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lose the letter! I should not even know his | as he saw her, he poured out a little drop of name if I were to hear it.
something down her throat-he had no soonDor. Can I find no invention to be re- er done it, than she got out of her bed, and venged Heyday! who are these?
walked about the room as if there had been James. Hark ye, mistress, do you know nothing the matter with her. where -where where doctor – What-d'ye Both. O, prodigious ! call him lives?
Dor. 'Tis not above three weeks ago, that a Dor. Doctor who?
child of twelve years old fell from the top of a James. Doctor -doctor -wbat's his house to the bottom, and broke its skull, its narne?
arms and legs.-Our physician was no sooner Dor. Hey! what, has the fellow a mind to drubbed into making him a visit, than, having banter me?
rubbed the child all over with a certain Har. Is there no physician hereabouts famous ointment, it got upon its legs, and run away to for curing dumbness?
play. Dor. I fancy you have no need of such a Both. Oh most wonderful! physician, Mr. Impertinence.
Hur. Hey! Gad, James, we'll drub him out Har. Don't mistake us, good wonian, we of a pot of this ointment. don't mean to banter you : we are sent by our Jarnes. But can he cure dumbness? master, whose daughter has lost her speech, Dor. Dumbness! Wly the curate of our pafor a certain physician who lives hereabouts : rish's wife was born dumb; and the doctor, we have lost our direction, and 'tis as much as with a sort of wash, washed her tongue, that he our lives are worth to return without him. set it a-going so, that in less than a month's time
Dor. There is one Dr. Lazy lives just by, she out-talked her husband. but he has left off practising. You would not Har. This must be the very man we were get him a mile to save the lives of a thousand sent after. patients.
Dor. Yonder is the very man I speak of. James. Direct us but to him; we'll bring him James. What! that he yonder? with us one way or other, I warrant you. Dor. The very same.
He has spied us, Har. Ay, ay, we'll have him with us, though and taken up his bill. we carry him on our backs.
James. Come, Harry, don't let us lose one Dor. Ha! Heaven has inspired me with one moment.--Mistress, your servant; we give of the most admirable inventions to be revenged you ten thousand thanks for this favour. on my hangdog !-(Aside.]-I assure you,
if you Dor. Be sure you make good use of your can get him with you, he'll do your young lady's sticks. business for her; he's reckoned one of the best James. He shan't want that. [Excunt. physicians in the world, especially for dumbDess.
SCENE. II.--Another part of the wood. Har. Pray tell us where he lives ?
GREGORY discovered sitting on the ground, with Dor. You'll never be able to get him out of
faggots about him. his own house; but if you watch hereabouts, you'll certainly meet with him, for he very often
Gre. Pox on't ! 'tis most confounded hot anuses hiinself here with cutting wood.
weather! Hey, who have we here? Har. A physician cut wood!
Enter James and Harry. James. I suppose he amuses himself in searching after herbs, you mean?
Jumes. Sir, your most obedient humble Dor. No; he's one of the most extraordinary servantmen in the world: he goes drest like a common Gre. Sir, your servant. clown; for there is nothing he so much dreads
James. We are mighty happy in finding you as to be known for a physician.
hereJames. All your great men have some strange
Gre. Ay, like enoughoddities about them.
James. 'Tis in your power, sir, to do us a very Dor. Why, he will suffer himself to be beat great favour-We come, sir, to implore your before he will own himself to be a physician- assistance in a certain affair. and I'll give you my word, you'll never make Gre. If it be in my power to give you any ashim own himself one, unless you both take a sistance, masters, I am very ready to do it. good cudgel and thrash him into it; 'tis what James. Sir, you are extremely obliging-But, we are all forced to do when we have any need dear sir, let me beg you to be covered ; the sun of himn.
will hurt your complexion. James. What a ridiculous wbim is here.
Har, For Heaven's sake, sir be covered. Dor. Very true; and in so great a man. Cre. These should be footmen by their dress, James. And is he so very skilful a man?
but courtiers by their ceremony..
Aside. Dor. Skilful—why he does miracles. About James. You must not think it strange, sir, half a year ago, a woman was given over by all that we come thus to seek after you; men of her physicians, nay, she had been dead some your capacity will be sought after by the whule ume; when this great man came to her, as soon I world.
