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I was

my Toe,

been long in this Nation, before I was told by one, for No. 557. whom I had asked a certain Favour from the Chief of Monday, the King's Servants, whom they here call the Lord June 21,

1714, Treasurer, That I had eternally obliged hím. so surprized at his Gratitude, that I could not forbear saying, What Service is there which one Man can do for another, that can oblige him to all Eternity! However I only asked him for my Reward, that he would lend me his eldest Daughter during my Stay in this Country: but I quickly found that he was as treacherous as the rest of his Countrymen.

At my first going to Court, one of the great Men almost put me out of Countenance, by asking ten thou. sand Pardons of me for only treading by Accident upon

They call this kind of Lye a Compliment; for when they are civil to a great Man, they tell him Untruths, for which thou wouldest order any of thy Officers of State to receive a hundred Blows upon his Foot. I do not know how I shall negociate any thing with this People, since there is so little Credit to be given to 'em. When I go to see the King's Scribe, I am generally told that he is not at home, tho' perhaps I saw him go into his House almost the very Moment before. Thou wouldest fancy that the whole Nation are Physicians, for the first Question they always ask me, is, How I do? I have this Question put to me above a hundred times a Day. Nay, they are not only thus inquisitive after my Health, but wish it in a more solemn Manner, with a full Glass in their Hands, every time I sit with them at Table, tho' at the same time they wou'd perswade me to drink their Liquors in such Quantities as I have found by Experience will make me sick. They often pretend to pray for thy Health also in the same Manner ; but I have more Reason to expect it from the Goodness of thy Constitution, than the Sincerity of their Wishes. May thy Slave escape in Safety from this double-tongued Race of Men, and live to lay himself once more at thy Feet in thy Royal City of Bantam.'

IV.

X

Wednesday

I if

No. 558. No. 558.
Wednes- (ADDISON)

Wednesday, June 23. day, June 23,

Qui fit. Maecenas, ut nemo, quam sibi sortem 1714.

Seu ratio dederit, seu fors objecerit, illa
Contentus vivat, laudet diversa sequentes ?
O fortugati mercatores, gravis annis
Miles ait, multo jam fractus membra labore
Contra mercator, oavim jactantibus austris:
Militia est potior. Quid enim? Concurritur ? horae
Momento cita mors venit, aut victoria laeta.
Agrícolam laudat juris legumque peritus,
Sub galli cantum consultor ubi ostia pulsat.
Ille, datis vadibus qui rure extractus in urbem est,
Solos felices viventes clamat in urbe.
Cetera de genere hoc (adeo sunt multa) loquacem
Delassare valeat Fabium. Ne te morer, audi,
Quo rem deducam. Siquis Deus, en ego, dicat,
Jam faciam quod vultis, eris tu, qui modo miles,
Mercator, tu consultus modo rusticus. Hinc vos,
Vos hinc mutatis discedite partibus. Eia !

Quid statis ? Noliat. Atqui licet esse beatis.-Hor.
T

Misfortunes of Mankind were cast into a publick Stock, in order to be equally distributed among the whole Species, those who now think themselves the most un. happy, would prefer the Share they are already possess'd of, before that which would fall to them by such a Division, Horace has carried this Thought a great deal further in the Motto of my Paper, which implies that the Hardships or Misfortunes we lie under, are more easy to us than those of any other Person would be, in case we could change Conditions with him.

As I was ruminating on these two Remarks, and seated in my Elbow-Chair, I insensibly fell asleep; when, on a sudden, methought there was a Proclamation made by Jupiter, that every Mortal should bring in his Griefs and Calamities, and throw them together in a Heap. There was a large Plain appointed for this Purpose. I took my Stand in the Center of it, and saw with a great deal of Pleasure the whole human Species marching one after another, and throwing down their several Loads, which immediately grew up into a prodigious Mountain that seemed to rise above the Clouds.

There

There was a certain Lady of a thin airy Shape, who No. 558. was very active in this Solemnity. She carried a magni- Wednesfying Glass in one of her Hands, and was cloathed in

day,

June 23, a loose flowing Robe, embroidered with several Figures 1714. of Fiends and Spectres, that discovered themselves in a thousand chimerical Shapes, as her Garment hovered in the Wind. There was something wild and distracted in her Looks. Her Name was FANCY. She led up every Mortal to the appointed Place, after having very officiously assisted him in making up his Pack, and laying it upon his Shoulders. My Heart melted within me to see my Fellow

Creatures groaning under their respective Burthens, and to consider that prodigious Bulk of human Calamities which lay before me.

