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WHAT YOU WILL.
bed betimes. Do not our lives consist of the four elements ?
Sir And. 'Faith, so they say ; but, I think, it rather consists of eating and drinking.
Sir To. Thou art a scholar; let us therefore eat and drink.-Marian, I say, a stoop of wine!
Sir And. Here comes the fool, i’faith.
Clo. How now, my hearts ? Did you never see the picture of we three ? 1
Sir To. Welcome, ass; now let's have a catch.
Sir And. By my troth, the fool has an excellent breast. I had rather than forty shillings I had such a leg, and so sweet a breath to sing, as the fool has. In sooth, thou wast in very gracious fooling last night, when thou spokest of Pigrogromitus, of the Vapians passing the equinoctial of Queubus; 'twas very good, i'faith. I sent thee sixpence for thy leman: Hadst it?
Clo. I did impeticos thy gratillity;: for Malvolio's nose is no whipstock : My lady has a white hand, and the Myrmidons are no bottle-ale houses.
Sir And. Excellent! Why, this is the best fooling, when all is done. Now a song.
Sir To. Come on; there is sixpence for you ; let's have a song
Sir And. There's a testril of me too: if one knight give a Clo. Would
have a love-song, or a song of good life?
Sir To. A love-song, a love-song.
1 Alluding to an old common sign representing two fools or loggerheads, under which was inscribed, “We three loggerheads be."
2 i. e. Voice. In Fiddes's Life of Wolsey, Append. p. 128, “Singing men well-breasted.” The phrase is common to all writers of the Poet's age.
3 The greater part of this scene, which the commentators have endeavored to explain, is mere fooling, and was hardly meant to be seriously understood.
Clo. O mistress mine, where are you roaming ?
0, stay and hear ; your true love's coming,
That can sing both high and low :
Every wise man's son doth know.
Sir And. Excellent good, i’faith!
Clo. What is love? 'tis not hereafter ;
Present mirth hath present laughter ;
What's to come is still unsure :
Youth's a stuff will not endure.
Sir And. A mellifluous voice, as I am true knight.
Sir To. To hear by the nose, it is dulcet in contavion. But shall we make the welkin dance indeed
? Shall we rouse the night-owl in a catch, that will draw three souls out of one weaver ?1 shall we do that?
Sir And. An you love me, let's do’t: I am dog at a catch.
Clo. By’r lady, sir, and some dogs will catch well.
Sir And. Most certain : let our catch be, Thou krave.
C'lo. Hold thy peace, thou knave, knight? I shall be constrained in’t, to call thee knave, knight.
Sir And. 'Tis not the first time I have constrained one to call me knave. Begin, fool; it begins, Hold thy peace.
1 Shakspeare represents weavers as much given to harmony in his time.
2 This catch is to be found in 6 Pammelia, Musicke's Miscellanie, 1618." The words und music are in the Variorum Shakspeare.
Clo. I shall never begin, if I hold my peace.
[They sing a catch
Enter MARIA. Mar. What a caterwauling do you keep here! If my lady have not called up her steward, Malvolio, and bid him turn you out of doors, never trust me.
Sir To. My lady's a Cataian,' we are politicians j Malvolio's a Peg-a-Ramsey, and Three merry men we be. Am not I consanguineous ? am I not of her blood ? Tilley-valley, lady! There dwelt a man in Babylon, lady, lady!
[Singing Clo. Beshrew me, the knight's in admirable fooling.
Sir And. Ay, he does well enough, if he be disposed, and so do I too; he does it with a better grace, but I do it more natural. Sir To. O the twelfth day of December,
[Singing. Mar. For the love o' God, peace.
Enter MALVOLIO. Mal. My masters, are you mad? or what are you? Have you no wit, manners, nor honesty, but to gabble like tinkers at this time of night ? Do you make an alehouse of my lady's house, that ye squeak out your coziers?4 catches without any mitigation or remorse of voice? Is there no respect of place, persons, nor time, in you?
Sir To. We did keep time, sir, in our catches. Sneck up !
Mal. Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My lady bade me tell you, that though she harbors you as her
1 This word generally signified a sharper. Sir Toby is too drunk for precision, and uses it merely as a term of reproach.
2 Name of an obscene old song.
4 Cobblers, or botchers. Dr. Johnson interprets it tailors, but erroneously.
5 An interjection of contempt, signifying, go hang yourself, or go and be hanged.
kinsman, she's nothing allied to your disorders. If you can separate yourself from your misdemeanors, you are welcome to the house; if not, an it would please you to take leave of her, she is very willing to bid you farewell.
Sir To. Farewell, dear heart, since I must needs be gone.
Mar. Nay, good Sir Toby.
Sir To. Out o'time? sir, ye lie.--Art any more than a steward? Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale ?
Clo. Yes, by Saint Anne; and ginger shall be hot ; the mouth too.
Sir To. Thou’rt i’ the right. ---Go, sir, rub your chain' with crums:-A stoop of wine, Maria !
Mal. Mistress Mary, if you prized my lady's favor at any thing more than contempt, you would not give means for this uncivil rule ;? she shall know of it, by this hand.
[Exit. Mar. Go shake your ears.
Sir And. 'Twere as good a deed as to drink when a man's a hungry, to challenge him to the field; and then to break promise with him, and make a fool of him.
Sir To. Do't, knight ; I'll write thee a challenge; or I'll deliver thy indignation to him by word of mouth.
1 Stewards anciently wore a chain of silver or gold, as a mark of superiority, as did other principal servants. Wolsey's chief cook is described by Cavendish as wearing s velvet or sattin with a chain of gold." One of the methods used to clean gilt plate was rubbing it with crums.
2 Behavior, or conduct.