Gre. Truly, gentlemen, though I say it, that James. I assure you, sir, it gives me a great should not say it, I have a pretty good hand at deal of pain. a faggot.
Gre. I assure you, sir, and so it does me. James. 0, dear sir !
But, pray, gentlemen, what is the reason Gre. You may perhaps buy faggots cheaper that you have a mind to make a physician otherwise; but if you find such in all this coun- of me? try, you shall have mine for nothing. To inake James. What! do you deny your being a phybut one word then with you, you shall have sician again? mine for ten shillings a hundred.
Gre. And the devil cake me if I am ! James. Don't talk in that inanner, I desire Har. You are no physician? you.
Gre. May l be poxed if I am!--[They beat Gre. I could not sell them a penny cheaper, him—Oh, oh! -Dear gentlemen! oh! for if 'twas to my father.
Heaven's sake! I am a physican, and an apoJames. Dear sir, we know you very well thecary too, if you'll have me; I had rather be don't jest with us in this manner.
any thing than be knocked o’the head. Gre. Faith, master, I ain so much in earnest, James. Dear sir, I am rejoiced to see you that I can't bate one farthing.
come to your senses ; I ask pardon ten thousand James. O pray, sir, leave this idle discourse. tiines for what you have forced us to. -Can a person like you amuse yourself in Gre. Perhaps I am deceived myself, and I this manner? Can a learned and famous phy- am a physician, without knowing it.
But, sician like you, try to disguise himself to the dear gentlemen, are you certain I'm a phyworld, and bury such fiae talents in the sician? woods?
James. Yes, the greatest physician in the Gre. The fellow's a fool!
world. James. Let me intreat you, sir, not to dis Gre. Indeed! semble with us.
Har. A physician that has cured all sorts of Har. It is in vain, sir, we know what you distempers.
Gre. The devil I have! Gre. Know what you are! what do you know James. That has made a woman walk about of me?
the room after she was dead six hours. James. Why, we know you, sir, to be a very Har. That set a child upon its legs, immegreat physician.
diately after it had broke them. Grë. Physician in your teeth: I a physi James. That made the curate's wife, who was cian!
dumb, talk faster than her husband. Jumes. The fit is on him-Sir, let me be Har. Look ye, sir, you shall have content; seech you to conceal yourself no longer, and my master will give you whatever you will deoblige us to you know what.
mand. Gre. Devil' take me if I know what, sir! Gre. Sball I have whatever I will deBut I know this, that I'm no physician.
mand? James. We must proceed to the usual re
James. You may depend upon it. medy, I find And so you are no physician. Gre. I am a physician without doubt-I Gre. No.
had forgot it; but I begin to recollect myJames. You are no physician?
self.-Well, and what is the distemper I am Gre. No, I tell you.
to cure ? Jumes. Well, if we must, we must.
James. My young mistres, sir, has lost her
[Beat him. tongue. Gre. Oh, oh! gentlemen, gentlemen! what Gre. The devil take me if I have found it? are you doing? I am-lam--whatever you please But, come, gentlemen, If I must go with you, I to have me.
must have a physician's habit; for a physician James. Why will you oblige us, sir, to this can no more prescribe without a full wig, than violence?
without a fee.
[Exeunt. Har. Why will you force us to this troublesome remedy?
SCENE I.-SIR JASPER's house. my young lady dead, he'd bring her to life
again. He makes no more of bringing a Enter Sir Jasper and James.
patient to life, than other physicians do of
killing him. Sir Jus. Where is he? Where is he?
Sir Jus. 'Tis strange so great a man should James. Only recruiting himself after his jour- have those unaccountable odd humours you ney. You need not be impatient, sir; for were I mentioned.
Jumes. 'Tis but a good blow or two, and be Gre. Hum! I had rather she should have comes immediately to bimself-Here he is. been christened Charlotte. Charlotte is a very
good name for a patient; and, let me tell you, Enter GREGORY.
the name is often of as much service to the paJames. Sir, this is the doctor.
tient, as the physician is. Sir Jas. Dear sir, you're the welcomest man Sir Jas. Sir, my daughter is here. in the world. Gre. Hippocrates says we should both be co
Enter Charlorte and Maid. vered.