There were however several Persons who gave me great Diversion upon this Occasion. I observed one bringing in a Fardel very carefully concealed under an old embroidered Cloak, which, upon his throwing it into the Heap, I discovered to be Poverty. Another, after a great deal of puffing, threw down his Luggage; which, upon examining, I found to be his Wife.

There were Multitudes of Lovers saddled with very whimsical Burthens, composed of Darts and Flames; but, what was very odd, tho they sighed as if their Hearts would break under these Bundles of Calamities, they could not perswade themselves to cast them into the Heap, when they came up to it; but after a few faint Efforts, shook their Heads and marched away, as heavy loaden as they came. I saw Multitudes of old Women throw down their Wrinkles, and several young ones who stripped themselves of a tawny Skin. There were very great Heaps of red Noses, large Lips, and rusty Teeth. The Truth of it is, I was surprized to see the greatest Part of the Mountain made up of bodily Deformities. Observing one advancing towards the Heap with a larger Cargo than ordinary upon his Back, I found upon his near Approach, that it was only a natural Hump, which he disposed of, with great Joy of Heart, among this Collection of humane Miseries. There were likewise Distempers of all Sorts, tho' I could not but observe, that there were many more imaginary than real. One little Packet I could

not

No. 558, not but take Notice of, which was a Complication of all Wednes- the Diseases incident to human Nature, and was in the day,

Hand of a great many fine People: This was called the June 23, 1714.

Spleen. But what most of all surprized me, was a Remark I made, that there was not a single Vice or Folly thrown into the whole Heap: At which I was very much astonished, having concluded within my self, that every one would take this opportunity of getting rid of his Passions, Prejudices and Frailties.

I took Notice in particular of a very profligate Fellow, who I did not question came loaden with his Crimes, but upon searching into his Bundle, I found that instead of throwing his Guilt from him, he had only laid down his Memory. He was follow'd by another worthless Rogue, who flung away his Modesty instead of his Ignorance.

When the whole Race of Mankind had thus cast their Burdens, the Phantome which had been so busie on this Occasion, seeing me an idle Spectator of what passed, approached towards me, I grew uneasie at her Presence, when of a sudden she held her magnifying Glass full before my Eyes. I no sooner saw my Face in it, but was startled at the Shortness of it, which now appeared to me in its utmost Aggravation. The immoderate Breadth of the Features made me very much out of Humour with my own Countenance, upon which I threw it from me like a Mask. It happened very luckily, that one who stood by me had just before thrown down his Visage, which, it seems, was too long for him. It was indeed extended to a most shameful length; I believe the very Chin was, modestly speaking, as long as my whole Face. We had both of us an Opportunity of mend. ing our selves, and, all the Contributions being now brought in, every Man was at Liberty to exchange his Misfortune for those of another Person, But as there arose many new Incidents in the Sequel of my Vision, I shall reserve them for the Subject of my next Paper.

Friday

I

No. 559.

No, 559.

Friday, (ADDISON]

Friday, June 25. June 25, Quid causae est, merito quin illis Jupiter ambas

1714, Iratus buccas inflet, neque se fore posthac

Tam facilem dicat, votis ut praebeat aurem 3-Hor.
N my last Paper, I gave my Reader a Sight of that

Mountain of Miseries, which was made up of those several Calamities that afflict the Minds of Men. I saw, with unspeakable Pleasure, the whole Species thus delivered from its Sorrows; though, at the same time, as we stood round the Heap, and surveyed the several Materials of which it was composed, there was scarce a Mortal, in this vast Multitude, who did not discover what he thought Pleasures and Blessings of Life; and wonder'd how the Owners of them ever came to look upon them as Burthens and Grievances,

As we were regarding very attentively this Confusion of Miseries, this Chaos of Calamity, Jupiter issued out a second Proclamation, that everyone was now at Liberty to exchange his Affliction, and to return to his Habitation with any such other Bundle as should be delivered to him,

Upon this, FANCY began again to bestir her self, and, parcelling out the whole Heap with incredible Activity, recommended to every one his particular Packet. The Hurry and Confusion at this time was not to be expressed. Some Observations, which I made upon the Occasion, I shall communicate to the Publick. A venerable grey headed Man, who had laid down the Cholick, and who I found wanted an Heir to his Estate, snatched up an undutiful Son, that had been thrown into the Heap by his angry Father. The graceless Youth, in less than a quarter of an Hour, pulled the old Gentleman by the Beard, and had like to have knocked his Brains out; so that meeting the true Father, who came towards him in a Fit of the Gripes, he begg'd him to take his Son again, and give back his Cholick; but they were incapable either of them to recede from the Choice they had made. A poor Gally-Slave, who had thrown down his Chains took up the Gout in their stead, but

made

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