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Quic. Well, the laments, Sir, for it, that it would yern your heart to see it. Her husband
this morning a birding; she desires you once more to come to her between eight and nine, I must carry her word quickly; she'll make you amends, I warrant you.
Fal. Well, I will visit her; tell her so, and bid her think, what a man is : let her consider his frailty, and then judge of my merit.
Quic. I will tell her.
[Exit. Fal. I marvel, I bear not of master Brook; he sent me word to stay within : I like his money well. On, here he comes.
Fal. Now, master Brook, you come to know what hath pass’d between me and Ford's wife.
Ford. That, indeed, Sir John, is my business.
Fal. Master Brook, I will not lye to you; I was at her house the hour the appointed me.
Ford. And you sped, Sir ?
Fal. No, master Brook; but the peaking cornuto her husband, mafter Brook, dwelling in a continual larum of jealousy, comes me in the instant of our encounter ; after we had embrac’d, kiss’d, protested, and as it were spoke the prologue of our comedy; and at his heels a rabble of his companions, thither provok'd and inftigated by his distemper, and, forsooth, to search his house for his wife's love.
Ford. What, while you were there?
Fal. You shall hear. As good luck would have it,
comes in one mistress Page, gives intelligence of Ford's approach, and by her invention, and Ford's wife's disa traction, they convey'd me into a buck-basket.
Ford. A buck-basket ?
Fal. Yea, a buck-basket ; ramm'd me in with foul shirts and smocks, socks, foul stockings, and greasy napkins; that, master Brook, there was 'the rankeit compound of villainous smell, that ever offended nostril.
Ford. And how long lay you there?
Fal. Nay, you shall hear, master Brook, what I have suffer'd, to bring this woman to evil for your good. Being thus cramın'd in the basket, a couple of Ford's kuaves, his hinds, were callid forth by their mistress, to carry me in the name of foul cloaths to Datchet-lane; they took me on their shoulders, met the jealous knave their master in the door, who ak'd them once or twice what they had in their basket; I quak'd for fear, left the lunatic kuave would have search'd it; but fate, ordaining he should be a cuckold, held his hand. Well, on went he for a search, and away went I for foul cloaths; but mark the sequel, malter Brook; I fuffered the pangs of three egregious deaths : first, an intolerable fright, to be detected by a jealous rotten bell-weather; next to compass’d like a good bilbo, in the circumference of a peck, hilt to point, heel to head ; and then to be hopt in, like a strong distillarion, with ftinking cloaths that fretted in their own grease: think of that, a man of my kidney ; think of that, that am as subject to heat as butter; a man of continual diffolution and thaw ; it was a miracle to Picape suffocation. And in the height of this bath, when I was more than half stew'd in grease, like a Dutch dith, to be thrown into the Thames, and cool'd glowing hot, in that surge, like a horse-fhoe ; think of that; hissing hot; think of that, mafter Brook.
Ford. In good sadness, Sir, I am sorry that for my fake you suffered all this. My suit is then desperate ; you'll undertake her no more? Fal Master Brock, I will be thrown into Erna, as I have been into Thames, ere I will leave her- thus. Her husband is this morning gone a birding; I have receiv'd from her another embaffy of meeting ; 'twixt eight and nine is the hour, master Brook.
Ford. 'Tis past eight already, Sir.
Fal. Is it > 'I will then address me to my appointe: ment. Come to me at your convenient leisure, and you shall know how I speed; and the conclusion Mall be crown'd with your enjoying her; adieu, you shall have her, master Brook; master Brook, you shall cuckold Ford.
[Exit. Ford. Hum! ha! is this a vision ? is this a dream? do I sleep? master Ford, awake ; awake, master Ford; there's a hole made in your best coat, master Ford; this 'tis to be married ! this 'tis to have linen and buck-baskets ! well, I will proclaim myself what I ain; I will now take the leacher; he is at my house ; he cannot 'scape me; 'tis impossible, he should; he cannot creep into a half-penny purse, nor into a pepperbox. But, left the devil that guides him hould aid him, I will feaich impoffible places ;.tho' what I am I cannot avoid, yet to be what I would not, shall not make me tame': if I have horns to make one mad, let the proverb go with me, I'll be horn-mad.
SCENE, Page's House.
Quic. Sure, he is by this, or will be presently; birt truly he is very courageous mad, about his throwing into the water; Mrs. Ford desires you to come suddenly.
Mrs. Page. I'll be with her by and by ; I'll but bring my young man here to school. Look, where his mailer
comes ; 'tis a playing-day, I fee. How now, Sir Hugh, no school to-day?
Enter Evans. Eva. No, master Slender is let the boys leave to play.
Quic. Blefling of his heart.
Mrs. Page. Sir Hugh, my husband says, my son profits nothing in the world at his book ; I pray you, ak him fome questions in his accidence.
Eva. Come hither, William; hold up your head, come.
Mrs. Page. Come on, Sirrah, hold up your head; answer your master, be not afraid.
Eva. William, how many numbers is in nouns ?
Quic. Truly, I thought there had been one number more, because they say od's nouns.
Eva. Peace your tatlings. What is, Fair, William?
. Eva. You are a very simplicity o’man ; I pray you, peace. What is, Lapis, William ?
Wilt. A stone.
E va. No, it is Lapis: I pray you, remember in your prain.
Eva. That is a good William: what is he, William, that does lend articles ?
Will. Articles are borrow'd of the pronoun, and be thus declin’d, fingulariter nominativo, hic, hæc, hoc.
Eva. Nominativo, big, bag, bog; pray you, mark: genitivo, hujus : well, what is your accusative case ?
Will. Accufative, hinc.
Eva. I pray you have your remembrance, child; accusative, bung, bang, hog. Quis. Ilang hog is Latin for bacon, I warrant you.
Eva. Leave your prabbles, o'man. What is the focative case, William
Will. O, vocativo, O.
Quic. 'Vengeance of Ginyes case; fy on her; never name her, child, if she be a whore.
Eva. For shame, o’man.
Quic. You do ill to teach the child such words: he teaches him to hick and to hack, which they'll do fast enough of themselves; and to call horum; fy upon you!
Eva. O’man, art thou lunacies ? haft thou no underftandings for thy cases, and the numbers of the genders? thou art as foolish christian creatures, as I would defire.
Mrs. Page. Pr’ythee, hold thy peace.
Eva. Shew me now, William, fome declenfions of your pronouns.
Will. Forsooth, I have forgot.
Eva. It is, qui, quæ, quod ; if you forget your quies, your quæs, and your quods, you must be preeches : go your ways and play, go.
Mrs. Page. He is a better scholar, than I thought he
Eva. He is a good sprag memory. Farewel; Mrs. Page.
Mrs. Page. Adieu, good Sir Hugh. Get you home, boy. Come, we stay too long.
[Exeunt. SCENE changes to Ford's House.
Enter Falstaff and Mistress Ford.
sufferance; I see you are obsequious in your love, and I profess requital to a hair's breadth ;