Sir Jas. Ila! does Hippocrates say so? In Gre. Is that my patient? Upon my word she what chapter, pray?
carries no distemper in her countenance-and I Gre. Ia bis chapter of Hats.
fancy a healthy young fellow would sit
very well Sir Jes. Since Hippocrates says so, I shall upon her. obey him.
Sir Jas. You make her smile, doctor. Gre. Doctor, after having exceedingly tra Gre. So much the better; 'tis a very good velled in the highway of letters
sign when we can bring a patient to smile; it is Sir Jas. Doctor! Pray, whom do you speak a sign that the distemper begins to clarify, as to?
we say..Well, child, what's the matter with Gre. To
you? What's your distemper? Sir Jas. Ha, ba!---I am a knight, thank the Chur. Han, hi, hon, han. king's grace for it, but no doctor.
Gre. What do you say? Gre. What, you're no doctor?
Char. Han, hi, hau, hon. Sir Jas. No, upon my word!
Gre. What, what, what?Gre. You're no doctor?
Char. Han, bi, hon Sir Jas. Doctor! No.
Gre. Han! hon! honin! ha?
-I don't unGre. There'tis done.
[Beats him. derstand a word she says. Han! hi! hon! Sir Jas. Done, in the devil's name! What's What the devil of a language is this? dope?
Sir Jas. Why, that's her distemper, sir. She's Gre. Why, now you are made a doctor of become dumb, and no one can assign the cause physic-I am sure 'tis all the degrees I ever —and this distemper, sir, has kept back her took.
marriage. Sir Jas. What devil of a fellow have you Gre. Kept back her marriage! Why so? brought here?
Sir Jas. Because her lover refuses to have James. I told you, sir, the doctor had strange her, till she's cured. wbims with him.
Gre. O lud! Was ever such a fool, that Sir Jas. Whims, quotha Egad, I shall bind would not have his wife dumb? —Would to his physicianship over to his good behaviour, if | Heaven my wife was dumb, I'd be far from dehe bas any more of these whims.
siring to cure her !-Does this distemper, this Gre. Sir, I ask pardon for the liberty I have Han, hi, hon, oppress her taken.
Sir Jas. Yes, sir. Sir Jas. Oh ! 'tis very well, 'tis very well for Gre. So much the better. Has she any great
pains? Gre. I am sorry for those blows
Sir Jas. Very great. Sir Jas. Nothing at all, nothing at all, sir. Gre. That's just as I would have it. Give Gre. Which I was obliged to have the me your hand, child, Hum-ha--a
dumb honour of laying on so thick upon you. pulse indeed.
Sir Jos. Let's talk no more of them, sir Sir Jas. You have guessed ber distemper. diy daughter, doctor, is fallen into a very strange Gre. Ay, sir, we great physicians know a distemper.
distemper immediately: I know some of the colGre. Sir, I am overjoyed to hear it; and I lege would call this the boree, or the coupee, or wish, with all my heart, you and your whole fa- the sinkee, or twenty other distempers ; but I Dily' had the same occasion for me as your give you my word, sir, your daughter is nothing daughter, to shew the great desire I have to more than "dumb
So I'd have you be very
easy, for there is nothing else the matter with Sir Jas. Sir, I am obliged to you.
her-If she were not dumb, she would be as Gre. I assure you, sir, I speak from the very well as I am. bottom of my soul.
Sir Jas. But I should be glad to know, doctor, Sir Jas. I do believe you, sir, from the very from whence her dumbness proceeds ? bottom of mine.
Gre. Nothing so easily accounted for. Gre. What is your daughter's name? Her dumbness proceeds from her having lost her Sir Jas. My daughter's name is Charlotte. speech? Gre. Are you sure she was christened Char
Sir Jas. But whence, if you please, proceeds lotte?
her having lost her speech? Sir Jas. No, sir ; she was christened Char Gre. All the best authors will tell you, it is lotta.
the impediment of the action of the tongue.
Sir Jas. But if you please, dear sir, your sen cause her to drink one quart of spring-water timents upon that impediment?
mixed with one pint of brandy, six Seville Gre. Aristotle has, upon that subject, said oranges, and three ounces of the best double very fine things; very fine things.
refined sugar: Sir Jas. I believe, it, doctor.
