before he be awareDame. Out, I defy thee, thou dissembling wretch!
Enter Master STEPHEN, in DOWNRIGHT's cloak. Kite. Defy me, strumpet! Ask thy pander Bob. Bear back, master Matthew. here;
Brain. Master Downright, I arrest you i' the Can he deny it, or that wicked elder?
queen’s name, and must carry you before a jusKno. Why, hear you, sir
tice, by virtue of this warrant. Cash. Master, 'tis in vain to reason, while these Step. Me, friend, I am no Downright, I. I am passions blind you—I'm grieved to see you thus. Master Stephen; you do not well to arrest me, I
Kite. Tut, tut, never speak; I see through every tell you truly. I am in nobody's bonds or books, Veil you cast upon your treachery: but I have I would you should know it. A plague on you heartily, for making me thus afraid before my Clem. But who directed you thither? time.
Kno. That did mine own man, sir. Brain. Why now are you deceived, gentlemen ? Clem. Where is he?
Bob. He wears such a cloak, and that deceived Kno. Nay, I know not now; I left him with us. But see, here he comes, indeed! this is he, your clerk; and appointed him to stay for me. officer.
Clem. My clerk! About what time was this? Enter DOWNRIGHT.
Kno. Marry, between one and two, as I take it.
Clem. And what time came my man with the Dain. Why, how now, Signor Gull! are you false message to you, master Kitely? tumed filcher of late? Come, deliver up my
Kite. After two, sir. doak.
Clem. Very good: but, Mrs Kitely, how chance Step. Your cloak, sir! I bought it even now it that you were at Cob's ? Ha! in open market.
Dame. An' please you, sir, I'll tell you. My Bruin. Master Downright, I have a warrant brother Well-bred told me, that Cob's house was I must serve upon you, procured by these two a suspected place gentlemen.
Clem. So it appears, methinks : but on. Don. These gentlemen! these rascals ! Dame. And that my husband used thither
Brain. Keep the peace, I charge you, in her daily. inajesty's name.
Clem. No matter, so he used himself well, Doan. I obey thee. What must I do, officer? mistress.
Brain. Go before Mr Justice Clement, to an- Dame. True, sir; but you know what grows swer what they can object against you, sir. I by such haunts, oftentimes. will use you kindly, sir.
Ciem. I see rank fruits of a jealous brain, mis31ut. Come, let us before, and make the jus- tress Kitely. But, did you find your husband tice, captain
[cit. there, in that case, as you suspected ? Bob. The varlet is a tall man, before heaven! Kile. I found her there, sir.
Clem. Did you so? That alters the case. Doan. Gull, you'll gi' me my cloak? Who gave you knowledge of your wife's being Step. Sir, I bought it, and I'll keep it.
there? Dou n. You will?
Kite. Marry, that did my brother Well-bred. Step. Aye, that I will.
Clem. How! Well-bred first tell her, then tell Doan. Officer, there is thy fee, arrest him. you after? Where is Well-bred? Bruin. Master Stephen, I must arrest you. Kite. Gone with my sister, sir, I know not Step. Arrest me! I scorn it; there, take your
whither. cloak, I'll none o'nt.
Clem. Why, this is a mere trick, a device; you Down. Nay, that shall not serve your turn, are gulled in this most grossly, all ! Alas, poos now, sir. Officer, I'll go with thee to the jus- weneh, wert thou suspected for this ? tice's. Bring him along.
Tib. Yes, an' it please you. Step. Why, is not here your cloak? what would Clem. I smell mischief here, plot and contriyou have?
vance, master Kitely. However, if you will step Doon. I'll ha' you answer it, sir.
into the next room with your wife, and think Bruin. Sir, I'll take your word, and this gen- coolly of matters, you'll find some trick has been tleman's too, for his appearance.
played you—I fear there have been jealousies on Down. I'll ha' no words taken. Bring him both parts, and the wags have been merry with along.
you. Brain. So, so, I have made a fair mash on't. Kite. I begin to feel it-I'll take your counStep. Must I go?
you go in, dame? Brain. I know no remedy, master Stephen. Dame. I will have justice, Mr Kitely. Down. Come along before me here. I do not
[Erit KITELY und Dame. love your hanging look behind.
Clem. You will be a woman, Mrs Kitely, that Step. Why, sir, I hope you cannot hang me
-How now, what's the matter? for it. Can he, fellow? Brain. I think not, sir. It is but a whipping
Enter Servant. matter, sure!
Serv. Sir, there's a gentleman i' the court withStep. Why, then, let him do his worst, I am out, desires to speak with your worship. resolute.
[Ereunt. Clem. A gentleman! What is he?