Sir Jas. Why, this is punch, doctor? Gre, Ah! he was a great man; he was in Gre. Punch, sir! ay, sir: and what's better deed a very great man -A man, who, upon than punch to make people talk? Never tell me that subject, was a man that-But, to return of your julaps, your gruels, your-your-this, to our reasoning : I hold, that this impediment and that, and tother, which are only arts to of the action of the tongue is caused by cer- keep a patient in hand a long time-I love to do tain hnmours, which our great physicians call- a business all at once. Humours-Humours -Ah! you understand Sir Jas. Doctor, I ask pardon; you shall be Latin
[vives money Sir Jas. Not in the least.
Gre. I'll return in the evening, and see Gre. What not understand Latin?
what effect it has on her. But hold; there's anoSir Jas. No, indeed, doctor.
ther young lady, here, that I must apply some Gre. Cubricius arci thurum cathalimus, sin- little remedies to. gulariter nom. Hæc musa ; hic, hæc, hoc, geni Maid. Who me? I was never better in my tivo hujus, hunc, banc musæ. Bonus, bona, life, I thank you, sir. bonum. Estne oratio Latinus? Etiam. Quia Gre. So inuch the worsc, madam; so much substantivo et adjectivum concordat in generi the worse : 'tis very dangerous to be very numerum et casus, sic dicunt, aiunt, prædicant, well; for when one is very well, one has noclamitant, et similibus
thing else to do but to take physic and bleed Sir Jas. Ah! why did I neglect my studies ? away. Har. What a prodigious man is this!
Sir Jas. Oh, strange! What, bleed when one Gre. Besides, sir, certain spirits passing from has no distemper? the left side, which is the seat of the liver, to Gre. It may be strange, perhaps, but 'tis very the right, which is the seat of the heart, we find wholesome. Besides, madam, it is not your the lungs, which we call in Latin, whiskerus, case, at present, to be very well: at least having communication with the brain, which you cannot possibly be well above three we name in Greek, jacbootos, by means of a days longer; and it is always best to cure a hollow vein, which we call in Hebrew, per- distemper before you have it--or, as we say in riwiggus, meet in the road with the said | Greek, distemprum bestum est curare ante baspirits, which fill the ventricles of the omota- bestum. What I shall prescribe you, at preplasmus; and because the said humours have sent, is to take cvery six hours one of these bo
you comprehend me well, sir? and because lusses. the said humours have a certain malignity Maid. Ha, ha, ba! Why, doctor, these look listen seriously, I beg you.
exactly like lumps of loaf-sugar. Sir Jas. I do.
Gre. Take one of these bolusses, I say, every Gre. Have a certain malignity that is caused six bours, washing it down with six spoonfuls of be attentive, if you please.
the best Holland's geneva. Sir Jas. I am.
Sir Jus. Sure you are in jest, doctor; This Gre. That is caused, I say, by the acrimony wench does not shew any symptom of a disof the humours engendered in the concavity of temper. the diaphragm; thence it arrives, that these va Gre. Sir Jasper, let me tell you, it were not pours, Propria quæ maribus tribuuntur, mas- amiss if you yourself took a little lenitive plıysic; cula, dicas, ut sunt divorum, Mars, Bacchus, I shall prepare something for you. Apollo, virorum. This sir, is the cause of your
Sir Jas. Ha, ba, ha! No, no, doctor! I have daughter's being dumb,
escaped both doctors and distempers bitherto, James. O that I had but his tongue !
and I am resolved the distemper shall pay me Sir Jas. It is impossible to reason better, no the first visit. doubt. But, dear sir, there is one thiny--I Gre. Say you so, sir? Why, then, if I can always thought, till now, that the heart was on get no more patients here, I must even seek the left side, and the liver on the right. them elsewhere; and so humbly beggo te do
Gre. Ay, sir, so they were formerly; but we mine domitii veniam groundi foras. have changed all that. The college at present,
[Erit GTEGORY. sir, proceeds upon an entire new method. Sir Jas. Well, this is a physician of vast Sir Jas. I ask your pardon, sir.
capacity, but of exceeding odd humours. Gre. Oh, sir! there's no harm—--you're not
[Exeunt, obliged to know as much as we do. Sir Jus. Very true; but, doctor, what would
SCENE II.-The street. you have done with my daughter?
LEANDER solus. Gre. What would I have done with her? why, my advice is, that you immediately put her
Lean. Ah, Charlotte! thou hast no reason to into a bed warmed with a brass warming-pan : Tapprehend my ignorance of what thou endurest,
since I can so easily guess thy torment by my Lean. I'm not very well known to her faown. Oh, how much more justifiable are my ther; therefore believe I may pass upon him sefears, when you have not only the command of a curely. parent, but the temptation of fortune to allure Gre. Go then, disguise yourself immediately; you!
I'll wait for you here-Ha! Methinks I see a AIR. IV.
patient. [Exit LEANDER.] Gad! Matters go
on so swimmingly, I'll even continue a pbysiO cursed power of gold,
cian as long as I live.
Enter James and Davy.
James. [Speaking to Davy.]-Fear not; if he
relapse into his bumours, I'll quickly thrash him To trick and rob the poor.
into the physician again. Doctor I have brought By thee, the fool and knave
you a patient. Transcend the wise and brave,
Davy. My poor wife, doctor, has kept her So absolute thy reign.
bed these six months.- [Gre,holds out his hand.] Without some help of thine,
-If your worship would find out some means to The greatest beauties shine,
Gre. What's the matter with her?
Daoy. Why, she has had several physicians;
one says 'tis the dropsy; another, 'tis the Gre. Upon my word, this is a good beginning! what-d'ye-call-it, the tumpany ; a third says, and since
'tis a slow fever; a fourth says, the rumatiz; a Lean. I have waited for you, doctor, a long fifthtime. I'm come to beg your assistance.
Gre. What are the symptoms? Gre. Ay; you have need of assistance, in Duvy. Symptoms, sir! deed! What a pulse is here! Wbat do you out Gre. Ay, ay; what does she complain of? o'your bed?
[Feels his pulse. Davy. Why she is always craving and cravLean. Ha, ha, ha! Doctor, you're mistaken; ing for drink, eats nothing at all. Then her I am not sick, I assure you.
legs are swelled up as big as a good handsome Gre. How, sir? Not sick! Do you think I post; and as cold they be as a stone. don't know when a man is sick, better than he Gre Come, to the purpose; speak to the purdoes himself?
pose, my friend.
(Holding out his hand. Lean. Well, if I have any distemper ; it is Davy. The purpose is, sir, that I am come the love of that young lady, your patient, from to ask what your worship pleases to have done whom you just now came; and to whom, if you with her. can convey me I swear, dear doctor, I shall be Gre. Psha, psha, psha! I don't understand one effectually cured.
word what you mean. Gre. Do you take me for a pimp sir? A phy James. His wife is sick, doctor; and he has sician for a pimp?
brought you a guinea for your advice. Give Lean. Dear sir, make no noise.
it the doctor, friend. [Davy gives the guinea. Gre. Sir, I will make a noise; you are an Gre. Ay, now I understand you; bere's a impertinent fellow.
gentleman explains the case. Lean. Softly, good sir!
wife is sick of the dropsy? Gre. I shall show you, sir, that I'm not such Davy. Yes, an't please your w
worship. a sort of a person: and that you are an insolent Gre. Well, I have made a shift to compregacy
-(LEAnder gives a purse. I'm not bend your meaning at last: you have the stran. speaking to you, sir; but there are certain im-gest way of describing a distemper. You say pertinent fellows in the world, that take people your wife is always calling for drink: let her for what they are not--which always puts have as much as she desires; she can't drink me, sir, into such a passion, that
too much; and, d'ye hear, give her this piece Lean. I ask pardon, sir, for the liberty I have of cheese. taken.
Davy. Cheese, sir! Gre. O, dear sir; no offence in the least. Gre. Ay, cheese, sir. The cheese, of which Pray, sir, how am I to serve you?
this a part, has cured more people of a dropsy Lean. This distemper, sir, which you are than ever had it. sent for to cure, is feigned. The physicians Davy. I give your worship a thousand thanks; have reasoned upon it, according to custom, and I'll go make her take it immediately. have derived it from the brain, from the bowels,
[Exeunt Davy and JAMES. from the liver, lungs, lights, and every part of
Gre. Go; and if she dies, be sure to bury her the body: but the true cause of it is love; and after the best manner you can. is an invention of Charlotte's, to deliver her from a match sbe dislikes.
Enter DORCAS. Gre. Hum ! Suppose you were to disguise Dor. I'm like to pay severely for my frolic, Fourself as an apothecary?
if I have lost my hasband by it.
You say your