Serv. A soldier, sir, he says. SCENE IV.--A Hall in Justice CLEMENT's House. Clem. A soldier ! My sword, quickly. A sol
dier speak with me! Stand by, I will end your Enter CLEMENT, Kno’well, KITELY, Dame
matters, anon-Let the soldier enter. Now, KITELY, TIB, CASH, Cob, and Servants.
sir, what ha' you to say to me? Clem. Nay, but stay, stay, give me leave. My € hair, sirrah. You, master Kro'well, say you
Enter BOBADIL and MATTHEW. went thither to meet your son.
Bob. By your worship’s favour Kro. Ave, sir,
Clem. Nay, keep out ,sir, I know not your pre
to the peace.
tence; you send me word, sir, you are a soldier. Dow, Sir, he did not serve it on me. Why, sir, you shall be answered here; here Clem. No, how then ? be them have been among soldiers. Sir, your Dow. Marry, sir, he came to me, and said he pleasure?
must serve it, and he would use me kindly, and Bob. Faith, sir, so it is, this gentleman and myself have been most uncivilly wronged and Clem. O, God's pity, was it so, sir? He must beaten by one Downright, a coarse fellow about serve it? Give me a warrant, I must serve one the town here; and, for my own part, I protest, too-you knave, you slave, you rogue, do you say being a man in no sort given to this filthy hu- you must, sirrah? Away with him to the gaol ! mour of quarrelling, he hath assaulted me in the I will teach you a trick for you must, sir. way of my peace ; despoiled me of mine honour; Bruin. Good sir, I beseech you be good to me. disarmed me of my weapons; and rudely laid Clem. Tell him, he shall go to the gaol ; away me along in the open streets; when I not so
with him, I say. much as once offered to resist him.
Brain. Aye, sir, if you will commit me, it shall Clem. O, God's precious ! Is this the soldier ? be for committing more than this. I will not Lie there, my sword, 't will make him swoon, I lose by my travel any grain of my fame, certain. fear; he is not fit to look on't, that will put up
[Throws off his disguise. a blow.
Clem. How is this!
Step. O, yes, uncle, Brain-worm has been with Clem. Why, an' he were, sir, his hands were my cousin Edward and I, all this day. not bound, were they?
Clem. I told you all there was some device. Serv. There's one of the varlets of the city, Brain. Nay, excellent justice, since I have sir, has brought two gentlemen here, one upon laid myself thus open to you, now stand strong your worship's warrant.
for me, both by your sword and your
balance. Clem. My warrant !
Clem. Body o' me, a merry knave ! Give me Sero. Yes, sir, the officer says, procured by a bowl of sack. If he belongs to you, Master these two.
Kno'well, I bespeak your patience.
rest of my exploits.
faEnter DOWNRIGHT, STEPHEN, and BRAIN
vours come hard from me. You have your parWORM.
don; though I suspect you shrewdly for being of Dow. I'faith, sir. And here's another, brought counsel with my son against me. at my suit.
Bruin. Yes, faith, I have, sir; though you reClem. What are you, sir?
tained me doubly this morning for yourself; first Step. A gentleman, sir. O, uncle !
as Brain-worm, after, as Fitz-Sword. I was your Clem. Uncle! Who, Master Kno'well? reformed soldier. 'Twas I sent you to Cob's upkno. Ay, sir, this is a wise kinsman of mine. on the errand without end.
Step. God's my witness, uncle, I am wronged Kno. Is it possible? Or that thou should'st here monstrously; he charges me with stealing disguise thyself so as I should not know thee? of his cloak, and would I might never stir, if I Bruin. O, sir! this has been the day of my did not find it in the street by chance.
metamorphoses; it is not that shape alone, that Dou. O, did you find it, now? You said you I have run through to-day. I brought Master bought it ere-while.
Kitely a message too, in the form of Master JusStep. And you said I stole it. Nay, now my tice’s man hiere, to draw hiin out of the way, as uncle is here, I will do well enough with you. well as your worship; while Master Well-bred
Clem. Well, let us breathe a-while. You might make a conveyance of Mrs Bridget to my that have cause to complain there, stand forth. young master. Had you my warrant for this gentleman's appre- kno. My son is not married, I hope ? hension?
Brain. Faith, sir, they are both as sure as Bob. Aye, an't please your worship.
love, a priest, and three thousand pounds, which Clem. Nay, do not speak in passion so. Where is her portion, can make them; and by this time had you it?
are ready to bespeak their wedding supper at the Bob. Of your clerk, sir.
Windmill, except some friend here prevents Clem. That's well, an' my clerk can make war- them, and invite them home. rants, and my hand not at them! Where is the Clem. Marry, that will I; I thank thee for warrant ? officer, have you it?
putting me in mind on't. Sirrah, go you and Brain. No, sir, your worship's man, master fetch them hither upon my warrant. Neither's Formal, bid me do it for these gentlemen, and friends have cause to be sorry, if I know the he would be my discharge.
young couple aright. But I pray thee, what hast Clem. Why, Master Downright, are you such a thou done with my man Formal ? novice to be served, and never see the warrant? Bruin. Faith, sir, after some ceremony past,